Pulse Wrestling’s TNA Impact! Report: Jeff Hardy/RVD/Eric Young vs. The Band

TNA Impact is back with another Impact! I’m back with another recap! Let’s do this thing.

Open with Jarrett/Bischoff again, this time a video package.

Jeff goes up to Hulk Hogan backstage and asks Hulk to get involved. Hogan has to go to New York for business. Hogan says something about a new start for Jarrett, but he has to beat AJ Styles tonight. Then he’ll be #1 contender. Above The Pope? Above Jeff Hardy? Suddenly Black Machismo comes in and confronts Hogan about, I dunno. Hogan apparently needs to leave for New York right now during Impact on a Monday night, so he puts Lethal in charge for the night. Something about the MegaPowers. Made no sense.


Tenay runs down some of tonight’s matches, and then the Wolfpac music plays. Bubba the Love Sponge comes out followed by Sean Waltman, Kevin Nash and finally Scott Hall. Bubba has the mic. He calls everyone marks. Bubba will be the personal interviewer of the Wolfpac! Nash gets the mic and he calls down Eric Young to apologize. Hall and Waltman are wearing “Bubba Army’ shirts. Young comes down, Nash offers him a spot in the Band and throws up the Too Sweet. But Young attacks them. Gets a bit of offense, then beaten down 4 on 1. RVD and Jeff Hardy run in to make the save. Hardy has a neon pink and orange hair net. Hardy gets on the mic and makes the six man tag match against the Band a cage match in honor of Lockdown.

Commercial Break

Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Shannon Moore & Frankie Kazarian
Kendrick pushed Williams out of the way as they made their entrance, to illustrate that they might not get along. Shannon has a black book around his neck. Kaz and Kendrick do some fast spots, but Williams slows it down with mat work. Williams and Kendrick cut Kaz off from tags. Hot tag to Moore and he does some kicks. He’s above average that Shannon Moore. Top rope huricanrana by Moore on Williams gets a 2 count. Kaz and Kendrick with a double team German suplex and spin kick on Kendrick. Williams goes for Moore, Moore kicks him aside, then does a middle rope blockbuster on Kendrick for the pin as Kaz holds off Williams. Good match.
Winners: Moore & Kaz

After the match Moore grabs Kendrick and applies black X makeup.

Bischoff is backstage on the phone apparently with Hogan, and he laughs about the news of Lethal in charge tonight. Some chick comes in and talks to Bischoff. Black Machismo comes and he has a clipboard. That means he’s making the show format! He shows his format to Bischoff. It’s all 80s guys. Koko B Ware vs. Akeem the African Dream. “With Slick, remember him??” said Lethal. Bischoff has Lethal pick out a big main event.

The Pope walks – he is up next!

Commercial Break

The Pope is here! He comes out to the ring and cuts a fiery promo. “Pope is Pimpin'” chant. He will be champ after Lockdown. It will be declared that not only as the Pope arrived, but the Pope (is pimping) as completed by the crowd. Good promo. Chelsea comes out and cuts a promo. She calls him a hunk of chocolate. She has one dream that maybe he can help with. She has a dream – to be a ho. Pope asks her if she knows how to drive a stick. She doesnt know exactly, but she’s a real quick learner. This continues until Desmonde Wolf attacks from behind, but Pope catches him in time and attacks first. He clears out Wolfe and then rape-kisses Chelsea to a pop. Hooray for rape-kissing!

Commercial Break

Samoa Joe lives! He talks about they. It’s grainy footage. Thank goodness he isn’t dead!

Next up Orlando Jordan, naked and wrapped in yellow “Cross the Line” police tape, lowers from the ceiling into the ring to new music. Tenay and Taz act confused. Jordan goes to a set and sits provocatively between a woman and a blond dude.

JB interviews Tara. Then it goes into a brawl backstage between her and Daffney.

Commercial Break

TNA Knockout’s Title
First Blood Match
Tara (c) vs. Daffney

Brawl from before the map leads to match. Brawling everywhere. Daffney bites Tara’s head and asks the ref to check for blood. No dice. Again! No dice. Tara with a jawbreaker. Drags Daffney down steps. Into the ring. Daffney has a stake of some sort. Tara uses it and Daffney bleeds.
Winner: Tara

Daffney feels the blood and laughs. She likes it – Taz.

Commercial Break

A.J. Styles w/Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett
Tenay plugs next week’s 8PM start. Then i can DVR Law and Order again! Flair is still in a wheelchair with Chelsea. AJ has a black robe. (response to comment – Jordan sat next to woman and man and then the segment just ended). AJ controls early. JJ hits a low blow and then sends AJ over the top rope with a clothesline. Jarrett does the strut and Flair gets angry. They brawl on the floor then back into the ring. Jarrett chant. Jarrett on offense. Gets a 2 count. AJ goes for a figure four. Flair wheels down to the ring. Flair uses a crutch to help with leverage on the figure four and the ref breaks it up. Then Jarrett gets the figure four. Flair interferes again and the ref sends him to the back. Jarrett in control as we head to the break.

Commercial Break

We are back to action. AJ controls in the ring. Knees to the head. Double J chant. Styles and the ref argue. Jarrett makes a comeback. Backdrop. clothesline. Backdrop suplex. Pedigree by Jarrett! Covers for 2, AJ kicks out. Back up. AJ catches JJ with a knee to the gut then a suplex. AJ to the apron. Springboard punch gets 2. AJ goes for Styles Clash, Jarrett reverses into a spinebuster and both men are down. Flair rolls back down. He woos. Jarrett knocks AJ into the ref who was tendigng to Flair. Ref is out on the floor. Jarrett sets up for a middle rope stroke. And hits it! Jarrett covers but there is no ref. Bischoff comes out. He has a guitar. He winds up for a while. Jarrett blocks and grabs the guitar. Then points at Bischoff, who gets on his knees and begs. AJ low blows Jarrett. Styles Clash. Bischoff gets a ref. Someone is busted open. AJ’s hand. From a guitar shard i think. Ref comes in and counts 3.
Winner: AJ Styles

JB interviews Eric Young, RVD and Jeff Hardy backstage. EY says the band is in the business for the wrong reasons. RVD agrees. They believe in fighting hard even when you get to the top. RVD tags (literally tags) to Jeff who talks next. They cant shine Jeff’s shoes. RVD: GET YOUR SHINEBOX BOYS. Young finishes up. Look at your partners Nash, and ask yourself who traded up. Nice.

Commercial Break

Lethal and Bischoff chat backstage. Bischoff says only one main eventer should be in the ring tonight – YOU. Black Machismo agrees.

Black Machismo Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money
Double teaming in the ring. Move to the floor and they toss Lethal into the STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL steps. They bring him back into the ring for a double suplex. Brief offense by Lethal then double teaming resumes. Lethal rolls up Roode out of no where and gets the pin.
Winner: Lethal

Backstage Eric Bischoff groans. Up next the Pope vs. Desmonde Wolfe.

Commercial Break

Tenay and Taz update the status of Hernandez, who had neck and back issues, and will be out for a while.

The Pope D’Angelo Dinero vs. Desmonde Wolfe w/Chelsea
Back and forth a bit to start. Wolfe takes control. They show Chelsea smiling. Wolfe does a move then looks to her for approval. Strong push for Chelsea tonight out of no where. Pope makes a comeback. Thesz Press from the Pope and he leads the crowd in clapping. Wolfe takes control but Pope takes him down in the corner. Jumping elbow into the corner. Chelsea distracts the ref, and Wolfe uses a chain to knock out the Pope. Covers and gets the pin! Interesting.
Winner: Wolfe

Commercial Break

During the commercial, Kurt Angle was walking!

Kurt Angle comes to the ring in a suit. He cuts a promo on Ken Anderson. It’s real it’s damn real. Ken’s music plays. Anderson cuts a promo on the stage. Apparently next week on Impact they will have a ladder match. Above the ladder will be a key for the steel cage door lock in their match at Lockdown. Odd. Anderson says nice guys finish last, but he’s an ASSHOLE (which got bleeped). This leads directly into Wolfpac’s entrance.

Cage Match
Kevin Nash, Scott Hall & Sean Waltman vs. Eric Young, Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy

Band enter and we take a break.

Commercial Break

Before the faces can enter, Waltman slams the door into Young’s face and attack on the ramp. Nash and Hardy in the ring. Young on the floor, and the band locks the cage with a chain with just RVD and Hardy in the ring. Huge scroll to promote the post-game show on tnawrestling.com. Band beats down RVD and Hardy in the ring. Broncobuster on Jeff. Faces rebound. Rolling Thunder by RVD then the double crotch legdrop by Jeff on Waltman. Hall and Nash fight back a bit but they get taken down. EY is climbing the cage and he’s busted open. Syxx Pac climbs the cage to meet him and attacks. RVD comes up as well and pulls Waltman off the side of the cage. All three members of the band are laid out. RVD up top in one corner and Jeff in the other. RVD does a five-star frog splash and Hardy does a Swanton. Then EY from the very top of the cage does an elbow drop. Young pins Waltman.
Winners: Young, RVD, Hardy

They show several replays of Young’s elbow drop from the top of the cage.

Backstage Abyss is with Christy Hemme. As captain of Team Hogan, Abyss asked Hogan, and it’s OK with him, so the next member of the team is Jeff Jarrett. He cuts a promo on Bischoff and Flair. Abyss finishes it with a whatchagonnado.

RVD and Hardy slap hands with the fans.

Next week: Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle in a ladder match!

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