This Week in Indies

Columns, Features

I don’t normally do this but I have just ONE quote I would like to share with everyone. It comes to us from that great show, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo… I’m back. Okies. It has been TWO weeks lingering oin a third. I have been busy out the wazzoo having going to Disney and suffering a night at a drunken frat party otherwise known as Halloween Horror Nights and traveling to Pittsburgh and back again next week. So – for that reason we shall start our trip through the Indies of THIS week in what Fallout 3 players affectionately call.. The Pit.

But before we journey down that road we lost a dear man in the wrestling industry.. Captain Lou Albana. The art of the manager is long dead in wrestling thanks to Vince McMahon and his FCW chum machine popping out robot clones of the same bad wrestling and poor stick work we have come to love through John Cena. Captain Lou put Rock N’ Wrestling on the map for my generation and he stands out as one of the most influential managers of the day. There are no more Grand Wizards or Freddie Blassies, no more Slicks or Mr. Fujis, no more Afa or the Brain.. no more Captain Lou. Maybe someday wrestling will get back to a time when a manager was important to not just storylines but to wrestling in general.

In other news, less shocking than the Captain, Trent Acid was arrested on drug possession. Ok – seriously.. didn’t ANYONE see this coming? Sheesh…

Anyway.. KSWA (Keystone State Wrestling Association) had a show which featured Demolition! No, not some knock offs but the REAL guys. Yes. I thought they didn’t work anymore either but somehow the boys in the Pit dug ‘em up and here they are! But first “The Future” Shane Starr beat Mitch Napier, Alex Arcadian fell to the Bulldozer, and in a “crap gimmick on a pole match” the crowd was treated to Ric Rumskey, Vinnie Stone, The Drunken Luchadore and La Lucha going over such legends to be as The Great Toyota, The Blood Beast, Biker Al and Bobby Badfingers (I hear his original gimmick was Uncle Badtouch but Rev. Steve already had a patent).. Mike Malachi and Ali Kaida (yea.. another lame ass Middle Eastern mockery gimmick.. whoot) went to a double countout.. the INFIDELS! Kris Kash and Justin Sane (he should work with Justin Credible, Justin Toxicated, Justin Tune, Justin Ert, Justin Flated.. and.. well, you get the picture and don’t steal my ideas dammit!) beat The King Del Douglas and Lord Zoltan (for those of you who do not know.. Lord Zoltan was that dime machine fortune teller in the movie BIG). The Latin Assassin over Anthony Alexander and the main event Demolition (Ax and Smash; Crush couldn’t make it..) defeated Dr Devastation and Shawn Blanchard to capture the tag straps!

From the Pit to Indiana and XCW Midwest! Todd Morton over Derrick Neal, New Age Assassin (does he sneak into your room and kill you with crystals or pyramid hats?) lost a tough one against Chris Phoenix, Jason Bradley forgot to say Simon Sezz in his loss, Bull Pain retained his heavyweight strap by defeating “The Champ” Jason Bradley (irony abound..) and the main event features the Headliner Chris Michaels against Marvelous Mitch Ryder but unlike two other people of VERY similar names AND similar gimmicks Mr. Ryder defeated Michaels with a patented RVD move of a DDT to a chair.

If you are around Stevens, PA tomorrow go check out ACW (Atomic Championship Wrestling)! Some new and old friends are gonna be there workin their asses off for the fans! for more info!

Let us head down south to a little warmth where the skies are blue and the booze run smooth.. yeop.. Georgia and DCW (Dixie Championship Wrestling)! Chad Case along with Shawn Rage defeated the freshly reunited Chase Enterprises consisting of Gigalo Cody, Evan Rymer and Brian Rivers. Jason Cole beat Matt Gilbert as a masked man, later revealed as Tommy Gage, hit the ring and Gilbert with his finisher. Wes Blaze teamed up with Joey Idol to lose to Aaron Manu and Antonio Thunder but both teams shook hands and hugged it out after the match. The cheater from earlier, Tommy Gage was in action against Blackjack Miller and got some of his own medicine when Gilbert came out swinging with a kendo stick allowing Miller to get the win. Jason Fear and Big Red (also known as Strong Cinnamon to his friends) took on Johnny Viper and Talon Williams who got the win via outside interference with details so complicated and convuluted I can’t remember them all in my old age. Kevan Rymer made his return against Chip Hazard who took the win. Mikey Rhodes cheated to win ahainst Billy Havoc, Logan Chase and Jessica Wetmore took on Manda Mae and Cousin Cletus with Logan getting the 3.

Moving on up to West Virginia and the guys at Championship Wrestling where Super Bee took out Shanghai Pierce (I suppose shanghai couldn’t get a jump on Bee), Jack Miller along with Elijah O’Malley over Rip Manson and Tom Sawyer, Drake Tungsten over Chris Andrews, Kayden Phoenix wins over Stacy McLamb after using the US tag belt as a weapon of mass devastation, Modern Profile over Kid Kaos and Diablo Sr. and Billy Lit over Dave Scott.

And back to Georgia we go cause I need a drink and what goes with a lot of booze? You got it.. WWA4 wrestling! Bill the Butcher and his tag partner of the night, Big Nasty took out Amy Morgane and Miguel Rivira, Ric King was pinned by Jake Diamond, Navy Blue (poor color choice IMO) lost to Nation, Magic got the pity win as Jonathan Gresham was Dqed, TK Parker lost to AR Fox and Cornbread lost to AMP (I hope he had plenty of fluids cause cornbread just gets stuck in your throat).

We visited West Virginia so it is only fair we head to Virginia where we find GXW (Ground Xero Wrestling). I know it sounds dirty but this show represented the first night of the Body Slammers Tour! The curtain jerk match (i.e. the first match of the evening.. did I break Kay-Fabe? My bad..) was ½ of the tag champs Jefferson Early taking on Russell Roberts who was defeated (yet again). Match numero dos pitted Deimos vs Senor Sabado Noche with Deimost picking up el winno! In a match for the vacant GXW Tag belts the team of Standards and Practices took on Treyvon Burr and Mimic with Standards and Practices capturing the belts in move-in quality. Eddie Diamond and Shorty Smalls (this is what we call a synonym.. two words that sound alike whihch cancel each other out so by rights Shorty Smalls should be huge.. now, Biggie Smalls, that’s an oxymoron.. two words that contradict each other, like jumbo shrimp) accompanied by Kacee Carlisle wrestled for the GXW Respect title with Diamond retaining at the end. Mitch A Palooza and Martin Stanley Fuqua wrestled in a $100,000 10-minute challenge with Mitch defeating Martin and winning the 100k in monopoly money. The Pharaoh w/Zahara defeated Raphael by DQ to retain the heavyweight title.

And that is about it, kiddies! More next week before I go back to the Pit! Remember – support local wrestling because they, unlike the boys in Titan Towers, do it for love.