CHIKARA Chronicles: New Year Cometh

With the 2009 Pulse Wrestling Fantasy Draft over and more CHIKARA news than ever suddenly coming out on the table, I am back for the first edition of the “CHIKARA Chronicles” for 2010. A heck of a lot has happened since the last time I updated the column, so I will do my absolute best to fill each one of you uninformed readers in.

If you happened to have read my DVD reviews for “Throwing Life’s Instructions Away” and “Three-Fisted Tales“, then I am assuming that readers are all up to date with the past two CHIKARA shows. In case you have not, though, and want some quick results, then here’s a quick rundown on all of the major occurrences from the final two season finale events of 2009.






“Throwing Life’s Instructions Away” results; Easton, PA (11.21.2009)


● Ophidian defeated Hallowicked (10:34) via pinfall with a reverse rolling prawn hold.

● Chad Badd and Brad Badd [The Badd Boys] beat Lince Dorado and Helios [The Future Is Now] (5:00) via pinfall after the Badds nailed Helios with the Demolition Decapitation. Two points for the Badd Boys.

● Amasis defeated Carpenter Ant (4:27) via disqualification after the referee made the call of “excesivo castigo”.

● Player Dos defeated Yujiro Kushida (11:54) via pinfall with a frog splash.

● UltraMantis Black, Delirious, and Crossbones [The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple] beat Mike Quackenbush, Claudio Castagnoli, and Jorge “Skayde” Rivera (13:20) via pinfall when UltraMantis tricked Quackenbush with a backslide.

● Dasher Hatfield and Sugar Dunkerton [The Throwbacks] beat Icarus and Chuck Taylor [F.I.S.T.] (10:09) via pinfall after Hatfield caught Icarus into a schoolboy. One point for the Throwbacks.

● Loser leaves CHIKARA match: Tim Donst defeated Hydra (14:40) via pinfall when Donst capitalized on a foul behind Bryce Remsburg’s back.

– Hydra’s entire farewell speech following his final match against Donst is now available to be viewed via video on YouTube.

● Fire Ant, Soldier Ant, and Green Ant [The Colony] beat Vin Gerard, STIGMA, and Colin Delaney [The UnStable] via pinfall when Soldier hit an inverted TKO on Delaney.

● Jigsaw defeated Gran Akuma (15:54) via pinfall with a super Jig n’ Tonic.






“Three-Fisted Tales” results; Philadelphia, PA (11.22.2009)


● Vin Gerard, STIGMA, Colin Delaney [The UnStable], and Brodie Lee beat Dasher Hatfield, Sugar Dunkerton [The Throwbacks], Green Ant, and Carpenter Ant [The Colony] (11:14) via pinfall after Lee nailed Green with a big boot.

● Helios defeated Yujiro Kushida (10:46) via pinfall with the 630 senton.

● Player Uno defeated Tim Donst (6:17) via submission with the Joystick.

● UltraMantis Black and Delirious [The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple] beat Hallowicked and Frightmare [Incoherence] (10:51) via pinfall when UltraMantis hit the Praying Mantis Bomb on Frightmare. Three points and a guaranteed shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas for the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple.

● Icarus and Chuck Taylor [F.I.S.T.] beat Mike Quackenbush and Jorge “Skayde” Rivera (11:43) via submission when Taylor forced Rivera to tap to the Cross Crab. One point for F.I.S.T.

● Young Lions Cup match: Player Dos defeated Lince Dorado (12:55) via pinfall with a frog splash to retain the title.

● Respect match: Claudio Castagnoli defeated Eddie Kingston (15:53) via pinfall with a European uppercut.

– Following the bout, Kingston refused to say that he respected Castagnoli, called him a “shady person”, and proceeded to lay him out with the Backfist to the Future.

● Campeonatos de Parejas match; 2/3 falls – Fire Ant and Soldier Ant [The Colony] beat Ophidian and Amasis [The Osirian Portal] (23:15) via pinfall by the score of 2 falls to 1 after Fire crushed Ophidian with a super Beach Break.

РClaudio Castagnoli, Ares, Tursas, Tim Donst (V̦koder), Sara Del Rey, Daizee Haze, and Pinkie Sanchez (Carpenter Ant) then attacked the majority of the CHIKARA locker room. The group is currently collectively known as Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. The entire occurrence is far too difficult to explain via text form, so let a YouTube video do all of the explaining, instead.

CHIKARA has released a good portion of their event schedule for 2010 already. Many returning and new locations have been announced, including returns to Easton, Philadelphia, Reading, Pottsville, and Cleveland. 2010 will also see CHIKARA debut in towns such as Fairfield, Tyngsboro, Union City, and Taylor.

Below are some of the matches that CHIKARA has announced for the upcoming 2010 season thus far.






“A Touch of Class” card; Philadelphia, PA (1.31.2010)


Pinkie “Pink Ant” Sanchez insulted the Colony in a special update for being so foolish and trusting him as a member of their group. Green Ant, the resilient rookie of the Colony, will now look to defend the ants’ honor in what will surely be a match for the ages. With the Bruderschaft backing him up now, Pink Ant is undeniably a man to be feared these days. Not to mention, Pinkie also won the 2009 Torneo Cibernetico. Will Green Ant, the ultimate underdog, be able to prevail against the smallest member of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes?

Ophidian and Amasis of the Osirian Portal will want nothing more to gain three points and grab hold of the Campeonatos de Parejas in 2010. After the Portal lost to the Colony in the main event of “Three-Fisted Tales”, though, they will be forced to start from ground zero. A new and unlikely team that will be first to take on the Portal is none other than Daizee Haze and Sara Del Rey of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. Although they are girls, Sara and Daizee have proved that they can hang with the guys in a CHIKARA ring in the past. Daizee wrote in a blog that she thinks the Portal are going to get “chewed and spit out”. Will the Portal or the newly-formed and dangerous Bruderschaft des Kreuzes walk out of Philly with one point come the thirty-first?

In a recent special update, UltraMantis Black called out “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush, telling him to put their differences aside to face the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes together. Quack agreed to help UMB, but only if he lifted his curse off of Delirious. Unfortunately, UltraMantis Black gave the Eye of Tyr to Tim Donst on accident at “Three-Fisted Tales”. In the meantime, UltraMantis wrote in a blog post that the Temple is putting their feud with the Bruderschaft on hiatus until after he and Delirious win the Campeonatos de Parejas and win King of Trios. To start preparing for King of Trios, UltraMantis sought out to find three wrestlers to face the Temple. None other than three ROH students of Grizzly Redwood, Andy “Right Leg” Ridge, and Pelle Primeau accepted the Order’s challenge. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?

At “A Touch of Class” in Philadelphia, two of CHIKARA’s biggest men will collide for the second time in singles action. Brodie Lee defeated Hallowicked the first time in Framingham at “Cibernetico Begins” back in 2008. Both wrestlers have come a long way since then, though, and will be looking to knock each other’s head off in 2010. At the end of 2009, Lee lost quite a few matches next to former partner, Grizzly Redwood. Hallowicked also fell flat with Frightmare against the Temple, as well as in a singles confrontation with Ophidian. Which big man will step into 2010 with a win under their belt?

While eight-man tag team matches are often some of CHIKARA’s better matches, there are plenty of question marks surrounding this big bout. On the tecnico side, Mike Quackenbush has been nursing a back injury as of late, Jigsaw suffered from a nasty knee injury towards the end of 2009, Lince Dorado was dropped on his head onto steel steps at “Three-Fisted Tales” by Player Dos, and lastly, Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen will be returning to the ring after being out of action since September. As for the nasty rudos, Turas will be making his CHIKARA in-ring debut, as will the final unrevealed member of the Bruderschaft. Then again, maybe not. Could the final Bruderschaft member be a man from CHIKARA’s past? I guess we’ll have to wait and see how everything folds out.

In the main event of the season nine opener, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant of the Colony will defend the Campeonatos de Parejas for a third time against F.I.S.T.’s Gran Akuma and Icarus. Akuma and Icarus are easily the most dangerous men on the entire CHIKARA roster, having won this year’s King of Trios with Chuck Taylor. Not to mention, they are also the longest-reigning Campeones de Parejas in the company’s history. The Colony are no slouches in their own right, either, though. Let’s not forget their epic “luchas des apuestas” match against Icarus and Chuck Taylor from the summer, in which they took the hair of F.I.S.T. Not to mention, the Colony was also just recently voted as CHIKARA’s best tag team of 2009 by visitors over at CHIKARA Fans. Will the Colony continue their hot winning streak at “A Touch of Class” or will F.I.S.T. begin their reign as two-time Campeones de Parejas?






“The Mint Condition” card; Reading, PA (2.27.2010)


Straight after teaming up at “A Touch of Class” in Philly, the team of “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush, the “Wrestling Riddle” Jigsaw, Equinox, and Lince Dorado will take on the also somewhat experienced quartet of Vin Gerard, STIGMA, Colin Delaney, and Brodie Lee. The UnStable and Brodie Lee wound up pounding the Throwbacks and the Colony in an eight-man tag match at “Three-Fisted Tales” and will be looking to continue that recent success against Quack and the Future Is Now. Will tecnicos or rudos walk out of this eight-man tag match victoriously in Reading at “The Mint Condition”?






“A World of Comforting Illusions” card; Pottsville, PA (2.28.2010)


Hallowicked and Frightmare of Incoherence lost their coveted two points to UltraMantis Black and Delirious at “Three-Fisted Tales”. With that said, the “Orange and Black Attack” will attempt to gain three points, as they take on Daizee Haze and Sara Del Rey of the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. Del Rey targeted some of CHIKARA’s smaller wrestlers towards the end of 2009 in a backstage promo, so Frightmare will definitely be a target. However, Hallowicked is one of CHIKARA’s bigger men, so it will undeniably be interesting to see how the Bruderschaft fairs against Incoherence in Pottsville.






“King of Trios 2010” teams; Philadelphia, PA (4.23-25.2010)


Did anyone not expect Gran Akuma, Chuck Taylor, and Icarus of F.I.S.T. to get entered in the “King of Trios 2010” tournament? They won the tournament in 2009, after all. Even current WWE star, the “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson, Claudio Castagnoli, and the legendary Dave Taylor could not put the tandem away in last year’s finals. In my eyes, F.I.S.T. has not lost a step since last year’s tournament and are definitely front-runners to win it all this year, too.

2008 saw the Colony nearly advance to the final round of King of Trios, but interference from Vin Gerard proved to be the difference maker. In a King of Trios qualifying match last year, the Colony was forced out of the tournament after F.I.S.T. beat them and forced Worker Ant into retirement. In 2010, the Colony will return to King of Trios action with a new ant at their side — Green Ant. As the current-reigning Campeones de Parejas already, the Colony are certainly looking to prove that not only are they CHIKARA’s best tag team, but also the best trio.






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See you back for another edition of the “CHIKARA Chronicles” shortly following “A Touch of Class”. Meanwhile, check back on the official website of CHIKARA daily for card updates, new blogs, and new merchandise. Stay cool, readers.

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