The Way Too Long Review of Batista: I Walk Alone – Disc One

“I’m one of those guys who sometimes wonders how he got to the big time.  I know my limits.  I’m not extremely talented.  I’m terrible on the mike.  I have physical limitations.”
-Dave Batista (Batista Unleashed, page 251)

You know what?  I’m a fan.  And I’m not ashamed to admit it.  Although I think his character can be grating at times, I appreciate the guy.  He has a respect for wrestling and I think anyone who gets into the business in his 30s has balls.  He’s not a great worker on his own, but he can follow a lead and is capable of having a very good match, even with guys who aren’t exactly Ric Flair in the ring.

So I’ve not been dreading this DVD as much as some have.  Quite frankly, after trying to sit through Kane’s set last year, I think Batista: I Walk Alone will be a nice change of pace.  Besides, I apparently do all this stuff just to get a rise out of smart fans, so heaping praise on Batista seems like a good way to do it.

Disc one is a feature-length documentary on Batista.  It runs a little under a 1:27:12.  Also included are some deleted scenes.  Since this review is broken up into three parts, you’ll have to wait for me to possibly shit on some of the matches until tomorrow.  But don’t click-off just yet.  I’ve got plenty of inappropriate humor and sarcasm here.

-Batista drives around in a car and talks about growing up in Washington DC during the 70s.  He sums it up pretty well.  “It was… great.  I miss it… uh… a lot.”  Dave Batista, everyone.  He’s a man of few words and even fewer brain cells.

-He looks back on his childhood, which seemed normal to him at the time but on reflection was rough.  We end up driving through the bad part of the city.  Batista’s mother really wanted to have him in Washington DC.  She went into labor in Maryland but displayed incredible athleticism by keeping him inside her until they got to Washington.  And holy crap, I never pictured his mother looking like that.  She’s a cross between a hippy and an Ozzy Osborne groupie.  She really doesn’t look that much older then he does.

-Batista was born with a full head of hair and was pretty big in size.  Well yeah.  If your mother was fighting to keep you in her belly long enough to shit you out in the town of her choice, you would be big too.  I imagine it’s a good upper-body workout trying to fight your way out.  I bet that kid of Sarah Palin’s can already bench-press a truck.

-As a teenager he figured out that he had nothing.  He and his sister ended up living with relatives for several different stints over the course of his childhood.  This DVD is pretty hard to follow so far, mostly because Batista mumbles every time he’s trying to describe something.  I had to turn my volume up to full blast and constantly rewind to figure out what he was trying to say.

-We get a tour of his old neighborhood, which is being fixed up to be less ghetto.  Mrs. Batista says that he was the man of the house, and she let the kids take care of themselves.  There was a lot of sex, drugs, and violence, but she made sure that her kids knew that those things were bad.  It was a scary neighborhood.  Everyone kept getting shot in their front yard, so they picked up and moved to San Francisco.  This worked because they no longer had a yard for people to get shot in.  But Dave ended up getting into trouble, so she sent him back east to live with his father in Virginia.

-He didn’t click with his father and never felt a connection with him.  He ended up making some friends though, and we hear from one of them to confirm that.  He was shy and introverted.  He played basketball in high school, and then started wrestling at seventeen.  His high school coach says that he would lose a lot of matches because he got into it too late and even though he was bigger, everyone else was more experienced.  He had a good work ethic, but he was a bad student and was ineligible for his senior year.  Wait, you mean he’s a big dummy?  Get the FUCK OUT, you’re pulling my leg!

-Around that time, he started lifting.  He would skip gym class to go lift weights.  His father didn’t give a shit, so he could come and go from school as he pleased without being scared of reprimand.  He ended up getting a job bouncing before he was out of school.  We get shots of how fucking big he was.  And with really long hair.  It’s so bizarre to see him looking like that.  All his friends talk about how people were in awe of him.  He was still shy and couldn’t talk to anyone, but he was so intense that he could intimidate people just by looking at them.

-He could get a job anywhere he wanted in town bouncing, which turned out to be a bad thing because suddenly ten years had passed.  He had two kids, and he wasn’t happy with his life.  “What are you going to do?”  We get no talk about the mother of his children, and end up talking about his relationship with this wife, Angie.  Damn, she was stunning.  Still is.  She talks about how he always looked sad, and that she had a goal to make him smile.  Angie becomes the second person on this disc to say that he reminded her of Superman.  He ended up hanging out with her before he broke up with his girlfriend of six years.  The girlfriend was apparently not the mother of his children either.  Batista is a man slut, I take it.  Angie was also in a relationship at the time.  “I wish I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend because she was such a great girl.”  I’m seriously laughing my ass off here.  This is just so forthright.  He says the day the girlfriend found out he was cheating was the most embarrassing night of his life.  Hey Dave, I saw you on Smallville.  Trust me, you’ve had more embarrassing days.

-Batista just felt terrible about this whole thing.  So did Angie, because she wasn’t the type to go around and steal other girls’ boyfriends.  You know, other then the fact that she stole another girl’s boyfriends.  The Ex ended up splitting to Minneapolis, and Dave still felt like poopie so he followed her to try and mend the fence.  While there, he ended up training at The Gym, which is where all the guys who came up through that territory trained at.  He met Road Warrior Animal and Mr. Perfect.  Then, WCW had an open audition for their Power Plant training program.  We don’t hear about this for now, as we’re still on the love story.

-Things didn’t work out with the Ex so he made his way back to Washington and did a half-assed proposal to Angie.  “I have an idea… what do you think about becoming my wife?”  “Sounds good.”  “Okay, call around and figure out what we need to do.”  “When?”  “Monday.  Tuesday.  Wednesday.  Whatever.”  She ended up taking a day off from work and they got hitched by the Justice of the Peace.  Their rings didn’t even fit, they were wearing t-shirts and jeans, and they celebrated by going out for burgers.  This is straight out of the Simpsons.  The comedy continues.  “The only thing she wanted to do was go down and change her driver’s license.”  Cut to a shot of her.  “The only thing HE wanted to do was go down and change my driver’s license.”  Funny stuff.  That was the only picture they had from their wedding day.

-So he was living in the DC area.  He wanted to go into professional wrestling.  He had a friend who was as big as he was, and they both decided to give the WCW Power Plant a shot.  The trainer, Sarge, had a Napoleon complex and made them do throw-up drills until his buddy’s blood vessels in his nose ruptured.  Batista was barfing all over the place, but wouldn’t quit the drills.  Finally, Sarge told him to get the fuck out because he would never make it.  Makes you wonder how many guys WCW lost out on because of that no-talent pussy.  And yes, I actually would say that to his face because I’ve heard he’s a pansy.

-Batista didn’t want to give the midget the satisfaction of breaking him, so he decided to press on.  His best friends actually took matters into their own hands and called the WWE to sell them on him.  The WWE told them to send him to Afa, the Wild Samoan’s training camp.  The friends had so much faith in Batista’s chances of making it that they full staked his tuition for him.  Damn, yo.  Most of the time my ‘friends’ were stealing shit from me left and right.  Though my best friend Mark once bought me a Nintendo 64 game just because he wanted to play it and the video store’s copy was rented out.  The game was Star Wars Episode 1: Racer and sucked, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

-Everyone packed up and moved to Pennsylvania so he could train for the ring.  They didn’t have any money, so their friends were supporting them.  Afa says that he saw a lot of potential.  Afa’s face lit up when he walked through the door for the first time.  He treated Dave good and still worked for the WWE, so he made sure they knew about him.  He was still too quiet and shy to be a wrestler, but after five months he called Vince McMahon.

-He was originally supposed to go to Memphis, but ended up being sent to Ohio Valley Wrestling.  Randy Orton and John Cena talk about how big and amazing he was.  Jim Cornette came up with the Leviathan character for him.  He wore a metal chain around his neck during his matches, which the guys hated because they would accidentally punch it and hurt themselves.  He also wore fangs, which kept coming out.  Everything he tried to make himself more of a character ended up making him look like a dork.  But, if nothing else, he was getting better in the ring.  Allegedly.  Jim Cornette made sure all the OVW guys would know locker room protocol.  Batista feels that if he had tried wrestling when he was younger, he wouldn’t have worked out because of various attitude problems.  Jim Ross says that he always had a good look, but as he progressed in the ring he knew he would be something special.  Jim Ross says he has the x-factor, the “It” that you need to be a star.

-He debuts on Smackdown as Deacon Batista, lackey for D-Von Dudley during his crooked preacher phase.  Randy Orton and Brock Lesnar had already been called up and there were big plans for them.  Jim Ross doesn’t know what the expectations were for Batista, but being with Reverend D-Von was a ‘hiccup’ creatively.  Ya think?  His job was to keep the box that contained the building fund for D-Von’s church.  His friends describe watching him on TV as surreal.  Edge assumed that he was like most other muscle-heads, with no potential.  He was wrong.  Ooooh, better not say that, Edgeworth.  You’ll lose your smart-mark cred.  Batista thinks that role was actually good for him in the sense that he still stunk in the ring and being able to stand and just watch matches as a bodyguard and learn stuff.

-The WWE finally broke them apart, even though Batista believes that they weren’t sure his heart was into it.  So they made him train with Fit Finlay to make sure that he reached his full potential.  He ended up going to Raw, where he didn’t do much.  And then…

-Evolution is formed.  We get the original theme for the group, before the horrible Motorhead rendition.  I loved that original theme without the lyrics.  It felt like a natural evolution, no pun intended, of the Four Horsemen’s music.  Leave it to the WWE to cock up a perfectly good thing.  Batista heard a rumbling that it would happen and was hoping for a spot in it.  Triple H and Ric Flair finally decided to include him in the group.  We get various highlights, the most cringe-inducing for me being him powerbombing Spike Dudley on the guardrail.  His role for the group was the enforcer, and he was never expected to reach the heights that he did.  The group was really designed to get Randy Orton over.  He knew this and didn’t care.  He was happy for this spot.  Trips talks about how Orton and Batista would listen to everything they said.  Flair would help him as well, and then Batista proved his stuff against Shawn Michaels.  Come on now.  I’m a big Batista fan but if you’re in a singles match with Shawn fricken Michaels, you’re bound to end up looking pretty good by default.

-He lost to Shawn Michaels, but later in the same show he ended up winning the tag titles with Ric Flair.  He says that winning the tag titles with Ric Flair is neck-and-neck with winning the world title at Wrestlemania, because his name is now listed side-by-side with Flair’s for all eternity.  Sure.  Because in a thousand years the Morlocks are really going to give a shit about who held the WWE tag titles.  They will obviously be TNA fans.

-Triple H and Michaels Hayes are candid about how Evolution was all about getting Randy Orton ready to carry the company.  Hayes says that a creative decision was made immediately to change things up.  He’s not kidding either.  This isn’t discussed on the DVD for obvious reasons, so I’ll fill in the blanks.

The title change took place in Toronto, Canada.  Chris Benoit was the champ, but the fans were nonconformists all night.  They were merciless to the babyfaces and cheered the heels.  The WWE is run by idiots most of the time, and they figured “well, the fans are acting weird, but I bet they will still cheer Chris Benoit.”  Mind you, Edge is from Toronto and the fans booed him.  They were just being smartasses in a playful way.  No harm meant, it was just for laughs.  Of course, the fans DID boo Chris Benoit and cheer Randy Orton.  The WWE took this to mean that Randy had eclipsed everyone else on the roster as the people’s champion, like the Rock had.  It was either that or 20,000 people had a hunch that Benoit would end up as the biggest real-life villain in wrestling history.  Just to be on the safe side, the finish would be Randy Orton beating Chris Benoit completely clean and in the center of the ring.  Then Benoit would shake his hand and Orton would tearfully thank him.  This was all done at the last second.  I have no idea what the original finish was, but that was not it.

Within minutes of the match ending, before everyone had filed out of the building, Orton was told he would be turning babyface on Raw the next night.  This was STUPID STOOPID STEWPIT!  I find it completely unfathomable that the WWE would not realize that it was just a smartassed crowd having giggles.  So a more reasonable explanation is that Randy Orton was turned babyface so that Triple H wouldn’t be.  What else would be the logical conclusion to Orton winning the belt?  If he didn’t turn, Triple H had to, so they could pay off the Evolution storyline.  There was no other way to end it.  If they wanted to go the route they did, that would have been fine.  Just not the next fucking night.  A slow burn works best for these types of things.  They proved it with Batista.  Even worse was that the next night on Raw they gave no hint that Orton was going to turn.  He actually cheated to win his rematch against Benoit, even though he had won cleanly the previous night.  It goes to show that when the WWE lets out a brain fart, they go all the way with it.

-Back to the feature.  Triple H says that everyone in the company was paying attention to Randy Orton (as having the babyface potential).  Trips said that he knew it would be Batista.  Michael Hayes says that Dave did many subtle things that the fans got into.  The fans started to turn him before the WWE had plans for it.  We skip a lot of the small things that led to the Royal Rumble, and go to the finish of that match where Batista wins it after an allegedly botched finish.  More on that tomorrow with disc two.

-We cut to the contract signing where Batista fakes like he’s going to challenge JBL at Wrestlemania, then kills Triple H and signs the Raw contract.  I still laugh at Triple H’s “When you turned on me, it made me very angry” promo.  I don’t know why, but I find it hilarious.  Trips did a good job of putting Batista over in the run up to Wrestlemania.  I honestly figured they would stink up the joint, but they didn’t.  Batista’s nerves were shot all week and he had back pain.  His left leg was completely numb the whole match as a result of nerve problems.  But he still won the match and took the title.  His tears were real and he shared them with all his friends and family.  After the match, he met his wife in the back and gave her a real wedding ring and a real proposal.  We see the pictures of it.  Trips thought it was really cool of him.

-Batista is over like Jesus on roids.  Triple H’s advice was “Just enjoy the ride, because you’re now the face of the company and a lot of people will be disappointed if you let them down.”  No pressure.  We get a few more highlights.  And then his family life fell apart.  As a wrestler, he was never home.  Before the wrestling, he and his wife did everything together.  Angie started to get angry with him.  He gained full custody of his children.  They relocated to Florida.  His oldest daughter didn’t come with them at first because she was pregnant.  She was very young to be a mother, so they brought her baby daddy with them.  Angie and he didn’t work out and they got a divorce.  Mommatista insists that they’re soul mates and will always be married to a certain degree.  The oldest daughter found another boy, so the baby daddy packed his bags and moved out.  He then got killed in a car accident.  Batista cries during this segment, and it’s tough to watch.  There’s nothing sadder then watching a fat man weep.

-Batista ended up getting drafted to Smackdown shortly after finishing his feud with Triple H.  The locker room there didn’t like him too much.  He had heat with a lot of them.  He was still basically a rookie and no longer had his friends with him.  He was not welcomed by that brand.  It’s not discussed on here, but the reason for this was because he had done an interview with some newspaper while he was wrestling on Raw.  He allegedly ‘buried’ Smackdown in it, but it was clearly done in the spirit of the concept of separate brands and was mostly done in-character.  The Undertaker pulled him aside and told him what a fuck up he was for saying that stuff.  This is the true problem with all this separate brand shit.  In theory, having Raw and Smackdown have a different roster of wrestlers gives the WWE a chance to do a Superbowl of wrestling type of thing, like they did recently at Bragging Rights.  But the WWE has put all these rules up about what you can and cannot say.  You can say a wrestler sucks, but you can’t say the brand you’re wrestling against sucks.  Well then, why would anyone want to watch it?  There’s no way you can build up the type of heat you need to make it work.  That’s why Raw vs. Smackdown matches have all been artistic failures since this stuff started.

-Michael Hayes says that he made even less friends through his actions.  He was quickly becoming a huge failure.  They booked a feud with Eddie Guerrero, who was doing a tweener thing.  Batista and he became pretty good friends and Eddie kept his spirits high during a dark period for him.  Angie says that Eddie kept Batista centered, and she had never seen him like that.  The night before Eddie died, they had talked on the phone.  Batista took his passing really bad.  Angie had never seen him cry as hard as when he heard the news.  Smart marks were offended by this, because that’s how they roll.  They assume the ‘good’ wrestlers wouldn’t be caught dead associating with someone they perceive to be a ‘bad’ wrestler.  Stuff like that is why the term ‘smart mark’ was coined in the first place.  They get so smart that they become dumb about other stuff.  Most people reading this article right now are guilty of that.  Not me.  I’m fucking perfect.

-This leads into the highly obnoxious period where the WWE decided to push Eddie as the biggest star in the company, despite the obvious handicap of being worm food.  They paired Batista with Mysterio to create the “Do It for Eddie” team.  They actually had good chemistry together and won the tag titles.  It didn’t last long due to injuries.

-His friends talk about how being a celebrity hasn’t changed him at all.  Trips and Chavo talk about how quiet he is, while Ric Flair talks about how he makes time for all the fans when they gather around.  John Cena says that he’s charitable.  Flair says Batista doesn’t think he’s anything special.  Batista talks about how wrestlers are always promoting.  He ends up traveling to the Philippines.  Dave is half Filipino, which nobody realized.  But he became a big star there and is treated like a god.  Batista finds the whole situation unreal.  We also get to see him do stuff for sick children.

-Batista blew out his triceps wrestling Mark Henry and had to forfeit the championship.  In real life, he actually did intend to drop the title in the ring, but the state athletic commission wouldn’t allow it.  People in the crowd were actually crying.  The injury happened when Henry blew his end of a big splash.  Yeesh.  If you can’t do a big splash right, maybe you should rethink your career.  He couldn’t get a breath because it hurt so badly.  So he goes in for surgery, where they moved some of his leg muscle up to his arm.  The doctor swears he won’t miss it or need it in his leg.  My question is, what happens if he tears the leg muscle?  Do they move the triceps back to his leg?  Is it like musical chairs for muscles?

-He returned about eight months later and was inserted into a feud with Booker T.  Both guys had huge heat with each other, stemming from a real life fight that broke out while they were shooting a promo for Summerslam.  They kind of put it behind them, but they always had hostility between them.  Batista admits the locker room was on Booker’s side, but at the end of the day he’s still with the WWE and Booker isn’t.  Well, so much for that.

-At the 2006 Survivor Series, Batista took back the title after smacking Booker with the title belt.  He held onto it until Wrestlemania 23, where he lost it to the Undertaker.  Needless to say, the quality of that match was a fucking shocker.  I rated in ****3/4, but as always I will re-watch it to see if I still feel that way.  Look for the review in the coming days.  It’s on disc three.  And credit to both Batista and Undertaker where it’s due.  The match was for the World Championship, yet they were booked fourth on the card.  I would have been offended too.  The WWE’s reasoning was they couldn’t possibly hope to follow Shawn Michaels or come even close.  In fact, I think their match held up WAY better then Michaels/Cena did.  They actually discuss this on the disc.  Ric Flair thinks it should have been higher on the card, but ultimately it didn’t matter.  After walking through the curtain after the match, Batista screamed out “FOLLOW THAT!” which of course Shawn Michaels is famous for doing.  This didn’t win him any more hero cookies, but he ultimately he was right.  Cena/Michaels was a total wank-fest that was missing an entire middle section.

-We get highlights of the follow up match from Backlash where Batista speared Undertaker off the entrance ramp and knocked the set over, leading to a double count-out.  Then they had another draw during a cage match when both guys hit the floor at the same time.  Taker ended up dropping the belt that night to Edge.  Undertaker was injured and leaving for a while, so Batista had someone new to feud with.  Edge loves working with him, and vice versa.  Triple H thinks their dynamic was really good, with Edge as the slime ball who shouldn’t be able to put a dent in a guy as big and dangerous as Batista.  We get various highlights of Batista choking various matches.  Edge thinks that Batista doesn’t get credit for being a good wrestler.  He’s really proud of their matches.  Michael Hayes thinks that Batista had finally let his guard down and started to work with people instead of against them.

-Batista was supposed to turn heel on Shawn Michaels, and we get the start of that angle.  The angle was he was pissed that Michaels had retired Ric Flair, and the fans got into it.  We get highlights of their match at Backlash in 2008, which sadly isn’t included here.  He later got his win back in a stretcher match with Shawn.  He ended up in a feud with Chris Jericho, where he took back the World Title.  We’re ignoring several instances of injuries here.

-Everyone talks about Batista’s appeal to fans.  Smarks don’t get it, because they have their heads stuck up their asses.  We move to Batista as a celebrity.  A few highlights of him filming a spot on Smallville.  I’m a confirmed Superman nut, but his appearance on the show was pretty unimpressive.  Really small part too.  It was weird.  As it turns out, he was so bad that they had to edit most of his stuff out of it.  But hey, how many guys can say they got killed by the Martian Manhunter?  Batista is also proud of being on the cover of various body building magazines.  Trips puts over his personality and charisma.

-And now the big go-home montage.  Cena believes he’s got no limits.  His tendons disagree.  Batista is asked if he’s got any goals left.  He wants to be the Undisputed Champion.  If the WWE had any brains, they would merge the belts.  Jim Ross is impressed at how much he’s accomplished even though he started at a later age.  He thinks Dave ranks near the top of the list of the great WWE superstars of all time.  Ric Flair thinks he’s a great asset to the company.  And that’s it.

And that’s it.  Other then his various injury problems, this pretty much covered everything and did so at a fast and entertaining pace.  I’m guessing your average IWC member would rather have his toe nails ripped off then watch an eighty-seven minute long documentary on Dave Batista, but if you’re not so jaded there’s fun to be had.  Kayfabe is completely ignored and Batista is pretty frank when discussing some pretty touchy and taboo subjects.  It’s an unwritten rule in the wrestling industry that if you have heat on you, you don’t discuss it.  Here he was incredibly candid about it, without any hint of arrogance.  That’s what I really liked about this.  Towards the end it became Lemony Snicket’s ‘A Series of Unfortunate Fuckups’.  He had heat with Smackdown.  Everyone was against him when he was fighting with Booker T.  Most guys would come across like an ass if they talked about these things and kind of dismissed them.  Batista comes across as humble.  Maybe he feels he wasn’t totally in the right.  I don’t know.

I think one of the reasons why Batista gets a lot of heat on him is because he operates outside of the wrestling bubble.  Instead of looking at things using the WWE’s insane counterproductive logic, he tackles issues rationally.  So, for example, instead of verbally blowing Smackdown, he figured “Well I’m on Raw and we’re supposed to be in a competition against each other, so I’ll say something bad about them.”  Perfectly reasonable, and yet that pissed people off.  Four years later and people still dislike him for it.  There are various stories out there on what started the Booker T fight.  The one I go with is pretty much the most simple: Batista thought Booker T was a crap wrestler who half-assed it and wasn’t afraid to say it.  So he got heat on him.

But was he wrong?  Fuck no.  Booker T was, is, and always will be a no-talent fuckwad who puts in as little effort as possible.  His run as World Champion was a farce because he clearly did not deserve to be the champion under any criteria.  Batista might suck as well, but he doesn’t half-ass it.  He uses his full ass.  Chris Jericho talked about one of the many unwritten rules of professional wrestling in his book: “Never bury a guy to his face, only behind his back.”  He wasn’t saying that in a humorous manner.  That’s actually how it works.  I’ve never understood how wrestling can stay so counterproductive.  A lot of this crap goes back decades before the modern era started.  Why is this stuff still around today?  It’s like an appendix.  It might have served a function at one point during wrestling’s evolution, but its run it’s course and can be safely removed now.

Anyway, I really dug the feature.  It was fun, fast, and informative, which is pretty much all you can ask for.  We also have ten bonus segments that were cut to keep the show moving along at the pace I was just putting over.  They are as follows…

Hot Bread and Butter (0:49): Growing up, he played this game like tag called ‘Hot Bread and Butter’.  It involved a belt, and if you got it you got to whip any kid who was out of base.  Sounds like something Hitler would come up with.

Batista’s Rough Neighborhood (3:05): Mommatista talks about the people shot in their front yard and what a terrible neighborhood it was.  At one point Batista and his sister nearly got caught in the crossfire of a shootout.  Another time, a guy’s aim was off and he accidentally shot a girl.  Mob rule took effect and the neighborhood beat the shit out of the guy and attempted to throw him off an overpass.  The third shooting was the last straw.  A guy ended up shot in the head in their front yard, and the kids just gathered around and stared.  The mother was mortified by this and decided it was time to leave.  They were gone within a month.  She’s proud that her kid grew up and chose a profession where he wouldn’t have to watch the bodies pile up.

The Biggest Lifeguard at the Pool (1:05): Batista and his friend were working as lifeguards at a pool.  They were the two biggest guys people had ever seen.  People started to flock around because they couldn’t believe how big he was.

Leviathan: Demon of Ohio River (1:05): We get various pictures and clips of the creation of the Leviathan.  We see him get raised from the river like a movie monster.  He was a city kid and scared that there were alligators in the water, so the whole thing was done in one take.  You know, I actually thought the gimmick was cool.

The Animal’s New Suit (0:59): When Batista was called up to the main roster, he was told to buy a nice suit.  He spent $500 on it and when he showed up, they cut the sleeves off it.  Angie cried because of this.

Dave Meets Alonzo Mourning (1:08): Triple H and Batista do a celebrity pool tournament.  Magic Johnson, M.C. Hammer, and various others were there.  Alonzo Mourning was there, who Dave was a big fan of, having followed him at Georgetown.  Sadly for Batista, Alonzo had no clue who he was and ended up talking with Triple H the whole time.  Batista was jealous but he was still new at that point.  After the conversation was over, Trips walked over to Dave and asked him “So, who was that guy anyway?”  Funny stuff.

Respect for Eddie (1:45): He talks about being unable to heat up a crowd during a house show match with Eddie Guerrero, and how much it drove Eddie crazy.  He was really upset after the match, but Batista told him how much he respected him and everything was okay.

A Gift For Chavo (0:43): Chavo says that he considers Batista a brother.  They were talking in the ring one time and it came out that Chavo liked to ride but didn’t own a bike, so Batista bought him one.  “I guess you could say we’re close” says Chavo.  I would hope so.

Eddie’s Advice (2:28): Eddie helped Batista get back together with his oldest daughter.  She went into labor and there were problems right as a show was starting.  Batista was a mess and had never talked to anyone about this.  Eddie pulled out the book of old Jewish fairy tales which had some verse that somehow turned his life around.  So Batista saw the light, left the show, and went to be with his daughter.

Batista’s Lunchbox Collection (0:56): Angie talks about what a goof ball he is and how he’s a bit of a nerd.  Angie got a job and Batista thought it would be a good idea to get her a lunchbox.  She was a fan of the movie E.T. so he tracked down a mint condition original E.T. themed lunch box.  “The nightmare started” said Angie.  “God forbid he gets injured, because I knew there would be a flood of crap coming in then.”  Pssh, that’s not a nerd collection.  Dork, maybe.  But not a nerd.  I collect video games.  That’s a fucking nerd collection for you.

Disc two hits Pulse tomorrow.  Disc three the day after that.

Thanks to Brad for editing this, as always.
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