This season of American Idol will be remembered less for talent and more for being so forgettable. The show has been reduced to Wheel of Fortune where eliminated contestants vanish from memory. This has become American Open Mic Coffeeshop Idol with the guitarists taking over from vocalists. The strumming covers their singing limitations. The show open with what appears to be more highlights of the final three’s trip home. Did Lee DeWyze really through out the first pitch at a baseball game? They have to repeat Kara saying that Lee is what the show is about. It’s about a Johnny Bravo being sucked into 19 Management’s hit making machine so that at the end of the day Simon Fuller gets rich and the winner ends up in bankruptcy court.
The big thing tonight is Justin Bieber. Ryan brags that 47 million votes came in. How many relatives does Casey James have? The kicked off Idols are in the crowd. They must have been spending the last week learning their Up With People routines for the finale. Ryan asks rather boring questions of the remaining three about winning. Notice he doesn’t harp on what they get if they win that separates them from the other kids that competed this season. There is no real grand prize at the end of this rainbow. They don’t even give you a stupid trophy like the Dancing with the Stars.. Each of the three will get a record contract. The final two both get the same car. All you get is a title on par with “Employee of the Year.” Randy claims that Lee was so shy when he auditioned and has grown. Really? He seems to be as quiet and nervous on that stage last night. This rappin’ with the kids segment is dead air. At least tonight we’re going to see more highlights of their going home trips.
The Ford Music video has them doing Banksy spray paint portraits of themselves while blanching the energy out of Iggy’s Pop’s “Wild Child.” Two insults to outsider artists in one sellout. Let’s focus on the first homecoming visit. Casey James pats the tarmac when he’s home in Texas. Fans line up outside the local Fox channel. There’s a packed high school football stadium. Another plug for the AT&T store. The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders show up. In a touching moment, he returns to the hospital that saved his life after a wreck. Now if they’d run this footage last night, he would have scored major pity phone calls. Looks like he did a mini-concert, but they don’t give us any musical moments.
Perez Hilton appears on the episode since he’s pimping Travis Garland as his new singing sensation. Perez has lost a lot of weight. He swears his discovery is better than Justin Timberlake. Travis gets this cluttered split screen action that really adds nothing to a light weight performance of “Believe.” Like most of what’s appeared on the show, he seems more concerned about hitting certain spots on the stage than singing with any passion. This guy is a background vocalist.
Ryan reminds us that there will be auditions this summer including Jersey City. Does that mean Snooki and the Situation will flex their pipes for us? Crystal Bowersox touches down in Toledo in the private jet. She’s got a crowd at the TV station. We get more footage of the AT&T store. They do have a parade for her through the downtown. There’s the Mudhen’s mascot. She gets a backyard BBQ with her family. It’s kinda confusing her family reunion since we’ve seen that her kid is with her in LA. They have footage of her performing live and tossing out a baseball at the Mudhens game.
Lee DeWyze gets off the private jet this time. There’s a crowd outside the Fox station. The AT&T visit is brief. He did throw a good first pitch at the Cubs game. He performs at this elementary school. He has a mob scene at his old paint store. He’s like Tony from Saturday Night Fever. He even gets a parade. His performance is at a race track. He does “The Boxer” live. It sounds punch drunk as he hits the chorus. This is the front runner?
Mega-tween pop force Justin Bieber gives us “You Smile” and “Baby.” He’s the Leif Garrett of his generation. His hair helmet is second only to Ted Koppel. He’s lip synching since he did a bad dance move and words were sung while the microphone was nowhere near his mouth. He does the drum solo as if proving he’s the next Hal Blaine. If you don’t know who Hal Blaine is, look him up on wikipedia.
Finally it is time to reveal the final two. Casey James, Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox stand at the edge of the stage. We’re reminded that Simon picked a song that he secretly owns. How come Kara didn’t pick one of her dopey songs for Casey to sing? Ryan teases us that he first person in the finale is Lee DeWyze. Major surprise! Without much tease Crystal Bowersox is told to join Lee. Casey James is gone. I guess the producers didn’t want to make Lee DeWyze that easy of a winner. Casey roams into the crowd singing “Daughters” one more time. He’s so much better tonight. He picks up a little girl and carries her around for the final lines. He got robbed by being stuck on stage last night. This might have put him over the top. The flashback reminds us that he got onto the show based on Kara and Posh Spice wanting to see his bare chest. I’m going to miss not having Casey James to kick around.
Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox will battle to the death next weekend as they attempt to make us nostalgic for Taylor Hicks.
