Breaking Holds Special: WWE NXT Episode Seven – 04/06/2010

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Opening Thoughts

-After watching Raw, I hope people got a good hard look at how much of a giant pile of nothing special David Otunga is. Made the guest host of Raw, taking his place in the annals of history on a pedestal next to such luminaries as Cheech and Chong, Jeremy Piven (who will be forever remembered for giving us the event, “Summerfest”) and two effectively nameless racecar drivers, Otunga was presented to a wider audience than he has ever been. With this opportunity, the WWE showed us everything he had to offer: mic skills that, while almost inspired, were mediocre and bush-league, and a greenness so fresh that to let him perform a single wrestling move would diminish any appeal he might have had. Honestly, I get the feeling that WWE just wants someone, ANYONE with crossover potential, as Vince still doesn’t seem to see his massively successful pro-wrestling company as legitimate enough to make him a real, live media mogul. Hey, David Otunga, the only rookie allowed to use his real name, is engaged to Jennifer Hudson, has a law-degree from Harvard, and enough natural charisma that hearing him speak doesn’t make people narcoleptic, and good for him. I wish him all the best. But when you’re protecting the wrestling ability of a WRESTLER, then maybe he shouldn’t be on television that advertises WRESTLING just yet. It didn’t work with Nathan Jones, and it won’t work out well here. Miz was kept in a “host” role for ages, talking smack and being a generally annoying twit, and now, after enough seasoning and time to develop on his own, is massively entertaining, and a fine worker in his own right.

-Still, I expect a few comments telling me I’m wrong, and that Otunga is awesome because he’s awesome because he’s awesome because the etchings in his hair make people think back to a simpler time, when Kid N’Play ruled the airwaves and people listened to music with giant stereos that they carried around on their shoulders. Seriously, though, when was the last time doing that crap to your hair was cool?

-Matt Striker introduces the rooks, who all gather on the ramp, and, as if to taunt me, Otunga gets a strong face pop. COME ON. What does this guy have to offer? Striker introduces him as “David ‘A-List’ Otunga,” and as if he were announcing the World Heavyweight Champion. And if you clap enough, audience, Vince’s fairy will indeed get his wings. Actually, even if you don’t clap enough, he’ll probably end up on a roster somewhere before being sent back to FCW to get some, ANY more experience.

-Justin Gabriel gets a pop, too, because he’s so gosh darn handsome and has a funny little accent. It’s not British, it’s not Dutch, what IS that wacky South African speakytype?! He’s so adorable…I want a Justin Gabriel plush doll! (/teenagefangirl)

-People cheer for Daniel Bryan, too, showing that “The Daniel Bryan Show” is working to some extent. A sign in the crowd reads, “I Came Here to See Daniel Bryan.” Me too, kid. Now when’s he gonna bust out some Cattle Mutilation in this piece?

-Recap of the Pro’s Poll. Oh good, people are booing Otunga. Unfortunately, it’s probably not due to his lack of talent, but instead because he’s arrogant or something. Striker asks Otunga why he betrayed Cena on Raw last night, and his explanation isn’t actually that bad: sure, he COULD have tagged in Cena and, in his words “taken the Miz’s head off” (by botching a finisher, methinks), but then he would have had to SHARE the spotlight with Cena as a co-champion, and that’s not how he rolls. Of course, helping out the Miz is good for him in the NXT competition, so that he can cinch his vote, win the competition and get his own title shot where he can be a selfish little weasel all by his lonesom. I mean, he kind of explained it as a Bond villain would, but I guess that’s what needs to happen for wrestling fans these days.

-Striker then asks Daniel Bryan if he thinks he deserves to be in first place, and I think I’ve finally figured out his gimmick: he’s a smart fan who has the opportunity to call out when they don’t like about the current product, albeit to a degree. He asks if The Miz deserves to be a pro (audience chants “No!” although I love the Miz, so I can’t complain…keeps with the storyline, though), and if David Otunga deserves to host Raw (ditto), and if Michael Cole deserves to replace Jim Ross, and that gets a HUGE response. Geez, does Cole know about these things before they’re said on live television? I mean, we’ve all been thinking it for years, but you can’t just come out and say it on national television, Bryan! However, then Bryan says that he DOESN’T deserve to be number one, but he’s going to do his best to prove it. Cole calls him a peewee. Alright.

-Michael Tarver gets the mic, and IMMEDIATELY shows himself to be better on the mic on David Otunga. He says he’s tired of playing by the rules, and now he’s taking his own opportunities. Everyone else is just a target for him, because he’s now a pitbull of the leash. PLEASE let this guy stick around a bit longer. He’s decent in the ring, good on the mic, and a legit tough guy with a true-life story of survival and determination. I swear, if he ends up eliminated in the first or second week because we have to make room for Otunga, I’m going to be ticked.

-They are now going to do physical challenges. What is this, Double Dare? Basically, they have to run a keg around the ring, and they’re timed. Daniel Bryan goes first, and he’s at least not taking it too seriously. Cole just rips on him at every opportunity (“Don’t worry, I’m sure the Internet fans will still think Bryan won”). Barrett shatters Daniel’s time (14.7 over 24.9), and then Justin Gabriel actually beats Barrett’s with 13.6. Okay, I wasn’t actually expecting that. They’re going to do ALL of these guys? Isn’t this time that could be spent with them actually, y’know, wrestling? Tough Enough was CANCELLED, WWE. No point in trying to bottle that “lightning.”

-Fun moment: Matt Striker asks Heath Slater if he think he can beat Gabriel’s time. Slater: “Woo!” Striker: “That’s not an answer, but okay!” And he does, with twelve seconds. Tarver seems to think he cheated. Otunga gets booed like crazy. Apparently, he needs to take his pants and hoodie off for this. Keeps the sunglasses on, though. Otunga fails, as does Sheffield. Tarver drops the keg, and he is PISSED. I wonder if that was on purpose…audience gives a “You Suck” chant. That was uncalled for. Young can’t beat it, and Slater wins. Actually, Sheffield might have tied him, but I think the clock ran for a few extra seconds. Oh well. Slater also gets to be in the main event tonight…against Kane. Slater seems fairly undeterred by it. Didn’t Striker tell him to act as if his pants were suddenly full of poop? Okay, after Kane’s ring pyro, he actually looks concerned.

-Aaaand zero wrestling thus far on our wrestling show! Suck it, athleticism!

COMMERCIALS

-Raw Rebound…really? Already?

-Skip Sheffield is interviewed, and effectively turns heel, calling the keg carry rigged (and he might be right), and saying that nice guys finish last, so he ain’t gonna be a nice guy no more. Striker than says that we’re going to get Darren Young vs. Daniel Bryan, and it’s coming up right now! And by right now, we mean after this commercial!

COMMERCIALS

-Commercial Note: Syfy has a new movie starring Mega Piranhas. MEGA PIRANHAS! And it seems, at this point, they’re fully embracing how awful these movies are, touting the big star power of Tiffany (of 80s mall tour fame) and Christopher Knight, aka Greg Brady. I think after “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus,” they’ve realized that their bread and butter is the celebration of their poor quality.

Match One: Daniel Bryan vs. Darren Young

-Halfway through the show, we get our first match. There are no words. Anyway, who’s picking Bryan to win this one? Honestly, I think Young is going to take it just to keep up the insipid “losing streak” story they’re going with. Lessee.

-Bryan gets to use his awesome running knee off the apron That’s just a great move, hitting hard and sending young flying back into the barrier. Ouch. Back in the ring, and holy crap, he got the Cattle Mutilation, sort of…which is easily escaped by Young and treated as nothing. I guess that’s not his finisher anymore? After a pin-reversal sequence, Young slaps Bryan in the mouth, and Bryan slaps him back with some extran stank on it. Then, Young rolls him up…and pins him. Cleanly. Man, Bryan’s never going to actually win a match on NXT, will he? Doubt he’ll be number one in six weeks, but then he can start climbing back up.
Winner: Darren Young

-They play the NXT music for Darren Young…would they have played that for either guy, or was that a miscue in the production truck? Bryan looks disappointed, as well he should be.

COMMERCIALS

Match Two: Justin Gabriel vs. Michael Tarver

-Gabriel’s got the flash, but as I said before, I really like Tarver, so I’m kind of hoping he gets a win here. Of course, locking in an abdominal stretch isn’t exactly going to set the world on fire. Gabriel hits a nice flurry of offense, with a number of spinning kicks and a springboard crossbody. However, when he goes to the top, Tarver stops him, only to be knocked off the top and hit with the 450. Aaaand that’s all. Well, he’s not going to get any higher in the polls with that booking, now is he?
Winner: Justin Gabriel

-The announcers bury Tarver as a whiner. That being said, it’s not like his in-ring performance there set the world on fire. I still like the guy, but perhaps I judged too soon on some of his earlier matches.

COMMERCIALS

Match Three: David Otunga vs. Wade Barrett

-Wow, they’re really trying to shove a bunch of matches into the latter half of this show. David Otunga’s pre-recorded promo: “The pros are threatened by me, so of course they don’t want me to be number one.” Makes sense to me.

-Heel vs. Heel. This should go over like gangbusters. Announcers put over Otunga, saying that he looked like he belonged last night on Raw. Well, if Vince tells you to say it, I guess you have to. Otunga looks remarkably unterrible here, but still kind of sloppy in a few scary ways. He hits a decent pounce, but then seems to screw up a bodyslam. A bodyslam. Otunga goes to the second rope, but Barrett pulls his leg out from under him and he hits the mat. One fireman’s carry slam later, Barrett’s the winner.
Winner: Wade Barrett

COMMERCIALS

Match Four: Kane vs. Heath Slater

-Not very much time left on my DVR, so I’m guessing this one doesn’t go terribly long, or if it does, I’ll have to find some way to see what happens at the end. Kane approaches Slater…and my recording reaches it’s end. Wha-huh? Way to manage your timeslot, WWE.

-Luckily, I’m able to catch some of the match on WWE.com, and it’s exactly what you expect it to be. Slater tries to get some token offense in there, and he’s game enough, but Kane, obviously, beats him up a bunch, top rope-clothesline, throat thrust, throw into the corner. Slater blocks a charge with a kick, but then runs right into a chokeslam, and that’s the end of that.
Winner: Kane

Closing Thoughts

-Show started slow as molasses with it’s idiotic physical challenge nonsense, but they shoehorned a bunch of wrestling into the second half of the show. Hey, I like wrestling! Of course, I stop to think of the few minutes spent on that challenge and how those few precious seconds could have gone into some of the other matches, or even, horror of horrors, allowed the show to end on time. Daniel Bryan still loses every match despite being popular and getting cheers, but how many clean losses can a guy take before people don’t think he’s all that good anymore? Yes, Internet fans have been conditioned to believe that he’s the best in the world, and I’ve seen him live and seen some of his great matches on DVD and he is, indeed, really, really, really good. To call anyone the best in the world is a lofty, and fairly impossible, claim, as it’s doubtful that any wrestling fan knows everything about everyone worth knowing in the sport. But the guy is damned good, but if he loses every match and his finisher is ignored by announcers and wrestlers alike, then we’re left to wonder what’s so special about him?

-That being said, I look forward to an angrier and more heelish Sheffield, and the possibility that Regal will actually start to like him more that he’s a more determined and serious ‘roided out goof. I think it’s good to let characters develop, and Tarver shifting his priorities works for me as well, although losing to Justin Gabriel isn’t going to make perception of him any easier. I’ve brought this up before, but it bears mentioning again that the reason some of these guys won’t get over is because WWE doesn’t want to put in the work for them to be over. It’s obvious that they want Otunga to be something special (spoiler alert: he’s not) and that they secretly know Daniel Bryan is, except that they want to break perception of him first. If Tarver is told to go out there and lose in two minutes, then people aren’t going to get behind him, and WWE will wonder why the guy isn’t more over. Since the show is scripted, you’d think that WWE would have a plan for nearly all of these guys. Are any of these guys really going to be eliminated from the competition and then released? I imagine most will go back down to FCW, one will “win” and a few will end up on the main shows regardless. I think Heath Slater, Daniel Bryan, Wade Barrett and Justin Gabriel all have jobs, and Otunga might have one despite himself. The rest seem like a tossup to me.

-That’s all for now, kiddies. Be good until next week.

Ivan prides himself on being a wrestling fan that can tie both of his own shoes by himself, as well as having an analytic mind when it comes to the fake sport that he's loved ever since he watched Jake Roberts DDT Boris Zhukov on Prime Time Wrestling.