Another day, another RAW. Keep it to the Pulse throughout the night, because…
We’re sold out in Jim Ross’ backyard tonight and Bret Hart is scheduled to appear. Booked tonight is Randy Orton v. Ted DiBiase.
Here comes Shawn Michaels to kick off our opening segment. We get a recap of what transpired last week on RAW between Shawn and the Undertaker. Huge HBK chants from the crowd tonight as Shawn says there is a buzz buzzing around the WWE locker room. They’re saying that he’s crazy for putting his career on the line at WrestleMania. He hears voices in his head and that no one in the locker room believes him. He knows that Undertaker is undefeated, but he is the only one that can give him a run for the money. Everyone knows that Shawn is Mr. WrestleMania and he believes that he can end the streak. He wants to give his peers an opportunity to come out there and tell him face to face that he can’t win.
Tensions flare between the two best friends. Shawn gets in a tirade that he thinks Triple H can’t believe in him. However, Trips says that he KNOWS that Shawn can beat Undertaker. Between the two, Shawn is the best he has ever been in the ring with. Trips says that Shawn has no peers and that he is in a class of himself. He says that WrestleMania always takes them down different paths. DX is on hold for now…but wait, Trips invoked their rematch clause for tonight because it isn’t good for DX to have to settle to lose against the Miz and Big Show. Shawn appreciates everything he said. Trips brings up the “30 day clause” and says that they are cool and that they can do this. Trips believes in Shawn. But, what does Shawn believe?
Tag Team Titles…HERE WE COME! DX STYLE!
Cue idiotic Jerry Lawler for calling this a reunion.
The Bellas hit on Cheech & Chong backstage. Here’s Hornswoggle and a box of Lucky Charms. Cue the inappropriate mesmerizing jokes on getting high on Lucky Charms.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Lucky Charms are GREAT for kids! THEY GET YOU HIGH!
Ted v. Randy is up NEXT!
WWE Slam of the Week: Randy Orton turns on Legacy.
Randy Orton v. Ted DiBiase
Match starts and DiBiase takes it to Orton. Reversal in the corner and it’s an all-out brawl. DiBiase off the ropes, eats a clothesline from Orton. They jockey for position with the knuckle lock and DiBiase takes control in the corner. He adheres to the referee count and he sets Orton up with a superplex attempt. It fails, but DiBiase saves face with a nice dropkick. Orton gets thrown out of the ring and he counters a post shot, knocking DiBiase loopy for a moment. Orton scores an uppercut and DiBiase takes a powder. More of this bout next!
We’re back as DiBiase takes back control of Orton. Orton gets caught in the corner again and DiBiase is looking good in the ring. Snapmare takedown is followed by a kick to the head. Non-chalant cover gets two. Headlock applied and Orton tries to fight out of it. Both men off the ropes; Orton stops and he eats a lariat for a two count. Both men tee off in the center of the ring and DiBiase gets the upperhand. Whip reversed and Orton gets a snap powerslam! Garvin Stomp is next and he follows with a knee drop. He coils up and he waits for DiBiase. Cody Rhodes ducks a punch. Rollup by DiBiase…REVERSED BY ORTON! Rhodes charges and Orton takes him out and the ref calls for the bell. Since there’s no announcement, I’m calling it a no contest.
Legacy gets the beatdown, but Orton comes back and Legacy bails to fight another day.
We’re back and we get a parking lot shot and Bret Hart hobbles out of the car.
Chong is still high and he’s messing around with Eve Torres. Cheech comes back and we learn that Chong is diabetic. Oh, that wasn’t Eve Torres Chong was sexally harassing. It was William Regal. In comes Chris Masters with Kelly Kelly providing the voiceover. Hornswoggle brings another box of Lucky Charms for Cheech…
I’m gonna need a hard drink after this.
We recap Cena/Batista from last week.
We might get a confrontation between John Cena and Batista tonight.
WWE Rewind: Christian earns a Money in the Bank opportunity.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger v. Santino Marella
The match starts and they lock up. Santino outsmarts Swageer, does the splits…Swagger hits the Gutwrench Powerbomb and that’s that.
Winner: Jack Swagger
Batista leaves his locker room and he is flanked by security. The confrontation is NEXT!
We’re back and here comes Cena. Cena explains that he wasn’t screwed…that he was a victim of a business decision. He doesn’t get why he beat Cena to a pulp last week. They used to be friends, people who had no beef with each other. Now Batista has a problem with Cena. Cena is going to WrestleMania and he’s facing Batista. After last week, Cena has to pay Batista back and he wants to do that right now.
Batista answers the call with the security detail. Cena mocks the big bad animal for using security. But they aren’t here to protect Batista, but they are here to protecting John Cena. Cena tells him to either come down to the ring or stand back there looking like a pansy. Yes, he said pansy. He answers why he did what he did last week. He wanted to face Cena at WrestleMania. He explains the history between the two and he says that him and Cena are the two biggest stars since the Attitude Era of The Rock and Stone Cold. They won the titles before, but when it comes to reality, John Cena is the company man, not Batista. Batista said that he should have been given the things Cena got and that he should be the face of the company. He did this to prove at the biggest stage that he is better than Cena and that he can’t stand him. Cena downplays the torch-passing and he tells Batista that he wants the WWE Title. He says that he worked his butt off, first to come, last to leave. Batista…always late. Cena says he worked his life for the fans and that Batista is selfish and does it for him. Batista doesn’t care about the fans – only himself. Batista drops the fact that when they are in the ring together, bad things happen to Cena. He reminds Cena about breaking his neck. Deep down, Cena can’t beat him.
We’re back and Chavo Guerrero hangs out with Cheech & Chong. They’re joined by Primo & Carlito. Katie Lea is here as is Yoshi Tatsu. A chicken knocks on the door…and reminds them of some pajama pillow fight sorta thing coming up soon. This is too much…
WOO! WOO! WOO!
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Zack Ryder v. MVP
Ryder takes it to MVP, but MVP scores a monkey flip and Rosa Mendez is at ringside. MVP goes Ballin’ and he hits the Playmaker for the win. WTF?
Mandatory Masturbatory Segment is coming next.
Here comes Cheech and Chong making their live appearance in a RAW ring.
Bra N’ Panties… Lingerie… NO… Pajama Pillow Fight
Participants: Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres v. Jillian Hall, Maryse, & Alicia Fox
I’m GUESSING that this is a tag team contest. I might be wrong. I am. All the divas gang up on Maryse, but Jillian Hall decides to use her hands to take down the competition. Kelly makes Jillian eat a pillow before dropping the leg for two. Jillian hits the screaming DDT for two. She gets double teamed and Gail hits a cutter on Jillian. Alicia takes it to Gail with a pillow. Knee to the jaw connects and Eve Torres sends Gail on the outside. Somersault Press wins this for Eve. Surprisingly watchable.
Winner: Eve Torres
Hornswoggle has more Lucky Charms and they make a mess of the cereal. Michael Cole surprisingly rocks.
Hall of Fame Inductee for the Class of 2010: “Mad Dog” Vachon
Bret Hart is up next.
We recap the card for WrestleMania 26.
Justin Roberts goes to intro Bret Hart, but Mr. McMahon interrupts him. Sign of the Night: “Hey Vince, Stop Screwing Guy’s”(sic). I don’t know what’s more wrong with that sign. He intros Bret Hart, who does as good of a job selling the broken leg as Sheamus does at being a credible threat.
Vince wants Bret to clear his name from being involved in the mishap. Bret isn’t having any of it and he makes Vince leave the ring. Vince lied though. He didn’t just want Bret to say farewell. Seems that Mr. McMahon screwed Bret Hart once again. We recap the challenge Bret made for WrestleMania. Vince eggs Bret on saying that he came back to the WWE for one reason. To get his hands on Vince. Bret admits this and Vince asks why not fight him? Vince continues the approach before Bret calls him an idiot since he has a broken leg. Vince hates to hear those words and he responds that Bret has no heart. Vince calls him a coward. He kicks the crutch off from underneath him and he takes the spill. Bret gets back up and HE ACCEPTS THE MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA!
Vince gets on top of the stage and he books himself in a match next week on RAW against John Cena.
It’s 9:52 and ShowMiz walks!
Criss Angel is your guest host next week.
Booked for next week: Randy Orton v. Legacy & Mr. McMahon v. John Cena.
WWE Unified Tag Team Championships: DX v. ShowMiz
We’re back and Big Show takes it to Shawn. Shawn tries to whip Show opposite corner, but that works out so well. Miz tags in and he gets some offense in, scoring a two count. Tag to Big Show and Shawn is in peril. Bearhug applied, but Shawn tries to rake the eyes. He gets out of it, but Big Show keeps him from getting to Trips…to no avail. Trips gets sent to the ropes. Knee smash…SPINEBUSTER! Pedigree attempt, but Miz comes in and he eats a spinebuster. Trips gets Chokeslammed and Big Show eats Sweet Chin Music. Both legal men are down… Tags all around and VINTAGE MICHAELS! He goes to the top and hits the elbow!
But wait, The Undertaker shows up on the TitanTron! This distracts Shawn and Miz counters the Sweet Chin Music with a jacknife cover for three.
Triple H stands before Shawn and he offers a hand for support, but Shawn is going back to crazy-Shawn mode. Sheamus slides inside the ring and he takes the Game out of the ring! He kicks Trips’ head against the commentary desk! Trips fights to get up…BICYCLE KICK OVER THE TABLE!
It’s official, there is someone within the IWC that works for the WWE.
The Final Pulse
One B match; one C match; three matches I could care less about (although DX v. ShowMiz only warranted the FTS grade because I don’t tend to rate matches that begin during the overrun good because the overrun is supposed to be there in case matches go long. At least, that’s how I view it. The win by ShowMiz doesn’t raise their stock much because the Undertaker distracted Shawn. Despite the fact that the divas match was watchable and Cheech & Chong were fun… RAW tonight gets a D.
See you next week unless something comes up.
Tags: Bret Hart, monday night raw, NXT, Raw, RAW Recap, RAW Results, real-time reports, vince mcmahon, WrestleMania 26, WWE, WWE Monday Night Raw, wwe nxt, WWE RAW