Every Monday morning, InsidePulse Movies Czar Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz brings an irreverent and oftentimes hilarious look at pop culture, politics, sports and whatever else comes to mind. And sometimes he writes about movies.
One of the amusing thing about the 1980s has been that now, two decades since they’ve ended, nostalgia has set in and now there’s hundreds of CDs out there with ‘80s compilations. From Hip-Hop to Hair Metal, and all points between, there’s an insane amount of compilations out there that allows you to sample the best that decade had to offer. While rocking out to “The Final Countdown” by Europe or shaking your rump to the “Humpty Dance” by the Digital Underground, you can relive the soundtrack to the decade of Reagan and jingoistic action films.
For those of us like myself who grew up during that decade I can say that 90% of it sucked, hence the abundance of compilation albums instead of the best of Gorky Park, but it does inspire me about something else. You know what we need more than ‘80s compilation albums with “Bang” by Gorky Park and “Always There For You” by Stryper, especially in the wake of ‘80s action icon Mel Gibson losing his marbles (again): “Greatest Celebrity Outburts.”
Listen to me now and believe me later.
In the digital age of entertainment, where one indulge in crappy ‘80s glam metal bands with a competent internet connection for days upon end, wouldn’t it be awesome to just listen to celebrities lose their marbles one after another? Think of how many great celebrities melting you could fit onto one album. And I have, so soon I’ll be marketing the Greatest Celebrity Outburts comedy album via Inside Pulse Records. Included is the following:
1. Mel Gibson completely trashed making anti-Semitic remarks after referring to a female police officer as “sugar tits.”
2. Michael Richards using racial slurs en-masse at a heckler on audience, as well as making remarks about lynching, and making a complete-assed apology about it afterwards.
3. Mike Tyson taunting an opponent by telling him he was going to have sex with him until he loved him, and then referred to him as a slur for a homosexual
4. Tom Cruise lecturing Matt Lauer on the evils of psychology
5. Don Imus referring to the manly Tennessee women’s basketball as “nappy headed hoes.”
6. Jimmy the Greek discussing Civil War era genetic theory of the African-American population
7. Latrell Sprewell discussing his financial situation with the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2004
8. Alec Baldwin’s parental advice to his young daughter via voicemail
9. Allen Iverson discussing practice
10. Jim Mora discussing the playoffs while coaching the New Orleans Saints
11. Lee Elia discussing Cubs fans
12. Dog the Bounty Hunter’s comments on why he likes to use racial slurs
13. Lawrence Taylor and his adventures in acquiring a prostitute
14. Marion Barry being arrested for smoking crack
15. Raphael Palmiero vehemently denying steroid abuse … weeks before testing positive for a banned substance
16. Whitney Houston vehemently denying drug abuse rumors because she’s “too rich to use crack.”
Wouldn’t that be awesome? For as much as we fawn over actors, they say stupid stuff as much as the average person because no matter how talented you are at one thing you’re not necessarily gifted in others. It’s akin to hearing a college dropout like Matt Damon criticize anyone’s intelligence; just because he can pretend to be an intelligent badass in the movies doesn’t mean he is one when the movie magic stops. So when we see celebrities make ass-clowns out of themselves it’s even more delicious than normal because they’ve been placed upon a pedestal so high that falling down to Earth just feels right for some reason.
Being a jackass is kind of a shared universal trait amongst humanity; hell I bet Hitler used to make off-color jokes about Goebbels and his ability to make a great movie about Nazis but couldn’t write a memo to save his life, and then had Joseph walk in and make it all awkward. Either that or he’d call him “Gobble” and do a turkey impression mimicking Goebbels’ stupid jokes and have his Propaganda minister walk in on him. Hitler may have been the most evil prick to walk the worth not named Captain Planet but he certainly knew how to use a good pun.
Or, in the immortal words of the Road Warrior himself, Mel Gibson, “I am going to come and burn the f**king house down… but you will blow me first.”
Random Thoughts of the Week
With the year officially half over, time to do the time-honored tradition and look back at the best films of the year (so far). Out of the seventy something films I’ve seen that were released this calendar year that have so far proved to be the year’s best. It’s also been a relatively bad one for film, too, as I’m not terribly excited about the rest of the year for film.
Really, there’s Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Predators, the third Narnia film and The Expendables as perhaps the only movies I’m genuinely excited to see. This wasn’t a front-heavy year in terms of cinema, either, and the shoulder shrugs of the past couple years are kind of hitting a crescendo now. You can usually count on there being upwards of 20 films, year in year out, that will be worth viewing in the theatre and purchasing on DVD. That’s my standard for a year; anything above is a good year, anything below isn’t, and this year I’m not sure if it can hit 20 good films for the year.
There are a handful of films out there that I’m expecting good things out of, I have to admit, but there hasn’t been as much this year that I’ve genuinely enjoyed as there have been in other years. The best of the best is as strong as it’s ever been, mainly due to a number of good indie and foreign films, but the ability of Hollywood to craft engaging material isn’t what it used to be in the era of remakes and sequels. It’s not the material; it’s the story-telling itself that seems to be the problem. But there was enough good so far this year these 10 films have stood out:
10. The Little Traitor
With the near constant turmoil in the Middle East, sometimes it’s interesting to see what it was like beforehand as opposed to how it is now. Set in what is now Israel after World War II, and under British occupation to preserve the peace, the film follows the tale of a child (Ido Port) and a British soldier (Alfred Molina) who bond in unlikely circumstances. It’s a unique character piece about two people from different circumstances finding a common ground in a tumultuous situation.
9. From Paris with Love
There are two versions of John Travolta out there. The one that is all serious and the other that goes absolute bat crazy; usually the latter is the one that shows up for genre films. And oh boy does he show it as Charlie Wax is an absolute lunatic CIA operative breaking a new partner (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) while on a mission of urgent national security. Doesn’t hit the same levels that Taken did last year as the “foreign film in English” action film of the year, but it’s quite good though.
8. City Island
In a normal year, this would have had a Little Miss Sunshine type run to a wide release as the quirky little indie comedy with a well known, but not quite A-list, cast. But this isn’t a normal year and City Island is stuck in the art houses in a limited release. It’s a shame because if this was a regular year we’d be talking about this film like we did Little Miss Sunshine or Thank You For Smoking.
7. Iron Man 2
There seems to be a lot of people disappointed because the sequel doesn’t quite measure up to the original. Me, I tend to think that the first one was overrated ala the first Pirates of the Caribbean was because of a dynamic, singular performance from its lead actor. Take out Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr. from each of their respective films and you have a good, but not great, film. Both sequels were about as good as the first film in each series was, I think, and both suffered from similar problems as well.
6. Five Minutes of Heaven
Liam Neeson rules all. Whether it’s breaking necks, or cashing checks, he’s good in everything. It’s like he’s the Irish Michael Caine; there’s no bad Neeson performance, just a handful of bad films. This is Neeson busting out his acting fastball, which had been in mothballs for a while, and absolutely destroying everything in his path.
5. The A-Team
If there’s a film that symbolizes what the summer ought to be about, it’s The A-Team. Unbridled fun, this is a film that knows that it’s a big, dumb action film and just runs wild the concept. The film had disaster written all over it, from what was initially an underwhelming cast with Liam Neeson, an emerging Bradley Cooper fresh off of The Hangover, Sharlto Copley was an unknown after a remarkable improvisational performance in District 9 and newcomer Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. Two unknowns, an actor who was known for filthy comedy and the most underrated actor out there was not the dream cast everyone had imagined. I had guessed it’d be Bruce Willis, Jason Bateman, Cooper and Common, and with a handful of directors passing it over until Joe Carnahan picked up the ball and just ran with it. The end result: a film that’s so much fun it’s infectious.
4. Un Prophete
One of the foreign films I’ve been waiting for, it’s nice to see the French take a great concept (the coming of age film) and mesh it with the criminal underbelly and prison culture. The tale of a minor criminal who learns from the best, and eventually usurps his teacher, is a fascinating one.
3. Kick-Ass
The evolution of the comic book film keeps going on and after The Dark Knight and Watchmen take a look at the psychology of the hero as an adult, now we get to see the same from a teenager’s vantage point. Plus there’s a psychotic little girl who rules all; any film where a tween kills bad guys and curses like a sailor is always awesome.
2. Toy Story 3
Pixar is the standard for quality no one in Hollywood can equal right now. After Up and its brilliance last year, and brilliant films every year before, going back to the well again with the Toy Story crew had the recipe for a disaster. And yet … they pull it off again with a film that ends the franchise on the only note possible. The ending is absolutely perfect, as this is a film about growing up and moving on. When you’re a child, you have childish things. Then you become an adult and you have to put them away. There’s an innocence in childhood that we lose that we always are trying to recapture, if only for 90 minutes, and Toy Story 3 captures that feeling in 90 minutes. If this film doesn’t touch your emotions, you have no soul.
1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The film had an insane amount of hype when it got a limited release, enough to the point that I made sure to go and search it out. And it’s the best film of the year (so far) and I have a hard time thinking something is going to top this. A first rate character study meshed over a two and a half hour detective thriller about the disappearing niece of a wealthy man,
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s DVD – Before Sunset
In life there’s always the one that got away. Men have them and serial killers have them, to crib a line from Funny People, but it’s the absolute truth. There’s always a girl who got away that we get reminded of, time to time, even if we’ve found happiness with another. In Before Sunrise, Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) had one of those magical encounters over the course of a day. With tremendous chemistry between them, they return in Before Sunset.
It’s been several years since they first met and plans to meet up afterwards fell through. Since then they’ve both gotten married, with Jesse having a child with his new wife, and now Jesse’s in Paris on a book tour. The events of the last film made for a book he had published and was successful enough for him to be on a book tour; when a chance meeting with Celine again revives feelings between them as the two spend an afternoon walking and talking.
Before Sunset is more of a film about regret than it is romance. The first was a film about two people falling in love over the span of a night, which has been used for many other excellent films (Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, amongst others), this is a film about what happens when the storybook romance doesn’t work out. We all like films where the couple falls in love but we never see what happens 10 years later; romance and love is about the moment when it comes to cinema for the most part. And this is a moment in a three act play between Jesse and Celine.
The first one was the throngs of love. This is the pangs of regret. I’d imagine the third film in the series would be about the acceptance of it all, but this is a franchise that doesn’t need a third film. You could walk away with the second being what it is and not need to tell anything in terms of more stories. It’s just you can’t help but want to see what happens next because of how good Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy are on screen together.
The film hinges on one thing: chemistry between Delpy and Hawke. And they have amazing chemistry, perhaps the strongest connections I’ve ever said between two actors who weren’t married or in a relationship off screen as well. The way they interact is impressive as there’s a marvelous connection played out in real time between the two. Jesse has 60 minutes to catch his flight but there’s something about Celine that draws him away from it.
It’s interesting to see these two characters again after a decade apart. Life has changed how they think and yet they’re still the same people, and the actors are still the two best for the parts. What they choose to say, and what they don’t, become massive parts of the story. Hawke and Delpy, who are credited on the screenplay with Richard Linklater, are self-assured in their roles and it’s nice to see both in their element.
Very strong recommendation
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
Despicable Me – Gru (Steve Carell) is the world’s #2 super villain. His goal: to become #1. He wants to steal the moon in the boldest heist yet. Standing in the way is Vector (Jason Segel) and three orphan girls who want him to become their father figure.
See It – Every now and again there’s one animated film that isn’t made by Pixar that doesn’t completely suck. This might be it.
Predators– A bunch of hard-ass killers are kidnapped from Earth and dropped onto an alien world. They’re being hunted as game.
See It – The one thing that hasn’t been captured since the original is the pure adrenalized action that a bunch of bad-asses with awesome guns brings. And Robert Rodriguez I think might have captured that spirit with a really unlikely cast.
The Girl Who Played With Fire – The sequel to the year’s best film so far, showing up in major markets for an art house run in the same manner that The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo opened, the staggered release to see if it can find an audience.
See It – I’m really intrigued by the trilogy, especially in light of the fact that it’s probably going to be released into American theatres this calendar year. The first was so remarkably brilliant that the sequel is must-see viewing.
Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.
Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz brings his trademarked irreverence and offensive hilarity to Twitter in 140 characters or less. Follow him @MMCritic_Kubryk.
