The Big Bang Theory – Episode 3-5 Review

For some reason the is declaring tonight’s episode as “The Cornhusker Vortex.” But my digital TV Guide has “The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary” listed with guest star Wil Wheaton. Remember him? He’s the voice of Aqualad on Teen Titans. Cornhusker will be about Leonard learning about football without the help of any former child stars. Will we get Wil Wheaton or a pigskin? Which episode is it? Let’s watch!

Raj, Howard and Leonard are sitting around the apartment playing a version of Magic the Gathering card game with Penny. She’s completely thrown off by the game. She asks when does it get fun. Sheldon is off in the corner working on his laptop. Sheldon tells her don’t worry about what the play since he knows what cards she’s holding and its not much. Turns out that he has an advanced memory. After he reveals what’s left, Sheldon admits the game is over. Penny splits in fear that there’s another game to come. Howard brings up a pact that if one of them got a hot girlfriend, the other would have their girlfriend hook them up with a friend. Leonard doesn’t remember it. Sheldon gives every detail of how it went down in the movie theater lobby. Raj doesn’t remember being a part of the pact. Sheldon insists he was in the bathroom. He missed out on the fun. Sheldon doesn’t know if he can really go through it.

The whole idea that your best pal’s girlfriend will hook you up with one of her girlfriends is a myth. You think this would happen more often. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the woman won’t surrender her sorority sister to you. Odds are high that if you inquire about one of her friends, she’ll give you five good excuses why you’re not the right guy for her. Or she’ll let you know if he’s suffering from crabs (that has happened). Why do they withhold? Perhaps because if things don’t work out with your pal, they’ve decided to latch onto you? Last thing they need to do is take their emergency back up plan off the market. That’s probably a bigger myth. Most likely the non-hook up is because they don’t want a social life that constantly overlaps between friends and lovers.

Leonard and Sheldon eat in the lunchroom. Leonard asks for a napkin since Sheldon has so many. Sheldon now has a four napkin system to cover all emergencies. Leonard just takes one from in front of his buddy. Howard arrives to bug Leonard about getting Penny to hook him up with a hot girlfriend. Raj begs Sheldon to come with him to the comic bookstore for a Magic the Gathering card tournament. Sheldon has no desire to compete. He can predict the outcomes too easily and he doesn’t need the cash. Although he thinks Raj needs the money to upgrade his sweater vest.

Penny and Leonard are in bed. “Wow. You really are a genius.” Leonard admits he googled what he did. He raises the pact. She admits to making one with a girl in first grade to marry Bert and Ernie, but it went bad when they both wanted Ernie. He mentions he made a pact with Howard about her. She gets nervous. He mentions hooking her up with any friend. Not even a good friend. He insists Howard is a good guy deep down inside. She’s more concerned with his creepy candy coating. She’ll see what she can do.

That must mean this episode is “The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary!” Way to let us down

Sheldon is at the comic bookstore scanning the titles. The Comic bookstore owner asks if Sheldon wants a Green Lantern statue that’s coming out tomorrow. He wants it, but wanted to stubble across it. Now he feels let down, but he’ll buy it anyway. Raj mentions Wil Wheaton has signed up for the card tournament. Sheldon gets excited. He begins to talk about traveling 10 miles on a bus to see Will Wheaton at the Dixie Trek Convention. He idolized the actor that played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. They both had the same photographic memory. His tale of wearing his Star Trek uniform on the trip sounds great, but turns sour. Wil no showed and destroyed Sheldon’s dream. Wil Wheaton is now on his enemies list. He wants revenge. He wants in the game. He signs the entry form “Die Wil Wheaton die!”

Once I rode two hours to meet Nichelle Nichols at a Star Trek convention. The line for Uhura’s autographs was rather long. I feared she’s leave early, but they promised she’d stay to sign for all that wanted a photograph signed. Amazingly enough, she stayed and didn’t just do her contractually obligated shift. When I finally got up to say hello, she was as sweet as can be. She’s much better than Wil Wheaton.

In a car Sheldon drives while Howard leans over the seat to pester Penny about his blind date. Howard wants her to know what he’s told her. He claims he can speak six languages. Leonard insists that Klingon doesn’t count. Penny really is dreading this double date.

At the comicbook store. Sheldon cremates two unfortunates with a single card. But his focus is at a different table with Wheaton. He quotes Star Trek: Wrath of Khan. Raj reminds him that Wil wasn’t in the movie. Before Sheldon can get his revenge, he must vanquish Captain Sweatpants.

Howard is in the backseat with his date. She says she’s studying microbiology. Howard insists he can study him. She doesn’t get it. Howard insists he’s a tiny little thing. She still doesn’t get it. She doesn’t like sci-fi or role playing games. Sheldon fears it’s going to be a long night. Howard asks if she likes magic as he pulls handkerchief from his sleeve. She says no. He forces the handkerchief back. He’s got no tricks to make the night magical.

Remember that when you realize your date is being a complete crash and burn, the best thing you can do is attempt to ruin their appetite by describing some horrible carnage memory. You don’t want to be stuck with a massive dinner check for the worst night of your life. Claim it’s the anniversary of when your favorite cat was eaten by a crack dealer’s pitbull. Get graphic quick so they won’t be ordering a rare steak when the watiress returns.

Sheldon destroys Captain Sweatpants and demands they bring on Wil Wheaton. Sheldon speaks Klingon so loud that across the room Wheaton translates it as “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” He asks what’s wrong with Sheldon. Comicbook guy says people have their theories. The showdown is growing on the horizon.

I lost many a friend to the weirdness that was Magic The Gathering. While the games seems nice enough, it was quite outrageous how the market exploded for the price of certain cards. These things were like Mickey Mantle rookies. Nothing in Dungeons and Dragons was not quite as expensive as some cards that were stashed in the safe of a pal’s comic bookstore’s safe. People were paying top dollar to have the greatest deck ever. The prohibitive cost made me a complete spectator to the weirdness. I spent my cash collecting Beverly Hills 90210 cards so I could have a pile of Tori Spelling stickers.

At dinner, the date doesn’t like anything Howard likes asks about. Howard’s mother calls his cellphone. She asks if he’s going to answer it.. He wonders if she’s dying. If he lets it go to voicemail, he can listen to her death over and over. The two quickly bond over tales over their over-protective mothers. Her mother wouldn’t let her ride a bike to keep her virginity in tact. He asks her to come to his mother’s dinner so she could give him a brain aneurism seeing a Catholic girl with a big cross. She will if Howard comes to her mother’s place for Sunday dinner wearing a yarmulke. They cling glasses in bonded bliss. Penny declares herself a matchmaker.

The comic book store is dark except for the light over the main table. The game comes down to Sheldon and Wil tossing down cards. After a flurry of cards, Sheldon states what’s in Wil’s hand and how he’s about to lose. Wil thinks the game is over. Sheldon recounts his horror story of the ’95 Dixie Trek Convention. He gets his revenge, but Wil says that he had to cancel because his grandmother had died and he went to her funeral. The two get sympathic. Wil plays a card. Sheldon loses his anger. Raj demands Sheldon kill Wil. But he can’t do it. They both love their grandmas. Sheldon plays the enchanted bunny to let Wil live. Wil admits that his grandmother is still alive. He kills Sheldon and goes to collect his prize. “Game over, moon pie!” Wheaton declares. The anger returns to the cheated Sheldon’s face. “Wheaton!” he screams. This conflict is not over.

This episode rocks. Sheldon now has a real nemesis that can crop up periodically. Wheaton must be a recurring character like Harry Mudd was on Star Trek. Wheaton’s a thespian version of Gary’s Olde Time Tavern on Cheers. Sheldon Vs. Wheaton will be a generations Fraizer-Ali battles. They’ll write fan fiction about the bloodshed to come. Sheldon’s ability to go between anger and idolization is a rush. They better be burning copies of this episode for next year’s Emmys. Parsons and Wheaton better be pricing tuxedos or dueling pistols.

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