Five Things I Learned From “The Event”

For a fight to be labeled “The Event,” Saturday night’s sparring session turned out to be anything but. While none of the blame should be placed on Manny Pacquiao’s shoulders, Joshua Clottey certainly didn’t look like a prizefighter at all. With that said, here are five things I learned from Saturday night’s pay-per-view “event”.

1) Joshua Clottey favors 15 round fights

Before the fight Joshua Clottey revealed his well thought out gameplan to the masses. His plan: let Pacquiao tire himself out throwing punches. The strategy reveals two things about Joshua Clottey. First off, he is a huge Muhammad Ali fan. So much in fact that he wanted to dedicate this fight to Ali and perform his version of  the Rope-A-Dope, only he wanted to be the dope.

Second, he has obviously watched zero Manny Pacquiao fights. Waiting for Pacquiao to tire himself out in a fight is about  the dumbest strategy any fighter could come up with.  Being a keyboard warrior, I try to limit my criticism of guys who have the guts to take punches for a living. I simply cannot come up with an explanation for Clottey’s fight plan.

But maybe Clottey had just watched Hot Tub Time Machine and decided this was 1988, and not 2010.  His plan might have been to turn on the pressure in rounds 13, 14, and 15.  Yeah, that’s it.

2) Manny Pacquiao is on performance enhancers

It can’t be just me. If you watched this fight you know what I mean. Watching Pacquiao bang Clottey endlessly looked like a 5-Hour Energy commercial waiting to happen. It wasn’t just that Manny was faster, he seemed to have way more energy. He seemed to just keep cruising along while Clottey wondered when, whatever Manny was on, would wear off. Manny, if you are listening, I want my cut for helping to get you the deal. Also note to Mayweather, when you fight Manny you might want to take a 6-Hour Power before the fight.

3) Need your fighter retired? Call Alfonso Gomez at  1 (800) 6RE-TIRE

Is your aging fighter refusing to hang up the gloves? Does he keep thinking he is one or two wins away from being a contender again? Was his best fight in the 1990s? No problem!!!! Just call 1 (800) 6RE-TIRE.  We will connect you to Alfonso Gomez, who will show your fighter where he stands in 2010.

Gomez is definitely getting the most out of his limited ability. He has now retired two legends, but the third time’s the charm. Zab Judah anyone?

4) Just say NO to Duddy, Chavez Jr!

Please oh please tell me the rumors are not true. Why on earth would anyone want Chavez Jr. to fight John Duddy? As limited as Duddy is, he would wipe the mat with Chavez Jr. With the way Top Rank has been building up Chavez Jr., that would make no sense whatsoever. They might as well put him in with Paul Williams, who at least has better name recognition. There would be no shame to losing to Williams, but where do you go after getting dominated by Duddy?

Chavez Jr. vs Troy Rowland II anyone?

5) “The Event” felt like a WWE event

That’s probably doing a disservice to WWE events, which are way more exciting. However, there was a feeling of predetermined outcomes with all the squash matches going on Saturday night. Not that it matters, but there wasn’t a whole lot of drama in any of the matchups. David Diaz gave Humberto Soto a little trouble, but that was about it. Duddy did exactly what you would have expected from him. Soto took care of business. Gomez retired Castillo as I, and others, predicted. And in the main “Event” Pacquiao easily shutout Clottey.

At least if Vince McMahon were in charge Mayweather would have ran out and hit Pacquiao with a chair or something after the fight. After that he could have stood over Manny’s crumpled body and cut a promo on his fight with Shane Mosley while Jim Lampley screamed about whether or not he “killed” Manny.

Now that would have made the fight worth fifty bucks.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,