-Unlike the guys from the Mango, I didn’t really mind the TNA/ECW PPV. Of course, I watched it for free (a friend DVRed it and burned it to DVD), which softened the blow, and a friend and I just spent the show talking about how old Tracy Smothers was and how fat Simon Diamond has gotten over the years, and explaining to my wife what a goddamn lunatic New Jack is. For us, it was fun. I don’t know if I’d call the show good, by any real stretch of the imagination, but I, for one, enjoyed watching Raven and Dreamer mix it up one last time. And hey, Too Cold Scorpio can still totally go!
-“Earlier today,” Matt Striker was showing off the punch-o-tron arcade machine that the rookies will be messing with later. The highlight of this, naturally, is Michael Cole testing the machine out wearing an “I’m Awesome” shirt. Wow, they are REALLY pushing this Miz thing with him. Cole’s endless preparation, including a swig of what appears to be V-8, perhaps was meant to be funny, but really just becomes humorous after Josh Matthews casually beats his score by nonchalontly walking up to the bag, punching it once, and walking away.
-On to the actual show! Jamie Keyes announces the rookies and Pros. Kaval (yay!), comes out to cheers, as does McGillicutty, but everyone else comes out to SILENCE. Lucky Cannon had best be GONE tonight, as he’s the only one of them who I don’t see a future for. Sorry, kid, but perhaps you should have worked on making something stand out about yourself, particularly in the ring.
-Wow, season ends in three weeks. Didn’t realize it was coming up that fast, and I suppose they need to squeeze another season in before the show gets cancelled.
-We’re going right to the punching game, and the winner gets a solo appearance on Raw next week. What if the winner of this particular challenge is the one eliminated tonight? Do they still get a shot on Raw? It probably won’t matter, but still, such a thing could concievably happen.
-Michael McGillicutty is first, and he nails that thing, getting a score of 863. He actually gets some boos. Kaval, however, gets cheers before he does a thing. Kaval went for a kick (as I think we all knew he would), and gets disqualified, which doesn’t really matter, as his kick score is pitiful, in the 200 range. Percy Watson gets 716, and McGillicutty might take this one, too. Lucky Cannon is in the seven hundred range, and Husky kind of whiffs it and ends up in the 200s. Alex Riley is last, and he just blasts the bag, and whatever his score is, it’s higher than McGillicutty’s, and Riley is going to be on Raw by his lonesome next week, with no other rookies to steal his spotlight. I don’t see him getting eliminated tonight, so I guess it won’t be an issue. Again, if it’s anyone other than Lucky Cannon, it’s a miscarriage of justice.
-During the break, Miz and Morrison had a little confrontation about the 13 or 14-man Team WWE vs. Nexus match, and Miz, naturally, wanted Morrison to beg him to be on the team. Morrison did no such thing, and instead challenges him to a match tonight to show him why they DON’T need him. And it’s on.
-Cole, naturally, remembers the events of last night much like Miz does, with Bret Hart and John Cena begging him to be on the team, which isn’t quite how it went down, now is it?
Match One: Lucky Cannon, Percy Watson and Kaval vs. Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, and Alex Riley
-All the rookies in one shot, huh? Well, alright. Guess we have to save room for video packages to make a hard sell for Summerslam.
-My wife, seeing Husky Harris: “Now THAT guy has man-boobs. They are, they’re man boobs!”
-So is Kaval going to get pinned in this one, too? Perhaps they’re going to feed someone to Husky Harris again, or maybe, just maybe, let Lucky Cannon win one. The action is fairly standard back and forth, with a few decent moves, with Percy Watson TOTALLY missing an enziguri on the ropes, but the crowd seemed to think it hit, and the announcers are acting like it hit, so, perhaps, in WWE reality, it connected. While Kaval is the best in the ring out of all of these guys, Riley is almost certainly the best all-around, solid in the ring and great on the mic. No one else seems to be the total package he is, although McGillicutty often seems on the cusp, with mic skills that are fine, if nothing else, and talent in-ring that’s as solid as anything Riley does. After some shenanigans with Cannon, Riley goes to the outside to talk with his team, and Cannon leaps over the ropes with an awesome tope con hilo right onto Riley! That’s what we’re looking for, Lucky! Might be too little too late, though.
-During the commercial, Riley came back with a top-rope hiptoss, and Cannon is back to getting beaten up, right now by Harris. Cole, talking about Harris, even coins a new word: aggressiveness! You and Sarah Palin, Cole…you are truly the Shakespeares of our age. Main event chinlock from McGillicutty on Cannon, showing that he’s already at Randy Orton level. Cannon thrown into the corner, but reverses a charge with a big boot, and comes out with a clothesline on McGillicutty. Hot tag to Kaval, and he looks awesome, but I imagine it’s just a matter of time before he’s pinned by Husky Harris, as has been his job as of late. Awesome kicks on McGillicutty, and he brings in yet another new level of awesomeness by turning some spinning headscissors into a dragon sleeper. Rock. And, of course, there’s McGillicutty to knock him down. Everyone is in the ring, knocking everyone aside. McGillicutty goes for the McGillicutter, but Kaval sidesteps it and kills him with a running dropkick to the corner . Oh, man, is Kaval going to actually win this? Kaval to the top rope…Warrior’s Way! But he moves his feet apart, because he was this close to stepping on McGillicutty’s neck. A replay shows thta he brushed his chest and shoulders, and that’s probably enough. It’s over, folks, and Kaval gets the pin, making me happy.
Winners: Kaval, Lucky Cannon, and Percy Watson
-The Pros convene and discuss cookie recipes, or the rookie rankings. One or the other.
-Nexus angle recappery. Apparently, they’re big into the hurting of people. Also, how long does Bret Hart last in the match this Sunday? Sharpshooter on Darren Young, then gets counted out or something? Maybe rolled up by Barrett or some nonsense?
Match Two: The Miz vs. John Morrison
-Okay, so I like Morrison with the beard. Sue me. Cole spends all of Morrison’s entrance screaming about how Miz needs to be on Team WWE and how badly they need him. Josh Matthews: “If people could see the way I’m looking at you right now.” Man, Matthews is rapidly becoming my favorite commentator. Wow, Morrison has some gorgeous armdrags. It’s too bad that he still can’t hit that standing shooting star, though. Gotta get that forward momentum, boss. Miz gets the upper hand with some kicks, but misses the corner clothesline, then gets caught in a backslide by Morrison. Miz exits the ring, but Morrison follows him out with a corkscrew plancha. Nice little match these two are having.
-My wife, right before the commercials: “Know what I like about wrestling? Lots of nipples.”
-Miz with a headlock of utter torment on Morrison, pulling Morrison’s hair when he tries to escape. Morrison’s neck on the ropes, and Miz does the running guillotine on him for a two count. Miz hits his corner clothesline this time, then hangs out for another few seconds to relish the boos. Hard elbows and forearms from Miz across the face of Morrison, and Morrison is exuding a boatload of sympathetic face pathos, or at least he’s trying to. Another main event chinlock from Miz, and Morrison powers out only to eat a knee to the gut. Morrison against the ropes, but rolls through with a pinning combination for two. Nice kicks and a clothesline from Morrison, followed up by dropkick. Flying Chuck/Flash Kick (or so Cole calls it) to the side of Miz’s head for two. However, Miz recovers with a hard boot to Morrison’s head after dodging Morrison’s big knee. Morrison sent to the apron, but he comes back with two kicks to send the Miz to the mat. Starship Pain attempt, but Miz moves out of the way. Morrison catches himself and lands on his feet, but runs into a Miz elbow. Miz grabs Morrison’s hair, but Morrison tries to hit a Pele kick…and misses, hurting his knee. One Skullcrushing Finale later, this thing is done.
Winner: The Miz
-Elimination time, kiddos. I’m calling Kaval or McGillicutty in first, and Husky or Cannon is going home. Striker asks the guys who should go home. McGillicutty says Lucky, as does Kaval. Percy, at first, tries not to answer the question, but then says Alex Riley should go, as he talks too much. Lucky Cannon says anyone BUT him, which earns groans from Cole and everyone else. Husky Harris just flat out says Lucky Cannon, as he hasn’t won a match. Good point. Alex Riley says that if he could, he’d eliminate Striker because he’s tired of answering his stupid questions, which earns laughter from BOTH of the announcers as well as the audience. Matthews says that Riley may now be his favorite rookie. Wow. He says that McGillicutty might as well be eliminated, as Riley is going to win anyway. And here’s the poll:
-Kaval is in first place, as he should be. McGillicutty is in second, and third place is…Percy Watson. Well, Alex Riley can’t be too pleased. Holy crap, Husky Harris is ahead of him at #4. Guess that’s what happens when you put him over EVERYBODY, not to mention the most able guy on the NXT roster. It’s down to Alex Riley and Lucky Cannon, and Riley barely seems worried. Who can blame him? Cannon, however, seems to be pretty sure that he’s toast. And number five is…Alex Riley. Riley seems damned sure that he shouldn’t be this low.
-Cannon is asked for his thoughts on Kaval, but he doesn’t have any, really. His parting words…are taken right from Jerry Maguire (“I’m not going to do what everyone thinks I’m going to do and just FLIP OUT!”). Great. He asks if everyone has been having fun, and runs down all of the contestants, and while most of them are nonsense, his comment about Kaval being “a nine year old boy with a voice like Barry White” is kind of funny. He says we haven’t seen the last of him, and I’m shocked that Cole never says, “That’s a shame.”
-Riley is asked for his thoughts about being ranked so low, and he says that he’ll not cater to the whims of the WWE Universe, and refuses to change who he is. Frankly, he’s baffled that the only thing that they were judged on from last week was kissing Margerita, and he thought he gave it a hell of a shot. Agreed. If there were any justice, he’s probably be second, but regardless, I think he’s got a job. Even if WWE doesn’t vote for him, the guy’s got the goods, and he can absolutely make them money in the future.
-That’s all for tonight, kiddies. Next week is a double elimination, and we’ll have to spend the week worrying if Husky goes home before Riley, or if Percy Watson will stay afloat. Same bat-time, same bat-channel.
Tags: Alex Riley, husky harris, John Morrison, kaval, lucky cannon, michael mcgillicutty, miz, percy watson