We abruptly start RAW with Edge brutally owning Evan Bourne! Edge looks for a flapjack and Bourne counters with a knee to the throat. Edge lies in wait and Bourne misses with the Air Bourne. Edge spears Bourne and he tells everyone that what happened to him will happen to his opponents at Fatal Four Way. He’s tired of being disrespected and it changes. He talks about his opponents and when he gets to Orton, he gets the fans to chant RKO. The fans are sheep for following Orton. He vows that he will prove everyone wrong by becoming a ten-time WWE Champion.
Here comes Orton! Edge calls him the silent assassin. Edge knows Randy isn’t at 100% and that he vows to hurt him at Fatal Four Way. He looks into his eyes and he hits the RKO! There’s a tag match tonight with Cena & Orton taking on Sheamus & Edge.
Ashton Kutcher is up next!
We’re back and Ashton is being talked bad by Zack Ryder and Eve comes around and flirts with him. He’s going to put a hit on Zack Ryder. It can be anyone…and the Miz comes into the scene. I ask what kind of camera they are using. So Bret Hart and Ashton Kutcher decide to book Miz against Bryan Danielson! Ashton gets close to breaking PG and Eve stops him.
You know what time it is? WHAT’S UP?
R-Truth wants to know what’s up. What a match?
Non-Title: R-Truth v. Chris Jericho
Truth gyrates as the bell rings. Lockup to start and Jericho gets sent to the ropes. Jericho off the ropes…hip toss by R-Truth! Jericho is outsmarted with the dropkick attempt and gets catapulted from the ring. Plancha by Truth and we gotta take a break!
We’re back and Jericho takes control. Truth finds one opening and Jericho closes it with an enzugiri. He chokes Truth out on the ropes before taking him to the corner. Jericho looks like he wants the U.S. Title. Jericho sends Truth to the ropes and HERE COMES TRUTH! Truth with the big boot gets two! He charges…Jericho with the boot! Lionsault mises and so does the Axe Kick! Walls attempt is blocked and Truth hits what was almost the Osaka Street Cutter, but Jericho blocks it and eats a facebuster instead. Jericho pokes the eyes and Jericho takes him down…two count only! Foot stomp connects and Jericho mocks him. Truth catches Jericho and he does his flashy moves…only to get caught with the Walls! Truth counters with the Small Package for the win!
Jericho is in disbelief.
We go back to last week where Batista quit the company.
Meanwhile, Zack Ryder talks with Bret Hart about the hit Kutcher placed on him. The Hart Dyansty come in and they talk about the Uso Brothers attacking them last week. Seems they signed to RAW last week and that they need some adversity in their careers.
Mixed tag team action…NEXT!
Santino Marella & Eve Torres v. William Regal & Maryse (w/Vladimir Koslov)
Santino blurs PG with promising Eve to make love with Vladimir, HAHAHAHAHA! Oh My God. The divas start things off and Maryse takes it to Eve from the get go. One-legged dropkick connects and Regal tags in, making Santino tag in by default. The fans chant Santino repeatedly… and Regal owns Santino without breaking a sweat. Pillar to post and Santino wishes he was still on Superstars. Regal Stetch applied and Eve breaks it up! Regal looks to attack Eve…and as the divas engage in their cat fight, Koslov turns on Regal, thus proving that the Russians and the Italians all share a common bond. Santino gets the pin.
Winners: Santino Marella & Eve Torres
Bret Hart walks.
We get the Memorial Day tribute and what better way to continue that by bringing out your Canadian hero? It’s Bret Hart, though so it’s easily excusable. “Long time so see”, he says. He’s having so much fun that he got with T-Lo for what will be a special event next week on RAW. SmackDown invades RAW next week! There’s your next three-hour RAW, folks. Bret wants ideas from the fans and stars alike.
Cue the Fortunate Son and Virgil. DiBiase wants the show given to him by making him GM for the night. He wants total control and he’s willing to pay the price. He says that Bret came back to the company because he needed money and Ted can give him whatever he wants.
Ashton Kutcher interrupts Ted DiBiase and he wants to relive Cyber Sunday and Bret Hart agrees! RAW’s Viewer’s Choice will be next week!
Uh-oh…When you get a Vince McMahon sighting, you know something is up. MacDaddy Vince is in the house!
In a world where both Vince and Bret both get cheered, things must be perfect. Vince relives WrestleMania where Bret hit him 18 times with a chair. Bret got most of the hatred out of him and the fans remind Vince that he tapped out. So the question is why would Vince be ok with Bret being in charge of RAW. Vince likes the idea about RAW being given to the fans next week and he will be tuning in. So, Vince says that Bret has to treat the fans as if they are kids. We’re already PG, what’s the difference? Vince wants Bret to tote the corporate flag instead of pandering the fans. Vince wishes Bret luck, but Bret isn’t buying it.
Meanwhile, Zack Ryder is kissing Randy Orton’s ass and Orton simply tells Ryder that if he wanted to take him out, they wouldn’t be talking. They walk off and Edge slams the door on Orton’s hurt arm, which was conveinently placed there by Orton himself. Needless to say, if this is how they write Orton off for Fatal Four Way…EPIC FAIL!
Meanwhile, trainers are tending to Orton’s injuries.
The Miz v. Bryan Danielson
Yes, I refuse to call him Daniel Bryan because Daniel Bryan is no longer in NXT. Last week, Bryan and Michael Cole had a pull-apart brawl that led to Bryan decking the Miz.
The bell rings and Danielson floors the Miz and he applies a keylock on the Miz. Miz catches Danielson with a series of rights and he kicks him in the head. Cover gets one and Michael Cole goes apeshit over how we love Danielson. Miz continues the pressure on Bryan and he connects with the corner charge. On the top, Miz hits a double axe handle and he continues to toy with him. CROSSFACE! Miz counters with a rollup…two count and Danielson gets a cover of his own for the win.
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Grade: A+ for the storyline, D- for the match – C+ average overall.
Post match, the Miz throws Danielson out of the ring. Miz forces Danielson to apologize, so Danielson uses the Miz as a lawn dart and he throws him on Cole. HAHA! Lawler is loving this!
We’re back and Michael Cole is pissed off and we go back to last week when the Uso’s come in and attack the Hart Dynasty.
The Uso’s are in the ring saying how they put the Hart Dynasty on notice. They remind me of Cryme Tyme with the way they talk. Not your typical Samoans. They are here for domination. Needless to say, the Hart Dynasty comes out and they return the favor. But, we get a replay of last week.
We recap what happened tonight thus far.
Orton is out for tonight, who will be Cena’s partner?
Here comes Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox! Who is going to answer the hit? Alicia has a great idea and he demands who is taking Ashton up for the hit. Jerry Lawler comes in the ring with a chair, so he can sit and get a front row seat. Out comes the Great Khali and they leave the ring in fear. But Ashton says it isn’t Khali, but it’s Goldust…or not. Zack apologizes and Ashton responds…he’s never going to see it coming. Alicia is tired of the joke and she drops the microphone. Zack goes to pick it up and Alicia Fox hits her axe kick on him, thus proving that Zack Ryder isn’t good in bed…
Edge and Sheamus have a heart to heart before the match.
The A-Team hosts RAW next week.
Edge & Sheamus v. John Cena & Evan Bourne
Cena has some bad news. Randy Orton is out tonight, but since everyone hates Edge and Sheamus, and someone owes Edge a receipt…we get Evan Bourne. That’s right – Evan Bourne is main eventing RAW!
Cena and Edge start off and Edge beats Cena to the punch. Pillar to post we go and Cena tags Bourne in and he works on the arm of Edge. True to the cause, Bourne is the whipping boy of the match, but he does get some good offense against Edge. Edge gets sent over the ropes. Break time!
We’re back and we get some more token offense (TM Andrew Wheeler) from both Cena and Bourne. Sadly, Sheamus remembered that Bourne is the jobber so he treats him as one. Tag to Edge and Bourne gets whipped around some more. Kick to the head and Edge is all bad-ass. Edge throws Bourne back in the ring. Sheamus comes in and he looks for a vertical suplex and he tweaks his leg. Bourne takes advantage and almost tags Cena in, but fails. Sheamus gets a close two count before tagging in Edge to continue the offense. Bourne won’t quit, though. Bourne floats over, but eats a boot anyways for a two count. Headlock applied and Bourne tries to come back again. ENZUGIRI! Both men are down! Tags all around! HERE COMES CENA! Cena with the A.A., but Sheamus counters with the powerslam! Irish Curse misses and Bourne kicks Sheamus in the face. Edge SPEARS THE RINGPOST! Tag to Bourne! AIR BOURNE CONNECTS! Finally, Bourne gets a win on Sheamus!
Winners: John Cena & Evan Bourne
RAW Viewer’s Choice next Monday! BE THERE!
The Inside Pulse
I’m giving the show an A because while there wasn’t much wrestling, the thought of Bryan Danielson beating the Miz and Evan Bourne main eventing RAW provided an unique feel in my view. The only thing I hated was how Ashton Kutcher’s promos looked as if they were shot from a webcam, but he was still effective in putting a hit on Zack Ryder. Not much else to talk about as it all went through without any major issues. Next week shall be interesting. See y’all later.
Paul Marshall has been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007 as a recapper and part-time columnist. Paul currently recaps WWE Monday Night RAW and also provides random comments throughout his recaps. He can be reached at email@example.com or you can follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/pulsepaul/