Below is a partial report on the 06.17.2010 TNA iMPACT, penned by regular reader/commenter Rey Mundo (a.k.a. ReyTheHussein). Email me by clicking above to let us know whether or not to hire him to recap TNA regularly, or show him the door! Also, don’t forget to check out our newest TNA columnist, DR. TNA himself, David Roberts, and leave your thoughts for him in the comments section here.
Suspension of Disbelief: TNA Impact Report for 06.17.2010 – Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Jay Lethal, Sting & More
Allow me to introduce myself…
Greetings and salutations, Internet Wrestling Community. My name is Rey, but my nom de plume is ReyTheHussein. You might have noticed me leaving comments throughout various posts throughout the illustrious world of Inside Pulse’s wrestling division. More specifically, you’ve probably seen me mark out over virtually everything Andrew Wheeler writes. I’m not gonna say it’s a man crush, but if we were both at a wedding and there was an open bar, well, one thing might just lead to another.
But I digress.
Anyway, I was offered a shot to write for this corner of the internet by Mr. Pulse Glazer, a writer whose work I’ve enjoyed on Examiner and Pulse. He’s a cool guy, and he’s got a tremendous singing voice. I also appreciate how he opens up in terms of his personal life in his Tuesday Morning Backlash column.
I say those first two things to say this: My writing style is very, very similar to theirs. You can see that for yourself at http://itaintthatserious.wordpress.com. Half-emo, Half-wacky, Half-random, Half-Man, Half-Dog. I’m my own wacky emo best friend.
My Wrestling Credentials are here (because I won’t insult you by copying and pasting it).
Other factoids that you may or may not care about:
~ I’m a huge Star Wars fan. I don’t do books, costumes, or conventions, but I love all six movies. You heard that right. All six movies. Make your peace with it, and please know that I’m extremely protective of Hayden Christensen, and will not hesitate to cut you over a slight against him.
~ My musical stylings are all over the place, from boy bands to 90s gangsta rap to adult contemporary to rock to 80s to Sunday when I was nodding my head to polka on the way to the movies. My favorite artist over the last six years is KanYe West, and if you think that bit about Hayden was tough, try to insult Mr. West around me and not lose a relative under “mysterious circumstances.”
~ I detest snark, atheism, “pushing the envelope”, and shock value. Why? Because it’s boring and played out. Everyone in the world is an agnostic, sarcastic, dead-baby-joke-making, See You Next Tuesday sayer, and it stopped being impressive when I turned 19, 10 long years ago.
~ Like the name of the column, my Suspension of Disbelief game is unparalleled. I like being entertained. I like losing myself in movies, television, the music, and/or the moment. I don’t try to figure out the ending of films 10 minutes in, I don’t take TV so seriously that I say things like “Worst Episode Ever”, and I enjoy Top 40 songs even if they’re cheesy pop drivel. So, in other words, don’t expect me to go all super-negative about things. I will give angles, wrestlers, and almost anything else the benefit of the doubt. There are too many critics out there, and what I’ve noticed is that critics are joyless buggers that need a hug, or 3 more months of breast-feeding, or both.
Get on with it!
Right, right. My gig here will be covering… wait for it… TNA Impact. That’s right, kiss my dog, F.R.E.D. for me, tell my father he raised a good man, and tell Laura I love her. I’m going in and I might not ever make it back. So, without further ado, here is my report on TNA’s Impact for Thursday, June 17th, 2010.
Enjoy.
~ Kendo stick beatdown from Abyss on Mr. Anderson, who, for some reason, always reminds me of Dane Cook, only less pointless’y. Slam on broken glass from Abyss to Mr. Anderson, looked cool, pretty sure the glass was gimmicked though. The wrestling fan in me says “Dang, no blood!” while the person conscious of how gross that would be…in me…is relieved. While EMTs are checking on Anderson Anderson of the Anderson Andersons, Abyss takes it upon himself to pummel Jeff Hardy and chokeslam him off the ramp, through a table. Hardy will be okay, but the table, much like the prune, is done for. Hulk Hogan comes out and scolds Abyss. Rumor has it that, post-taping, Hogan took Abyss to a gentle stream, told him about the rabbits, and shot him in the back of the head. You know, or not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3InFM7X-v0
~ Flair & The Fortune Faction formation. Alliteration! Flair runs down the accomplishments of the original Four Horseman. Nice nods, except for the shots at Luger. Get it? Cuz, see, there’s a gun called a Luger, and… Oh, nevermind. Flair calls Jay Lethal “…a little pissant from New Jersey.” New Jersey couldn’t be reached for comment. Lethal comes out, and his impression of Flair is dead on, to the point where I minimized the YouTube window and noticed no drop-off. Also? Lethal is awesome, even if he bit The Rock’s “___ came down to the ring, took a big crap, and out came ___” line. Flair says “You can’t do me”, but forgets to Pause that. Okay, he made up for it by saying “Oldest ride, Longest line.” Nice. And we’ve got a “Woo”-off! After half a dozen more pause-worthy lines, we get Desmond Wolfe vs Jay Lethal. This segment was really entertaining.
~ Hogan makes Flair vs Lethal. Hogan says Flair’s been holding Lethal down, that Lethal is on Flair’s main event-level. Victory Road will see Ric Flair take on Jay Lethal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfaa6X6M92w
~ Sting & Jeff Jarrett’s Confrontation. Let me say this first: Jarrett has aged somewhat well. Sting, on the other hand, seems to have inherited the cranium of the titular (*snicker*) character of “Bonk’s Adventure.” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of Sting’s soul patch. Jarrett says Hulk has given his body, keeps calling Sting “Steve”, and says he’s not just fighting for his family, but for Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, and most importantly, Former Vice President Spiro Agnew. I’m kidding, he really said he’s fighting for the TNA Fans. Those 2 guys in Asheville, North Carolina should be honored.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VtTrZRPa2c
~Ink Inc. vs Nash & Young. Crosby & Stills must have been banned from ringside. Shannon Moore with the pin on Eric Young. Ink Inc. advances in the Tag Team Title Championship Series.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmwpHY_j234
~Beer Money vs Team 3-D. Beer Money takes the win when Brother “Don’t Call Me Buh-Buh, No, Seriously, I’ll Get Sued” Ray leaves the ring to go beat up on Ink Inc., who are at the announce booth. Beer gets spat into Brother D-Von’s face, then ol’ D-Von gets rolled up for the pin with a handful of tights for good measure. Next week will see Ink Inc. vs Beer Money. Great step forward for TNA, pushing younger, TNA-branded guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3iBRM2Y3ds
~ Angelina Love vs Lacey Von Erich. Before I go in, let me just say that I enjoy the role of the TNA Knockouts and WWE Divas. I, like many other people, used to wrestle in the backyard, and we were lucky enough to have some pretty athletic people that put on some good, safe matches–none of that roof jumping, cheese grater stuff. Still, our best matches weren’t nearly as good as the better Women’s matches. So, in short, quit hating. Pretty girls are appreciated (*winks at Chantal*). Alright, play-hittin’ time. Angelina with a sick powerbomb after taking some punches from Lacey. Angelina with a DDT on the chair, gets disqualified, so victory goes to Lacey Von Erich.
~Matt Morgan interferes in Samoa Joe vs Hernandez. Gotta be honest, the YouTube clip starts this thing at a weird spot, with Samoa Joe noticing on the big screen that Morgan interfered in his match. Joe is miffed, as Samoans are notorious for easy miffin’, and heads back to the ring. Morgan ducks out, and we get a mutual respect “My bad, I didn’t want the win like that” staredown between “Supermex” and Mighty Samoan. Yay for being racially insensitive!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofcOJ8lNwXc
That’s all YouTube had, so that’s my report.
Thanks for tuning in to Suspension of Disbelief.
–RTH
Rey is new to the Internet Wrestling Community, but he is also a 4 time! 4 time! 4 time! 4 time! Yahoo Invitational Beer Pong Tournament Champion, and once lived on a houseboat in Spain.
