Inside Pulse WWE Monday Night Raw Report 03.08.2010

Paul Marshall here…and IT’S TIME TO GET RAW!

On tap tonight:
John Cena v. Vince McMahon
Randy Orton v. The Legacy
The Undertaker opens RAW
Illusionist Criss Angel guest hosts

NOW BURN IT TO THE GROUND!

Live from Portland, Oregon

IT’S THE GONG! HELL’S GATES HAS OPENED! As promised, The Undertaker makes his appearance to kick off RAW. He talks about how HBK was #17 and that his life has a dark cloud above him. He will pay the ultimate price – his career. After WrestleMania, there will be no victory for Shawn, no moment of triumph, and it brings him no joy in saying this, but HBK’s career will rest in peace.

Shawn has other plans, though. He comes out to confront the deadman. Shawn takes pride in interrupting Undertaker and he agrees with him. Shawn explains why he cost Taker the title, but Undertaker didn’t have to interfere last week. Shawn plays the fear card on Taker. Taker cautions Shawn to choose his next words carefully. Shawn does well in calling Taker out for begging him to put it all on the line. Shawn will prove that he will beat him at Wrestlemania. Taker says Shawn is desparate, but Shawn isn’t desparate. Shawn decrees that there will be no DQ or countouts in their battle – only pin or submission. Taker says that Shawn chose his own demise and he sees the fire in his eyes. He looks into his soul and he sees the farce of Shawn beating him at WrestleMania. Taker gives Shawn the proverbial grace and he promises to open the gates of Hell and unleash fury to make sure he ends his career. Shawn promises that the dark cloud will still be there and it will be hanging over Undertaker.

Commercials.

Eve Torres, Gail Kim, & Kelly Kelly v. Maryse, Katie Lea Burchill, & Alicia Fox

Match starts with Gail and Alicia. They try some things and shockingly no one gets wait… Gail Kim drops her weight on Alicia accidentally in the ropes. Alicia is disoriented as Gail takes control. Katie Lea gets involved and pays for it. Alicia get a cover and two as Maryse gets tagged in. Delayed backbreaker gets a one count and Maryse knocks out Kelly Kelly. Gail slaps Maryse and in comes Eve. Eve is on fire, single leg dropkick gets two. Maryse rakes the face and she takes control. Somersault press gets two and everyone else interferes. Balls to the Wall and we’re left with the legal divas. Maryse stops Eve from the top rope move…Eve counters into the fujiwara armbar for the submission!

Winners: Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, & Gail Kim
Grade: D

Hornswoggle hangs out with Criss Angel and the Bella Twins come by to flirt with him. Criss does a weird trick with a string. Enter Jillian Hall, who wants to sing. Do a disappearing trick Criss. He makes her go mute. Even better.

Commercials.

Slam of the Week: R-Truth and John Morrison earns a shot at the Tag Team Champions at WrestleMania. John Morrison also steals the spinaroonie from Booker T.

ShowMiz makes their entrance and Miz has the microphone. He mocks R-Truth and Morrison being their next challengers. He calls it an insult that they are facing a make-shift team at WrestleMania. Hypocritical much, Mike? Big Show looks like he wants to eat the Miz for lunch.

WrestleMania For Free: John Morrison & R-Truth v. ShowMiz

No need to order WrestleMania, now. Bell sounds and Miz & Truth start off. Morrison distracts Big Show and they take Miz out of the equation. Sterero baseball slide connects and Big Show has had enough. He gets bitched out by the Truth/Morrison duo and eats a double DDT. Miz eats barricade for his problem. That’s what’s up.

No Contest

Commercials.

We recap Cena/Batista.

Josh Matthews has Cena up for an interview. Cena affirms that what Batista said was true. He can’t beat Batista. The only thing he can do is go out there and beat him.

Evan Bourne and Criss Angel talks and is interrupted by William Regal and his NXT Rookie. Criss Angel ridicules Regal with a guess the number game. Interesting.

We recap Orton being pinned by DiBiase at the Elimination Chamber.

The Legacy v. Randy Orton

As Legacy gets introduced, Randy Orton attacks from behind. Legacy looks neutered and the match is next!

Commercials.

Bell rings and it’s tag rules. Cody starts things off with getting Orton to the corner. Orton turns it a notch and Cody tags out to DiBiase. DiBiase tees off and he pisses Orton off and gets knocked on his ass for his troubles. He regroups and Cody tags himself in. Orton strikes first and he gets caught in the double team. Cody goes for a cover and gets one. To the ropes we go and Orton blocks it. Cody gets elevated up and over and DiBiase looks to strike, but Orton is smart. Break time.

Commercials.

We’re back and Orton is taking it to Legacy, levelling Cody with a stiff clothesline. Jawbreaker by Rhodes and DiBiase pulls Orton to the floor and hits a dropkick. Orton gets introduced to the steps and once we get back inside, DiBiase gets tagged in and the double team ensues. DiBiase chokes Orton out. Here comes Orton, who gets clotheslined for a close two count. Rhodes tags in and he gets a cover for two. Rhodes has Orton in the corner and he pulls a page out of Hardcore Holly’s book. DiBiase gets a tag and Orton finds an opening. Powerslam on Rhodes and he explodes on DiBiase. Orton eats a boot, but DiBiase eats the 3.0 backbreaker. Orton coils, but Rhodes tries to distract and it works. DiBiase hits Dream Street for the pin!

Winners: The Legacy
Grade: B

Post match, they continue the beatdown as Rhodes hits the CrossRhodes. They mock Orton’s pose.

Backstage, Josh Matthews talks to Batista and he responds to Cena hoping that he would get involved. Batista says he won’t get involved and he wishes Cena good luck.

Triple H walks and Sheamus is about to crap himself.

Commercials.

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!

We recap Sheamus attacking Triple H last week. In the ring, Triple H respects what Sheamus did last week saying he’d do the same thing. He can’t speak more as Sheamus comes out to the ring to confront Triple H. This could be your main event to WrestleMania XXX. Sheamus wants to make a statement at his expense come Wrestlemania 26 though. Triple H runs down Sheamus’ accolades and he says that he has never been to WrestleMania. Triple H told Sheamus what happened to him when he tried to make a name for himself. Now he’s the stepping stone and he asks Sheamus if he has the guts. He warns Sheamus that before he takes the risk, he better be sure that he can rise up. He goes for the strike, but Trips reads his mind and Sheamus exits the ring. Sheamus pulls Trips out and he looks for the bicycle kick, only to miss. Trips clotheslines Trips over the barricade and he takes a powder. Trips is back on the attack and it is a back and forth brawl. Back in the ring…SPINEBUSTER FOR SHEAMUS! Sheamus has had enough. Michael Cole confirms the match as official for WrestleMania!

Santino Marella talks to Criss Angel as good as he can. Santino tries a trick and fails. Criss has another trick for us. They play hide the knife and Criss really wants to bleed. Of course he doesn’t because this is PG.

Commercials.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne v. William Regal (w/Skip Sheffield)

Christian and his NXT Rookie, Heath Slater, are at ringside doing commentary. Bell rings and they lock up. Regal is aggressive in the early going. Bourne gets caught with an Exploder Suplex, but that gets two. Regalplex follows and it seems to be a matter of time. Bourne plays possum and he hits Air Bourne for the win!

Winner: Evan Bourne
Grade: D-

Who did Regal piss off?

Commercials.

Wrestlemania Recall: Brock Lesnar and Goldberg say FU to the WWE Universe and get stunned by Steve Austin

We recap Bret/Vince.

Vince walks and is jacked.

Commercials.

Jerry Lawler flubs his lines and we learn next week Stone Cold Steve Austin will mediate the contract signing for Bret Hart/Vince McMahon.

Criss Angel makes his way to the ring for ring announcing duties for our next match. He gets pyro and that is awesome.

Mr. McMahon v. John Cena

This is going to be bowling shoe ugly. Vince takes the mic and he mocks Bret Hart some more. Vince has some words for Cena and he makes it a Gauntlet match. A Handicap Gauntlet Match.

First Up: Vladimir Koslov

Cena gets owned by Koslov. He tags in Vince and he covers…two count.

Second Up: Drew McIntyre

Cena gets owned again. Tag to Vince…Cover…Two count.

Third Up: Jack Swagger

What is this?

Commercials.

We’re back and Cena takes it to Swagger, but HE SWEEPS THE LEG! Running powerslam connects and he hits the corner splash, but Swagger wants to be sure that Cena is down. Tag to Vince and he goes for a cover. Two count. Cover again…two count again.

Fourth Up: Mark Henry

World’s Strongest Slam connects and Mark tags out disgustingly. Two count and Vince is fed up. Vince makes the match a no DQ match midway through. Mark Henry waves Vince off and Vince says to get out of the way. Vince tells Mark to use the ring bell on Cena. Henry defies Vince and here comes Batista! He spears Henry…HERE COMES KOFI KINGSTON! Control Frenzy! Batista counters with the Batista Bomb. Cena gets picked up and he fights back. Batista is down and Cena stares Vince down. Vince puts the ring bell down. Attitude Adjustment time, but Batista delivers a spear on Cena. Batista Bomb connects and Vince covers. That gets three.

Winner: Vince McMahon
Grade: FTS

Post match, Batista calls for the lights to dim dark. He lets out a primal scream and the show ends.

Show Over.

The Final Pulse

RAW earns a D- tonight. The main event was strictly storyline and did nothing but to show that John Cena > Vladimir Koslov, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry and that Vince and Batista > John Cena. Where’s the logic? Legacy v. Orton was good, but not enough to save the show from a near failure. Have a great week!

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