American Idol – Episode 9-19 Review

Will this be the first diva-free American Idol? There doesn’t seem to be a single female contestant that has an explosive and emotional vocal ability. It’s a tepid bunch even amongst the few talented amongst the remaining eight. Nobody seems able to even fake a Mariah run let alone stick one.

The episode opens with Ellen on Simon’s lap. She’s attempting to make out with him. You know that moment when when something sounds funny but it is painfully grotesque and pathetic? This is beyond it. A zombie eating Simon’s skull would be more sensual. Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and wash my eyeballs with Lava soap.

Katie Stevens busts out Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway.” We have reached a strange moment of the show eating itself. The early contestants are the prime influences for today’s contestant. Although this is more of a case of Katie beating down Kelly. She’s horrible as if she’s singing this to get out of home room detention. There’s nothing going right here. You wish Kanye West would interrupt her performance. Can’t the band play something to let her know the time is up? Simon nails the moment by saying, “You sucked the energy out of the room.” That sums up the moment nicely.

Siobhan Magnus whores herself to “House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals. She doesn’t change the gender and declares herself male. While it’s not an amazing performance, she’s just too cute to fail. Still think she needs to pick more punky material to reflect her style. The judges are mixed.

Lacey Brown goes new with “The Story” by Brandy Carlisle. Her voice is so annoying. Everything she does sounds like Six Pence None the Richer. It’s like the voice I’d expect from a singing puppet. The judges rate her better than last week. How low has the bar been placed this season?

Katelyn Epperly runs into the ‘70s with Carol King’s “I Feel the Earth Move.” Nothing moves that much during the lukewarm performance. She’s not doing herself a service looking like she’s auditioning for a Vegas show.

Didi Benami also goes ‘70s with Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon.” She keeps it minimal to the point that it just bores me. There’s nothing that memorable about her approach especially since she’s not in a Stevie Nicks’ outfit. The judges adore her. Really? These people are pushing too hard.

Paige Miles returns to the old school with Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile.” It’s hurts. This has more bum notes than an entire hobo convention. Will you be going to iTunes to buy this performance? Only if you need to chase mice out of your house. She gets savaged by the judges. She drops the bomb that she was inspired to pick this song after seeing Jermaine sing it at Michael Jackson’s funeral. She’s counting on Jacko’s fan to save her butt.

Crystal Bowersox is back without a health scare. This time she’s going electric to give us Tracy Chapman’s “Give Me One Reason.” She sounds good especially compared to tonight’s performances. Her busker charm is nice, but at some point I need more from her. She needs a Once moment.

Lilly Scott wraps up the night with her mandolin and Patsy Cline’s “I Fall to Pieces.” It’s not quite as emotional as the lyrics suggest. I’m not completely hearing her holding back the tears when she keeps bumping into her old love. On the plus side, Lilly is keeping it exciting with her goofiness. She’s following her own muse on the show. The judges don’t get too nasty with her.

This cut decides the six top girls, but there wasn’t a throw it all out there feeling to the performances. When does this show really start? This seems more like stand ins. Are we really going to experience a superstar in less than 3 months? Tonight was another ho-hum production. Hard to pick to a real winner although the losers shake out easy.

Lilly Scott & Crystal Bowersox

Siobhan Magnus, Lacey Brown, Katelyn Epperly & Didi Benami

Katie Stevens & Paige Miles

Katie and Paige should be gone at the end of Thursday’s show. Although there’s an outside chance that the Jacko fanatics will swamp Paige’s line. That means Katelyn Epperly would be escorted off the set. Although I doubt Simon will allow it to happen.

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