The Real Housewives of New York City – Episode 3-11

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Welcome to the Caribbean! The sun is shining, the ocean is blue, and this is the best episode in the Housewives franchise I have ever seen. It was wacky, over the top, drunken hilarity, and I loved every minute of it. It was delicious. Why can’t all episodes be this fun?

Ramona, Alex, Bethenny, Sonja, and Kelly head to the US Virgin Islands to celebrate Ramona’s vow renewal. It starts with – what else? – Ramona demanding wine. She brings up Jill’s pantry crying to fill Bethenny in, but Kelly thinks they’re being mean. Kelly also has a very different version of events. “She didn’t get crazy, she didn’t attack.” Um, cameras were there. We saw the footage. She was off the wall.

But Kelly doesn’t get it. Or as she says, “It’s not that that I don’t get it, it’s just that, you know what, I don’t care. You guys are making, you know, lemons into lemonade. I’m not having this conversation! It’s gross, it’s so gross. Oh f—, the feelings! Enjoy your, like, vile behavior.” This woman proceeds to get confused by a glass door. Sonja is concerned by her storming out, but everyone else knows this is normal Kelly behavior.

It’s nighttime and most of the women are drunk, the kind usually reserved for college freshmen. Alex and Ramona hop over to the Hooters yacht next door, leaving a sober Bethenny, dumb Kelly, and sloshed Sonja together with Cafe Patron shots. As Bethenny is talking about her father, Kelly does her best therapist impression but puts her foot in her mouth instead. She says that bad fathers aren’t uncommon and Bethenny should let it go. Really, is that what you say when someone dies?

I was already liking Sonja, but now I LOVE her. She is being her delightful, refreshing self and attempts to figure Kelly out. “She doesn’t have sex with men, she doesn’t have sex with women, what the hell does she do?? No wonder she’s so uptight, she never gets laid!” See, Sonja’s awesome. Also, I think she wants to hook up with all of the Housewives. Kelly says she doesn’t have one night stands – which is a perfectly respectable way for a 40+ mother to live her life. But instead of leaving it at that, she insists that she’s not a hobag, like Bethenny! She doesn’t sleep around America! Or have unprotected sex! Isn’t she acting a bit judgmental for someone who was in Playboy?

Sonja purrs that she admires Bethenny because she never plays the victim. Kelly immediately jumps in and vehemently disagrees. Bethenny puts people down build herself up. She’s, like, putting me in the press every second and defaming my kids and hurting my family! No one cares about Bethenny. NO ONE CARES ABOUT HER. She’s vindictive and malicious and cunning and deceitful and CREEPY. She’s not a chef, she’s a cook. It’s creepy! I don’t know if she’s a cook or a chef. She’s a media whore!

I’ll give you a moment to reform your brain cells.

Bethenny’s response? “You speak and don’t know what you’re saying. I went to culinary school, you moron! Adios, lunatic. I’m going over to the Hooters boat so I can see some real sane people.” No one does it like B. Just like that, it was put into perspective just how pathetic Kelly is. I don’t understand her repeated statements that she “DOESN’T CARE” when she continues to comment on Bethenny’s actions. The weirdest part about it all? Later at the Hooters yacht, Kelly looks Ramona dead in the eye and said “I didn’t do anything, Bethenny’s freaking out.”

Do these women know they’re being recorded?

Ramona is in heaven. She had overdosed on Pinot Grigio, is flirting with the Hooters captain, slurring through every word, and ready to shut Kelly down, just shut her down. After yelling at Kelly (awesome) she decides it’s time for a dance party. Ramona lets loose on the pier, dancing towards the Fat Turtle, taking Alex and Bethenny with her. They loose themselves in a twirl of lasers, and I’m left with the desire to ditch all my friends and party with Ramona.

Sonja just wants to get with a Hooter girl, or worst case scenario, Kelly.

Random Thoughts

  • Elurghence is leherrned, mah friends! Elurghence is luh-uh-uhh-urr!
  • LuAnn’s date was grosssssss. And I could have more chemistry watching Sonja on TV than their kiss ever could.
  • Bethenny comforting Sonja about her low self esteem was very sweet.
  • “This whole feelings thing, it’s like 1979!” Kelly, the 70s were about drugs, glitter, and disco, not feelings. There’s nothing wrong with feelings. Especially when you were just at The Chopra Center with the others talking about your feelings.