Opening Thoughts
-So a friend of mine said that Bryan Danielson should have his nom de plume changed to “Irving W. Chambers” so that his initials can be IWC. As many people have surmised, Daniel Bryan Danielson seems to be the voice of the smart/Internet wrestling fan, something that Pulse Glazer mentioned in his most recent column and something I spoke about WAY back in this very recap, back when there were eight rookies and people were only beginning to understand just how terrible David Otunga was.
-That being said, after being a bit unsure last week, I’m actually pretty psyched about tonight’s show. The rookies will be their rookie selves, and while I’m hoping Otunga is eliminated tonight, I expect it will be Slater or Gabriel. If Wade Barrett doesn’t win the whole thing, then they’re simply trying to swerve the audience in a move that’s so inane even Vince Russo would scream about sloppy storytelling.
-In personal news, I’m typing this recap on my swanky new Asus laptop, and we’re in love, and will be running away to Vegas next week, so don’t judge. Actually, I really WILL be in Las Vegas next week, and so the recap will be a few days late, as I won’t be back in town until next Thursday, and I’m not sure we’ll get Spike TV in the hotel room. Actually, let me rephrase that: I don’t really CARE if we get Spike TV in the hotel room…
-Because I’ll be on my honeymoon. That’s right, noble readers, this marks my final NXT column as a single man, as I’ll be joining the ranks of the wedded this Saturday. A little over a year ago, I asked a remarkable woman to be my wife, and, after plying her heavily with drink and song, she consented, and a year’s worth of planning comes to fruition. I look forward to your congratulations and, if you wish to send gifts, my registry is searchable on Amazon.com.
-I kid, I kid…you don’t have to get me anything…y’know, unless you really want to.
-Right, right…wrasslin’!
-Opening video package shows the various eliminations, including Tarver and Bryan unwittingly eliminating themselves. They also show a section of Daniel Bryan saying that he is “the best person FOR. THIS. JOB.” There are only two weeks left in the competition, apparently.
-Matt Striker is in the ring and announces the pros. You know, Striker is only now, finally, annoying me, where he’s coming off more like Guy Smiley than the smart and funny wrestling nerd we all know him to be. I know he’s the host of the show, but it’s a bit much for me.
-Pro roll call! Chris Jericho, The Miz, Matt Hardy (again, to enormous cheers), William Regal (who you all SHOULD cheer, goddamit), Christian…CM Punk is announced, but isn’t here due to the events of Over The Limit…and R-Truth, complete with new US Title belt.
-The rookies come out, and the crowd doesn’t really seem to have a huge affinity for anyone. Heath Slater enters to, essentially, quiet, and Justin Gabriel got a bit of a pop, but nothing major. The heels get booed, but what else is new? Striker points out that tonight is the semi-final, and next week is the season finale (what a great time for me to go on vacation, right?). Each rookie gets an opportunity to talk to the Pros and the fans by, naturally, saying who they think should be eliminated. Same thing every week…let’s be honest, the only reason most of us are watching this is to see what Daniel Bryan Danielson will do later tonight.
-Barrett says Gabriel isn’t man enough to win the competition, Otunga reminds him of an episode of The Benny HIll Show every time he steps in the ring (a comment I adore, even though no one in the audience will get it…troglodytes), and believe him, he HATES Benny Hill. Otunga, naturally, has no idea who he’s talking about. Ultimately, he wants to see”The Ginger Ninja” Heath Slater go solely on the basis of hating his hair. Works for me.
-Justin Gabriel picks Otunga, bringing cheers of agreement from the audience, because he doesn’t know what he’s doing in the ring. He even says that on the mic he’s great, but that he simply doesn’t have it in the ring. Wow, was that the sudden stench of realism in my fake reality tv show?
-David Otunga says that he has enough money to buy Wade Barrett’s favor, apparently not understanding that Barrett doesn’t get a say in who wins the competition. Though he hates Slater, he picks Justin Gabriel, seeing him as little more than a glorified gymnast, and comparing him to a deer in the headlights on the microphone. I don’t think he’s THAT bad. He actually seems a bit like RVD, kind of laid back but, with a bit of seasoning, could be alright. A lot like his ring work, now that I think about it.
-Heath Slater calls out Wade Barrett, as he doesn’t know how a face with a nose as crooked as his is still on television. That’s what competing in bareknuckle boxing matches will do to a guy. Hey, his nose IS crooked! How did I never notice that before?
-But wait, there’s wrestling involved. All of the rookies tonight will team with their respective pros tonight in tag team action. Hooray, Jericho and Christian wrestle tonight! In less excitement, so do R-Truth and Matt Hardy! Eh, they’re not too bad.
-So has anyone else gone to wwe.com recently and checked out the NXT page? Has anyone noticed that, according to NXT, Michael Tarver had NO mentor at all? No wonder he lost!
COMMERCIALS
Match One: Heath Slater and Christian vs. David Otunga and R-Truth
-One team of guys I like, and one team of guys I don’t. Guess. Actually, to be fair, I don’t hate R-Truth, and I think he has value as a character and as a wrestler, while my thoughts on Otunga are pretty well known at this point, I think. Actually, watching Heath Slater wrestle R-Truth shows something that may end up hurting Slater in the long run: he’s a good wrestler, but there’s not really enough to make him a star there. He can hold his own in the ring with just about anyone, and is a good fit and a good hand to have around. Is he ever going to be world champion? Unlikely.
-David Otunga, however, does stand out, but not in a good way. He’s gotten a little better, but he still seems like he doesn’t quite get how to sell or how to carry himself in there. Michael Cole raves about how much he likes him, and calls himself “hip” also saying, “he’s not a vegan.” I hope you get kicked in the head for that one, Mikey. The crowd is reacting to Slater, which makes me happy. The sadness that will follow if Otunga wins this will be substantial. And, naturally, as I type this, Heath Slater jumps off the top with a crossbody, but it’s reversed (lousily) by Otunga, and it gets the pin. Son. Of. A…
Winners: David Otunga and R-Truth
-Daniel Bryan Danielson is backstage, and his “public apology” is next. I have no idea what’s going to happen, and I’m honestly looking forward to finding out.
COMMERCIALS
-Michael Cole is in the ring with security, and calls the attack last week the most traumatic and unprofessional thing that’s ever happened in his career. Really? A video package is played, and it does kind of make Cole look like a tool, but it does show Bryan and his goofy sense of humor. Man, can we even decide on a name for the guy before we go forward? The audience, for what it’s worth, cheers the beating of Cole. You know the rules here: he apologizes, he lets it go, but if he doesn’t, Bryan gets sued for everything he’s worth. Yep, Cole’s definitely the bad guy here, which is a bit of a relief.
-Hmm…at first, Bryan doesn’t come out, but after making Cole sweat for a minute, down the ramp he walks, and Cole gets behind his wall of security guards. He does not look pleased. Bryan says he’ll apologize, but Cole doesn’t believe it. He says that the security detail isn’t necessary, and after a bit of concession from Bryan, they leave the ring. Bryan says he’s sorry, and Michael Cole offers his hand to accept the apology. Bryan, however doesn’t let go.
-“I’m sorry…I’m sorry that you are, by far, the worst announcer in WWE history.” The crowd cheers for that one, naturally. Cole tries to escape, saying, “Are you kidding me?!” “What, you want to be a man, but you can’t escape a hand shake?” Security rushes the ring, and I’m thinking this is just about done as Cole gets behind the guards. But wait, there is indeed more! “Oh, a man hides behind security guards, a man hides behind an announce table. Since I’ve been here, since day one, WWE management has tried to hold me back. They put me with The Miz, who is by far the worst pro out there, and when he even bothered to show up, all he talked about was himself! And for you, for you to rip me behind that announcers table, when you NEVER earned that job, you never got that because you were good, you never got that because you were skilled…” Cole keeps trying to interrupt him, and finally gets a word in edgewise. “Do you want to know why I ripped you? Because you didn’t deserve it!”
-Bryan is incredulous, to say the least. “What? I have more heart than anybody in this locker room. I am, by far, the best wrestler in the back.” Cole then goes into a monologue about how Bryan talks about how he’s such a great wrestler, but that he was lacking one thing: that he isn’t in the competition anymore. He talked about “tap or snap” but the only person that Cole saw tap out in the competition was him. He couldn’t cut it, and he shouldn’t blame Miz or Cole or management, but should look in the mirror to see who to blame. He calls him a loser, and says that he has no heart. Then, Cole SLAPS him (albeit weakly) and that sends Bryan off, and he charges Cole, who escapes out of the ring while security holds Bryan back. Bryan, however, escapes out of the ring, runs around it and attacks Cole AGAIN. Cole keeps yelling to apologize, and I still have no idea where this is going. I doubt we’re going to be getting an ultimate submission match between Bryan and Cole.
-Ah, good old Miz. As Bryan walks up the ramp, security having let him go, Miz starts yelling about how he’s future endeavored, and he should just leave, and Bryan’s had all he can take and he can’t takes no more. He punches Miz right in the mush, and security is all over both of them. Hey, we got time on this show, let them fight. Wow, the brawl is getting out of hand. Cole, from ringside, calls him a maniac. Eh, maybe.
-Okay, so what just happened? How do we keep Daniel Bryan Danielson in the WWE? Does Miz call him back for a match, and they end up doing it for a contract? See, I’m not against a Cole/Danielson issue, but the thing is that Cole is only a heel ON THIS SHOW. Which next to nobody watches. On Raw, Cole is the voice of the show and, whether we like it or not, the voice of the babyfaces. Unless Danielson is going to be repositioned as a heel, where it would make sense for Cole to hate his guts, I don’t know how they’re going to transition him off of NXT and onto the main roster. I suppose they could always just put him on Smackdown where he won’t have to worry in a Coleless environment but, just as last week, I’m not sure what the next step is. I tend to pride myself on seeing where storylines are going, but this one is in my blind spot. Still, I imagine that this will probably be the most talked about thing on NXT because, frankly, what else is worth talking about?
-Also, I missed the slap the first time, only seeing it on replay. That’s how sad it was. To be fair, Cole’s not a wrestler, and he maybe wanted to avoid actually slapping him, but blink, and miss risking the slap that sent the American Dragon off his Dragon Wagon. Which I’m trademarking.
COMMERCIALS
-Cole is gone, replaced by Matt Striker. Striker doesn’t really take a side, saying Bryan has heart, but that he was always taught to respect those who came before you. Matthews and Striker have an interesting conversation about respect and passion, where Matthews says that Bryan is actually the most respectful of all of the rookies because he loves the business more than anyone. Like I said, fascinating stuff that would just be shouted down by Cole. Have fun resting in the back there, champ.
Match Two: Justin Gabriel vs. Wade Barrett
-Ooh, I don’t know if this one bodes well for Gabriel. After a few kicks, Gabriel finds himself thrown approximately 900 feet into the air. Seriously, that was a terrifying show of strength. I love listening to Jericho. “Look how smart he is, dismantling the abdominal area! Are you talking about him?” Matthews: “I was…” Jericho: “Well you should be! Talk more! NOW!” When NXT is over, can Jericho and Barrett stay together forever and ever and ever? I never want to lose Jericho screaming at the announcers about how awesome he is. Barrett unleashes a big boot, just stepping on Gabriel’s face. Pin attempt gets two, and a quick submission hold is reversed by some kicks in the head by Gabriel. Really, Gabriel’s offense is primarily kicks, although as I type that, he hits a nice springboard crossbody. Not to be outdone, Barrett hits a pretty sweet looking slingshot backbreaker. Neato. Sunset flip powerbomb by Gabriel, and hooray for interesting wrestling. Whoa, 450 by Gabriel, and this one is over. Way to go, kiddo. His record is now 7-3, and he now has the best record of any rookie.
Winner: Justin Gabriel
-Well, my guess is that Heath Slater isn’t long for this world.
COMMERCIALS
-American Bang, the artists who wrote and recorded the NXT theme song, are in the audience. Yippee.
-Raw Rebound. Stuff happened.
-The Pros are discussing their Poll (teehee)! Results when we return…if my DVR didn’t cut it off.
COMMERCIALS
-Rookies are in the ring, and the order is as follows: Wade Barrett is still #1, and Otunga is STILL #2. Grrrr…well, two of the guys I like are gone as Otunga gets to stick around for yet another week. #3 is…Justin Gabriel. Man, I knew Slater was toast. It’s a shame, as I like him. Hopefully they’ll find something for the guy to do in the company, since, as I said before, he can hold his own with essentially anyone. Heath and Gabriel, however, shake hands. Christian is asked for his opinion, and he totally puts over Slater. He was great, but the cards were stacked against him. Go Christian. Miz is then asked, and I imagine it’s not going to go quite as well. When asked why he voted Slater off NXT, Miz says that he never saw the spark, never saw the heart. Slater, obviously, didn’t feel the same way. R-Truth thinks Slater did great, but that it’s simply survival of the fittest. Err, okay. Chris Jericho, given a chance to elaborate, just says that it doesn’t really matter that Slater was eliminated, as Barrett is going to win anyway. He’s got a point.
-Slater, given the mic, takes the time to cut a promo detailing how he beat Chris Jericho, who just so happened to beat Steve Austin and The Rock in one night. Heath says that he’s not going anywhere, and that while the plug might have been pulled on the One Man Rock Band, we should get ready for the encore. I’ll hold the lighter up for you, buddy.
Closing Thoughts
-Daniel Bryan will return next week, I gather, and Heath Slater is off the show, while Otunga is STILL in second place. Actually, Otunga might win as a swerve, but with next week being the final episode of this first season, I’m actually a little more interested in who will make up the next season at this point. Hey, you get rid of the people I like, and that’s what you get.
-Anyway, I enjoyed Slater, and while he may not be a megastar, he’s a motivated, solid hand to have around, and I hope to see him land on one of the two shows. Maybe he can keep hanging out with Christian, although I see that holding Christian back more than anything else. I guess this is why I’m not on WWE Creative. That, and I find logic and continuity enjoyable and pleasant.
-That’s all for me until next week folks, albeit two days later. When next our paths cross, I will be properly ball and chained.
