It’s been too long since you heard these words hallowed in the IWC……..
Are you ready?
No? Well, get ready because IT’S TIME TO GET……RAW!
Sheamus takes on John Cena and Buzz Aldrin is your guest host. Will he have any power or will Vickie’s resignation not stand? It’s RAW and it’s commercial free!
Six days until Over the Limit and we also have the Miz defending the U.S. Title against Bret Hart tonight. Speaking of the Hitman, we have the best…period in the house! The roof blows off in Toronto as Bret makes it known that Miz had the nerve to issue a challenge to him for tonight. Bret had a week to think about things and he wants to be remembered for the right things. He won’t be wrestling anyone tonight.
Bret doesn’t get much more into his promo because Chris Jericho makes his way out to the ring all swanked up. Jericho wants to know why Bret came back to the WWE in the first place. He talks low to Bret and calls him a hypocrite. Jericho gets told off by Bret – the biggest phony of them all. The look on Jericho’s face tells it all. Jericho claims to be better than Bret ever was. Jericho says no one wants Bret in the WWE anymore, so that gets a “We want Bret” chant. Jericho stoops low to say that Stu would be ashamed of Bret. This causes Bret to change his mind. Jericho says that Bret is a con man…so Jericho wants Bret to throw the rulebook out the window. Bret agrees with this and the excellence has spoken.
Because we’re commercial free, we get the Great Khali in a rental car hyping WWEShop.com and Hornswoggle in a H3. Please…Kentucky Grilled Chicken was so much better from last year.
So tonight, the Edge/Randy Orton feud takes a twist as both men are picking each other’s opponents tonight. Edge comes out and he calls Orton out for RKO’ing people. Edge is interrupted by SmackDown’s Christian!
Pick Your Poison: Edge v. Christian
Stalling to begin and we get a lockup. Christian shoves Edge to the corner and we get a clean break. Waist lock from Edge, but Christian counters with a drop toe hold. Another clean break and they jockey for position. Wrist lock by Edge…whip reversal by Christian, takedown and a one count! Slap by Edge, taking a page out of Christian’s playbook…Edge hightails it and Christian gives chase. Back inside and Edge assumes control. Christian ducks under Christian and slaps him not once…but twice for good measure. Another slap is blocked and Christian gets in the ring for a nice baseball slide that takes Edge to the barricade. Springboard plancha connects and here’s a nice commercial break to take. Oh wait…no commercials. Christian rushes and Edge sends him to the retaining wall. Christian barely makes it back in the ring before the count of ten. Edge focuses on the worked on arm of Christian and it looks like Christian is bleeding from the mouth. Edge kicks Christian in the face and he continues on the arm. We get an omiplata hold from Edge but Christian gets out of it since it wasn’t fully locked in on the side guard. Corner Pele kick is blocked and Edge takes him down for a two count. Christian works a couple more slaps to get out of the corner and he goes to the top. Blocked by Edge…superplex attempt is blocked. Christian hits the tornado DDT! Cover gets two! Christian is feeling the power of the Peeps! Double sledge off the noggin! Flapjack by Christian! On the top…MISSILE DROPKICK! Cover…TWO COUNT ONLY! Peep Power! Edge goes for the Edgucator, but it’s countered to the Killswitch…countered! Springboard SLAP TO THE FACE! Edge is down…Headbutt misses! Edgucution connects…TWO COUNT ONLY! Big Boot misses…Schoolboy gets two! Holy Hell! Edge shoves Christian arm first on the ropes. Spear attempt…BIG BOOT! Sunset Flip gets TWO! Edge throws Christian down on the arm. Spear attempt…Christian moves! PELE! Flying elbow connects and the time is now! Killswitch blocked and Edge sends Christian to the ring post. Spear connects and that’s all!
Winner: Edge
Grade: B+
Randy congrats Edge on the win, but he wonders why Christian was even out there. Oh Holy Hell…Randy strikes a deal with the Deadman! So why was Christian out there?
Pick Your Poison: Edge v. Undertaker
The bell rings and Edge wants to take a powder immediately. Edge plays it smart and takes the countout.
Winner: Undertaker
Grade: N/R
Since Edge wastes Undertaker’s time, Christian throws Edge back in the ring to eat a chokeslam for his troubles.
Cena/Batista promo
Wow, we got a Trish Stratus plug! Maryse is upset because she isn’t as good as Trish. Eve steps into the frame and sends the pamperer away. She gets baby powder out and it’s GIRLS GONE WILD!
Buzz Aldrin is with his wife and Vickie Guerrero and she supposedly is still RAW GM. Buzz states that she resigned and he checked with WWE Headquarters and her replacement will be here next week! She was never rold this. Buzz calls in security and the Bellas escort her out! HAHA!
Last week, Batista learned how to do a submission hold. But the Rings of Saturn? Really?
Batista v. Mark Henry
Mark Henry walks down the ramp…Batista uses a 2×4 to the injured arm..and manhandles the strongest man in the world. So Batista is supposed to be badass? Batista wants the spotlight and he gloats.
No Match
Now a word from out sponsor…Ted DiBiase…and R-Truth. Priceless.
Oh My God…Virgil is back!
Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil) v. Yoshi Tatsu
Surprising he’s still employed. We got DiBiase v. Truth at Over the Limit this Sunday. Bell rings and DiBiase takes it to Tatsu. Tatsu reverses a wrist lock and DiBiase powers him in the corner. Tatsu channels Tajiri with the kicks and busts out a picture perfect dropkick. Two count. Corner to corner we go and DiBiase catches Tatsu and drops him on his knees. Kick to the stomach…Stalling vertical suplex connects on the ropes. Cover gets two. Headlock applied…Tatsu tries to get out of it and he fights back. Spinning heel kick connects. Multiple kicks connects and he kicks DiBiase into the future. Kickout at two. Roundhouse misses, but Dream Street doesn’t.
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Grade: C
Virgil wants a microphone and he gets one. He gives it to Ted and Virgil gets a round of applause. Ted talks about money…if he can’t buy it, he’ll beat it.
CM Punk/Rey Mysterio promo
Miz and Jericho discuss strategy and he walks towards the ring with a microphone. He talks about how he will destroy the legacy that is Bret Hart. Why? Because he’s awesome.
United States Championship: The Miz v. Bret Hart
Let’s see how thos goes. Miz immediately gets out of the ring to get a microphone. He’s skeptical about the Hart Dynasty involvment, so he hired Regal and Koslov as henchman. Seems they were ready so they take it to them. Jericho slides in the ring and it seems to be decision time for Bret. In comes Natalya and she’s woman enough to stand up for him. Jericho eats a slap and Miz eats a punch. Bret gets sucker punched and David Hart Smith takes out Jericho…only to get taken out by the Miz. Miz looks to apply the sharpshooter…Tyson Kidd comes in with a missile dropkick and the Hart Dynasty neutralizes the paid help. Bret applies the Sharpshooter…Miz taps!
Winner and NEW United States Champion: Bret Hart
Grade: N/R
WrestleMania 26 is out NOW!
Poor Michael Cole…he’s a sad panda because Bret is the new champion.
Time for a moment with Santino. Wow…
OK…so SmackDown is well-represented. Layla and Michelle McCool are both wearing the Women’s Championships. Wow. Just…Wow.
Michelle McCool, Layla, & Maryse v. Eve Torres & The Bella Twins
GIRLS GONE WILD! Layla takes on Eve to start and it’s a stalemate. Layla gets an unique cover for one. Eve counters with a slam for a two count. Neckbreaker connects for two. Tag to one of the Bellas and it’s Bree, seemingly. She takes it to Layla. Michelle McCool attacks out of nowhere and gets the tag. She goes to work on Bree and she mocks Eve. Tag back to Layla and she misses a leg drop. McCool tags in, takes out Eve…but Bree tags in Nikki, HAHA! She takes it to McCool and Codebreaker flips her inside out! The Throwback connects and down goes Maryse. Nikki botches a splash and Maryse tags in for the French Kiss…for the win.
Winners: Michelle McCool, Layla, & Maryse
Grade: C-
Maryse wants Eve in a bad way.
Josh Matthews wants Cena to respond to the critics as to why he would accept a match against Sheamus. Cena wants the Cenation to stand by their man and he will take Sheamus out…then enjoy Batista as dessert.
Pick Your Poison: Randy Orton v. Jack Swagger
The bell rings and Swagger takes Orton down with a full nelson slam. Orton is back up and Swagger locks the waist. Orton gets out of it and he jockeys for position with Swagger. Orton with the foot stomp. Swagger gets back on the offensive with a headlock. Orton fires up and he takes Swagger down. Orton looks for a powerslam, but Swagger takes a powder to catch Orton off guard. Orton catches Swagger…DDT attempt is countered to a belly to belly throw! Swagger Splash connects once…twice…and Orton rolls out of the ring. Orton gets to the ring apron and Swagger takes him off and he lands on the commentary table. Swagger keeps the pressure on Orton. In the ring. Swagger gets a cover for two. Headlock applied. Belly to Belly slam by Swagger keeps Orton off his game. Orton catches Swagger with a boot and Orton is coming to get ya! Spike DDT connects and he coils up like a viper…Edge makes the run-in and there’s your match. RKO to Edge blocked…RKO to Swagger isn’t. SPEAR BY EDGE!
Winner via DQ: Randy Orton
Grade: B
Over the Limit card rundown.
Here comes our guest host, Buzz Aldrin!
Buzz is working on making the space program better…and we get What? chants in Canada. Of all people? Zack Ryder…and his new girlfriend Alicia Fox? WHAT?
So Zack disses Canada because he’s all about Woo…Woo…Woo! The last guy that questioned if the moon landing was fake…got punched in the face. But Buzz won’t punch him in the face. Evan Bourne and Gail Kim jumps the cue and we get a mixed tag!
Evan Bourne & Gail Kim v. Zack Ryder & Alicia Fox
Off the wall we go and Bourne gets a sunset flip for two. Ryder takes offense and he eats a few kicks in the process. Bourne takes it to Ryder and the ladies get involved. Off the ropes, Gail takes Alicia down. Ryder helps Gail out of the ring the hard way. Alicia gets a northern lights suplex for two. Another cover gets two. The men get back involved and Bourne hits a rana. He charges to the corner and he eats elbow. Bourne takes it to the top for Air Bourne, but Alicia takes the save. Gail finishes off Alicia with Sole Food!
Winners: Gail Kim & Evan Bourne
Grade: C
Buzz does the moonwalk. Epic Win.
Jack Swagger/Big Show promo.
Your guest host next week: Jon Lovitz!
We go back to the WWEShop.com commercial, this time with Goldust on a blind date.
Sheamus v. John Cena
The bell rings and they lock up. Sheamus overpowers Cena to start and he beats him down. Cena fires back taking Sheamus to school. Sheamus heads out of the ring and Cena takes Sheamus to the ring steps. Sheamus reverses a whip and sends Cena to the barricade. Back in the ring, Cena kicks out at two. Uppercut by Sheamus connects and we go corner to corner. Polish Hammer takes Cena down. Cover gets a one count. Cena makes another comeback, taking Sheamus out. Sheamus meets the turnbuckle awkwardly and he falls out of the ring. Attitude Adjustment is countered to a half-nelson backbreaker. Off the ropes, cena catches him with a sidewalk slam. Cena with the jabs and jives…and Shemus goes down. Pillar to post we go and Cena gets the bad end of that exchange. Knee to the face by Sheamus and Cena is down outside the ring. Cena tries to get back in the ring, but Sheamus does it again! Again Cena gets back to the apron and Sheamus does it again, but Cena no-sells Sheamus! HERE COMES CENA! Sheamus counters the bulldog! Baseball slide connects and Sheamus is out of the ring stalking Cena. Cena gets bashed on the announcer’s table. Sheamus gets the cover…two count only! Sheamus wraps Cena around the ring rope. Cena lies hurt as Sheamus looks for the kill. HERE COMES CENA! Shoulder tackle…Protobomb…Five Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus holds on. Sheamus gets launched out of the ring as Batista is waiting for him. Spinebuster not once…but twice!
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Grade: B
Batista hits another spinebuster and he locks on the Rings of Saturn (until I get a better name for it.) Cena won’t quit as we fade out!
The Inside Pulse
RAW gets a B+ tonight as the direction was geared towards Over the Limit. The only thing I have to question is giving Bret Hart the U.S. Title. Sure, it’s nostalgia and it is nice to see him as a champion again. However, the WWE blew a perfect moment to push Bryan Danielson to the moon. Is it because they had an idea that the IWC was expecting that? Or will Miz regain the U.S. Title before we forget about Danielson? That match was overbooked with a reason. It was a minor thing, though. The commercial free aspect last year with KFC as the sponsor was gold, but this year…it seemed the WWE was cutsy with having a few “segments” that served as sponsors. I didn’t enjoy that as well, but if I had to nitpick this episode, that would be my nitpick.
Overall, it’s good to be back on the Pulse. A huge thank you goes out to Ricardo Rochetti and Widro for covering my ass the past three weeks. Enjoy your week!
