Monday Morning Critic – 11.30

Archive, Columns, Top Story

On tap this week:
— John Malkovich is magic
— Lost in the New Moon shuffle
— Sometimes what you want to say and what you should say are two different things
And slightly much more!

One of the more poignant things to discuss between my brother and myself has been my living arrangements. During my six month, unpaid vacation I opted to move back in with my parents because I didn’t have enough cash to live on my own. Unemployment is a nice catch all to help out, but living on your own on it is near impossible. So I moved back in until I could find a job, et al, and now I’ve found that I don’t mind it to this point. I did the math and it’s about the same cost, either way, and I just would rather not go through the hassle of moving out again. Three moves in a year is just too much for me, so I’ll sit and suffer through crazy shenanigans of being at home for a bit longer. Plus it’s about to get really ugly, weather wise, here in the greater Chicagoland area so I’ll bide my time. According to my brother I should be packed and out of here already, of course, but then again we have disagreed on the same subject many times. And I made one crucial mistake: giving him an excuse to rail on me.

My friend Laura, who I’ve been friends with going on 20 years, recently bought a house. She and I had discussed me being a roommate, but at this point I don’t think that’d work. I mention it to my brother and he disagrees with my decision. Laura also happens to be very attractive, thus giving him another reason to encourage me to leave. Laura’s boyfriend would probably disagree with my brother’s encouraging of more physical relations with her, as it’s always been strictly platonic between us, and I tried to relate this to him in a delicate manner. I realize, and anyone who has read my column for any significant length of time, that tact is not exactly my strength. But this was Thanksgiving and amongst my extended family I do try and put on a good show.

So my brother, and eventually my cousin John, get into it with me as my father listened on in amusement. Eventually, as my brother threatened an “intervention,” I did have to drop my guard and just let perhaps the most offensive thing I’ve uttered in such company:

“Scott, you know this sounds bad.” – My brother

“And I don’t want to hear one of my childhood friends get filled out like an application by some other dude every night.” – Scott

Thoughts like these kept me out of the pants of some women and perhaps the good colleges as well.

Random Thoughts of the Week

Crossing well over the $300 million threshold this weekend, the latest Twilight film is something remarkable. Torched by critics, it still had one of the biggest openings ever and its teenage female audience is still coming out en masse for the film. But the amazing thing is that the film is genuinely elevating grosses for other films coming out as well as its ability to give Summit Entertainment (who took a risk in making the franchise to begin with) something not a lot of studios have in a recession.

The Blind Side, a genuinely good sports film, will easily hit over $100 million and might have a shot at the biggest grossing sports drama of all time. Not much of a mark to hit, considering it has to beat a pair of Rocky sequels, but can we really think that the film would be as big of a hit as it is without people en masse at the theatres?

Part of the reason why is because of Twilight skewing towards teenage girls, as probably 80% of the audience is female AND under 30, that the parents and whatnot are going out as well and seeing other movies. And that is something, as few movies can so turn off one faction of a populace that they see other movies instead of their kids. Twilight is pulling it off, scarily enough.

The buzz surrounding New Moon has been so awful, so stench filled, that the fact that it’s doing better then even Transformers 2 at this point is something else. That film got an even worse critical reaction and made oodles of cash, breaking even with just its domestic box office alone. Foreign receipts have paid for a sequel, probably, and the DVD sales will probably justify Megan Fox’s existence for another couple of years. But this was to be expected; New Moon is something else entirely.

It’s cleared similar money on a shoestring budget by comparison and is making Summit Entertainment flush with so much cash that they’ve got something a lot of studios don’t: the ability to take a risk. With another Twilight flick (Eclipse) already in production, and paid for with the gross profits from the first flick, Summit is in a terrific position now because of New Moon. Considering they brought one of the year’s best to light because of Twilight cash with The Hurt Locker, maybe a franchise that focuses on why a woman can’t live without a man and needs one or else life isn’t worth living isn’t a bad thing if it leads to other, better films.

A Movie A Week – The Challenge

This Week’s DVD – The Great Buck Howard

The_Great_Buck_Howard_poster

Colin Hanks is screwed no matter what he does as an actor. He’s moderately talented and has made a good living getting regular work in the indie field, while getting secondary roles in films with bigger names. If he was Colin Smith, it wouldn’t be an issue if he got a bigger role in a bigger film. But considering his dad is Tom Hanks, this generation’s Jimmy Stewart, no matter what he does he has a massive shadow he’ll never truly get out of. If he succeeds on his own merits, people will still wonder if he got to where he was because of whom his old man is and not whether or not it’s because of his own talent.

It’s a tenuous situation and it came out during the two things that gave him his big break: Band of Brothers and Orange County. The former was a project of his father and Steven Spielberg, the latter a teen comedy mainly designed around the talents of Jack Black. And for all the promise he showed during both of those, he really hasn’t delivered since and has had a bit of a pedestrian career since. After a supporting role in King Kong, he’s had a number of smaller parts and has been in a number of smaller roles and increasingly smaller films. Thus, leading him to The Great Buck Howard.

Hanks stars as the road manager of the aforementioned title character (John Malkovich), a mentalist who is well past his prime. Based in part off the Amazing Kreskin, a mentalist who was big in the 1970s, the film is a look at Kreskin in the same way Rock Star was a look at Judas Priest: thinly veiled but easy to see for those familiar with the subject.

Having dropped out of law school to pursue his dream as a writer, Troy (Hanks) winds up trying to orchestrate Buck’s big comeback (with his big new magic track) for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. As Buck finds himself on the verge of pop culture relevance, Troy finds himself along the way.

It’s a classic tale of a has-been who barely was trying to rediscover the fame he once had, it has the potential to be a classic story. You have John Malkovich chewing scenery, small bit roles by Steve Zahn and Tom Hanks, and a role tailor made for the younger Hanks. The problem is that the film’s plot isn’t very thick. Coming in the aftermath of The Wrestler, which covered the same subject but in a more tragic light, the film feels a bit empty. That film explored the topics of celebrity and staying power a bit more gracefully.

And if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s a member of the lucky sperm club, one wonders why Colin Hanks is still able to be in such a high profile role. It’s designed for an actor with the sort of minimal gravitas as Colin Hanks has but there isn’t a lot to it. The premise he showed in Orange County isn’t on display. There are a plethora of cameos, as well as a great scene between the father & son Hanks that you want to go on for far longer then it lasts, but there isn’t much beyond that.

Mild recommendation.

What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club

Armored – Matt Dillon heads up an all-star cast of security guards who try and rob their employer. Things get screwed up, of course.

See It – This has all the look and feel of being a pick for underrated flick of the year.

Brothers – Natalie Portman’s husband dies in the war. She starts schtooping his ex-con brother instead. Turns out he’s not dead after all. Wacky complications ensue.

Skip It – Any film that has Jake Gyllenhaal AND Natalie Portman, the two worst mainstream actors out there, is an automatic skip. But throw in the fact that this just reeks of someone going “Hey, let’s make Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder into a movie” and then $60 million later all that is left is a box office dud waiting to happen.

Everybody’s Fine – Robert De Niro is a widower who goes to visit his kids.

See It – De Niro has made a second career out of spoofing his tough guy image, so now its time for him to start a third career as the elder statesmen of his generation I think. Not a bad thing.

Translymania – A bunch of idiots go to college in a foreign country or something.

Skip It – Sounds like a gay porn about vampires, but apparently this is a continuation of the Dorm Daze franchise that’s been successful on DVD from National Lampoon. After two direct to DVD films, it’s getting a theatrical release (for probably two weeks, give or take). If you need a National Lampoon fix, rent Animal House.

Up in the Air – George Clooney is a consultant who fires people who finds himself amidst a crisis.

See It – Travis Leamons has called this the movie of the year. I’ve learned to trust his instincts.

Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.