More Reasons Why Being Deaf Sucks/Rocks: Best WORST I Ever Heard

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Through a convoluted series of events, I picked up Drake’s debut EP, So Far Gone, this week, and I’ve finally made my mind up about the guy.

Actually, they weren’t that convoluted, I guess. I’d seen an ad for The Shield complete-series box set, which both intrigued and irked me. I mentally committed to buying it despite owning all of the individual seasons. I went to The Sound Garden to trade in my individual seasons and got store credit. As I was shopping, I saw Chris Walla’s Field Manual with a “2 for $10” sticker and I looked for something else to complete the deal. Eventually, I found So Far Gone, which has helped me form my opinion of Drake.

Basically, I’m not a fan.

I can understand why he’s as popular as he is. He’s got a built-in fanbase from his TV fame. He’s got dreamboat qualities and hails from a non-threatening place like Canada. He’s moderately talented and doesn’t rhyme about street life. Also, he gets all of his street cred from Lil Wayne.

I get all that, but the guy still does nothing for me. I understand the components that went into his popularity, but to me they don’t gel into something that’s worthy of the attention he’s getting.

Anyway, here are my beefs with his first major-label offering;

Way overproduced. If So Far Gone were a meal, everything would be burnt to a crisp. I’m talking completely charred. There isn’t one track on the EP that feels organic. Every beat is so synthesized that there’s never any warmth to be found. And apparently Drake is infatuated with adding studio effects to his voice. It gets bloody annoying, even on something as short as an EP release.

Celebreality. Because Drake can’t rhyme about the tried and true hip-hop staple of street life, he has to rhyme about his life, which is sort of off-putting. Generally speaking, rappers don’t trot out the tropes of the trappings of success until their second album. So I suppose Drake should earn props for sharing his jadedness for success before his first album even drops. That’s very outside the box.

(It should also be noted that Jay-Z’s worst songs are when he’s whining about being famous or reflecting on fame.)

Trying too hard. I understand that Drake was a child actor, from Canada no less, but the amount of profanity he puts into his release reeks of overcompensation—as though he’s trying to distance himself from this kid-friendly past. The album version of “Best I Ever Had” is almost comically laden with expletives. We get it, Drake, you want to be taken seriously as an emcee. Now get in touch with Roget’s so you don’t have to curse so much.

Not that clever. I know that Canadians are supposed to be funny, but Drake’s punch-lines aren’t as clever as he thinks they are. I mean, they may sound clever when compared to Lil Wayne and his drank-drinking cronies, but they ultimately come off as corny. His voice registers so much arrogance as he delivers them that they almost can’t help but be a letdown.

A lack of substance. Lots of things have been said to have the substance of cotton candy. I’m not going to go that route. So Far Gone is like someone else’s fart. It’s loud and attention-getting. It causes you to wrinkle your nose and wonder what went into it. And at times it’s vulgar. But when all is said and done and it’s over, it’s really like it was never there and you can barely remember it.

Now, I know that I’m part of Drake’s target demographic, so why should he care about my opinion? It’s because I’m part of an even more important demographic—people who still actually buy albums.

I wish Drake the best of luck. And if he wishes to be anything other than a flash-in-the-pan pop star like Chingy, Mims, Chamillionaire and Mike Jones, he’s going to need it.