Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time WWE RAW Report – 11.23.09

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Good evening readers and welcome to Pulse Wrestling’s real-time coverage of WWE RAW! Survivior Series is in the books and we are already seeing things heat up as we begin the road to WWE TLC. I didn’t watch Survivor Series last night and I won’t bore you with my opening banter, but from what I heard, it was pretty average. Thank you to the Mango Team for providing the real-time coverage and the audio commentary post-show.

And now, it’s TIME…
TO…
GET…
RAW!

Jesse Ventura style!

Michael Cole calls this your ANNUAL Thanksgiving event and we have John Cena v. CM Punk tonight! Justin Roberts is here to intro Jesse Ventura, but Randy Orton decides to grace us with his presence. Randy plays us saying that normally the guest hosts come out and get interrupted, but Randy Orton wanted to make a statement. Jesse has to make a decision regarding the WWE Title. Orton wants Jesse to lift his ban on the WWE Title that Orton self-imposed. He invites Jesse to come out and he responds. Jesse isn’t dressed as a governor, but as a wrestling fan. Jesse respects Randy and he likes his style, comparing him to himself a few years ago. Jesse is the independent and he demands a revolution. He is going to bring something new to RAW tonight. He then goes on and saying that the same old people won’t be main eventing next month’s Pay-Per-View. There will be a series of matches tonight and the only ones allowed to enter is anyone that has never been World Champion. The winners of these matches heads to a battle royal and that winner becomes #1 Contender. Orton says that Jesse is making a huge mistake, but Jesse says so be it. He pulls out the list and he says that Cena will take on CM Punk. The Hart Dynasty takes on DX. That’s the way it will be because Jesse says so.

Time for the first match! Kofi comes out and he stares down Randy Orton and they pass without incident. His opponent will be announced after the break.

Commercials.

We’re back and we relive last week’s elevation of Kofi Kingston to the top.

Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler

So these matches are RAW v. SmackDown and the winners go to the battle royal at the end. The winner challenges their brand’s World Title. Insert any joke you may have about the brand extension. The bell rings and they lock up. Kofi gets the upperhand, but misses the splash and almost gets pinned. Ziggler with a wild right hand and he gets a snapmare takeover with a follow-through faceplant for two. Kofi fights back to his feet, but Ziggler gets an exploder suplex for another two count. Chinlock applied, but Kofi fights back and Ziggler slams his head on the canvas. He drops the elbows for another near-fall. He rolls around and attempts to choke Kingston out. Back up, Kofi comes at Ziggler with a sledge, followed by a knee lift. Jumping lariat sends Ziggler down and Kofi hits the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise is missed, Ziggler goes for the ZigZag, but Kofi holds on the ropes. Trouble in Paradise connects on the second attempt and that scores a win.

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: C+

We go to the Miz, who is at the catering area. He is thankful for us giving him respect. He is also thankful for a few other things. Oh wait, he expects these things and WE need to be thankful because he’s awesome.

Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: Sheamus abuses timekeepers and commentators alike. Is anyone safe from the Celtic Warrior?

Sheamus v. Finlay

This will be good. Brawl to start and the action immediately spills out of the ring. Back inside and Sheamus kicks Finlay before dropping the knees. Cover gets two and Finlay gets sent to the corner. Charge gets reversed and Finlay beats the hell out of Sheamus. Sheamus fights back and he sends Finlay to the steel post. Razor’s Edge finishes. I take that back.

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: D

Sheamus attacks post-bell and he kicks Finlay into the second row.

Commercials.

We’re back and Teddy Long is here to tell us that he is thankful…that Vickie Guerrero still has a job as random guy #3’s man. Vickie wants the potatoes and Teddy thinks of throwing it at them, but Eric stops it.

We pimp “Conspiracy Theory” that will appear on TruTV. Backstage, Jesse goes through his old attire and Randy Orton continues to want in the battle royal. Jesse agrees with him. Jesse says his hands are tied. He thanks Orton for retiring some of the old guys.

I’m loving Punk’s entrance video. WWE Champion in the first hour? Wow! Punk has the microphone and he is thankful for being straightedge. He doesn’t want to be us because he’s better than us. He talks about gluttony and calls Cena a turkey. Break time!

Commercials.

CM Punk v. John Cena

Punk throws his shirt at Cena, who picks it up. He looks at it and throws it down before taking his own shirt off and throwing it in the crowd. The bell rings and they shake hands. Punk gets to the corner, evading Cena on this exchange. Headlock by Punk and Cena sends him to the ropes. Shoulderblock by Cena and Punk stands tall. They jockey for position and PUNK GOES MMA ON CENA! Pillar to post and Cena reverses it and hits a bulldog for a one count. Punk goes pillar to post and Cena looks for the STF, but Punk gets out of the ring as we go to break.

Commercials.

We’re back and Punk has Cena in a headscissors. Cena breaks out of it and ELECTRIC CHAIR! Punk goes down hard. Cena is slow to get up and Punk hits a lariat for a two count. Knee to the temple and Punk continues to boot Cena in the corner. Cena goes opposite corner and he lands hard on his back. Punk beats Cena in the head and neck and scores another two count. Punk tees off and Cena is reeling. Cena puts on the breaks and he goes through his moves of doom! Five Knuckle Shuffle connects and Cena looks for the Attitude Adjustment! PUNK LANDS ON HIS FEET! Go to Sleep is countered into the STF! Punk reaches the ropes. Cena heads to Punk and KICK TO THE TEMPLE! That gets only two. Punk with the knee lifts and he sends Cena to the corner. Corner kick connects, but Cena counters the bulldog! Cena goes high-risk and he hits the Fameasser! Cover gets two! Cena looks for something and he has Punk up, countered…KICK TO THE JAW! Punk crawls and covers for a two count! Damn! Punk charges, but he misses and he lands on the turnbuckle! TOP ROPE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! That wins for the champ!

Winner: John Cena
Grade: B+

To those just tuning in, we go back to the first hour where Ventura lays the rules down for tonight.

Vince McMahon is in the house and he thinks Jesse wants a match with him. Jesse isn’t here to wrestle him, but he wants to mentally give Vince a low blow. Jesse wanted Vince here to go back to the past. Jesse lays it down and tonight they will be on commentary tonight! He gives Vince the tux and bow-tie to change into. EPIC OWNAGE!

Commercials.

We have a six man tag team match where the winners get to participate in the main event.

Chris Masters, Jack Swagger, & Chavo Guerrero v. MVP, Mark Henry, & R-Truth

Guess the ECW Title doesn’t count, and Lawler just changed the rules to make sure that we don’t question that, saying all six men never held the WWE Title or the World Heavyweight Championship, as was decreed by Ventura earlier tonight.

Bell rings and Swagger & MVP start the opening exchange. Swagger hits a shoulderblock, but MVP flip flops around and hits an armdrag for a one count. To the heel corner we go and Chavo tags in and gets monkeyflipped across the ring. Masters gets a tag beforehand and he takes MVP down. Tag to Chavo and he continues the assault. Masters comes back in and he applies a chinlock. MVP back up and he eats a kick…only for MVP to come back with a lariat. Tag to R-Truth who redefines flip-flop and he kicks Masters for a two count. All six men are in the ring and Chavo Guerrero eats a military press slam on the outside. Masters misses the kick and Truth hits his spinning elbow for the win.

Winners: R-Truth, Mark Henry, & MVP
Grade: D

R-Truth dances away. We head backstage where Hunter is staring down Shawn because he kicked him last night. Shawn thought Hunter would Pedigree him from the get-go. Oh God…is that Mini-Me? He hands them a notice and DX is being sued by Hornswoggle in the Little People’s Court…next week on RAW!

Commercials.

Evan Bourne v. Primo

Primo gets attacked from behind by Randy Orton! He tosses him off the stage and kicks the hell out of him! He heads to the ring and he says that he is taking his spot and orders the referee to ring the bell. Jesse Ventura comes on the tron and he says that rules were meant to be broken so if Orton beats Bourne, he’s in the Battle Royal. Orton beats Bourne to the punch and he eats a guillotine choke on the ropes for a two count again! Bourne kicks away, but Orton looks for the 3.0 Backbreaker…COUNTERED! Corner kick by Bourne and he gets the double knees for two! Off the ropes…POWERSLAM! Orton stalks away and RKO! Call it.

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: D-

We get some clips of McMahon and Ventura announcing.

The Divas are next!

Commercials.

We get a pimp for “The Marine 2” and a trailer as well!

Rhodes and DiBiase discuss strategy in the back.

Michelle McCool tells us that this is the stupidest thing they have ever been in. Justin Roberts interrupts to introduce the Gobbledy Gooker. Things go from bad to worse…NEXT!

Commercials.

We go back to 1990 when the Gobbledy Gooker makes his WWF debut.

Thanksgiving Flower Melee Match: Michelle McCool, Layla, & Jillian v. Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly

Melina and Jillian start things off and Melina catches Jillian in the corner. Jillian pulls Melina off and she assumes control. She hits an elbow and we go pillar to post. Handspring elbow is blocked by Melina. Botched faceplant connects for a two count. Layla gets involved and she eats a deck to the face. McCool and Layla says FTS and Jillian gets pinned.

Winners: Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly
Grade: FTS

Jerry Lawler and the Gobbledy Gooker get in the ring to interview Melina. Melina talks and gets attacked by the Gooker? Ah it’s Maryse making her surprise return. She botches getting out of the suit and shows off a bit of her ass. She tosses the costume on Melina before posing.

DX v. the Hart Dynasty…NEXT!

Commercials.

ARE YOU READY?

DX v. The Hart Dynasty

The bell sounds and Tyson Kidd goes toe-to-toe with Shawn. Shawn takes Kidd down and kips up to be taken down by David Hart Smith. Smith must have gotten a blind tag in and he takes it to Michaels with a backbreaker for two. Clubbing blows to the back and Shawn is reeling. Tag to Kidd and Michaels eats a faceplant/dropkick combo. Kidd gets a headlock, but Shawn tries to get out of it. Spin kick to the head and we get a two count. Tag to Smith and Michaels gets slammed by Smith with that brainbuster. The pin on that follow-through gets two. Shawn gets back up and he chops away. Smith counters and looks for a scoop slam, only for Michaels to get out of it. Miscommunication ensues as both men crack heads. This sets up for the hot tag to which we get. Tag to Kidd and tag to Hunter! Hunter goes to town on Kidd and he connects with the high knee. Knee jab connects and down goes Kidd. Spinebusters galore to both members of the Dynasty. Pedigree attempt to Smith, but Kidd stops it and they attempt the Hart Attack…SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON SMITH! PEDIGREE ON KID! Thanks for coming!

Winners: DX
Grade: C+

DX celebrates and Chris Jericho comes out on the stage, mockingly clapping DX. Jesse Ventura announces DX v. JeriShow at WWE TLC for the Unified Tag Team Titles. Hunter says that we’re in Hershey and Big Show is eating too much chocolate. Jericho says this is serious and Shawn agrees. At the next PPV, there will be table matches, ladder matches, and chair matches. The tag title match is on the line in a TLC match! Kudos for Shawn for flubbing the Unified word. DX tries their schitck, but Jericho cuts them off to put himself over. He puts it out that DX has never held a tag title and that while he is the tag champion, they will never hold them.

Batista walks.

Commercials.

Rey Mysterio’s music hits and everyone and their dog knew Batista was on his way out to the ring. Here’s a hint…don’t show Batista walking before commercials if you’re going to do that. Batista says that Mysterio won’t be here tonight and he’ll be spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. Batista says that he could have snapped him in half, but he was humane. Rey chose to embarrass him, so Batista chose to powerbomb Rey repeatedly. He’s here tonight to put everyone on notice. If anyone on SmackDown wins the battle royal tonight, Batista will make them regret it because the Undertaker is his. Kane makes his way out to confront Batista. Kane asks what constitutes disrespecting Batista? Kane wants to test him and see what he will do. He begs Batista to make an example out of him. Batista drops the mic and he has second thoughts. He leaves the ring and he calls it a night.

Commercials.

We’re back and it’s time for our final qualifying match.

Cryme Tyme v. The Legacy

The bell sounds and JTG and Rhodes start things off Rhodes runs around the ring and tags in DiBiase. Legacy with quick tags and JTG is in trouble in the early going. DiBiase gets a cover for two and Rhodes comes back in. Rhodes with a wristlock, but JTG comes back and tags in Shad Gespar. He is on fire and DiBiase is in trouble. DiBiase gets caught in a POWERBOMB…pin attempt broken up by Rhodes. JTG gets taken care of and DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.

Winners: The Legacy
Grade: D

Commercials.

Gail Kim and Alicia Fox decide to have a food fight, but Santino interrupts things. He says that the women should be cooking and he eats two pies. The Bellas come to his aid and he turns them off and he eats more pies. Eve Torres comes in and more pie comes Santino’s way. Vickie Guerrero comes in with a cake and Santino puts his arms up and Vickie eats her cake.

Time for our main event! Here comes Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon taking over for Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Vince has either old music or a one-shot deal theme.

Commercials.

Breakthrough Battle Royal
Participants: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, MVP, R-Truth, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Randy Orton, and Sheamus

The bell rings and Legacy gangs up on Kofi. Everyone else defends his honor and Sheamus waits to pick his spot. Orton is scouting on the outside. Kofi has Legacy on his tail and MVP tries to dispatch R-Truth. The commentary is awesome so far. Henry squashes Legacy in the corner, but once MVP gets involved Legacy gets the upperhand. R-Truth goes to save MVP, but Sheamus picked his spot and out goes R-Truth!

Orton is back in and Legacy is triple-teaming Kofi in the corner. Orton tries to eliminate him, but he is unsuccessful. MVP gets eliminated by Sheamus!

Sheamus goes against Henry, but Legacy stops it and they try to eliminate him, only to get eliminated themselves. Mark Henry gets eliminated as well and it’s down to Orton, Kofi, and Sheamus!

Orton and Kofi beat the hell out of each other. Kofi off the ropes and he takes it to Orton. Sheamus stands in the corner before going after Orton. Big mistake! Orton downs Sheamus with the 3.0 Backbreaker. Back to Kofi and Kofi hits a dropkick! Corner splash is caught! Orton sends Kofi over and Kofi hangs on! Orton gets caught in a headscissors and he gets eliminated! Kofi has no warning and Sheamus wins the battle royal!

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: A+ (mainly due to the commentary)

The contract signing is NEXT!

Commercials.

Verne Troyer is your guest host next week as RAW goes to the midgets!

Sheamus is impatient as Jesse goes through the spiel. He invites Cena to the ring. Jesse asks Cena to sign the contract and Cena is all smiles. Sheamus demands Cena to stand and face him face to face. Cena talks about what Sheamus did the past few weeks and he gets super-serial. Sheamus wants serious, he’s got Cena to deal with. Cena wants Sheamus to look at the title. Sheamus faces a real man and that he better be ready to make a statement. Sheamus retires people because he can. That doesn’t compare to what he will do to Cena. The shirt goes off and Sheamus signs the contract. Jesse has a conspiracy though. He calls Cena out that it’s a conspiracy that he is still champion. Ventura never got a shot at the title and this is the hook that draws Cena in and Sheamus dissects Cena piece…by…piece. Sheamus finishes by putting Cena through the table and Ventura makes the title match a Table Match! Welcome to the main event, Sheamus!

Sheamus stands tall holding the title.

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Sheamus becomes #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: A+
The Legacy d. Cryme Tyme: D
DX d. The Hart Dynasty: C+
Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly d. Michelle McCool, Layla, & Jillian Hall: FTS
Randy Orton d. Evan Bourne: D-
R-Truth, Mark Henry, & MVP d. Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters, & Jack Swagger: D
John Cena d. CM Punk: B+
Sheamus d. Finlay: D
Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler: C+

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 11.23.09: C

The Final Pulse

Don’t let the average grade fool you, the show delivered a great effort tonight and we finally get someone new elevated to the WWE Title picture. Jesse and Vince were awesome on commentary and most things flowed well. No complaints from me this week. Thanks for tuning in and keep it to the Pulse all week for your latest news, recaps, and commentary from our talented group of writers!

Paul Marshall has been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007. He currently does a weekly WWE Column titled "This Week In 'E". Follow him on Twitter here.