TNA Impact opens with a video package from last week – TNA rankings, Jeff Hardy, Abyss vs Flair.
Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are shown on shaky-cam in the backseat of a limo. They talk about addressing Ric Flair and Sting for tonight.
TNA SONG. POWER! POWER! Running thru my veins!
Pyro in the Impact! Zone and Mike Tenay talks about tonight’s show – who takes possession of Flair’s ring? Answers from Sting? Then he makes the announcement that due to “popular demand” they are moving Impact back to Thursday starting on May 13th. Taz cannot wait for TNA Thursdays every week. He also heard from Sting backstage that Sting is ready to break his silence tonight.
Ric Flair’s music plays, but instead Black Machismo Jay Lethal comes out in a suit and acting like Flair. He has a mic. He woo’s a few times. He talks like Flair and points to the ring on his finger. Apparently Hogan gave him the Flair ring. Lethal is doing a good Flair and the ImpactZone fans love it. Tells some fans to shut up. Takes off his sports coat and knee drops it. To Be the man you’ve got to BEAT the man. Crowd is hot. Wooooo. Calls one guy fat boy. Crowd chants We Want Flair. Lethal “But i’m right here”. Ha. Flair’s music plays again and then the real (super old, red) Ric Flair comes out in sunglasses, no wheelchair. Flair makes his way to the ring. Crowd chants “double vision” and Flair starts his promo. He tells Lethal that he’s standing in front of God. He doesn’t like being disrespected. Lethal in a normal voice tells Ric to calm down and goes to give Flair the ring back. Crowd boos. Lethal says from the bottom of his heart, he meant no disrespect. He always wanted to be Ric Flair, the Nature Boy. He says his mom knows he made it because he’s standing in the ring with the legend, Ric Flair. Flair doesnt like it and attacks Lethal with some chops. Lethal with a comeback and back body drop. Lethal goes for the figure four! Beer Money, Desmonde Wolfe and AJ Styles run down for the save and the beatdown commences. Abyss runs down for the save but he gets caught in the numbers game. Now here comes Team 3D for the face side. Four on four with Ric Flair standing to the side in the corner. “What an out of control way to kick off this live Impact broadcast” boasts Tenay. RVD song plays and out comes the WORLD heavyweight champion. He has a chair and the heels flee.
More shaky-vision limo stuff with Hogan and Bischoff. Why can’t they arrive for 8pm, it’s like once a week? Hogan finds out in this segment something about what happened in the ring and he is upset with Lethal and asks for a phone.
Commercial Break
Recaps of what happened before. RVD says instead of everyone beating up on “Macho Dude”, you four “horse’s asses” come down for a fair fight. Flair responds by saying “if you want more, you got it” and thee heels go back to the ring. Back to brawling. Various brawling until finally Hulk Hogan arrives in the Impact Zone. His NWO music plays, then he goes to the ring, hitting the Robert Roode, the Desmonde Wolfe as he walked to the ring. Down goes James Storm. And AJ. Down to Hogan and topless Flair. Flair chops, Hogan no-sells. Points. Grabs Flair and throws him over the top rope. Gag.
Commercial Break
We are back and the brawl continues. Yowza. Hogan has a mic and says TNA is the best thing going today, Woooooo. Hogan says the fans want action. He puts Desmonde Wolfe in a match with RVD for the title here tonight on Impact. Hogan also makes a 3way tag match – Beer Money vs. Team 3D vs. Motorcity Machineguns and AJ vs Abyss in Monster’s Ball match. We see Sting in the rafters! His summit with Hulk Hogan is tonight as well!
Commercial Break
Backstage the Beautiful People talk about their “all titles” match tonight. Lacey Von Erich talks about sleeping with the belt on because they told her not to take it off. HI-Larious.
Douglas Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Ink Inc (Shannon Moore & Jesse Neal)
Williams has a mic and cuts a promo on what bullshit it was to get stripped for the volcanic travel issues. Crowd boos and chants USA. Williams calls TBK a “crazed lunatic” and Kendrick gets upset but Williams says dont get upset, just stating the truth. Williams has the X Title around his waist. He challenges Kaz for the title at Sacrifice. “Similar looks, similar agendas” says Tenay about the new Ink Inc. team. Amazing there are two incorporated tag teams in TNA now. Taz wonders aloud about the Book of Dilligaf. Me too! Back and forth stuff to start as Matt Morgan joins commentary. Williams takes control and beats down Neal in the corner. Morgan says TNA management is really Hulk Hogan, and he wants his opponent announced. Threatens Hogan and says “tick tock”. Morgan exits. Neal escapes and hot tag to Shannon. He clears house. In comes Kendrick. Moore controls. Goes to tag but Williams left. neckbreaker on Kendrick, tags to Jesse who hits a spear and pins Kendrick.
Winners: Ink Inc.
Samoa Joe music plays and he comes out and beats up Williams and Kendrick, who were bickering on the ramp. Drags Kendrick into the ring and knee in the corner. Muscle Buster! He almost lost him but hit it running and it was cool. Taz: Samoa Joe has struck again. Joe has a mic. Then just throws it down. Play his music! Tenay: Actions speaking louder than words tonight on Impact!
Commercial Break
JB is backstage with Flair, who immediately kicks him out. Flair then reams out AJ, Beer Money and Desmonde backstage about being beat up. He singles each of them out and says they need to step up. Or they’d be replaced.
Shaky-cam interview with Hulk Hogan. He thought the business would be easier, but it’s been problem after problem. A shoot? He wraps it into something about Sting, and he wants to know what’s going on with the man with the big black bat. He’s getting in his face – he’s done.
Taz and Tenay talk about Hogan/Sting and then the fans voting for Desmonde. Jeff Hardy will be live at the top of the hour.
Backstage Ken Anderson and the Pope are brawling. Anderson has an odd white/red outfit on. Anderson takes control and smashes some black shipping crates into the Pope. Then he spits on him. Then he puts on the Pope’s glasses and is smug.
Commercial Break
Ken Anderson comes down in his white and red outfit. Taz speculates it’s an alter boy uniform. Seems like it’s going to be offensive. Anderson has the mic. They did promote Jeff Hardy for this slot but instead it’s Anderson. He brings the mic down from the ceiling. Anderson does a voice kinda like the Pope in his promo. Crowd boos. Anderson stops to soak it in. Crowd chants “We Want Pope”. As promised Jeff Hardy music plays at 9PM to interrupt Anderson’s continuing promo. Hardy slaps some hands on his way down to the ring. Taz references the Book of Dilligaf again. Nice. Hardy has a mic and thinks the Pope won’t be cleared tonight, next week or Sacrifice thanks to YOU. Anderson mock-cries. Hardy challenges Anderson for a match at Sacrifice. Anderson takes his floating mic and pauses as the crowd chants “Hardy”. Anderson asks if Hardy is doubting him? Anderson says he has something going on that night and can’t do it. Crowd chants “Take Your Dress Off” at Anderson. He goes to leave, then tries to attack Hardy from behind with the floating mic, Hardy ducks. Twist of Fate. Hardy rips off the white and red outfit. Hardy accepts on behalf of Anderson, doing a weird voice to represent Anderson, including Hardy calling himself the “charismatic enigma” in the third person.
Commercial Break
Combined Knockouts and Knockout Tag Title Match
Tara, Sarita and Taylor Wylde vs. The Beautiful People (Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, Lacey Von Erich)
Taz says Tara has not been in a good mood in the last couple weeks. That’s a shoot brutha. Taz gives his son an early birthday shout out. Tenay notes that’s a good gift. Faces dominate to start, first Tara then Sarita. Tag to Taylor for some double team moves on Velvet. Tara is agitated with her own partners. Taz: Tara has an agenda, and it’s not about being nice nice. Double Team DDT on Sarita as Tara and Taylor argue. BP get the pin and keep the titles.
Winners: The Beautiful People
Commercial Break
Christy Hemme interviews Tara backstage and she challenges Madison Rayne for the title. Christy says that how will you get TNA management to agree with so many losses lately? Tara says she will put her career on the line!
Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Motorcity Machineguns
Some fast paced stuff from MCMG to start, then slows down to Dvon and Storm. Roode in for a double team suplex on Dvon. Beatdown continues. Hot tag to Bubba Ray who clears house on Beer Money as the Guns remain on the apron. Team 3D does the whats up head-butt. As they do this, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash “creep” down to the ring and just run in and the bell rings.
Winner: Never Said/None
The Outsiders beat down Team 3D in slow motion fat vision. Yuck! Our hero Eric Young runs down and clears house! No pop. He has a kendo stick. He goes to hit Nash, but then TURNS and hits Team 3D instead. Ha! As he celebrates with Hall and Nash, Shelly and Sabin take out EY from behind. Outsiders get upset, then MCMG do a double team… something on Hall. Then on Nash. Next Beer Money comes in and takes down MCMG. DWI on Shelly. Outsiders, EY and Beer Money raise their hands in the ring. Wolfpac music plays. Crap crap crap!
Commercial Break
The “O” Zone is a new talk show starring Orlando Jordan. The set is made up of some couches and some “bizarre” art. He cuts a short promo then introduces his first guest – ROB TERRY. Oh it’s a cardboard cutout. They randomly show Taz and Tenay and Taz does a HILARIOUS smile. Jordan cuts a promo pointing at Terry’s abs. Crowd is booing. Taz: How long is this gonna go, ya know? I hear ya buddy. Mysterious Music plays and the real Rob Terry comes down. He rips the head off his own cardboard cutout and tears up the set a bit. Terry on the mic: Don’t Make Me Come Out Here Again! Jordan then attacks from behind and beats down Terry. Then throws a cement thing that was on the set onto Terry. Play Jordan’s music!
Monster’s Ball
A.J. Styles vs. Abyss
Weapons are legal and “encouraged” claims David Pinzer in the intros. Abyss controls to start and tosses AJ across the ring. Tenay acknowledges their history. They were once tag champs together! Styles comes back and beats down Abyss in the corner. AJ Sucks chant. Back and forth. Abyss gets a bag of tacks. Ric Flair comes down with Chelsea, who has a trench coat on. Flair tosses Chelsea into Abyss, who cradles her, apparently trying to protect her from the tacks. Not sure what happened there but it caused a distraction. Flair tosses brass knucks to AJ, who puts them on. Abyss gets hit with brass knucks to the gut, and AJ tosses the knucks to the side. Weren’t they legal? AJ lines up and springboards from the ramp onto the top rope onto Abyss on the tacks. AJ takes a tack out of his arm then pins Abyss on the tacks.
Winner: Styles
Flair and Chelsea come into the ring. Chelsea claps as Flair and AJ beat down Abyss.
Commercial Break
TNA World Title
Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Desmonde Wolfe
Wolfe gets early control and poses with the fangs thing. Scroll with the change to Thursdays. This is apparently not the main event, as the Hogan/Sting summit is still to come. RVD fights back. Top rope sidekick by RVD called by Tenay as a “missile dropkick”. Rolling Thunder by RVD on Wolfe. RVD up to the top, but Wolfe hits the top rope and crotches RVD. Wolfe goes to the corner and grabs RVD for the Tower of London but RVD blocks. RVD gets down. Springboard kick from RVD on Wolfe and then a five star frog splash for the pin in about 3 minutes. Thanks for listening to the fans TNA!
Winner: RVD
After the match AJ Styles comes out of no where to attack RVD. He talks about his rematch clause as he beats down RVD.
On shaky-cam backstage, Hogan tends to Jeff Jarrett, who was just attacked by Sting off camera apparently.
Commercial Break
Hogan comes out again to the ring. He calls out the Stinger to find out “what’s real”. Sting comes out. Hogan said he’s been along too long to be fooled. What makes you tick Stinger?? Sting grabs another mic. Sting can’t WAIT to tell you Hulkster. TNA makes me tick Hulkster! Crowd pops. He loves this brand TNA and wants to give back. Sting said when Hogan was in WWF, he had a veil of protection. Hogan retorts something about choking out Dixie Carter. They are both talking but not really saying anything. Hogan says he has blood on his hands for taking out JJ earlier. Sting points the bat at Hogan’s neck. Hogan says go ahead man, put an end to me. As they chat, Jeff Jarrett comes down and grabs Sting’s bat and beats him. Then Hogan stops JJ from hitting him further. Then we are out!
This show was bad.
