Over on the Examiner, I posted 20 questions on WWE, the indies , and, naturally, TNA. With Bound for Glory this Sunday, I’ve decided to post an answer column to a different TNA question each day until this Sunday, right here at Pulse Wrestling so stay tuned. Today, we tackle TNA question 14.
14. Simon Diamond and D-Lo Brown: Are they the two worst road agents ever (non-Disco Inferno division)?
Almost no one was willing to take a stand on this, with the argument of most being “we don’t know what goes on backstage.†Well, we don’t need to. The job of a road agent is two-fold: 1. They have to help put together matches. 2. They need to help talent get more over through their matches. Now, if they were proficient at this, wouldn’t they have done this through their own careers?
D-Lo Brown was an undercard wrestler in the WWE who got moderately over at the start of the hottest period in WWE history. By the time the company took off, he was essentially written out due to average (if that) promos, and average work. Even when he was pushed as Intercontinental Champion, D-Lo did nothing memorable but have a chest protector gimmick. His matches were average to bad and his character was based entirely around moving his head when he spoke, so he was released and rarely mentioned. After release, D-Lo worked Japan for several years, mostly in NOAH. There, he was given the undemanding role of monster member of a tag team with guys like Bull Buchanon. After being moderately successful there, yet still not being very over or being in great matches despite appearing in matches with great talent, he came back to America. In America, he tried his hand at WWE again, but was terrible now and quickly cut, so he tried out ROH, where he was once again, terrible, despite pushes with top talent. Finally, he’s come to TNA, where he can teach new wrestlers how to suck and fail to get over all over the world. And he’s the more successful of the two.
Simon Diamond was a lower-card ECW worker. A solid talker, he was so bad in the ring that even Paul Heyman, a man so notoriously good at covering up workers weaknesses that he made Sandman and 911 stars, couldn’t make him a high level talent despite a great look and good athleticism. At the time, wrestling was the hottest it had ever been and WWE and WCW were signing up absolutely everyone who seemed to have talent… and again, despite all this, Diamond was never taken from ECW. After this, Diamond became an indy worker and, despite being mentored by Dean Malenko, never developed good in ring skills all the way to his time in TNA, who attempted to push him before being giving up and making him a Road Agent.
How exactly are either of these men, who don’t have a great match between them, supposed to help guys have great matches? Why would one expect these guys to know what gets over, when niether has ever drawn a dime? When your Road Agents are guys like Arn Anderson, Dean Malenko and Mike Rotunda, like the WWE it makes sense. When you get Simon Diamond and D-Lo Brown, you have symptoms of a much larger problem.
