Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne are in charge of RAW tonight! Last week, we seen Kofi Kingston royally piss off Randy Orton by ruining his custom-made NASCAR. What will Orton do to retaliate? Â John Cena knows his challengers to the WWE Title and both men know how to co-exist and kill each other in a flash. Is Cena ready for his biggest challenge to date? Â Finally, the Miz and Jack Swagger are trying to win the heart of Eve Torres (though Swagger might have a vested interest in the US Title).
It’s time to hop on the Crazy Train as the Prince of Darkness will have his say on what goes down tonight on WWE RAW.
Keep it to the Pulse at the top of the hour for real-time updates!
No intro music tonight, so the new RAW theme song will just have to wait. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne get a huge welcome in the arena and he sits on William Regal’s King of the Ring throne that WWE had stashed away for an occasion like this. He gets what is the biggest welcome of all the guest hosts so far this season. Sharon Osbourne goes through the other times Ozzy was on WWE television. Ozzy doesn’t remember this. She hopes he’ll remember tonight as it will be a crazy night.
Enter the Miz, dressed to compete. REALLY? REALLY? Sharon responds “Really little boy.” Miz looks to be having a good time tonight. REALLY? REALLY? There’s a new catchphrase there. The Miz wants that lost erased from the record. Ozzy asks who he is. He’s the Miz and he’s awesome. Now comes out the Legacy, who has some issues of their own. They call Miz’s complaining a “petty problem”. They discuss the car they bought for Randy Orton that was ruined by Kofi Kingston. They want a handicap match against Kofi Kingston tonight. Miz tells them to wait their turn because he’s first.
Now the Big Show has something to complain about. He tells the Osbournes to not listen to the whiners. He demands an apology and Ozzy obliges, HAHA! Not from him, but from the entire RAW roster. Now this overbooking couldn’t be complete because DX makes their way to the ring. Trips calls the fearsome foursome the ratings killer of the first segment. They hype Ozzy’s book in a bit of a pimp and that is followed by a DX book pimp. The Miz says it’s not time for a shameless plug. Trips agrees and Trips makes some booking hints to Ozzy. We get Miz v. Bourne for the US Title and Shawn whispers something to Sharon books Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton. DX hasn’t forgotten about Big Show, but the Big Show wants to book Survivor Series earlier. So we get a fun match with Cena v. Big Show v. Chris Jericho. Sharon ends the segment saying the matches are final and if he wasn’t down with that…
Yeah. Something is telling me that tonight is going to be a fun night.
Commercials.
WWE U.S. Championship: The Miz v. Evan Bourne
The bell sounds and they circle the ring. Miz begins with some stiff kicks and he follows with a foot to the head. Miz keeps the aggression going, but Bourne gets off the ropes and he gains control. Plancha over the top and Bourne lands knees on the shoulders. That gets two. Miz stops the control with a timely placed knee. He hangs Bourne out on the top rope and he works on his back and shoulder. Uranage attempt by the Miz is countered to a momentum-shifting splash by Bourne for two. Miz looks for a suplex, but Bourne kicks Miz in the head. Rollup gets a two count for Miz. KICK…TO…THE…HEAD by Bourne sends Miz to the corner. Miz ducks a corner charge, but he eats a kick to the back of the head for another two. Miz charges in the corner…MISSES! AIR BOURNE MISSES! Miz hurls Bourne to the turnbuckle and it’s a SKULL CRUSHING FINALE for the win!
Winner: The Miz
Grade: C+
Commercials.
Josh Matthews is with Sheamus. He has a rematch against Jamie Noble tonight. He mocks Ozzy saying his career should have been over a long time ago. Tonight, he will end Jamie Noble’s career.
Sheamus v. Jamie Noble
Sheamus runs rampant all over Noble, who falls out of the ring. Noble tries to fight back, but Sheamus throws Noble into the ring post. Back in the ring, Sheamus continues the onslaught and he pulls his nostrils a bit. Clubbing elbows connect and Noble is practically a rag doll right now. High angle backbreaker slam connects and Sheamus picks his lifeless body up. KICK TO THE SKULL…but Sheamus isn’t done yet. He beats the holy hell out of Noble in the corner and the referee stops this.
Winner via KO Sheamus
Grade: FTS
Sheamus isn’t done as he powerbombs Noble HARD on the outside mat. This doesn’t do well to raise Sheamus’ stock as he got punked by Shelton Benjamin in ECW. He proved he can destroy a jobber…but it’ll take a lot more than that for me to buy it.
Commercials.
The announcers promise an update to Jamie Noble’s condition as soon as they get it.
We recap last week’s RAW.
Kofi Kingston heads towards the ring and Josh Matthews asks him if he had any regrets. Kofi says he won’t be bullied by anyone. He did leave the mirrors intact so Orton can see for himself why he isn’t the champion.
Kingston/Orton…NEXT!
Commercials.
Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston
The bell sounds and the two talk smack in the ring. They trade slaps and Kofi starts off with a series of rights. Orton quickly turns it around and he takes control. Kofi ducks a right and he sends Orton over the top. It looked like they flubbed the spot where Kofi went for an uppercut. Back in the ring, Legacy comes out, but Kofi Kingston holds his own. The Osbournes smelled this coming a mile away, so we get a six man tag.
The Legacy v. Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & MVP
Commercials.
We are JIP as DiBiase and Kofi get it on in the ring. Rhodes comes in and he gets taken out, as does Orton. Tag to MVP and you know what’s coming. BOOM DROP BALLIN’! That gets two. MVP tags out to Mark Henry and DiBiase is able to get out and tag in Rhodes. Double team attempt fails miserably and MVP comes into the fray. He charges and Rhodes sees it coming. Suplex is blocked by MVP and DiBiase gets a tag in. Russian Leg Sweep by DiBiase gets a two count. Tag to “The Viper” and Orton goes after MVP. Orton quickly tags out to DiBiase and the Legacy is in business. Rhodes gets a tag and he drops the knee to the face. Chinlock applied on MVP. MVP gets back up and he runs right into a textbook dropkick for two. Tag back to Orton and Orton hits a dropkick of his own for a two count. MVP fights back out of the heel corner, but Orton hits a drop toe hold. He goes for a knee drop, but MVP moves out of the way. Orton does it again and it works the second time around. That gets two. Chinlock applied, but MVP gets out of it. Orton goes to the ropes, but he sees MVP coming. Off the ropes Orton goes, he gets clotheslined by MVP. He looks for a tag, but Orton knocks Kofi off the ropes and he drags MVP to his corner. Tag to DiBiase and he gets sent to the ropes. Monkey flip connects and in comes Henry and Rhodes. Rhodes feels the fury of a monster scorned and he gets squashed in the corner. Orton looks to RKO Henry, but Kofi comes in and he dropkicks Orton out of the ring. Rhodes off the ropes…WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM! That is all!
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & MVP
Grade: B-
Orton is pissed off at Kofi.
RAW’s Got Talent…NEXT!
Commercials.
Jerry Lawler is in the ring and it’s time for “RAW’s Got Talent”. The guest judge is the Great Khali and look, he found his lost brother! Khali speaks his language, having the hots for their daughter, Kelly. First up is Santino Marella and he’s going to bite the head off a bat. Batman that is. RUBBISH! Second up is Chris Masters doing an artform to Crazy Train. He flexes his manboobs. “BUY THAT MAN A BRA!” Sharon loved it. Khali found it mesmerizing. The final participants is Chavo and Jillian doing a duet. Ozzy can forshadow this not ending well and I have to agree. Hell, Chavo is actually better than Jillian. His singing makes it better. They get all pissy and they get inside the ring. That ends with Sharon bitchslapping Jillian. Ozzy says he can’t control his own wife. Khali stands up and Chavo gets tomahawk chopped. Hornswoggle comes out and he splashes Chavo. Kill. Me. Now.
Commercials.
Ricky Hatton is your guest host next week!
#1 Contendership to the Diva’s Championship: Nikki & Bree Bella, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Alicia Fox
They pair off from the start. Kelly tries to eliminate Alica; Gail fends off one of the Bella’s. Gail gets eliminated first. Swagger comes out to the ring to observe. Both Bellas are eliminated and it’s down to Eve, Alicia, and Kelly. Eve gets dumped by Alicia and Kelly tries to eliminate Alicia. Kelly does her handspring elbow, but Alicia catches her and dumps her over the rope.
Winner: Alicia Fox
Grade: N/R
We go back to the destruction of Jamie Noble earlier tonight. It seems he has severe back and neck injuries. We then recap RAW tonight.
Commercials.
We’re back and we discuss what is going on over at SmackDown between Rey Mysterio and Batista.
Sharon and Ozzy get a bit close as Chris Jericho comes in and he mocks Chris Jericho. He talks on how he is better than everyone and Ozzy. “Who is that joke?”
Meanwhile, DX has Hornswoggle hung out to dry and they call him out on gimmick infringement. John Cena saves Horny and they discuss the Triple Threat match. Trips beat Cena. Shawn beat Cena. Cena beat Shawn & Trips. THEY BEAT EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. The camera pans out to the Bellas who walk away disgusted. Shawn says that they have the mathematical probability that DX will walk out with the title. Cena says that he knows he is at a disadvantage, but that DX could beat each other up. Instead of two words, Cena has four. “The Champ Is Here!” Cena walks away and Shawn gets mad that people steal their stuff.
Commercials.
Recap of last week’s destruction of Big Show.
DX is joining the commentary team for the main event. Trips pulls a Mick Foley saying that he hates this job, people yelling in your ear all the time.
John Cena v. Chris Jericho v. Big Show
Up Next.
Commercials.
We’re JIP as Cena sends Big Show to the ring post while DX tries to call the match. Cena gets some of Jericho before Show takes Cena out. Jericho gets a cover, but Show pushes him off. This leaves to a tense moment, but Jericho is a good talker. I remember seeing this match a couple weeks ago – just with different opponents. Show has a chop for Cena and he toys around with him. Jericho side slams Cena and Big Show follows with a stare while Jericho takes care of Cena some more. Pillar to post we go…forget this match, DX is entertaining me more.
Cena is in a bad way, but Big Show runs and Cena moves. THROWBACK TO JERICHO! That’s followed by a bulldog. Show stops the momentum with a spear. Lionsault by Jericho gets an angry Big Show. Jericho slaps Big Show and he gets tossed from the ring. Cena ducks the KO punch and he attempts an Attitude Adjustment…HE GETS SQUASHED FACE FIRST! Show goes to the turnbuckle and he drops his weight on the canvas. Cena knocks Show out of the ring and he hits his moves of doom on Jericho. Five Knuckle Shuffle connects. Attitude Adjustment attempt…KO PUNCH by Big Show! Jericho gets the pin!
Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: C
Was that Jericho’s first win against Cena? Let me know.
Jericho isn’t finished as he puts Cena in the Walls. DX decides to save Cena’s ass before Survivor Series and Shawn walks into a KO Punch by Big Show. Trips has his way with Jericho until Show delivers a headbutt. CODEBREAKER by Jericho! JeriShow stands tall.
Show over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Chris Jericho d. Big Show & John Cena: C
Alicia Fox wins a Diva’s Battle Royal: N/R
Kofi Kingston, MVP, and Mark Henry d. The Legacy: B-
Sheamus d. Jamie Noble via KO: FTS
The Miz d. Evan Bourne: C+
The Final Grade for WWE RAW: C
Nothing too wrong with tonight’s show. Aside from RAW’s Got Talent, everything seemed to be inoffensive. I don’t have any comments on the show tonight. I know I’ll be around this week for various TNA news, as it seems that Tuesdays is the day of big news if the past couple weeks tells us anything. Enjoy your week!
