The Satire is a fictional piece of writing. None of it, to the knowledge of me or anybody on staff, is true. While the events depicted in this article may sound very true given the knowledge of principles and practices going on in the wrestling world, we must say with an extra sad face that all of this is more make believe than the wrestling itself.
In the latest initiative by World Wrestling Entertainment to allow wrestlers from generations past to supplement income off of their offspring, the WWE has signed an exciting 4th generation superstar to debut in Florida Championship Wrestling in the coming months. Alanna Orton, daughter of Randy Orton, has signed a long-term contract and will begin attending wrestling training in the coming months after she is potty-trained. The 2-year-old diva is being pushed as quickly as she can for Mr. McMahon to debut her on television as he hopes to get her into a long and lengthy feud with Natalya Neidhart.
This decision did not come without a good deal of thought however, as the Orton family took much consideration into the safety of her daughter stepping into a ring with the string of injuries her father has had in the past few months. It was finally when Randy’s uncle, famed jobber to the stars Barry O, pointed out that the only person who can make the decision to put her in a wrestling ring and that was herself. Sources close to the story say that when her first words were “Dad†and “poopie†that the decision was clear: Alanna was set for the ring.
During her first foray into the squared circle, young Alanna reportedly had a tryout match with Rey Mysterio, the closest WWE superstar to her height. After a few minutes of grappling, Rey had to step out of the ring, saying that Alanna was too stiff and needed to learn how to work. She then proceeded to pee in the middle of the ring and began crying until her father took her out. He then proceeded to cry until his wife changed the diaper.
What will come next of the Orton legacy? Only time will tell as the superstar family makes their way into becoming bigger than the McMahon-Helmsley regime. It was reported that all proceeds earned by Alanna Orton will go to the Barry O Retirement Fund. Join us next week as the battle for supremacy in the WWE starts as Triple H is angered by his children not receiving a contract and makes a power play for his father’s heart! Stay tuned!
