THE ENTIRE WORLD IS WATCHING (hey, didn’t this guy’s contract run out?)!
We start with a video package of last week’s Triple Threat for the #1 contendership, culminating with Edge’s interference and awesome sneer from atop the ramp.
Tonight, the RAW return of The Cutting Edge! The guest? Randy Orton!
We open the show with Batista, who is dressed in his ring gear. Batista reminds us that last week he became the #1 contender . . . again. But he SHOULD be WWE Champion . . . again. He explains to the crowd that a Last Man Standing Match is when you beta your opponent so brutally and decisively that he unable to stand before the count of ten. That is not what happened, and to prove it, Batista shows us footage of the finish from Extreme Rules. Batista calls it the most embarrassing moment of John Cena’s career, nay, life! “Duck tape? Are you serious? That’s something Hornswoggle would do!†(hard to quarrel with that logic). And tonight, Cena and Batista have a “Beat The Clock†challenge to see who gets to pick the stipulation at Over The Limit. Batista has no problem with that, since his opponent is The Miz. He mocks Miz and tells him to come on out . . .
IT’S A SHAME THAT THEY LOST THEIR HEAD! It’s Sheamus, and he’s got a mic! He calls Batista pathetic for getting a title match, even though he lost at Extreme Rules. Unlike Batista, Sheamus won. Not only that, he did something Batista never could – take out Triple H. He thinks maybe the reason he doesn’t have a title match is because he took out the son-in-law (wow). He then challenges Batista, one-on-one, tonight, for the #1 contendership. Batista declines, and tells Sheamus to get out of the ring. Sheamus tells him this isn’t over . . . he’ll be WWE Champion again – and sooner than Batista thinks – before leaving the ring and backing up the ramp. Man, solid promo from Sheamus.
Commercials
Miz comes out, but he’s not dressed for competition. There’s nothing more he’d rather do than face Batista tonight and show everyone he is a true champion. However, the trauma suffered to his head last week won’t allow him to compete . . . and he has a doctor’s note to prove it. He would love to give Batista the match of his life tonight, but he has a professional medical diagnosis that says he can’t. Luckily, Miz has a replacement . . . Miz’s NXT rookie, Daniel Bryan!
Bryan comes out. Miz tells him not to lose in less than 30 seconds. Bryan will do one better – he’ll make Batista tap!
Match #1: Batista vs. Daniel Bryan
Batista goes for the Batista Bomb right away, but Bryan gets a roll-up for two. Bryan gets a quick ankle lock, and Batista gets out of the ring. Cole informs us that if Batista loses, Cena gets to choose the stipulation automatically. Batista backs Bryan into a corner and works him over. Batista charges, but Bryan moves out of the way and gets a sleeper hold. Batista fights out and boots Bryan in the face for two. Three whips into the corner for Batista, but charge meets boot and Bryan gets a standing guillotine choke, which Batista backdrops out of, for two. Batista tosses Bryan and rams him back-first into the apron. Back in, clothesline gets two. Bryan comes back with punches and a kick, but runs right into a big boot. That gets two. More Bryan kicks take down Batista, and Bryan gets a modified crossface. Batista gets to the ropes, however. Bryan stops to celebrate, however, and Batista gets a kick to the knee. Spear, Batista Bomb, and that does it in 5:06.
Winner: Batista
Comments: Wow, Bryan was allowed to look better than he does most weeks on NXT! Even Michael Cole was putting over his effort. Match was a fun extended squash, with a couple of nice hope spots. *3/4.
Post-match, Batista delivers another Batista Bomb. He starts to leave, but comes back in and delivers a third.
Later tonight, Cena tries to beat the clock against Chris Jericho, but up next, our guest host, Wayne Brady!
Commercials
We come back to video of Edge costing Orton the #1 contendership last week, as King and Cole hype The Cutting Edge.
Eve is taking photos with the Tramp Stamp Title, and Wayne Brady comes up to say hi. He tells her she’s his favorite diva and congratulates her on winning the title. Jillian interrupts, and of course, offers to sing Brady’s theme song for him when he enters the ring tonight. He lets her sing, and cleverly gets her to go away. Eve turns to grab her title belt, and it’s gone! Maryse comes back in and gives Eve a belt shot, and poses.
Edge is walking with a crew member, discussing what videos they should use for his big return. Josh Matthews interrupts him to ask about Randy Orton. Edge says the show may be PG, but he is still Rated R. No one, not even some tool production assistant, is going to tell him what footage he can and can’t use. He is going to do what he wants, when he wants it!
Commercials
Match #2: Ted DiBiase vs. John Morrison
We get a video of DiBiase asking Truth to be his “Virgil†last week, and the resulting slap. Ted’s got a mic. You’d think Truth would relish the opportunity to never worry about money again. What’s Truth going to do when he’s done wrestling? Sing? He’s only got one song, and it’s terrible. DiBiase WILL hire a personal assistant, and his first assignment will be to help him slap some sense into that “wannabe rapper.â€
DiBiase slugs away to start, but Morrison gets a leg lariat and a forearm. Morrison clotheslines DiBiase out of the ring and follows with a springboard 450! “That was awesome†chant ensues. DiBiase walks out on the match, and gets counted out.
Morrison is about to be announced as the winner, but Morrison grabs a mic and tells DiBiase to get back in and re-start the match. DiBiase continues to walk, so Morrison offers to be DiBiase’s “Virgil†is DiBiase beats him. DiBiase turns around and starts to make his way back down the ramp, as we go to . . .
Commercials
We come back, and DiBiase has Morrison locked in a bodyscissors. Morrison fights out but runs into a knee lift, for two. DiBiase drops Morrison on the top rope with a front suplex, for two. DiBiase with a kick to the ribs, for another two-count. Morrison ducks a clothesline and hits a jumping kick. Whip into the corner, but DiBiase avoids the Flying Chuck and gets a two-count. Morrison counters out of a Dream Street attempt, but runs into a powerslam for two. Another DiBiase clothesline gets two. DiBiase goes for Dream Street again, but Morrison does the Bret Hart counter off the ropes and gets the win.
Winner: John Morrison
Comments: Could’ve been better, but the commercial break didn’t help, and it dragged a little while DiBiase was in control. *1/2.
Post-match, DiBiase ambushes Morrison, but Truth hits the ring and runs him off.
Video recap of Batista beating Daniel Bryan, and hype for Cena vs. Jericho, NEXT!
Commercials
Recap of Big Show knocking out Jericho on Smackdown.
Cena is out to his usual loud pop. Jericho is out . . . in a suit? He’s not going to pull himself from the match by using Miz’s same flimsy excuse. He’s going to pull himself out because he’s embarrassed Cena on so many different occasions that he doesn’t need the gratification of doing it again. But he’s found someone who’s been looking forward to the opportunity of humiliating Cena in front of these parasitic troglodytes, and it’s . . . Wade Barrett! Jericho puts over Barrett as a “bona-fide future WWE Superstar.â€
Match #3: John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
They do some wrestling, and Cena smartly goes for a series of quick covers. Cena goes for a quick Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho distracts him . . . and Cena dumps Barrett to the outside, onto Jericho. Cena tosses Barrett back in, but Jericho grabs Cena’s foot on the way back in, and Barrett boots Cena. Back in, Barrett works over Cena, as Jericho yells at Cole and King, telling him Barrett’s a machine. I love “mentor Jerichoâ€. Barrett gets a big punch for two, and we go to a rest hold, which is smart because it runs down the clock. Cena fights out and goes off the ropes, but Barrett hits a big boot for two. Backbreaker gets another two-count, and Jericho is cracking me up as he demands Cole and King to talk about how Barrett is tossing Cena like a toy. Barrett works over Cena, but drop toehold and STF finish with 27 seconds left, beating Batista’s time.
Winner: John Cena
Comments: Nothing great, but Barrett definitely looks like he belongs. Methinks he’s got a bright future. *1/2.
Post-match, Cena gets a mic. He’s ready to pick the stipulation, but Sheamus runs out and decks Cena, gets the pump kick, and stands there looking menacing.
Commercials
Match #4: Maryse vs. Nikki Bella
Nikki gets some punches and something resembling a headlock takedown, then works over Maryse in the corner. Maryse tries to take a powder, but Nikki gets her back in. Nikki goes up top, but Maryse tosses her off. French Kiss, and that does it.
Winner: Maryse
Comments: Yeah . . . DUD.
Maryse gets on the mic and introduces her new photo shoot, which is all photos of her posing over Eve when she knocked her out later. Eve tries to come after Maryse (almost tripping on the apron in the process), but gets restrained by the ref as Maryse takes a powder.
Commercials
We come back to Zack Ryder on the mic. Now he’s single, and ready to mingle. That’s why he invited Gail Kim and Alicia Fox, who are sitting ringside, to watch the match. He tells Primo to not make him check his papers, like the Governor of Arizona, and get out there NOW. Wayne Brady is on the Titantron, however, and has a different opponent in mind for Ryder . . .
Match #5: Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry
Ryder goes for a single leg takedown, but that goes nowhere. Henry gets a couple of bodyslams. And a third. Ryder avoids a corner splash and gets a low dropkick to the knee, and then a missle dropkick for two. RoughRyder leg lariat gets another two count. Ryder with clubbing blows to the back, but Henry rams him into the corner and gets a clothesline. Ryder avoids a running powerslam, but not the World’s Strongest Slam.
Winner: Mark Henry
Comments: Hey, remember When Christian made Ryder look pretty good on ECW, Ryder was working hard on his character, and becoming somewhat entertaining? Me neither. ½*.
Backstage, Jericho and Miz empathize over being knocked out by The Big Show, and having to tag with him. Jericho has a “strategy†as to how they can get even with Show. What will it be?
Another replay of Edge costing Orton the #1 contendership.
Commercials
John Morrison video package.
In the back, Vladmir Kozlov is hanging out with Wayne Brady. Kozlov wants actual competition tonight. In comes Santino, dressed like someone from Wayne’s family . . . The Brady Bunch! Shenanigans ensue, and William Regal comes in to get Kozlov for their match. Santino reminds Kozlov of when Regal turned on him ECW (wow, we’re allowed to acknowledge the past? The ECW past?). Regal and Kozlov run along, and Santino says “Regal Regal Regal!â€, Jan Brady-style. Goldust is dressed as Alice, and this segment is mercifully over.
Cole and King recap RAW’s draft picks (they didn’t really “pick†any of them, but that’s neither here nor there). Backstage, the Hart Dynasty WALKS.
Commercials
Slam of the Week: Hart Dynasty beating ShowMiz for the titles last week.
We come back, and Jericho and Miz have joined King and Cole on commentary. This should be awesome.
Match #6: The Hart Dynasty vs. William Regal & Vladmir Kozlov
Regal and Kozlov don’t even get entrance music. Kidd and DH are out, and the pop is nowhere near as big as the one they got last week. Regal and Kidd to start and do some wrestling. Regal whips Kidd into the corner. Charge meets boot, but Kozlov tosses him to the outside. Back in, Regal works over Kidd’s arm. In commentary, Miz and Jericho run down The Big Show. Their banter is entertaining. Kozlov hits Kidd with a headbutt and a hammerlock fallaway slam. Regal back in, and he stomps away on Kidd. Kidd gets the tag, and it’s shoulderblocks for everyone! Sharpshooter by Smith on Regal finishes.
Winners: The Hart Dynasty
Comments: Match was obviously backdrop to Miz and Jericho on commentary, and the ensuing angle. Pretty blah. *1/2.
Miz tries to attack Smith, but gets slugged away. Jericho comes in and gets the Codebreaker. Miz then gets the Skull-Crushing Finale, and he and Jericho pose together . . . and here are the Hart Dynasty’s first challengers!
For the umpteenth time tonight, video of Edge costing Orton last week’s match.
Commercials
Next week’s guest . . . Flava Flav! Oh, dear . . .
Please welcome, 9-time champion, the Rated R Superstar . . . Edge! King makes a crack about how he’s not sure “the Rated R Superstar†is gonna fly in today’s WWE landscape. Ring is all set up for the show, including a sweet Rated R carpet!
Like it or not, the most controversial superstar in WWE history is back on Monday Night RAW! He first tells the fans they don’t deserve an explanation . . . but OK, he’ll give them one. He takes us back to his injury, and his coming back to win the Royal Rumble. He was ready to be the white knight on Smackdown. He was in the perfect place to beat Jack Swagger and become World Heavyweight Champion, but he got drafted . . . and his plans went up in smoke. He was frustrated, and angry. Spearing Orton was an act of defiance. Yes, he cost Orton the title, but he was the most talked out superstar in the promotion. Edge is about to call out his guest, but out comes Wayne Brady instead. Edge looks pleased, and says Randy Orton can wait.
Edge asks what brings Brady out. Brady says he’s always been a big wrestling fan, and is out to watch Edge do his thing. He then asks Edge if he can feel what it’s like to walk in Edge’s footsteps and be a WWE Superstar. Edge tells him to go for it. Brady tells all other future RAW guest hosts they’re not him. “I’m not Bob Barker, I’m Bob Darker!â€
I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD, THEY COUNSEL ME, THEY UNDERSTAND! Orton’s apparently heard enough. Orton’s in the ring, and he and Edge stare. Wayne Brady walks up to shake Orton’s hand . . . and eats an RKO. Orton stalks Edge. Edge asks Orton if he thinks he’s gonna RKO Edge right now. Edge knows it’s not going to happen, for two reasons. Number one, Orton was just in the wrong place at the wrong time last week, and Orton would’ve done the same. Number two, Orton was a guest on the show a few years ago, and remember what happened? They became Rated RKO! They dominated D-X, and the entire show. It can happen again, but this time it can be even and better. Cena and Batista are going to beat the crap out of each other at Over the Limit, and Edge and Orton can just pick up the scraps. They can be the REAL Two-Man Power Trip.
No answer from Orton. Edge asks him if he thinks he’s too big a superstar for him. Edge is now frustrated. He gave the fans everything. He came back from an injury, he came up with a catchphrase for them to chant . . . and they still wouldn’t accept him. Orton, on the other hand, doesn’t care about anything, and the fans still chant RKO. It’s not fair. The fact he’s not World Champion . . . is not fair. The fact he got drafted to RAW is not fair. Edge says Orton WILL join him, or he’ll spear him week after week until Orton’s just an afterthought on the show. Edge DEMANDS Orton say something. Orton goes for the RKO, but Edge pushes him off and gets a big boot. Edge sets up for the spear, but it’s countered into an RKO! Loud “Randy†chants. Randy stands there with . . . the same look on his face as always.
End show.
Final Thoughts: Pretty mundane show in and of itself, but at least it set up some potentially compelling storylines. Sheamus looked like a star, Bryan and Barrett looked like they belonged against real competition, and a Miz/Jericho alliance should be a lot of fun. I was worried that the WWE may have pulled the trigger too soon on an Edge-Orton feud. Both guys were still in face/heel “limboâ€, and it seemed like a desperate way to end Edge’s underwhelming face run. However, Edge’s brilliant mic work in the closing segment provided a compelling foundation for the feud, and the past chemistry they’ve shown in the ring has me feeling optimistic about the matches. Thumbs in the middle.
