For Your Consideration…One Small Step for RAW

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For Your Consideration…One Small Step for RAW

Welcome to a RAW that promises to be out of this world.

Five bucks says that Michael Cole says that line somewhere in tonight’s episode. Regardless, this has got to be one of the coolest RAW Guest Hosts because Buzz is a legitimate American hero. Seriously, how many people can say that they walked on the moon? And, thanks to Neil Armstrong turning into this century’s J.D. Salinger, Buzz has become THE face of the first moon landing. Oh, and to those people who actually think that the moon landing was staged, I will once again defer to Aaron Sorkin:

C.J.: There is no group of people this large in the world that can keep a secret. I find it comforting. It’s how I know for sure that the government isn’t covering up aliens in New Mexico.

Alright, two paragraphs in and I’m already dropping “West Wing” quotes, you know it’s gonna be a good night.

Tonight’s RAW is commercial-free, which is going to be a little rough on the poor shmuck that does a rambling two hour commentary. Ah well, it could be worse. I could have been part of the Mango Podcast and forced to talk about the TNA PPV. So, since there will be no pimping from the WWE directly through commercials (though I expect a ton of ad bumpers and awkward product placements like John Cena hitting Sheamus with the JVC Kaboombox), I might as well get my pimping out of the way first. So you can follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/awheeler316, friend me on Facebook, e-mail me at awheeler316@yahoo.com or just post in the comments below. I am nothing if not accessible.

So, before getting into this week’s show, I wanna touch on some of the other happenings going on in the wrasslin’ world.

First off was the triple elimination on NXT last Tuesday. I have to say that it was a brilliant move by the WWE to lop off three contestants in one night, especially with the news that the NXT brand is going to fade into nothingness in the coming months. The rumor mill is already churning that this is either going to bring about a rapid closure to the series to make way for season two, or the WWE is going to use the slot to create another version of WWE Superstars.

Now I have no issue with the WWE bringing in a second season of NXT because, quite frankly, I enjoyed the format. I thought that had this hit, it would revolutionize the way that talent was brought up. Think about it, once this season comes to a close, the WWE has potentially eight new stars that they can add to either brand. That is something you cannot put a price tag on. If even one of these guys hits it big, the show has paid for itself.

On the other hand, rushing into a season two of a lame-duck show is only going to damage the contestants. Look back at the first Diva Search and now look back at the last Diva Search and tell me which one bred the most talent. With the WWE already saying that they won’t put Second Generation stars on a potential second season of NXT, the company could rush and ruin a crop of eight new wrestlers that would put them in a pretty deep hole. Don’t believe me? Look at the Spirit Squad, a faction that sucked in five of the brightest kids in development and pretty much killed their careers. Only Nicky is still around, and after surviving a round as Kerwin White’s caddy, he’s lucky he’s still got a job, let alone flourishing (kinda) as Dolph Ziggler.

If NXT will be remembered for anything, it will be for exposing the audience to Bryan Danielson. Yes, I am officially abandoning the Daniel Bryan moniker, because quite frankly, it just looks lame. Now I warned you dear reader a few weeks ago not to be reactionary on everything. The term smart doesn’t just refer to people who think logically, but also to people in the wrestling world that understand the business. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re a sophisticated fan. There are people who come to this site who aren’t smart fans, and while we welcome their clicks, their opinions tend to lean more towards that of the unenlightened.

Smart fans think longterm, marks make knee-jerk reactions.

There’s a reason I didn’t rip NXT a new one when they started to job out the Daniel Bryan character. There’s a reason that other people did. Again, longterm thinkers understand the business, short-term thinkers come off as marks. Daniel Bryan hung the sun and the moon for the IWC community, but whether we like it or not, we are still the minority of the wrestling audience. The IWC fans are the most fickle when it comes to a mainstream product, and that comes from the fact that, as smarter fans, we know that there are better alternatives out there. It’s why ECW thrived. It’s why ROH flourished. It’s also why TNA is circling the drain.

The IWC community tuned in to see NXT because overall, everyone wanted to see Bryan succeed. The problem the WWE had was that the bulk of the wrestling audience has never heard of Bryan Danielson. And that’s nobody’s fault. In fact, the majority of the wrestling audience should never have heard of Bryan Danielson. If the majority starts following what the minority likes, the promoters make erratic decisions to try and keep those new fans while abandoning their old ones. Your average John Cena fan does not watch ROH, and based on their love of the current WWE product, wouldn’t enjoy it that much.

When we were young fans, we fell in love with the showy nature of the WWE. When I was a small kid watching Hulk Hogan and Jake Roberts, I was watching larger than life characters put on a live action comic book. Now, as a more sophisticated fan, I can’t watch the old broadcasts with the same feelings because I suddenly notice how repetitive Hogan was and how dull the majority of what I enjoyed truly was. Had someone shown eight year old me what was going on in Japan, I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. I wasn’t ready for it yet.

Bryan Danielson is not the type of wrestler that the majority of the WWE Universe is used to. He’s short, he’s nondescript looking, and he doesn’t have an overly witty catchphrase. When you’re a small, technical submission specialist, you aren’t going to be embraced by the bulk of the fans. So instead of trying to convince everyone that he was the “best wrestler in the world”, the WWE decided to make him seem like a true underdog.

The underdog philosophy can work or it can backfire. Some fans get where the storyline is going and they will root for the guy like Mikey Whipwreck, or they’ll see where it’s going and just tune out. With Daniel Bryan, the fans immediately realized he was a bigger deal because he went toe-to-toe with Chris Jericho. You don’t need to have gigs of ROH torrents on your computer to realize that when someone hangs with the champ that they are a talented guy. But then Bryan started to lose and lose and lose. And we all saw where it was going. Having Bryan get berated by The Miz and having him still fail was supposed to make us identify with the character, but between constant losses and poorly choreographed promos, the fans fell out of love with Bryan.

Around the same time, the fans were falling out of love with NXT. The WWE isn’t stupid, folks, they know that Bryan is a special talent. But, if he really did bottom out, they had a way to write him off by saying he never won. In the end, they’ve decided to cut him free from the NXTitanic and chances are he’ll blaze his own path by beating The Miz (maybe even tonight).

Bryan Danielson will be just fine. He isn’t going to get the Paul London treatment, and even if he doesn’t become a major star, at least he’s going to get a nice, healthy paycheck. So for those people who kneejerked and acted like marks and decreed Danielson’s treatment on NXT, relax. For those of you who thought long-term and were smart, hang in there.

The best reason to cut Danielson was that he no longer needed NXT to get over. There are plenty of other guys on that roster who would kill for the NXT title. My guess is that the WWE is going to give it to Wade Barrett, but to be honest, the guy doesn’t need it. He is the most complete WWE Superstar in the bunch, thanks to his size, his in-ring ability and his promo skills. The only reason I think they might give it to him is so that Chris Jericho can have the bragging rights that he mentored the NXT Champion. My guess is that Barrett will wind up on RAW as the heavy in this little stable that Jericho and Miz seem to be building, which is not a bad idea at all.

The rest of the NXT rookies that are left are fairly forgettable. Darren Young has turned it around in my eyes simply because he has value as part of the SES. Young is going to get eliminated in the next week or so, which means he’ll either join the Straight Edge Society or he’ll become a crusader against Punk. Sure, he doesn’t light the world on fire, but at least he’s going to have something to do.

Same goes for Skip Sheffield, who, now that he’s cut, can float over to RAW. Over the past few weeks, Regal has been trying to get Kozlov to reunite with him. We know this is going to fail since Kozlov and Santino have that bizarre TV pilot in the works. So this means that Regal needs a heavy, and the rapidly improving Sheffield might abandon his fun-loving gimmick (something that doesn’t work for a guy his size) and join up with William Regal.

David Otunga has a decent gimmick built in, but he isn’t that good in the ring. He has celebrity appeal, but that’s going to wear thin pretty fast. Chances are with all of his dates on the road, his relationship with Jennifer Hudson is going to wear thin. That’s not me being mean, that’s me being practical. Life on the road away from your family can lead to temptation, and not everyone can be completely strong all the time. Otunga is pretty good on the microphone, but his lack of size and his pathetic in-ring work makes me think he’s more cut out to be a manager. Hell, with his law degree, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be the 21st Century Clarence Mason. This allows him to do what he does best (talk) and limit his wrestling to six-man tags and special attractions. For that reason alone, he doesn’t need the NXT crown.

That leaves us with Tarver (who adds nothing to any broadcast due to his nervous promos and his shaky in-ring work, and will probably be future endeavored), Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel. Slater has that “One Man Rock Band” gimmick, which is a great gimmick, but it doesn’t work for him. He hasn’t shown all that much charisma, and is at best a Smokey Mountain Wrestling midcarder. He seems like a capable guy in the ring, but he needs a dose of charisma. Gabriel is a former FCW Champion, and he would do nicely in the Matt Hardy role. Unfortunately, he hasn’t really impressed in the ring and he just isn’t that good on the microphone (making him the current version of Matt Hardy). One of those two guys could coast nicely as the NXT Champion, if only because they have nothing else really going for them. Maybe they’ll give it to Slater, who can cash in his shot at the Unified Tag Champs Miz and Jericho by teaming with Christian. Then again, it could be Gabriel, who could do the same with Matt Hardy.

Nothing here really sets the world on fire, but with limited exceptions, each of the NXT rookies should find a home on WWE programming, which was the goal of the broadcast to begin with.

Alright, enough pontificating about the C-Show, it’s time to talk about the “A-Show”…

The Judicial Review: Monday Night RAW 5/17/10

“Yessir we promised you a great main event here tonight.”

We open immediately with the RAW Nickeblack masterpiece. I guess that means there’s no place to go but up, right?

Pyro, ballyhoo and thousands of now partially deaf fans are LIVE and commercial free from Toronto. “They think I’m slow because I’m from Canada, aye?”

Tonight we have Cena versus Sheamus, plus, since we’re in Canada, American hero Buzz Aldrin.

But first, here comes Canada’s greatest hero, Bret Hart. Plus, just to make sure the Canadian icon is over with the fans, he’s wearing a Blue Jays jersey. Yeah, because there was a chance the audience might not cheer for him. Tonight, Bret Hart has a chance to win his fifth US Title, which just goes to show you that no one in WCW was paying attention.

The fans chant “Thank You Bret” as Hart says that he can’t believe The Miz had the nerve to challenge him. Bret then says that he called WWF headquarters and told them to book it, but for some reason a panda bear answered the phone. Hart says that he doesn’t want to be remembered as an old wrestler who hangs on for too long, so he’s not going to wrestle anybody tonight. This isn’t the right way for him to go out. The right way was stinking up the joint at Mania. Duh.

This gets interrupted by Chris Jericho. The awesome meter just ticked up a little. Jericho is wearing a snazzy gray suit, and if he gets cheered I give Cole ten seconds to call Toronto bizarro-land.

Jericho says he has one question for Bret, “Why?” Jericho wants to know why Bret came back in the first place. He could fool the sycophants in Canada (which isn’t very easy, just ask Bernardo Leonardo), but he’s a shell of himself. He used to be one of the greatest of all time, but now he’s nothing more than a pathetic has-been. Chris says he already is one of those guys who held on for too long. Even worse, he’s the ultimate hypocrite. He doesn’t care about closure because he’s a phony. That’s why he was screwed and he deserved it.

Hart says that Jericho is a phony. Bret remembers him hanging around the Dungeon or being trained for hours by Keith (a great rib if you read Jericho’s book) and not being able to apply a headlock.

Jericho says he’s a much better man than Bret Hart ever was, and he is now the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. Chris says Bret could have made the announcement from home, but he wanted one more blaze of glory despite the fact he’s living on a prayer. Chris says he doesn’t matter and the only person who matters is Chris Jericho. All of Bret’s old fans are now sickened to see what he’s become (someone get Scott Keith on the phone to verify). No one wants him here anymore, apparently. The Canadians chant “We want Bret”. Chris says his legacy rests on what happens tonight, and Bret will always be remembered as the guy who wouldn’t face The Miz in a fight. The Hart Family name means nothing anymore. Chris then invokes the name of Stu, which gets an “ooh” from the fans. Bret says that Miz will have a match tonight. Chris says that Bret is a conman and that Hart is going to intentionally get himself disqualified. So, of course, this leads to the match being no-DQ.

Bret says he isn’t a hypocrite. That’s why when he swore that he would never set foot in a WWE ring again, he was…uh…well…

Hart says he’s going to win the US Title tonight before telling Jericho to stick it in his pipe and smoke it. Clearly someone never heard of the Wellness Policy.

Jerry “Ed Hardy” Lawler and Michael “Causal Male” Cole remind us that this show is commercial free and duty free.

Tonight, Edge and Orton are in “Pick Your Poison” matches to hype the DUI PPV.

We get a lame Geico parady about Khali hating rental cars introduced by a WWE writer. Basically he’s in a small car, while that fuckign midget gets a Hummer. Oh, and WWESHOP.com is offering a sale, so be sure to get your Chris Masters t-shirt now.

Here comes Edge, who is rocking his sweet looking new t-shirt. Anyone else find it disconcerting how high Justin Roberts’s voice gets when he says “Rater R
S-EWPerstar”?

Edge rattles off the people that Randy Orton has attacked; Wayne Brady, Meatloaf and Vickie Guerrero. Jesus, it’s like some bizarre “Hollywood Squares”. This gets interrupted by…Christian? Seriously?

We’re going to get to see Edge versus Christian live tonight. Cole says that Edge and Christian are friends, so I guess the “brothers” kayfabe is officially dead and buried. Kinda like Christian might wind up being on Smackdown.

Lawler asks if it’s going to be an all-Canada night, but I don’t think they were able to book Rick Martel or any of the Rougeau Brothers.

Edge and Christian do some mat wrestling to start, and I’m just dumbfounded how silent the audience is towards Christian. Christian and Edge run the ropes before Christian goes for a two count. Edge looks all flustered and angry that Christian can hang with him, so he slaps him in the face. Edge then turns tail and flees, showing that he is part French Canadian.

Edge gains control of the match but then gets slapped in the face. He gets slapped again and Christian goes for that lame second rope stand on the back and pull move. Christian then connects with a dropkick through the second ropes before leaping off the second turnbuckle to the outside. And careful to the people in the first three rows, as Christian has just thrown caution to the wind. If that gets in your eyes, it can burn.

Christian charges at Edge on the outside but Edge moves and slams his shoulder into the barricade. This gets a 9-count from the ref, but Christian makes it in before the 10-count (or 10.4 Canadian). Edge then works the injured shoulder as the fans clap for Christian. Yeah, that’ll heal his arm.

Edge then stomps away on Christian as Lawler reminds us again that these two have history. Edge then continues to work the arm until he launches him into the turnbuckle. Edge charges Christian, who tries for that flip-up gimmick, but Edge blocks it and drops him because “they know each other so well.” Lawler says that if Cole wrestled himself, he wouldn’t win. Oh comedy, thy name is Kingfish.

Christian slaps Edge again, because now bitchslaps are part of his offense. Christian and Edge go to the top rope, but Edge gets knocked off and Christian hits the Tornado DDT for two. Christian then charges Edge and flapjacks him. Christian then hits a second rope dropkick for two. This then leads to the rhythmic clapping that doesn’t at all telegraph the Unprettier because as we all know, Edge is deaf. Edge counters but Christian drapes him over the second rope to…slap him again. Christian goes for a Frog Splash but no one is there and Edge hits the Edge-e-cution for two.

Christian gets a fluke roll-up on Edge for two and Cole yells that it’s an upset. Really Cole? Really? Way to bury your talent. Edge goes for a Spear but he gets rolled up for two again. Christian then gets taken down with an armbar as Edge sets up for another Spear. He charges but misses and this time Christian connects with that slingshot boot deal that Cole just calls “that move”. Christian goes for the Unprettier but gets launched into the ringpost and then Speared for the pin.

Randy Orton then appears on the Titantron but Randy is confused as to why Christian was out there. Apparently Christian isn’t his opponent, it’s…The Undertaker. Wait, what? Seriously, are they giving away ANOTHER Taker appearance?

Sure enough, because here comes Taker. “The Undertaker’s worse than poison.” Well that’s only true when it comes to watching his gimmick matches against freaks. Edge looks all sad about having to face Taker, as Undertaker gets his full entrance to eat up a commercial break for those pesky Canadians. You guys can have your free health care, I’ll take commercial-free RAW.

The ref starts to count Edge out, who refuses to get in the ring. Taker wins by count-out as Lawler finally realizes that this was intentional. Christian shows up from out of nowhere and throws Taker into the ring so that he can chokeslam Edge. Well, that seemed worth the cost of his plane ticket.

We re-live the moment a few more times before getting a commercial for WWE DUI PPV.

In the back, Maryse is bitching about Canadians thinking that Trish is a celebrity. Maryse is apparently French Canadian, which she thinks makes her better. Maryse then bad-mouths Eve, who sneaks up behind her and pours powder on her. Yeah, that’ll make up for jumping her. Eve and Maryse then have a catfight.

Buzz and his wife are in the back and Vickie Guerrero shows up. Vickie says that Buzz is in her office. Buzz says that he walked on the moon and she walked out on RAW. Buzz says that he called headquarters and she’s through. Her replacement will arrive next week. He says that he has a new iPhone application, apparently. Buzz then calls in the Bella Twins, who take her out to the parking garage.

We now re-live the excitement of Batista wailing away on Mark Henry with a chair. I miss commercials.

Oh yeah! It’s Mark Hey-Hey-Henry. He’s wearing the world’s strongest Ace Bandage, but he gets jumped from behind by Batista with a 2×4. Ho! Dave then drives Henry into the ring post before nonchalantly kicking him. Henry then gets launched into the ring steps, and he actually falls in slow motion. Dave then uses Henry as a step to get into the ring. He then demands a spotlight and poses. Seriously, why would he choose NOW to be entertaining? We had to suffer through years of dull tedium to get good Batista just in time for him to bail. I’m also pretty sure as he left he said “You’re all right, KoolAid.” Hey, don’t steal my bits.

Cole and Lawler are now back on my screen as they talk about how Batista could do that to Cena on Sunday. Tonight, Cena will face the man who took his title, Sheamus. Don’t worry, he gave it back.

We get a Ted DiBiase commercial ripping off Mastercard. It’s actually kinda funny. In fact, it might actually get Teddy over. Of course, it’s meant to get Resurrection-Truth over, but my guess is that it’ll make people hate Teddy even more.

Speaking of which, here comes CCR Teddy and he’s got…Virgil. Virgil! Wow. I didn’t even know Canada had crack.

His opponent is Yoshi Tatus, who is trying very hard not to blow a spot in his entrance. Teddy and Yoshi start off trading armbars as the crowd chants for Virgil. Man, Canadians are really under-stimulated.

Teddy and Tatsu start off pretty fast until Teddy devolved into punches. He then delivers a fairly impressive knee lift. I’m shocked that I’m saying this but this gimmick could get Teddy over where DX couldn’t.

Tatsu gets some of that Evan Bourne token offense for two. Yoshi goes for the big kick but misses and gets hit with Dream Street and its over. Wait, that’s it? Where was the Virgil-ference? I demand to see Virgil help Teddy win. Then again, I also would have liked to see Virgil dressed in a suit as opposed to looking like a janitor, but whatever.

Teddy says that the original Virgil isn’t ashamed to be the new Virgil, and apparently he’ll be at the DUI PPV on Sunday. Wait, when the hell did that become a match? Hold on, solid mid-card feuds between young wrestlers? What the hell is going on here? “If I can’t buy it, I’ll beat it.” A good theory on prostitution. Thanks Teddy.

We get a Punk/Rey PPV promo.

Miz and Jericho have a conference in the back but this gets interrupted by Josh Matthews. Miz steals his microphone and conducts a promo while WALKING. Sorkin-inspired WWE lives! Miz says that he can defeat a legend, a hall of famer and a national hero all at once. Miz then does a solid Canadian impersonation before saying that Miz is excited to face Hart.

Miz then walks out in his mini-Edge jacket proclaiming that he is going to publicly humiliate Bret Hart. That’s gonna be tough considering most of his WCW work. Miz says that Bret is going to be screaming in pain and calling for help from his family because he’s going to make him tap in the Sharpshooter. Because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome, apparently.

Here comes Bret Hart, complete with his jean shorts. Fantastic. And would it kill someone to find a pair of Bret’s old school glasses? At least he gives away his aviators to the only minority kid in Canada.

The bell rings and Miz immediately bails. He demands a microphone and says that he doesn’t trust Hart so he paid off some folks to take out the Hart Dynasty. This brings out Regal and Kozlov, who go to war with the Dynasty. Jericho runs in from out of nowhere and now they both have Bret cornered.

Natalya comes in to stand side-by-side with Bret, and Jericho demands that she leaves. She then pulls a Christian and slaps him in the face. Bret decks Miz but Jericho takes Hart down with a punch.

DH Smith runs in to take out Jericho, but he gets leveled by Miz. Now it’s Miz and Bret alone in the ring. Miz delivers some stomps before going for the Sharpshooter. Kidd comes out of nowhere for the missile dropkick and the Dynasty hit the Hart Attack. This is ridiculously disjointed. Bret now locks in the Sharpshooter and Miz taps out. Really? Really?! So instead of putting over Danielson, they chose to give Bret one more shot at glory? I guess it makes some sense if the WWE has any intention of keeping the NXT brand alive by not having a recently cut guy just show up on RAW. Getting cut has to mean something, I guess.

At the very least, this gave Bret Hart one final moment under his current contract. He then walks up the ramp to not a…

Commercial.

Cole then turns heel kinda by bitching about Hart winning before shilling tickets for the MITB PPV.

We re-live Cena beating Wade Barrett from two weeks ago.

Santino Marella gets a spoof promo of the Most Interesting Man in the World. This was actually kinda clever.

Here comes The Really Really Ridiculously Good Looking People, with each girl wearing a Women’s title. Guess they found one of them in the trash. Their partner is Maryse, who is upset that she was stalked and assaulted earlier. Also, she’s upset that Eve attacked her.

They will be facing Eve Torres and the Bella Twins. Eve and Maryse go after each other before the bell. Layla and Eve start it out, and Layla actually gets a headlock. She has gotten a little better in the ring and plays the annoying gnat well.

McCool is in now and it’s open season on the twins. Maryse tags herself in and hits the French Kiss on one of the Bella Twins for the full-bodied pin. Maryse and Eve then get held back from going at it and since we don’t have commercials, we get then continuing to claw at one another for WAY too long.

Josh Matthews is in the back with John Cena. The Canadians boo him because…it’s Canada. Cena doesn’t wanna hear from critics, but rather from people who wear his colors proud. Hey buddy, those are Gator colors, and we don’t give those out to just anyone. John promises that he has a plan. See, tonight he’s going to take out Sheamus so that Sheamus can’t interfere on Sunday. Oh, and Batista has failed to make him quit. He will not quit, whether or not the glove fits.

I hear voices now, and that means Randy Orton, who has abandoned his wrist tape. Randy Orton’s poison is…a fan trying to take his picture. No, that’s not it. It’s…a woman who wants to be respected. No, that’s not it either. It’s…Kurt Swangle. Man, I hope he doesn’t job too badly here.

Swangle and Orton lock up and Swangle gets a nice takedown. If you haven’t been watching Smackdown, you’re missing Swangle come into his own. Swangle muscles Orton into the corner before delivering shoulders to the gut, but Orton hits the reverse backbreaker out of nowhere. He then unleashes the feared Garvin Stomp.

One of the oddest parts of having a commercial-free RAW is that we’re actually getting a lot of solid wrestling. I could really get behind this idea. Meanwhile, in the ring, Randy delivers some clotheslines and Swangle bails. Randy follows but gets drilled into the announce table.

Swangle gets distracted and gets set up for the second-rope DDT but he turns it into a nice belly-to-belly. He then hits the running Vader Bomb twice. Orton almost gets counted out, and as he tries to climb back in, Swangle launches him into the announce table. Swangle then locks in some restholds as we must be on commercial in Canada. Normally, this would be a segment with the guest host, but instead we’re getting an entertaining wrestling match. Then again, the WWE doesn’t wanna have Buzz on too much because he might embarrass himself by calling the company a different name. Nah, no one would ever do that.

Swangle goes for another running Vader Bomb, but Orton punts him in the ribs. He then connects with the Second Rope DDT and now it’s time to hump the mat. This brings out Edge and a disqualification. Orton tries to RKO Edge, but he gets shoved into Swangle, so he RKOs him. Edge then Spears Orton to “finish” the segment.

Tomorrow night, we find out who is eliminated next on NXT. Hey, if you take the “e” out of next, you get nxt. I wonder if the WWE realized that.

It’s now time to recap the upcoming WWE DUI PPV card. Check out the Rasslin Roundtable this Saturday to see what all the writers predict for the show. My prediction? That it’ll be better than TNA’s last PPV. But that’s not saying too much.

And now it’s time for Buzz Aldrin. Stand up and show some respect, this man is a true American hero. I mean, he’s been on “The Simpsons.” Buzz says that he’s been having a great night before rhyming. With the hippin’ and the hoppin’ and the bippin’ and the boppin’. Buzz says that he’s been making NASA better over the past 30 years. He then sucks up to Canada but they start a “What” chant. This is yet another reason why Canada sucks.

Wait a minute, her comes Zach Ryder. Zach Ryder and Buzz Aldrin are in the same ring. I’m pretty sure this is what causes 2012. Zach mocks Canada and Buzz says that he punched out the last guy who said the moon landing was fake. Wow, we even have footage. Buzz then loses his train of thought before he’s saved by Evan Bourne and Gail Kim. Guess that timing he learned while dancing didn’t translate here. Too much Tang.

Bourne starts off dropkicking Ryder but Zach drives him into the corner. Evan then connects with a sunset flip for two but eats a neckbreaker. This is the kind of midcard feud I can get behind, folks.

Gail and Alicia mix it up as Gail connects with a top rope dropkick for two. Well, she kinda connected. Ryder then pulls Kim out of the ring as the announcers talk about Buzz Aldrin. Gail and Alicia trade some holds before Kim connects with a jawbreaker. Bourne and Ryder come in and Evan busts out Token Offense. Bourne then goes for AirBourne but Fox rolls Ryder out of the ring. Evan decides to just jump off the top rope anyway and connects with Ryder. In the ring, Gail Kim hits her finisher called Eat Da Feet (I shit you not) for the pin. Buzz then poses with Bourne and Kim.

Buzz then moonwalks in the ring to finish this segment.

We now get a Swangle/Show hype piece, which I’m fine with.

Next week’s RAW is hosted by Jon Lovitz. Thank you!

Another commercial spoof time for Geico: “Does Goldust make an awkward blind date?” Eh, this one didn’t work so well.

It’s Sheamus time, though alas he doesn’t get a promo.

The fans start booing Cena even before his music hits, which is one of the many reasons Canada is an interesting place. Cena mouths as much as he comes out to a loud boo.

This show so far tonight has felt like an old school RAW and I am really pleasantly surprised. Lots of wrestling, minimal comedy and no meaningless segments. Must be something in the water up there.

Cena and Sheamus lock up and Sheamus muscles him into the corner before stomping him. The fans start to turn Sheamus face as Cena comes back with some elbows. Cena and Sheamus go to the outside and Cena whips Sheamus into the ringsteps.

Sheamus takes over and he launches Cena into the wall before tossing him back into the ring for two. Cole points out that he was looking to pin the champion. You know, it’s insight like that that keeps us coming back to this show. Sheamus continues to wail away on Cena. John comes back with a suplex, that gets booed. He then connects with clotheslines…that get booed. Then again, they could be saying Boo-Ena.

Cena goes for the FU but he gets dropped with a half-nelson backbreaker. Cena comes back with a sidewalk slam. He charges Sheamus in the corner but gets an elbow to the face. He then gets clocked in the jaw with a running knee.

Sheamus goes for it again but misses and Cena comes back. He goes for the Five Moves of Mediocrity but Sheamus counters the bulldog and dumps John outside. Sheamus now delivers some very pale offense as I start to miss commercial breaks in a Sheamus match.

Cena comes alive and here come the Five Moves of Mediocrity. You Can’t See Me, Eh? He then goes for the FU, but Sheamus grabs the top rope. Batista runs in from out of nowhere and hits the Spinebuster. Well it wasn’t from out of nowhere. It was from the back. But let me build some suspense.

Batista spinebusters him again and this might be his last time on RAW. Dave then hits a third spinebuster, though this one looked really sloppy. He then goes for the Batista Bomb but instead locks in his submission hold. Seriously? Now he’s busting out new moves?! Not only that, but he’s busting out new moves with a maniacal new laugh. We fade out with him demanding Cena quit.

That’ll do it until this Sunday, though to be fair I’ll be watching the “LOST” finale.

This has been for your consideration.