Subbing in for PK this week and the only person at the Mangocast who isn’t taking part in the TNA Hard
Justice drinking came, this is Daniels taking live coverage for the first time in, well, years. I desperately
want this to be good, but I’m scared it’s going to be terrible. Here we go:
Ring announcer introduces Taz, who welcomes everyone to Hard Justice. Taz talks down to haters of
ECW… I don’t know who these haters are as ECW and Heyman are pretty much universally revered. ‘ECW
revolutionized wrestling, and that’s a shoot brother.’ The room does the first shot. Taz reminds us
that he’s the Human Suplex Machine and we can beat him if we can and survive if he lets us. But he’s
not wrestling, so we can’t beat him.
Match 1: FBI (Tony Luke, Tracy Smothers, Little Guido w/ Big Vito vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond, & Johnny Swinger:
Kash (w/ lots of new tattoos) and Little Guido start with chain wrestling. Fake test of strength. Chain wrestling
sequence. Tenay claims there are fans from the UK and Australia in the arena — which is likely as they’re at
universal studios. Tony Luke and Singer tag in. Swinger still likes his roids. Luke gets an armbar which Seinger
picks him up over his head and does an atomic drop using his shoulder as the knee. Smothers tags in and hands out some
old guy shuffle — he’s reached body melting age. Simon Diamond has a microphone is received with a “shut the f**k up”
chant. We stop the match for a mid match promo, which leads to a mid-match dance off. Shots all around in
the Mango. I can’t tell you how awful this is. Dance off iss stopped by team Kash. Then Kid Kash has the big
spot by leaping off the referee’s back in to a pile of people. Now, we’ve moved on to what the match should have
been, which is Guido and Luke vs. Kash. Six man superplex pile for another big spot. Kid Kash does a double underhook
piledriver to Tony Luke as he’s clearly auditioning. Little Guido then catches Kash with an Unprettier (sorry, I
forgot the ECW names and neither Taz or Tenay is helping me.
Taz and Tenay announce the replacement main event as RVD vs. Sabu
Where are they now? segment with Blue Meanie, Tom Gordon, and the Not Dead Pitbull.
TNA Roster’s favorite moments. AJ talks up Tommy’s “Thank You Sir May I Have Another” segment. Angelina’s
from Canada and….. never saw the show. Well done.
Al Snow yells at Head and Nova shows up with a Hollywood Hogan beard painted on… and a fake Blue Meanie.
Fake Blue Meanie earns shot number three as Grut beats himself with a shoe. Then some unclear character comes
out to join the proceedings. That made no sense but I’m happy to see Nova.
Match 2: CW Anderson v. Too Cold Scorpio: Scorpio wants a handshake. Anderson spits on him and attacks
with punches. Scorpios large ears and large eyes are creepy. Scopio reverses and kinda looks winded already
but the Impact Zone is pumped up. Scorpio from the top rope gets two. Exchange of punches and we’re in
a double knockout spot. Anderson takes over with a hammerlock in to the turnbuckle. Scorpio reverses with a
kick. CW Anderson takes over with a solid punch. This match is good so far… and it’s possible it’s TNA’s
match of the year. Scorpio might have murdered CW Anderson with a 450 legdrop. Scorpio hits a moonsault for
two. Anderson hits a spinebuster for two. Scorpio wins with a moonsault legdrop… which I’ve never seen before
and was pretty awesome. Glazer gives this match 3.5 stars and 0 shots. Great work, guys… they should both
be offered jobs immediately.
Winner: Too Cold Scorpio via Moonsault Legdrop
Madison Rayne pretends she watched ECW. Matt Morgan talks about ECW putting on shows at bars. Ken Anderson talks
about something but Ken Anderson and Matt Morgan on TV on a PPV leads to Shot 3.
Bill Alphonso sits with RVD and they talk about stuff.
PJ Polaco (Justin Credible) v. Stevie Richards (w/ Nova and Blue “Tillie”): Justin Credible’s real name
leads to Shot 4. No bWo shirts as I’m assuming WWE owns that. Fake Blue Meanie is wearing a BW2 shirt. Fake
Blue Meanie gets booed, but we get a “Stevie” chant. Credible takes a headlock and tosses Stevie down. Stevie
takes Justin down with a shoulderblock. Credible with a slingshot splash to the floor. Stevie is down and Credible
goes through his moves ands he beats up Stevie. Credible whipped in to the corner and tries to reverse but Stevie
tosses him out. Stevie takes over. Powerbomb gets two. Polaco gets That’s Incredible but pulls up Stevie
at two. That never works. Credible starts screaming at Stevie who hits the Stevie Kick out of nowhere for the win.
Post match, Polaco gets the Kendo stick and beats Stevie while Meanie and Nova just watch. Some friends they
are. The lights in the Impact Zone go out and Sandman is in the ring. White Russian Legsweep to Credible and
Sandman beats him with the Kendo stick. And we’re out? No Enter Sandman. We debate as to whether or not
TNA not buying Enter Sandman for the PPV. Glazer does one, Widro does not.
Winner: Stevie Richards via Stevie Kick
Francine is a mom. And holy crap does she look like a mom. I guess as a mom she doesn’t see the need to come
to Florida and be filthy.
TNA puts up a “moment of silence” screen for the unlisted folks no longer with us. This leads to a “Do Benoit” chant
in the room.
Brother Runt (Spike Dudley) v. Al Snow v. Rhino: They also did not pay for Prodigy’s Firestarter for Al Snow.
I couldn’t hear if this is elimination or first pin, the shots are making it rowdy in the Mango. Lots of stuff
going on between three guys. Rhino and Snow tossed and Spike tries to leap down on them, but they catch him and
do a double toss, but not in to the crowd in the Impact Zone. Split screen as we show the TNA roster watching these
matches intently in the back. Rhino punches Spike, who tries for the Acid Drop but gets tossed. Whip to the corner
on Spike. “This Is Wrestling” chant in the Impact Zone. Spike goes for the Double Acid Drop but gets tossed out of the
ring. Back in, Snow hits Rhino with head and then Spike hits Snow with a chair. Ref is recoverign so Al Snow
also pretends to be hurt so the ref doesn’t know who to DQ… in a hardcore match. OK it was funny anyway. Rhino
slumps in the corner so Spike runs up him to hit Snow with the Acid Drop. Rhino recovers to immediately hit the Gore
for the win. Decent match.
Mick Foley talks about his feud with Raven.
Brutus Magnus talks about his ECW memories… from England? Chris Sabin liked how ECW was so different. He also
says he models himself after RVD. So the style similarities are on purpose.
Axl Rotten and Kohoneys (Balls Mahoney) v. The Dudleys: Mahoney lost a ton of weight so he’s reached
saggy former fat guy body type. They don’t have a match, so Balls issues an open challenge.
“Well. Well. Well.” Woo! Joel Gertner comes out to answer the challenge for the Dudleys. Gertner’s starting
to look like Paul Bearer. How did this poor guy never get a job? Gertner nearly slipped up and called them the
Dudley’s. Oops. Shot 6 just occurred for some reason. Bubba wants a hardcore match to give the peopel what they
came to see from the four most hardcore guys in the world. This is your general hardcore match. Fightin through
the crowd and hitting each other with random stuff. Lots of styrofoam heads gettin some work. Finally back to the
ring and there are fortunately many cookie sheets and trash can lids under the ring. Kahoney misses a legdrop and
hopefully learned the lesson of not doing a real moves in a “hit people with stuff” match. Shot 7 was just demanded
for Axl Rotten being back in our lives. Bubba and Balls find light sabers (seriously) and do a light saber battle
leading in to the “Balls Balls Balls” punches which Bubba breaks up with a light saber to the nuts. We go in
to big moves getting two. Bubba screws up taking a Death Drop by falling. Chair battle won by Axl and Balls
followed by the Dudleys getting it back. Double pin that Axl fails to kick out of ignored by the ref. Man, was
Axl alwasy this bad? Dudley Head to the Dick and now we’re gettign the tables. Gertner’s got the lighter fluid.
The table is lit. Balls gets powerbombed through the table for the win.
Winner: The Dudley’s
Post match, Bubba declares Team 3D the best tag team ever, so they hit a fake version of Natural Born Killaz and
The Gangstas show up. New Jack is wearing the staple gun around his neck. Mustafa and New Jack beat the crap out of
the Dudleys while the fake music plays through. Gertner creeps in the ring and takes a guitar shot to the face.
After the crap kicking, Team 3D and the Gangstas hug. The turn from beating each other up to hugging leads to
Old Raven promo where he’s just sitting somewhere talking about something from his childhood.
I’m making a note that the Mango ran out of Glenfiddich and they’ve moved on to 1800 tequila. I’m making a note
that this is the point at which the night took a concerning turn.
Jessie Neal has the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen. So bad I can’t even figure out what he’s talking about. Kaz used
to work out with guys like Candido back when he was alive. They do a “Wish You Were Here” Joey Styles segment. The
Joey Styles segment leads to teh first tequla shot and the night turns.
Raven v. Tommy Dreamer (Mick Foley special ref): Tommy and Raven start out with a long walk outside the ring. Lots of simple
grappling. Dreamer with mounted punches on Raven, who is prone against the guardrail. Dreamer puts Raven back into the rink.
Tommy sets up two chairs to suplex Raven across. Raven with a reversal and a drop toehold onto the chairs. Tommy
and Raven are busted wide open. The room has moved away from the tequila after one shot and has moved on to
prosecco. Executive decision was made that if they kept doing tequila everyone would die. Ladders have been
brought in. Why in the world did Tommy bring his daughters to this? They’re like 6. Tommy is bleeding as
bad as anyone I’ve ever seen in match. Cool spot where Tommy puts the ladder on the second ropes in the corner
and Raven nuts him on the ladder, then clotheslines him back across. Tommy takes back over and hangs Raven in
the Tree of Woe, sets up a road sign, and baseball slides in to him. Then Tommy gets a strip of barbed wire and does
an insane crossface with barbed wire in Raven’s mouth. Raven’s near tapping but Fake Meanie and Nova comes down
to attack Foley and Tommy. If you’re keeping track, Nova and Fake Meanie didn’t save Stevie, but did save Raven.
Raven hits the Evenflow for two. Then Mick attacks Raven and Altar Boy Luke comes out to save Raven. Foley takes
Luke to the back and Raven handcuffs Tommy’s hands behind his back. Foley’s back. Raven’s beating Tommy with the
chair forcing Beulah to come out to try and reason with Raven. Beulah tries to get him to stop, but he won’t and
threatens her. Foley tries to stop him and takes a chair shot. Beulah gets Raven to stop for a moment and Tommy catches
Raven with a handcuffed DDT for two. Raven hits Tommy with a chair. Shots 9, 10, and 11 occurred during this match.
I couldn’t really confirm what happened. Anyone who picked Tommy was dumb. Tommy never wins. That’s his thing.
Pet peeve: The barbed wire in the mouth STF should have won. It’s one of the cooler spots I’ve seen this year.
Tommy gets a standing ovation on the way out.
Borash is backstage with Val. The Gangstas come to say hi. Val tries to leave and tells Mustafa to take her away.
Then New Jack tells Borash that, from this point on, Borash is New Jack’s bitch. I’m confused, did we just imply
that Mustafa’s going to rape Val and New Jack’s going to rape Borash? Really?
The ECW guys talk about Paul Heyman.
RVD vs. Sabu: Wow, Sabu’s bald. Lots of stalling to start. Weak chain wrestling sequence to start.
Bill Alphonso throws a chair in the ring which Sabu wins and hits RVD with it. RVD in the corner and gets the
leap off the chair. RVD out of the ring in to the crowd, then Sabu does the triple jump leap in to the
crowd on to RVD. Some back and forth action until a double KO spot when Alfonso comes in to pump them up. They slide
out of the ring and Sabu finds a table. RVD drapes Sabu over the guard rail for the spinning legdrop. Back in the
ring and a legdrop on to a chair that Sabu was nicely holding in place. Sabu makes a comeback and gets a top rope
hurracanrana that lands RVD on the chair. Arabian facebuster follow up and then a camel clutch. Camel clutch breaks
and Sabu sets up the chair for the triple jump moonsault. RVD trips Sabu and lands facefirst in to the chair.
RVD takes control back and Alfonso holds a chair in place so RVD can do a jumping kick. Split legged moonsault gets
two. RVD sets up a table but Sabu throws a chair in his face. Rolling Thunder gets two after RVD stops rolling around
with back pain. Sabu rolls to the corner but gets the jumping chair dropkick for two. Sabu takes back over with
a jumping tornado DDT. Sabu sets RVD on a table and goes for an Arabian Facebuster, but misses and goes through the table.
RVD gets the five-star frogsplash and we’re done. Post-match, Sabu refuses the handshake and claims that brothers
don’t shake hands… brothers gotta hug.
Everyone comes down to congratulate each other after the match. “F**k You Vince” chant in the Impact Zone. Dreamer
gets a promo thanking everyone. Bubba picks up Dixie from the crowd and carries her in to the ring for a “thank you.”
Tommy thanks everyone in TNA for setting the bar so they could try and raise it. And we’re out.
Much better than most TNA offerings this year. CW Anderson v Too Cold and RVD v Sabu were strong matches. Tommy and
Raven put on a show, too. Low point was the dance-off in the first match. Otherwise, I really liked the show and
was super-entertained by the drinking game.