Paul Marshall here…and RAW just got SMACKED DOWN. So…IT’S TIME…TO…GET…DOWN WITH THE BROWN!
D’Lo reference for the win.
Let’s kick it up a notch. RAW…LIVE…NEXT!
Who let Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler court with the SmackDown stars during the tour of Europe? Most importantly, how come they haven’t told us that tonight’s not going to be a normal night? Did the volcano and WWE pull one on the IWC? Beginning of Trip’s promo…of course, we get fed the scoop about the volcano. We get the Big Show mandatory joke, which makes things fun. The arena is a sea of blue as he tells us that the WWE brass made sure that RAW is the show of highest standards. This segues into a promo for Sheamus and he is promptly interrupted by the Straight Edge Society.
CM Punk says that the blue brand had the balls to make it back to friendly shores…sadly he’s in hick country. He brings up the draft and if Punk is drafted, the SES will join him. Trips downplays the group and brings up how Punk has hair. Of course, his hair is pure. I could enjoy a two hour Punk/Triple H promo. Punk tries to talk Trips in joining the SES. Trips says that Punk makes a good point. Of course we get the freedom rule and he goes around the fans. So….how many stars are on RAW tonight? Ten? Overally Annoyed Punk is awesome.
LILLIAN GARCIA IS HERE FOR ONE NIGHT! EPIC WIN!
Trips works a challenge to Punk, but Punk no-sells it. The problem Punk has is that Punk never asked Trips to join SES…he demands it. Gang-style beatdown on Triple H ensues and Luke Gallows brings a chair in the ring. Punk has the clippers and it’s time to Dial Rey Mysterio to single-handedly taking out the SES. Trips comes to and Gallows exits the ring and Rey has the shavers. He shaves off a handful of hair and Punk retreats to safety.
The cast of MacGruber is here tonight. We will hear from Cena next via satellite!
Commercials.
We’re back and we have Drew McIntyre v. Matt Hardy from the get go. We don’t get his full entrance…BOO!
Drew McIntyre v. Matt Hardy
Back and forth action in the early moments and Hardy takes it to the outside. McIntyre kicks Hardy off and he lands hard against the steps skull first. Back in the ring, Hardy can’t get much offense built up and McIntyre goes gor the kill…seems Hardy is seeing things, but he manages a Side Effect for two. Wraparound neckbreaker gets two and here comes Hardy! Double Underhook is countered as is the twist of fate. Matt gets shoved into the corner…but Hardy stops himself. They crack heads. Hardy on the second rope…McIntyre SWEEPS THE LEG and Hardy can’t kick out.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Grade: D
We recap the ordeal with the volcano and Cena is live via satellite and that everyone is doing fine and they are safe. Cena is focused for Batista and he will be at Extreme Rules even if he swims across the pond. He vows to be the last man standing at Extreme Rules.
The WWE Draft is next week!
Commercials.
“Double Down Showdown” – Vladimir Koslov and Carlito make a pact that they will get what they want.
Vladimir Koslov is in the ring, mad because he didn’t get to go to Europe. He wants Jerry Lawler to speak for him…a statement. He complains about being unfairly treated and he wants elite competition. He feels that the fans are spoiled and ignorant. We get cheap heel heat 101 before he demands proper competition. Here comes MacGruber and he has an American Flag with him. He has Vicki St. Elmo, who is very nervous I gotta say…read a statement of his own. So, we have a mega main event tonight. CM Punk, Luke Gallows, and Chris Jericho taking on Trips, Rey, and Edge! MacGruber grows some balls and he gets in Koslov’s face. Not…a…good…move. He insults Koslov by calling him a giant pile of suck. OH GOD…HE WENT THERE. The single darkest place is Vladimir’s mom’s uterus. Koslov wants MacGruber, but instead of MacGruber, we get R-Truth! MacGruber looks coyly and he makes the threat that the arena is rigged with explosives. So…R-Truth gets blown out of his shoes. So MacGruber will be destroyed tonight. That was something…
Randy Orton will talk about Extreme Rules next!
We’re back and MacGruber tries to leave…but he is locked out of the exit door. Trips comes up and we get a shot of MacGruber pissing himself. Kane walks into the shot and Trips is uncomfortable so he tells Kane how MacGruber said he pissed his pants. Things go from bad to worse.
Randy Orton is live via satellite and he vows that he will win the World Heavyweight Championship. Meanwhile, Jack Swagger walks with no sence of urgency.
Commercials.
Match of the Week: Jack Swagger retains the World Title last Friday.
Here comes YOUR World Heavyweight Champion! Swagger says that talk is cheap when you’re 3000 miles away. Swagger demands a referee as he issues an open challenge to anyone. Koslov? Kane? Swagger goes to leave…and the UNDERTAKER’s GONG GOES OFF!
Jack Swagger v. The Undertaker
Bell rings and they jockey for position as I’m told RVD is your new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. Check out Widro’s TNA recap to the right side of the page. Taker has Swagger in a headlock and they run the ropes. Taker works the arm and Swagger is wishing he was in Europe right now. Cover gets a fast two and Taker still works the arm. We go Old School! Swagger attacks the knees, but Taker no-sells and elbows him in the face. Off the ropes, scoop slam drills Taker for a two count. Swagger tees off on Taker channelling Randy Orton and the Garvin Stomp. Taker gets to the ropes and he paces around the ring for a moment. Swagger rolls out and he gets a right hand from Taker. Swagger’s head bounces off the steel steps. Taker looks to send Swagger to the steps, but he reverses and Taker hits the steps knee first. Back in the ring, Swagger works on the leg. Taker is reeling in the corner as Swagger scores with the rights. Takers GRABS THE SINGLET AND SWAGGER TAKES A FALL OUT OF THE RING. Taker takes back control and he looks to drop the leg on Swagger…CONNECTS! Snap suplex by Taker…floating into a pin and gets a two count. Taker drops the elbow and Swagger kicks out again. Break time!
Commercials.
Swagger is back in control and Taker uses his good boot to push him off. Swagger keeps on the leg as Taker works a counter…the side guard Swagger has Taker locked in is not the best move. Swagger gets out of it and he drops the elbows on the leg. Swagger looks for a figure four, but Taker uses his right leg to get out of it. Swagger uses the ring post as an ally, slamming Taker’s leg against it. Cover gets two. Back up, Swagger tees off on Taker and we go back and forth. To the ropes…DDT BY TAKER! Swagger kicks out before three! Swagger goes to the corner…SNAKE EYES! Big Boot follows and so does the leg drop and that gets a two count! Taker looks for it…GOOZLE! Swagger fights out of it and he runs back into a big boot! Swagger rolls through the Irish whip…DDT CONNECTS! He goes for the splash…CAUGHT! CHOKESLAM! The end is near for Swagger! Tombstone…CONNECTS! Goodnight Swagger!
Winner: The Undertaker
Grade: A
Damn good match tonight!
Commercials.
We get a trailer for the hit movie MacGruber.
Chris Jericho takes charge and tells Punk and Gallows to listen to him and they will win. Jericho walks by MacGruber and Vicki St. Elmo. Jericho wants to be in the sequel. MacGruber wants some advice for facing Koslov. Jericho wants him to bitchslap Koslov. Yeah, that’ll work Chris.
Commercials.
MacGruber v. Vladimir Koslov
MacGruber bitchslaps Koslov to start. That results in the weakest headbutts ever. Another guest co-host changes the match to a handicap match. Khaluber… It’s official folks…I’ve seen everything.
MacGruber & Khaluber v. Vladimir Koslov
Khali owns Koslov in this contest. Koslov tries the headbutts, but Khali isn’t fazed. Tomahawk chop connects and Koslov takes a powder to fight another day. Khali gives chase and they both get counted out. So MacGruber and Khaluber win despite the fact Khaluber was legal? LOGIC?
Winners: MacGruber & Khaluber
Grade: FTS
Commercials.
We recap Cena/Batista.
Triple H walks down the ramp and Sheamus IS WEARING A SHIRT! He’s on the tron and he tells Trips…no he’s going to show him, so Sheamus takes out a poor camera crew.
Commercials.
Triple H, Edge, & Rey Mysterio v. CM Punk, Luke Gallows, & Chris Jericho (w/Serena)
Jericho starts off with Mysterio and we tease a 619 attempt. Punk goes in…Punk goes out. Trips elevates Mysterio over the top and the heels are down.
Commercials.
Back inside, Punk is in control of Mysterio. Pillar to post and Punk takes it to Mysterio. Tag to Gallows and he drops the fists on him for a two count. Tag to Jericho and he boots him in the back. Back suplex connects and Jericho paces around. He goes for the mask, but the feet come alive. Jericho cuts Mysterio off from the corner and he catapults him into the corner. Jericho talks smack and Mysterio hits a springboard moonsault for a two count. We get tags all around. Edge is in as is Gallows. Edge cleans house and he hits the Edgucator! Edge looks for the spear, but Jericho intervenes and takes out the foot. Edge gets back in the ring and is on one leg. Tag to Punk and he focuses on the foot. Jericho back in and he continues on the foot. Punk is in and he applies the heel hook on Edge. Edge gets out of it. Tag to Gallows and he cuts Edge off from the past. Edge takes care of Gallows and we get tags all around. Trips and Punk…High knee connects! Knee Smashing time! Clothesline connects and Punk kicks out. Punk cuts Trips off…but that sets up for the spinebuster! Pedigree attempt and Gallows takes Trips out. It’s a free-for-all and Punk gets set up for the 619! Pedigree connects and Punk gets pinned!
Winners: Triple H, Edge, & Rey Mysterio
Grade: B
That’s all!
The Final Pulse
I’ll be brief. RAW was decent tonight even with the volcanic activity across the pond. I give RAW a B tonight as the show was good and we still got a build to Extreme Rules. WWE was thrown a curve ball and they hit a homerun with the show tonight.
I won’t be here next week, so I’ll see you all in two weeks if I get things settled down with the move. I got a suitable replacement lined up, so treat him well. Have a great week!
