With Paul Marshall unavailable today, I’ll be taking a step back into the live Raw arena tonight with segment by segment updates of the show tonight. Should be a news-worthy show heading into the Royal Rumble, so join me beginning tonight at 9pm!
Even these last 3 minutes of NCIS is torture. Mark Harmon has a thick beard today so I’m guessing he’s spent some time off of the force. Some boss lady just told him he’s too good to quit. Oh wait now he’s at a desk and has cleaned up his beard to only a mustache. Then some guy’s tooth sparkles. This is really the #1 show?
I like how the new Nickelback song which has a bunch of “HEY” in the song is lined up with the wrestlers appearing to be screaming the Hey.
Welcome to Monday Night Raw live from Columbus OH at the Nationwide Arena, we are ringside with Michael Cole and Jerry “the King” Lawler.
Cole: Are you ready for this?
Lawler: Oh i’m PSYCHED
Raw begins with Triple H and HBK coming down to the ring together to the DX song and flashing DX graphics. Cole and Lawler debate whether DX is on the same page after last week’s show-closing Rumble hype. Crowd chants DX as the music cuts and the boys prepare to regale us with promos for a while. Shawn wants Hunter to think about his point of view for once. Hunter refuses to step aside and he wants the title. They will knock out 28 guys then duke it out. Awkward silence and the Legacy music hits. Cody and Ted come to the ring. Oh wow this is a match.
Non-title Match
DX vs. The Legacy
Cody and Hunter to start. DX will defend the belts on Friday against CM Punk and Luke Gallows. Ted pulls Cody out of Hunter’s crotch to thwart an early Pedigree, and Legacy regroups on the floor. Cole hypes major news for the Psych guest hosts (hint only one guy is here tonight)
Commercial Break
And we are back to some tag team action. Shawn comes off the top onto both of Legacy on the floor. Cole: Shawn Michaels throwing caution into the wind! I don’t think thats the right expression. Back to the ring and Legacy takes control. Shawn goes for a tag but Hunter isnt there. HBK fights off Dibiase a bit then Hunter is ready for a tag, and he clears house a bit. Some dissention with DX as they collide, but they regroup to beat up Legacy together. Michaels covers Ted for the pin.
Winners: DX
DX holds up their belts and look worried about things.
Video promoting John Cena’s guest appearance on Wednesday’s season premiere of Psych. It seems like he had a great time on set!!!
Coming up next: MVP vs. The Big Show one on one!
Commercial Break
Recap of the Miz/Big Show/MVP segment from last week.
MVP comes out and cuts a promo about being #1 contender for the US Title. The Miz comes out to his new music, which now begins with “AWESOMMMMME” and cuts down MVP for being in jail. Both guys are great on the mic again this week. MVP talks about how popular the Miz would be in jail. They talk over each other, and it’s getting heated. MVP wants the title match now. Miz instead has a friend that wants to make a statement. Crowd gets behind Miz’s catchphrase in a much bigger way than they did for MVP’s ballin’
The Big Show vs. MVP
Big Show squashes MVP in about a minute. Ouch.
Winner: The Big Show
Miz comes into the ring and stands over MVP taunting him.
Breaking News: Vince McMahon announces a decision about Bret “the Hitman” Hart tonight on Raw!
Commercial Break
Cody and Ted are discussing their match backstage and Randy Orton comes in and addresses the tension between them. He doesn’t understand why they lost to DX and why they didn’t have his back when Sheamus attacked him. Orton has waited for Cena to lose the title so he could have another title shot. He’s going to become the WWE Champion with or without them. Cody and Ted breathe heavy.
John Cena is backstage with Dule Hill. They plug Psych. The other guy isnt here because of an appendectomy. There is a looping video of Psych playing in the room behind them. Cena exits. Miz enters. Miz: I had to google your name to find out who you are. Dule has a match for Miz tonight. Miz does the “really” routine and Dule retorts that he doesnt do 2 year old SNL routines. Oh burn!
Commercial Break
Maryse comes to the ring and begins a promo. Dule Hill then triggers some pyro and upsets Maryse. She rants and raves in French and then Eve’s music plays.
Divas Tournament Semi Final Match
Eve vs. Maryse
I just typed out the bold tag for the winner of the match before it began. Let’s see if I’ll have to redo it. Announcers hype the McMahon/Bret announcement. Eve with a moonsault! Maryse rolls out of the way. Northern Lights suplex by Eve! Called a “great counter” by Cole. Maryse hits the French Kiss DDT out of no where for the pin.
Winner: Maryse
Vince McMahon is WALKING. That’s quite a suit – purple and maroon.
Commercial Break
No Chance – that’s whatchugot. Mr. McMahon comes to the ring for the 10PM main event promo. They show Undertaker calling Vince a coward last week. Vince says he buys low and sells high – he sold Bret to WCW and he was never seen or heard from again. He wonders why people would want Bret back. Crowd chants We Want Bret. Vince announces Bret will NEVER be back. He does what’s right for business. You people know more than me about business? Vince jumps into the crowd DDP-style and interviews some random fans about Bret. They all think Vince is afraid of Bret. Vince approaches a guy in a “DAMN” shirt in a funny scene. Vince goes back to the ring and says he can’t think of one good business reason to bring Bret back. Loud We Want Bret chant.
He goes to leave, and John Cena’s music hits. Cena walks to the ring with a purpose and a serious look on his face. Cena says he never had a problem with Vince until recently, and cites the used-up gum analogy. Then references the Vince/Piper promo from MSG a few months ago. Cena rips on Vince’s purple suit. Vince: better than the orange crap you wear. Oh it’s ON. Cena questions Vince’s treatement of the wrestlers, asks about the current guys like Shawn Michaels, the Undertaker, me?? Cena says Vince isnt respected as a man because he is an egomaniac. Calls him pathetic. Vince didn’t like that one. Cena tells Vince to invite Bret Hart to Raw next week. Cena believes Bret deserves a chance to confront Vince face to face. And if you don’t invite him, Vince will prove to Cena that the wrestlers and fans are commodities to line his pockets and serve his ego. Cena says by Vince’s 90th Birthday in 2035, he’ll be used up too, and Cena will find him that day and beat him up in his wheelchair. Weird. Cena concludes by telling Vince to do the right thing.
Cena goes to leave, but Vince stops him. Crowd chants SEE-NAH. Vince caves and says he will invite Bret back for next week’s Raw. Then Vince books Cena in a (presumably non-title) match against Sheamus TONIGHT as YOUR Raw main event.
Commercial Break
Announcers talk about Bret Hart.
Non-title match
The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Apparently Kofi was Dule Hill’s chosen opponent for the Miz. They have a nice little match for a couple minutes until the MVP music hits, and he comes out on the entrance ramp. This distracts the Miz and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise for the pin.
Winner: Kofi
MVP laughs from the ramp.
Backstage Dule Hill and Carlito are checking out the production truck. Somehow this leads to a Carlito vs. Kelly Kelly graphic appearing on screen as a match tonight. They go to fix this error but Carlito wants the match. I guess he’s super happy to beat up Kelly Kelly! One shot of the tv production computer makes it look like a pre-VGA monitor, like a CGA monitor with only 16 colors.
Commercial Break
Carlito vs. Kelly Kelly
Carlito is in the ring with his music playing in the background. Kelly Kelly gets a full entrance. Kelly enters looking worried. Carlito, wearing a regular shirt and jeans, is reassuring her. Santino’s music hits and he HAS A MIC. He has the Best of Raw 2009 DVD to plug. He said he looks like a fool in that DVD, but he wants to be on the 2010 DVD for something good. He volunteers to replace Kelly, defeat Carlito, win the Royal Rumble and then main event Wrestlemania. Santino goes towards the ring, but Jack Swagger attacks him from behind. Swagger goes into the ring and continues beating on Santino. Then Swagger exits. I guess that also canceled the match.
Winner: No Match?
Commercial Break
Lengthy Royal Rumble history vignette. Lot of great stuff with stats for the Rumble. Cole called the Rumble like the “all star game”.
Backstage Dule Hill and John Cena get James Roday on the phone to talk about Psych. Alicia Fox comes in for some skit wackiness. She thinks he is a psychic, he predicts she will win her match. She leaves happy.
Commercial Break
Divas Tournament Semi Final Match
Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim
Dule Hill joins commentary for this match, and they plug Psych. Some flirting between Alicia and Dule, because Fox thinks he’s psychic of course. Gail gets the pin in about a minute and Dule is surprised and worried.
Winner: Gail Kim
Now it will be Gail Kim vs Maryse for the Divas Title in the Tournament final.
Alicia confronts Dule about his incorrect psychic prediction. She isn’t happy and slaps him in the face. This gets replayed a few times.
Backstage we see Sheamus who is WALKING slowly and wearing the title around his waist. He’ll take on John Cena….. NEXT
Commercial Break
Non-title
John Cena vs. Sheamus
Lockups and posing to begin. Sheamus gets the heat early and systematically goes to work on Cena. Sheamus dumps Cena to the floor, and Cena climbs back in. Cena with a short comeback, but Sheamus counters with a DDT for 2. Sheamus clears Cena to the floor again, and goes to follow this time. Sheamus dumps Cena shoulder-first into the STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL steps. The announcers question whether Sheamus is someone Cena can’t beat. Sheamus wants a count out, but Cena beats the 10 count. Cena with a comeback. He does a “fixing my tie” pantomime as part of the you-can’t-see-me fist drop. Cena reverses a big boot into the STFU but Sheamus gets the ropes, and takes a breather on the floor. Cena follows and Sheamus hits the big boot on the floor. Sheamus rolls back in. Ref gets to about 7 on a count out when the crowd looks to the entrance and Randy Orton runs in and RKO’s Sheamus. Crowd is confused.
Winner: Sheamus by DQ
Cena climbs onto the ring apron, drapes himself across the middle rope. Orton sees him and creeps up for a DDT, but Cena reverses into the Attitude Adjustment. Cena’s music plays! Hooray for Cena! We’ll see you Sunday the Royal Rumble – GOODNIGHT.
