Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time WWE RAW Report – 11.16.09

Tonight, keep your browser set to Pulse Wrestling for real-time coverage of WWE RAW! Roddy Piper is in charge and we have a Pay-Per-View quality main event with DX taking on JeriShow AND John Cena & Undertaker! With Survivor Series in six nights, what will go down tonight?


Roddy Piper opens up the show and he is going to have Luis Guzman in the Piper’s Pit tonight. The Iron Sheik comes in and they namedrop Hogan and Sheik buries him. Sheik plays with figures and the Bella Twins finish this Saturday Night Live spoof.

New RAW video and it’s awesome. We’re live from Madison Square Garden and 20,538 fans are PACKED in the arena! We’re going to kick things off with the United States Championship on the line! The Miz has a microphone and he complains that the people already hate him. Of course he disses the Yankees, saying that they bought their title. Roddy Piper picked Miz’s opponent and it is…MVP! Sure enough Sherri Sheppard cheers her man on.

United States Championship: The Miz v. MVP

The bell rings and Miz takes it to a higher level from the get-go. Miz sends MVP to the corner and MVP evades the charge. MVP assumes control as the champion leaves the ring to take a powder. MVP won’t allow that as he sends Miz back in the ring. Miz takes the knee out and MVP falls back outside. Miz rams the back of MVP’s neck against the ring post and he rolls him back in the ring for two. Rear naked choke applied and MVP fights back to a vertical base. To the ropes we go and Miz gets dropped on his face. MVP comes with lariats and elbows before hitting a jawbreaker. Ballin’ Elbow connects and he syncs for the Playmaker! Miz counters and he eats the high kick for TWO! Miz catches MVP in the corner and he sets up for the Skull Crushing Finale for the retention!

Winner: The Miz
Grade: C

Commercials.

Last week, Chavo loses to a boxer. At least Hornswoggle was busy with DX.

This week, Chavo Guerrero looks to become relevant. At least he has a proper opponent.

Chavo Guerrero v. Santino Marella

So Santino is wearing many New York jerseys while Chavo looks uninterested. OK once the Yankees jersey comes on, Chavo pretends to like it but he convincely hits the Triple Verticals. Up to the top and Santino is too far away. So Chavo goes to the opposite corner. This goes back and forth and that damned midget is out with the DX gear. Schoolboy from Santino and…yeah you know.

Winner: Santino Marella
Grade: D-

Chavo is pissed off and the ref prevents him from going after the midget. This brings out DX. They wanted to have fun tonight, but it’s not going to happen. Shawn pimps the book. Hunter wants to talk about Sunday’s Triple Threat match. He says that DX isn’t going to implode and they will be an unit. They don’t care who wins the title as long as DX acquires the title. DX won’t implode so it’s time to talk about Hornswoggle. If he comes out now, he might be a honorary member of DX. Hornswoggle chops his crotch all the way in the ring and Hunter tells him to stop it. They run through the DX schitck and they turn on Hornswoggle just as quickly! PEDIGREE ON THE MIDGET! They pull out the official DX backboard and Hornswoggle gets a stretcher job. Weird.

Commercials.

We hype the history of WWE’s home at MSG.

Roddy Piper is in his office as Chris Jericho shows up. Egos collide. He says that Piper disrespects Jericho just as everyone else. So Piper blows his nose and he has something special for Jericho. Chris Masters and his dancing boobies. Jericho is apalled and the Bella Twins escort Masters off the set. Jericho has the evil glare going.

Diva’s Title match is NEXT!

Commercials.

Judah Friedlander from “30 Rock” is our guest ring announcer for our upcoming match.

Diva’s Championship Match: Mickie James v. Alicia Fox

Alicia Fox wants to be announced as the next champion, but Friedlander is here to watch Melina do the splits and to make this a Lumberjill match. Alicia isn’t that impressed. Alicia gets tossed, but she evades contact and Melina gets a close two count. Melina gets knocked out and the heels beat her down. X-Factor gets a two count for Melina. Melina comes back with a flapjack and she builds momentum. Alicia misses a corner charge, but she hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a two count. Fox looks for an Uranage, but Melina counters to a Canadian Destroyer for the win.

Winner: Melina
Grade: F

Post match, the divas engage each other and Team Mickie stands tall. Judah Friedlander makes an ass of himself.

Roddy Piper is NEXT!

Commercials.

Michael Cole announces that RAW will be on USA until 2014. By then, it’ll be rated G for all audiences. Justin Roberts brings Roddy Piper out for this segment. He gives the fans their respect. He made his career on not being nice, a trait New Yorkers share. We get more Hogan name drops before he says that if you mess with him, you become bald or dead. He done a lot in his career, but he has one more thing up his sleeve. He wants one more match…against Vince McMahon. Oh God, is this a shoot? He knows that Vince is in the building…he responds and he is wearing a pinstriped suit! Vince complements Roddy on his dye job. The worst thing he ever done in MSG was showing up tonight. Vince degrades Roddy’s physical attire and that if Vince fought Roddy tonight, people would be ashamed of him. Vince puts himself as looking good right now. He regrets that he is officially retired from in-ring action. Roddy calls Vince out for being a coward. Roddy has been in car crashes, matches, fought cancer…and beat all that. Roddy doesn’t want the match at a Pay-Per-View but for tonight.

Commercials.

Jesse Ventura is your guest host next week and it is a three hour special event!

Sheamus brags about putting Noble out of business and he issues an open challenge. No one accepts so he hands the microphone to Roberts and he messes with the timekeeper. He throws him across the announce table and Jerry Lawler steps up…and eats a bicycle kick to the jaw.

Commercials.

Matt Striker is on call and he takes over for Lawler tonight. We hype the card for Survivor Series.

Evan Bourne v. Jack Swagger

But first…

Commercials.

We’re JIP as Swagger is in control. Bourne counters a suplex into a schoolboy for one. Dropkick sends Swagger to the corner, but a charge sends Bourne on the apron. Diving forearm gets two for Bourne. Bourne goes on top again and he gets caught. Swagger drives him against the turnbuckle and finishes with a sick Gutwrench Powerbomb.

Winner: Jack Swagger
Grade: F

Piper walks.

Commercials.

Roddy Piper is in the ring. Will Vince McMahon accept the street fight? No. Randy Orton comes out and I’m confused as to WHY Orton would defend the same man that he embarrassed months ago. Orton says he doesn’t care if Vince doesn’t come out because Roddy has a bigger problem…and that’d be New York’s favorite son, Randy Orton.

Orton kicks Piper in the gut as Striker thinks Orton is defending his father. Piper responds with a right and Orton goes to town on Piper. Galvin Stomp connects repeatedly as Piper convulses in the ring. Orton sets up for the punt and Kofi Kingston gets Orton in his grasp! Orton walks away and Kingston battles Orton on the outside. The fight goes to the crowd as Kofi unloads on rights. Orton tries to fight back and he is successful. Kofi slams Orton’s head off the barricade and this won’t stop. Orton sends Kofi back ringside and he stomps the gut. Kofi gets introduced to the steps and Orton tosses him back in the ring. Guillotine Choke connects and Orton towers over Kingston. He looks for the punt and KOFI GETS HIM SOME! Kofi unloads on punches before sending Orton neck first into the barricade. To the empty area we go, Orton is in control and FINALLY, the referees separate them. Orton breaks through and they get separated until Kofi comes back. The fight now goes to the stands and there is no quit. Orton falls into the production area and Kofi stands tall as he picks up a piece of equipment…WHAM! ORTON GETS HIT! HE IS BUSTED OPEN! Kofi goes to the stands and he gets on the railing! He gets restrained by the referees. Kofi escapes and he HITS THE BOOM DROP ON ORTON THROUGH THE TABLE! Kofi stands tall.

Commercials.

John Cena wastes more time with a late promo. I’m backing up from my claim that the triple threat tag match is not going to be PPV quality. Tech guy hands Cena a paper and Cena goes to change the tone for the WWE Title match next week. Cena is ready. He hopes next week, DX are still friends because they need the shoulder to lean on.

Triple Threat Tag Team Match: JeriShow v. DX v. John Cena & Undertaker

As the teams make their entrances, we go to break.

Commercials.

You’d think the other teams would be in the ring by the time we returned to the action, but no. The Undertaker gets the druid entrance as if we have time to burn. Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re watching this main event start at 11:08pm EST. Triple threat rules, which is different than normal triple threat tag rules. Cena, Jericho, and HBK start off but they tag in their respective partners. Taker stares down Hunter and they double team Big Show. Big Show gets taken out and Hunter gets a spinebuster on Taker before tagging in HBK. Wrestlemania 25 rematch in progress. Taker takes and he handles HBK before Show spears Taker and evoids Sweet Chin Music. Jericho gets tagged and he hits a bulldog. Lionsault gets countered, but Jericho counters the counter with the Wall’s. Taker stops it and Cena tags in. Jericho gets bulldogged and he eats Sweet Chin Music. Jericho eats a side slam and Cena and Hunter stare down. They brawl and Big Show hits a double chokeslam. Taker is in and he misses a KO punch, but hits the flying clothesline. The giants go out of the ring. Show TOSSES TAKER IN THE BARRICADE! Jericho covers Cena for a two count. Hunter tags in HBK and he goes nuts on Jericho. Cena evades Sweet Chin Music and he hits his moves of doom on Shawn. Hunter tags in and he goes to work. Hunter is a one man wrecking crew and he goes for the Pedigree on Cena, but Show hits a headbutt. Sweet Chin Music to Show! Codebreaker to Shawn! Chokeslam to Jericho! Cena has Hunter…ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! PINFALL!

Winners: The Undertaker & John Cena
Grade: B- (Not as good as it could be, but for the time they allowed, it was flawless.)

OH MY GOD! Undertaker hits the Tombstone Piledriver on John Cena! Wrestlemania 26 feud in the making?

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card
Cena/Undertaker d. JeriShow & DX: B-
Jack Swagger d. Evan Bourne: F
Melina d. Alicia Fox: F
Santino Marella d. Chavo Guerrero: D-
The Miz d. MVP: C
Extra Credit: Kofi Kingston beats the hell out of Randy Orton

The Final Grade for WWE RAW: D+

The Final Pulse

You would think tonight would be off the wall, but the matches were too short. The longest was the main event and for the type of match it was it should had been longer. I won’t be too long tonight, but for MSG, the show was eventful. For the live viewer, nothing important happened. Pulse Wrestling will have live coverage of Survivor Series this Sunday and I should be back next week!

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