Who Got Kicked Off American Idol – Episode 9-39 Review

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The episode opens looking like a movie trailer. And like a trailer, we get over hyped praise from blurb critics in the studio’s backpocket. Chuck Liddell of UFC fame is in the crowd. Maybe he’ll call out Big Mike for a match. Ryan gives the good news that 37 million votes came in last night. The bad news is that Bon Jovi is playing tonight. Maybe Bon Jovi will do some of his acting. Daughtry and Fantasia will also be here. Wonder if Fantasiabrought her VH1 reality show crew. Instead of a group song, Fantasia takes the stage to give us “Bittersweet.” I won’t comment on her pants since Tony Kornheiser said it best and ESPN spanked him. It’s a by the numbers soul ballad that won’t get her out of bankruptcy court any faster. She better not quit her VH1 dayjob.

Michael Lynche, Casey James, Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze sit on what were formerly the Barstools of Doom. Ryan intros their Ford commercial that has them doing Chinese firedrills in Chinatown. They sing World Party’s “Put the Message In the Box” like a bland commercial jingle. Do the kids really sing these songs? We come back for highlights of various hometown parades for previous final three contestants.

They dim the lights and have the four stand up. Casey is safe. He’s in the top three. Wow. Shock and dismay as he saunters to the couch. Ryan won’t tell us anymore. The Vote for the Worst Crowd is rejoicing around the country. Big Mike looks like deadmeat since Lee and Crystal are the chosen ones.

Daughtry returns with his country-fied rock. It’s also a slow ballad. Doesn’t anybody want to rock my ass off? What’s up with so many guest musicians going for the slow and sluggish? Do they fear startling grandma as she nods off on the recliner at home?

Crystal, Lee and Michael stand at the edge of the stage. The lights come down. Ryan admits the results are not in any order. Michael gets quizzed first. Kara claims he was so original on his version of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work.” But it was pretty much like Maxwell’s take on the song. Ryan announces first Mike’s name, but tells him to hang tight. Ryan says, “Lee is heading back to Chicago.” Does that mean he’s through to the third round? Guess so. But now we’re left with Crystal and Big Mike. They have to wait through Bon Jovi to get the news.

Something smells like grandma. Oh, it’s Bon Jovi. After three decades these guys are still going. Guess you can’t stop ‘em like that cold that keeps going around the office. This song is a drone.

Crystal and Big Mike await the final verdict, but Ryan wants to kill time chatting with Casey and Lee. Finally they dim the lights. Without too much of a shock, Crystal Bowersox gets the final cushion on the sofa. Big Mike gets the big goodbye until the tour. He had a good five week run after getting the save card. He seems happy. He’s got tour money coming. He does the Free Willy song and walks into the crowd. He should have done it yesterday. Also he shouldn’t have talked about wanting to get a parade. The show ends with Big Mike holding his crying baby. The kid knows that Casey James is a fraud.

The top three are Lee DeWyze, Crystal Bowersox and Casey James. Next week, expect more safe songs.

Joe Corey is the writer and director of "Danger! Health Films" currently streaming on Night Flight and Amazon Prime. He's the author of "The Seven Secrets of Great Walmart People Greeters." This is the last how to get a job book you'll ever need. He was Associate Producer of the documentary "Moving Midway." He's worked as local crew on several reality shows including Candid Camera, American's Most Wanted, Extreme Makeover Home Edition and ESPN's Gaters. He's been featured on The Today Show and CBS's 48 Hours. Dom DeLuise once said, "Joe, you look like an axe murderer." He was in charge of research and programming at the Moving Image Archive.