Ted and Robin’s new neighbors have been keeping them up day and night “playing the bagpipes.” Obviously, it’s not really what they’re doing, but remember, Ted’s telling the story to the kids and despite the fact that they’re teenagers, their innocence must be protected.
So, yeah, they’re bagpiping.
Marshall and Lily, on the other hand, are not. As you might imagine, it’s Barney’s fault. It starts out when Barney catches Lily making Marshall wash his dishes right after eating. He tells Ted that they’re getting a divorce, and Ted diagnoses him with “new relationship smugness.” Every other couple sucks compared to him and Robin.
Then Marshall walks in. Barney asks how he’s holding up “after yesterday,” and Marshall gives a pretty little speech about how Barney’s a rookie at being a boyfriend while he, Marshall, has completely forgotten about watching Sandra Bullock movies and microwave popcorn, and can brew a pot of chamomile tea that would make Barney cry. I’m not sure what that has to do with being a good boyfriend, really, but it seems to get under Barney’s skin. He asks Marshall if he minds a sink full of dirty dishes. He doesn’t, and Barney believes he should stand up to Lily. Marshall doesn’t want to. If he does, they will fight.
Barney and Robin do not fight. Every time it looks like they’re going to, he either leaves or she gets naked. It’s a perfect solution, right? Marshall doesn’t think so, but Ted doesn’t think the naked thing is so bad. Marshall says that he and Lily handle their problems like adults. And to prove it, he’s going to talk to Lily about the dishes. Ted still thinks it’s a bad idea, and they make a slap bet over how well it goes.
And then Marshall uses a screwed up version of the words from Barney’s example. Plus, “I make more money than you.” Which totally backfires. And they start fighting. A lot. Marshall wants to apologize, but Barney has more advice. He needs a surge. Which, again, backfires to the point that on Sunday morning, she made “pancake and bacon strip.”
In the meantime, Barney and Robin have gone on a “fantastic ski weekend” to get away from the upstairs neighbors. They come back acting all lovey-dovey. Too lovey-dovey, for Ted’s tastes. He’s sitting in the living room listening to his silver-haired (he went upstairs to discuss the situation with them, and somehow walked into a ten year old episode of Sex and the City) neighbors having sex, bagpiping, and realizes that there’s one way to definitely know what’s going on with them.
Phil.
Phil is Barney’s downstairs neighbor, and he’s heard them fighting ever since they got back. Apparently, they found themselves about to have a fight while they were trapped on the ski lift. They couldn’t leave, they couldn’t get naked, they couldn’t do anything else, so they fought. Once that dam was broken, the water just kept flooding. They fought about a bag of panties Robin found in Barney’s closet, the ties that Robin murdered, the camera that Barney had installed in the headboard, and pretty much everything else they hadn’t been fighting about since they’ve been together.
Realizing that they need to put Marshall and Lily back together, Robin and Barney head to their house to confess about the fighting. Marshall and Lily realize that compared to the “perfect couple,” their little dishes spat was pretty tame. They apologize to each other, and surprise Robin and Barney with the way they put their relationship back together. The good news, according to Lily, is that the honeymoon is over, and now the real stuff can begin. Barney and Robin leave, happy that it’s not a competition to be “best couple in the world,” while Lily and Marshall open a bottle of champagne to celebrate their taking of the title.
Bumper scene. After Lily and Marshall work out their problems, the camera cuts to the older couple living below them. They’re reading quietly in their living room. Suddenly, the chandelier starts to shake, and they hear the distinct sound of bagpipes upstairs.
