Welcome to part 2 of our special Christmassy LEAVE YOUR SPANDEX AT THE DOOR!
Every year since the launch of the Nexus, we have invited our favourite comics talents and most promising new creators from each year to do a holiday-themed Roundtable! This year to honor our Nexus-versary I’ve decided to compiled the BEST OF from these columns and re-feature my favourite creators from our long-running Nexus tradition!
MANOLIS: Santa has gone missing, and you need to choose one comics character to replace him in time for Christmas. Who do you choose, and why?
Dave Crosland (2004): Like, doy. I’d chose Stan Lee’s Nutcracker 2099! I mean, he’s already got that connection to Christmas. AND, with his mechanical mandible and heat-seeking pecan pistons, he’d be able to locate Santa and eliminate his kidnappers in no time! Excelsior, True Holiday Believers!
Chris Giarusso (2004): Batman, because he loves cookies.
Mike Carey (2004): Batman. I mean, not only does he have the will, the intellect and the sheer, raw determination to get the job done, but he’s also a millionaire in his secret identity so he’d give really expensive gifts.
Brad Walker (2006): Well, the most logical choice is Green Lantern, cause he can make the rounds, and his ring could create the presents so he wouldn’t have to outsource to all those elves.
Neil Kleid (2004): Hal Jordan. Just to piss people off. And then we can have a big fight when Santa returns and bring him back in a multi-issue mini series.
Or something. I don’t know. I read THE FLASH.
Jeff Parker (2006): The Flash. Who else could make that crazy schedule?
Duncan Fegredo (2005): The Flash because he’s so qui…blah, blah, blah…. No-one, lets nip this crass commercial holiday in the bud, NOW!
Todd Nauck (2004): Marvel’s Z-grade villain, Man-Ape. He needs the work!
Chris Moeller (2004): I’d choose Snoopy. He’s got the flying doghouse (which as a bonus seems to be able to hold an infinite amount of junk, a big asset when you’re carrying around toys for every kid in the world), he’s got some previous experience doing Christmas work (“Aaaaugh! Even my dog’s gone commercial!”), and he’s got the panache to do the thing with style.
Jose Garibaldi (2004): Jingle Belle of course! She already proved she could handle the job last year in “Dash Away All”
Mark Paniccia (2006): I’m getting to practical here, but since Proteus can warp reality, he could probably give some pretty trippy presents
Frank Cho (2005): Power Girl. Just image her trying to wiggle down the chimney. Hoo-Hah!
Tom Beland (2005): Ben Grimm. Because I think he appreciates this holiday more than anyone else. He shows an amazing amount of compassion towards children. I always wanted an uncle like Ben when I was a kid. And you wouldn’t have to talk him into the job, he’d already be in the Santa gear by the time you finished asking him.
Steve Niles (2005): Son of Satan. Because he also knows which kids have been good or bad.
Ben Templesmith (2005): Any superheroic woman will do, so long as they’re wearing the generic saucy costume and large spherical bewbs of course. In this way, Santa would become a popular marketing machine, able to make billions off endorsments from eager corporations wanting in on the “sexy new santa” look. A music video would follow quickly, and probably a line of clothing and fragrances. Perhaps it would also mean they’d eventually change Xmas to XXXmas too?
Jamie Smart (2005): a monkey. from any comic. monkeys are in every comic.
give a monkey a santa suit and let him loose on the world’s kids. then film it.
Jimmy Palmiotti (2006): Is Dan Didio a comic character?
No? o.k, I guess Jonah Hex…mainly because i want to see him on a horse in that red suit.
Really though, Uncle Sam would do the job best.
Paul Cornell (2007): Superman would surely be able to do Santa’s job, perhaps better. But he’d tell Batman that he was sure he could get the job done equally well
Josh Luna (2005): Superman. You won’t even have to feed him milk and cookies. He watches his weight, I’d imagine.
J.M. DeMatteis (2006): Keeping in mind that NOBODY can replace Santa, I’d have to choose Superman, because he’s got the heart, the soul, the inherent decency, the generosity of spirit…AND he can actually make the trip in one night. If Superman can’t make it, I’ll choose Mike Ploog. He even LOOKS like Santa…and he’s got the same twinkle in his eyes!
Scott Lobdell (2006): You might not remember this obscure comic book character from the early 60s, but I would chose Professor Charles Xavier… he has this psychic ability to discern when individuals are sleeping and when they are awake or whether they have been bad or good for goodness sake. While admittedly, because of his physical handicap he might have trouble navigating up and down chimineys, he would no doubt enlist the several thousand mutants the world over to pitch in with the toy delivery system.
Fabian Nicieza (2006): Impossible Man. Because it would be funny as hell to watch him try to replace Santa.
Andi Watson (2006): Captain Haddock, boozing his way from Marlinspike across the world, ranting and raving, hoovering up the brandy and mince pies left behind and waking everyone up as he storms around their homes knocking over furniture and breaking vases.
Rick Spears (2006): Hellboy. I mean you just have to glue some cotton balls on him and he’s good to go!
Niko Henrichon (2006): I’m not sure if they’ve ever been in a comic book but I choose any judge from the Supreme court of Canada. I don’t know why, I just feel they would do a good job to replace Santa.
Cecil Castellucci (2007): I think it’s Theater Jane. She’s got the costume know how and the Ho Ho Ho in her to pull off a fabulous christmas. Besides, she’s also got all the other Janes and James to help her out by becoming her Christmas Elves. And they’ll totally do it. They’ll totally all save Christmas.
Cliff Chiang (2007): Frank Miller. Wait, you mean he’s real?
Nate Cosby (2007): Oh, no doubt Bobby Drake. The Bobby knows what it takes to make EVERYbody happy (especially the ladies). The Bobby can shoot straight down everyone’s chimney (cuz he’s so skinny and can ice up to avoid burns) and leave sweet frisbees and sleds. And when the kids check the freezer the next morning, there’s 1/10th scale models of The Bobby made out of ice!!!
Heidi McDonald (2007): Milk and Cheese. They will get the job done
Jason Aaron (2007): MODOK. ‘Cause I’m evil like that
Nicola Scott (2007): Misfit. She’s a teleporter so would get the job done quickly. Though she’s likely to get everyones gifts wrong, she’d look pretty cute/ridiculous in Santa’s coat and boots.
Kurt Busiek (2005): Wolverine, of course. Even more than Superman and Spider-Man, he’s mastered the art of being in multiple places at once (multiple teams, even!) and thus could get all the deliveries done.
Tom Brevoort (2007): Wolverine. Because he can be everywhere all at once, and he’s the best there is at what he does
MANOLIS: Massive thanks to all of the talanted comics people who have contirbuted to the Nexus since our first X-Mas in 2003! Many warm X-Mas Wishes to all of you our readers from the staff of the Nexus and we hope you enjoy your holidays!
