CROSS THE LINE!
It’s coming to me… Oh, yeah. IT’S TIME TO GET RAW!
After a damned good event last week, we’re set to turn it up a notch as WWE RAW goes up against the UFC on Spike TV. Justin Roberts gives the introduction for “Iron” Mike Tyson, who comes out to swank music. It’s good to be back on Monday Night RAW, so he says. We experience our moment of continuity as we relive 1998. Those were good times and we get the mandatory “You Screwed Shawn” chant.
And you know that this segment was missing something. Sheamus, though? I half expected Big Show. Sheamus dismisses Mike Tyson’s iconic status and he shows off his belt to prove that he is the baddest man on the planet. Sadly, Sheamus can’t handle Tyson. Now we’re getting somewhere as Randy Orton makes his entrance. Orton is all business and he wants the WWE Title. Since Sheamus wants a new challenge, Randy wants Tyson to name him the #1 Contender.
Here comes Cena! How come I’m thinking they are going to do Cena v. Orton part 2237 tonight? Cena is here because the Packers are getting sent packing and he wants the WWE Title. Sheamus already tells Cena that he had his shot, but Cena says that he’s beat everyone in the ring. Yes, Cena is nuts.
Here comes Kofi Kingston and I’m actually thinking ahead to WWE Elimination Chamber. Sheamus v. John Cena v. Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston as of right now. Kingston becomes the IWC darling by stating the fact that Cena and Orton already had their shots. We get a huge Cena Sucks chant, which prompts Cena to hug Kingston and says that he doesn’t. Kingston wants a title shot and he won’t take no for an answer. Sheamus wants the Rumble off and he wants Kingston, Cena, and Orton to earn a title shot at the Rumble. Cena makes more jokes and we get our main event signed. Cena v. Orton v. Kingston to determine who faces Sheamus at the Royal Rumble. If Kofi loses, I riot…enough said.
Did You Know?: WWE RAW was once again the #1 show on cable last week.
Diva’s Championship Tournament 1st Round: Kelly Kelly v. Alicia
Bell rings and the ladies lock up. Kelly sends Alicia to the ropes and we get separation. Alicia goes dirty on the nose and Kelly looks like she is in pain. Alicia makes Kelly flub a snapmare spot, before she continues on a rear naked choke. She fights back and gets out of her clutches. She takes Alicia out of the ring and dives on her. Back inside, Kelly is on fire and she counters Alicia with a hurrancurana with an extra spin. Kelly gets caught and Alicia BOMBS HER TO HELL for the win.
Winner: Alicia Fox
We get footage of John Cena as the Grand Marshal of the Fiesta Bowl. Here is the question I pose to the readers. How do you turn a figure like John Cena heel without ailenating your core audience?
Legacy comes out to the ring and they mention how The Legacy were in the Final Four, but this year things are about to change. It’s Ted’s turn, but Cody disputes this. Ted pimps his movie and Cody pimps his 5th grade graduation video. We get the tension and we cue the unlikely team of Jack and the Beanstalk.
The Legacy v. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne
DiBiase and Bourne start things off and Bourne catches DiBiase off balance. DiBiase comes back with a dropkick that sends Bourne to the retaining wall. Rhodes takes advantage of the referee distraction. Back inside the ring, Bourne is locked in a chinlock and Rhodes gets a tag. Dropkick by Rhodes gets a two count. Scoop slam follows and Rhodes drops the knees. Two count follows and Bourne gets stretched a bit. He gets cheered on by the crowd and he hits Rhodes with an enzugiri. That allows him to tag in Mark Henry and he makes lunch out of Legacy. Military press slam connects on Rhodes. Tag to Bourne. AIR BOURNE is stopped. DiBiase takes out Henry and Bourne takes out DiBiase. From behind, Rhodes hits the CrossRhodes for the win!
Winners: The Legacy
Backstage, DX wears their football jerseys. Shawn wants to make peace with Mike Tyson. Hunter says that Mike Tyson is insane. Shawn wants to do the right thing.
Shawn Michaels is with Mike Tyson to have some closure. Shawn forgives Mike for knocking him out at Wrestlemania XIV. Mike Tyson actually wants to do it once again. Enter Chris Jericho, who is a special guest. It goes deeper than that. Chris made a deal with the devil and DX has to face Chris Jericho…and Mike Tyson in a tag team match where if DX loses, Chris Jericho will be free to be on any show.
We recap last week with Bret Hart as your guest host.
We’re back and Jack Swagger is running his mouth saying that he will win the Royal Rumble. It’s so good that he says it twice. HE guarantees us three times that no one has the ability to eliminate him. He wants to issue an All-American American American American Challenge to see if anyone can throw him over the top rope. This was tailored made for Big Show or the Great Khali, but out comes out Santino Marella. He is going to take him up on the challenge.
Over the Top Rope Challenge: Jack Swagger v. Santino Marella
Santino lasts longer in this match than he did last year at the Rumble. Swagger hits his corner splash and he goes to eliminate Santino, but Santino reverses mid-move and out goes Swagger!
Winner: Santino Marella
The #1 Contendership to the WWE Title is on the line…NEXT!
WWE Championship #1 Contendership: Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston v. John Cena
The bell rings and Orton finds himself in an awkward situation with Cena and Kingston double teaming him with a suplex. Kingston hits a splash, followed by an uppercut before Cena hits a Fisherman’s suplex. Kingston hits an uppercut and we get boring chants from the select few from the crowd. Orton bails, but Cena catches him. They team up on Orton again until Kingston wants to go with Cena. Orton rests up and Sheamus observes from the ramp. This allows Orton to take the advantage.
We’re back and Cena is in trouble as Orton took him out during the break. Kofi is in a headlock as Orton is still in control. Cena tries to get back involved, but Orton catches him…DDT! Orton pulls Cena in, but Orton turns around to eat a crossbody block for a two count. Orton reverses the Irish Whip into the 3.0 Backbreaker and Cena makes a comeback with a bulldog. Orton sends Cena to the steel ring post and Kingston hits the S.O.S.! He looks for the Boom Drop, but Cena comes back with the STF! Orton sees this and he prevents the tap. HERE COMES CENA! The Throwback connects and Cena looks to drop the knuckles. Attitude Adjustment…NO! Kofi takes Cena down with a dropkick. Kofi drops the Boom on Cena and he looks for Trouble in Paradise…CONNECTS! Cena gets knocked to a LOOP! Cody Rhodes kicks the steps in Cena’s face and distracts the referee as Ted DiBiase takes out Kofi Kingston. Orton hits the RKO for the academic pinfall.
Winner and NEW #1 Contender: Randy Orton
Sheamus isn’t concerned as he holds the WWE Title in the air.
Josh Matthews is with Mike Tyson, but is interrupted by the DX midget, Hornswoggle. He makes a threat that scares Hornswoggle.
We recap last week where MVP won the #1 Contendership to the U.S. Title.
The Miz is outside the WWE Superstars locker room. No one respected him when he first showed up in the company. He goes on to say that the negativity he received fuels him. He congratulates MVP for joining the laundry list of stars humiliated by him. He brings up MVP’s past and says that he is not a fan of second chances. He rather wants people to hate him. He calls for everyone to respect the U.S. Champion because he’s the Miz and he’s AWESOME!
TICK TOCK! I’M COMIN’!
MVP says that he doesn’t hide from his past. He worked hard to regain his status in society and to gain respect from the very locker room that shuns Miz. MVP tells Miz to stand there and suck as MVP takes his suit off, followed by his shirt. MVP is a tiger and Miz is a monkey flinging poo. Miz wants to punch MVP and MVP invites him to do so. They compare their real worlds as worlds apart. He dares Miz to provoke MVP. Miz goes to start, but MVP beats him to the punch. MVP hits a Yazuka Kick (that misses by a mile, but Miz sells it anyway) that sends Miz out of the ring. Solid…solid exchange between these two.
We recap last years WWE Hall of Fame.
WWE Diva’s Championship Tournament: Eve Torres v. Katie Lea Burchill
Katie Lea gets a quick cover for a no count. Maryse pokes fun at Michael Cole and his lack of French. Torres runs into Katie Lea for a spinning backbreaker for two. Torres comes back and she hits a lariat for two. Katie Lea comes back, but Torress telegraphs her. Torres drops her knees on Katie Lea’s knees and Katie Lea gets a two count. Rollup by Torres finishes and I concur with Maryse. Boring As Hell.
Winner: Eve Torres
Maryse dismisses her challenger and it’s down to Maryse, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Alicia Fox.
Backstage, Carlito hits on Gail Kim and Vince McMahon barges his way through as he is up next.
We recap Randy Orton winning the #1 Contendership to the WWE Title about thirty or so minutes ago.
Vince McMahon Speaks
We recap once again what Vince did last week to Bret Hart. The fans want Bret and he dismisses rumors that he kept Bret out of the arena. Bret isn’t here tonight because he feels intimidated. Vince tells us that he doesn’t play nice and that Bret deserved what happened to him last week. Vince promises that Bret Hart won’t be seen in the WWE ever again. That’s it?
Backstage, Tyson spars with Jericho.
Don Johnson & Jon Heder are in charge next week!
It’s 11PM and DX does their spiel. Shawn gets distracted and he wants the Undertaker to answer him next week if he will face him at Wrestlemania.
DX v. Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson
Tyson and Michaels start things off with a lockup. Tyson has the power advantage and he runs into Tyson’s shoulder and falls down. Tag to Trips and business has just picked up. They get nose to nose and they lock up. This is more evenly matched and Trips shoves away. Headbutt connects and they lock up again. Tag to Jericho and he takes it to Trips. Pedigree attempt, but Michaels hits Jericho. High knee connects and Michaels gets a tag. We get covers galore and Jericho goes for the Walls! Trips gets knocked off and Michaels rolls Jericho up, exposing ass crack for a two count. Tyson gets a tag and HERE COMES EVANDER HOLYSWOGGLE. Can’t believe I typed that. Tyson tags in Jericho. The screwjob is in as Tyson reveals a DX shirt. KO punch to Jericho and Shawn gets the pin.
Mike Tyson’s son gets brought into the ring as Chris Jericho gets kicked out of the ring for the third time in a month or so. They celebrate.
The Final Pulse
This week’s RAW received a D+, but it was not necessarily a bad show, so to speak. The main event was simply an excuse for the WWE to get ESPN to mention them with Mike Tyson turning on Chris Jericho. That makes it three times Chris Jericho lost a match with a stipulation that he is off RAW “forever”. I could see Jericho winning the Rumble and using the shot at the WWE Title to ensure that he is on RAW. The Divas’ matches pretty much sucked and it reaffirms the truth that the TNA Knockouts are better than the WWE Divas. Santino Marella beating Jack Swagger was cute, especially with how it was done. Randy Orton, John Cena, and Kofi Kingston put on an acceptable Triple Threat match that sees Orton challenging Sheamus for the WWE Title at the Rumble. Vince’s promo was too short and felt rushed, but it made a point that he banned Bret Hart from appearing in the WWE again. We’ll see how that goes. Overall, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been…but it could have been a lot better.
Enjoy your week everyone.
Tags: Bret Hart, DX, john cena, mike tyson, monday night raw, Raw, RAW Recap, RAW Results, real-time reports, sheamus, vince mcmahon, WWE, WWE Monday Night Raw, WWE RAW