TNA Impact is taped!
Video package of last week’s epic show.
Hulk Hogan comes out and he has a mic! Hogan cuts a promo about last week and putting over the World title and RVD. Hogan also mentioned the ranking system that will somehow involve the fans. He goes on about 5 minutes and then brings out RVD. RVD also has a mic! He cuts a promo about being RVD and calls himself Mr. TNA. He said Dixie Carter told him he could “be RVD” in TNA – we all know what THAT means. This brings out AJ and Flair to rebutt. Style cuts a promo with excuses about why he lost the time and the long and short of it is that he wants a rematch for the TNA World Title. He’ll get his rematch – when HE wants it. So “put that in your pipe and smoke it”. After this Flair grabs the mic and cuts a promo in Hogan’s face. Speaking of Flair’s face, it is red and sweaty and HD is not kind to the Nature Boy this week or any. He talks about his match with Abyss tonight and said he “specializes in big guys”.
The Beautiful People chat amongst themseleves backstage. Madison thinks its unfair she has to defend the title already. They gloat about having all the titles. They are all covered in glitter. OOOOOOH glitter.
Commercial Break
Video package recapping Angelina Love/Tara/The Beautiful People match from Lockdown.
TNA Knockout’s Title
Angelina Love vs. Tara vs. Madison Rayne (c)
The ref sends both Lacey and Velvet to the back. They are displeased. Match starts with some fast paced action, and Madison controls as we head to a quick break.
Commercial Break
Tara was taken “out” during the break and the match in the ring is Madison and Angelina going toe to toe. Tara is shown on the floor. Tara is OK now and comes back in and attacks Angelina and goes to work on Madison. Finish comes with all three in the ring. Madison pushes Angelina into Tara, knocking Tara out of the ring. Then schoolgirls Angelina for the pin.
Winner: Madison Rayne
After the match the ref checks on Angelina, Tara comes in and they have a pull apart.
Commercial Break
During the break, Shannon Moore is seen admiring the Book of Dilligaf.
X-Division Title
Kazarian vs. Shannon Moore w/The Book of Dilligaf
Quick back and forth to start. A scroll appears on the screen hyping Jeff Jarrett on Howard Stern. Taz talks about how its bullshit that Douglas Williams was stripped of the title. Kaz still doesn’t have the belt as this was taped when Williams was still stuck in Europe. They go about 2 minutes until Matt Morgan runs down and beats up Shannon Moore and tosses him into the ring. Kaz “doesn’t seen it” but then hits that cool piledriver thing for the pin.
Winner: Kazarian
After the match, Samoa Joe’s music hits and he comes out with a white towel around his neck. He stares at Kaz as he walks down, then comes into the ring and beats him up.
Commercial Break
In a mini segment, Matt Morgan approaches Jesse Neal backstage.
Commercial Break
Falls Count Anywhere
A.J. Styles & Sting vs. Team Jeffs (Jarrett and Hardy)
They announce Jarrett vs. Sting for the May Sacrifice PPV. Match breaks down early with AJ and Hardy brawling on the ramp as JJ and Sting brawl in the ring. They brawl into the crowd and both pairs are BRAWLIN’ ROUND THE IMPACTZONE. They do this for a couple minutes, then it settles down into a match. Hardy and Styles do some moves. It was smart to put Jeff Hardy on TV for 9pm. They brawl to the ramp. Sting kinda walks away during the match too and Jarrett follows him. They go up some steps somewhere. Sting is beaten up until he grabs a bat and beats JJ with it. Jeff Hardy sets up a huge ladder and has AJ prone on a table on the floor. Hardy goes to climb the ladder to do a Swanton from the ladder on the stage, but Sting brought a ref with him on the backstage steps and pins him. Hardy doesn’t do the highspot.
Winners: Styles/Sting
Fuzzy green-ish footage of Team 3D and Jesse Neal chat. Neal said he has an opportunity to be TNA Tag Champs but it’s against them. They say Morgan will just turn on you. This was done in a “backstage camera” GTV type style.
Commercial Break
The Pope D’Angelo Dinero comes out to his music and he has an EYE PATCH. You see he got his eye poked out with a pen. Even though AJ lost the title, he hasn’t forgotten about him. A tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye. The crowd chants along with eye for an eye. Crowd is eating up this promo. Lights go out and Mr. Anderson’s music plays, and he comes down. Anderson cuts this HORRENDOUS promo with him extensively clucking like a chicken. He runs down Angle. Pope then pimp slaps him. Anderson rebounds and beats on Pope’s eye patch. Rips off the eye patch and sticks his thumb right in Pope’s eye socket.
Commercial Break
TNA Tag Team Titles
Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan & Jesse Neal (c)
The match kinda starts then the Wolfpac music hits and Scott Hall and Kevin Nash go to brawl with Team 3D on the ramp. Jesse Neal goes to help, then Matt Morgan follows and beats him up. This all breaks down and we go to another break.
Winner: No match/contest
Commercial Break
After the break Team 3D and Jesse are still in the ring. Jesse cuts a fiery promo on Matt Morgan, who is chillin’ backstage. Hulk Hogan comes up to him and kinda forces him out. Then Morgan goes to the ring and Neal gets some offense until Morgan gets a low blow and beats him down.
Eric Bischoff cuts a promo about the rankings system with his new assistant standing behind him. Bischoff bashes “politics in Chicago” as he tells people to go online to tnawrestling.com and vote early and vote often. Jay Lethal comes in and wants to vote. Throws out some 80s names for us and a commercial break just cuts him off. Ha.
Commercial Break
Orlando Jordan is backstage with a skirt made of rainbow threads of some sort. He cuts a promo about Rob Terry. He was also wearing makeup again. You see he’s BI SEXUAL so he acts like a crazy person.
Documentary style footage of Ric Flair talking about his match tonight. They subtitle him, but with like size 8pt font. He doesn’t look quite as red and ready-to-explode as usual. He talks somberly about coming out of retirement. He talks about the ring offending him and Hogan offending him. “And that’s the bottom line. and i’ve been saying that longer than Steve Austin”. Really cool segment, although Flair came off more as a face.
Commercial Break
Video package hyping the main event.
Ric Flair vs. Abyss
This match is for the RINGS. Abyss goes to attack but Flair backs him into the corner and does some chops. Huge WOOOOs from the ImpactZone crowd. Tries to whip him out of the corner but Abyss blocks and reverses. Flair retreats to the floor and Abyss follows. Flair is bleeding! Nothing like balding, old man flesh bleeding. Back into the ring, Abyss controls. Flair low blows the ref and grabs brass knucks. Flair punches him with the knucks but Abyss NO SELLS. Flair follows up with brass knucks to the dick and that knocks Abyss cold. Flair revives the ref and covers Abyss for the pin. Flair’s music plays, but the ref Hebner finds the knucks and restarts the match. Flair chops but Abyss is no selling like a fiend. Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin.
Winner: Abyss
Hulk Hogan comes down to celebrate with Abyss. They taunt Flair. Abyss holds Flair down and Hogan pulls the ring off Flair’s hand. Now Hogan has 2 rings! Hooray for rings! Hogan has the mic – next week he’s gonna present Flair’s ring to someone mysterious. Who will it be? That’s all they have for next week?
Solidly paced show, not a lot of great matches, but I still greatly prefer this pace with less happening, less wrestlers focused on.
