The Heavies: Episode 2


A once proud division, the heavyweights of boxing now seem to be nothing but drama. Honestly, they’d be better suited for a run on The Hills. The drama does seem to unfold like a high school television show. We took a look at how everything set up last year in our premiere episode of The Heavies. It’s been a year since we last checked in on the cast so let’s see what, and who, has changed.

John Ruiz has finally graduated. He has been replaced on the cast by foreign-exchange student Tomasz Adamek. While Vitali and Wladimir are still the Popular Kids, it’s become pretty clear that underclassman Wladimir is primed to be Student Body President next year. His older brother has already begun his Senior Slide, not taking things very seriously on his way out as evidenced by his latest tilt with Albert Sosnowski. It’s the equivalent of “he goes to another school; you wouldn’t know him.”

With graduation moving some of the cast onto other things and new kids trying to fill the void, much has changed since our last episode. Rest assured, however, that Nikolai Valuev continues to aimlessly roam the hallways. His role as Awkward Kid seems safe for many future episodes.

The number one storyline from last year was Haye vs. The Klitschkos. It has not yet been resolved and it’s looking like ‘later’ is beating the snot out of ‘sooner.’ It’s quite possible that the werewolves and vampires will settle their rivalry before these guys do. Haye has been flirting with the Klitschkos all year but is turning out to be a prude. He may very well link up with Audley Harrison in his next fight. Nothing will come from that relationship. Harrison is like the dork that shocked everyone at the Talent Show and was cool for about a week as a result, until people got to know him and remembered why he was a dork in the first place.

With Haye and the Klitschkos perhaps awaiting an Episode 3 climax, Tomasz Adamek was added to the cast to shake things up a bit. A foreign-exchange student from Poland, Adamek coincidentally came from the same prep school as David Haye. While they had heard of each other while at their prep school, Haye and Adamek never crossed paths. Adamek wasn’t as loud and boisterous as Haye upon his arrival at the new school. Still, Adamek has done enough to get noticed and it won’t be long before he’s eating lunch with the cool kids.

Tomasz Adamek recently found a drifter hanging around the parking lot after school named Michael Grant. As legend goes, Grant was groomed for big things at Heavyweight High but he never realized his potential. Grant now hangs out in the parking lot with his T-bird, jean jacket and zoobaz pants hoping someone will recognize him. He’s recently been seen ogling the girls, asking them if they want to go back to his place and check out his beanbag. Adamek, wanting to make a good impression with the softer side of the student body, has taken the task of ridding the school of this perv for good.

Wladimir will next see action with Alexander Povetkin. Povetkin is quiet and unassuming. He lacks the drama and excitement that these attention-whores crave. Povetkin doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the cast and likely won’t be included in Episode 3.

Vitali, meanwhile, can’t help but be enamored with the tall goofy kid that keeps roaming the halls. Vitali may just have to see what Valuev’s deal is and give him a shot. The pickings are getting slim.

If things sit where they are, The Heavies may not be renewed for a third episode. Expect a few more fireworks to keep everyone’s interest piqued until the inevitable showdown between David Haye and either of the Klitschko Brothers. Some old faces may return to school. Or maybe one of the unknown kids at school makes a daring play to be noticed and shakes up the entire scene.

Regardless of what transpires from this episode of The Heavies, expect a lot of fighting to come as a result. Unfortunately, it won’t be with their fists.