Satire: Laurinaitis Interviews Call Girls

The Satire is a fictional piece of writing. None of it, the the knowledge of me or anybody on staff, is true. While the events depicted in this article may sound very true given the knowledge of principles and practices going on in the wrestling world, we must say with an extra sad face that all of this is more make believe than the wrestling itself.

It was announced this week that the WWE, most prominently John Laurinaitis, has began a new Diva Search through the Craigslist Casual Encounters and Adult Services section. The news was revealed after the WWE was required to submit a full browser history to all of the shareholders during their quarterly report which included Laurinaitis’, filled with scantily clad and sometimes nude women gracing a majority of the sheet.

When questioned about all of the ads for women and couples offering to perform various sexual acts, he proclaimed with a smile to shareholders:

“It isn’t like I am using these for my own viewing. We are currently exploring all avenues in order to find the best women for the job here at World Wrestling Entertainment. By seeing these women in this light, it can better help us see them in the light of our company. Where there is a will, they is a way and you can expect to see some of these women gracing our rings in the very near future!”

As a response to this, WWE shareholders have also begun to scour the internet in search of who will become the next breakout star for the WWE. 12-year-old Marcus Bailey, a shareholder of WWE stock since 2007, has begun forwarding WWE officials different Craigslist posting’s including one from his sister from the Casual Encounters section titled “Sexual Freak Needs Some Lovin’”. Bailey says that his sister would make an excellent diva and has many more Casual Encounters posts that he could send to them. Laurinaitis then proceeded to ask for their phone number to interview said sister.Apart from this you can have look at telefonsex chat and chill with girl you want.

The WWE has a long list of areas that they have tried to get women from in years past. From fitness competitions to transsexual operating tables, the WWE has become an equal opportunity hiring company in terms of the beauty scale. While many of their less attractive women who can wrestle are usually taken off of television or relegated to dark matches, with the right attitude and operations, a woman can become a top star in her field on the undercard.

In the first of what is seen as a long line of interviews, Laurinaitis brought in 19-year-old Naughty Destiny for an hour’s session where, as it was described, they had a deep and intimate conversation about the wrestling business. The was followed by, what people outside the office described as, what her sounds and grunts would be like in wrestling with Laurinaitis also helping with the sounds as well to guide her. Time will tell whether one of these beauty queens from the back pages will find their stardom but, as Laurinaitis put it, “they definitely have their talents.” For more up-to-the-week news on happenings of the wrestling world, make sure to stay tuned to the Satire at Inside Pulse Wrestling!

Ben LeDoux is a columnist for Inside Pulse Wrestling. He is also currently the Editor of The Front Page Newspaper and technicolor magazine. His work has been featured on New Pages, Duotrope and a list of other online and trade magazines.

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