Welcome to the inaugural edition of the Smackdown Report. This episode is caught in the aftershock of the biggest party of the summerâ€”Summerslam! Five days ago, we watched Kane retain his title and the Undertaker reappear. The next steps for these men remain unclear, as the pyro signaling the showâ€™s start fires off, and we launch right into a recap of what transpired between the two brothers that fateful night, as we find out that a promise for Kane to explain his actions will come up later.
Reyâ€™s ridiculously catchy music begins as he makes his way to the ring with a microphone. He spouts off some Spanish immediately, and assesses the Kane issue, but Alberto del Rio walks out. This is his grand debut? Waltzing out without music? The fans are already booing him, as he chews on his words with that thick accent and insults Rey. I think these two are about to have a Spanish-Off, but I canâ€™t be sure. He bores me already. Hereâ€™s hoping heâ€™s as dominant in the ring as everyone says he is. It looks like weâ€™ll find that out as Rey challenges Alberto to a match before 619-ing him and retreating.
A quick clip of Dolph and Kofi gearing up for their rematch for the IC titleâ€”how many times are they going to give away these matches? This brings us toâ€¦
And weâ€™re back with â€œDashingâ€ Cody Rhodesâ€™s grooming tips. These promos entertain me as much as they horrify me.
Kofi enters for another rematch. Dolph enters with his well-deserved title slung around his waist, and Vickie clinging to his arm. Any match involving the self-proclaimed â€œCougarâ€ gets docked a letter gradeâ€¦sorry, folks, thatâ€™s how it goes! Kofiâ€™s hair is already a mess as Ziggles goes on the offensive immediately. Kofi gets hung up on the ropes after getting knocked over by Ziggles, and we cut to aâ€¦
And weâ€™re back, where not a whole lot has changed. Dolph still maintaining control as he holds Kofi in his mercy with a rear chin-lock. Dolph is putting Kofi to shame, but Kofi quickly counters as he continues to lose more articles of clothingâ€¦first his hairband, now his armband. Kofi builds momentum and throws a Pele kick, but Vickie gets involved causing a disqualification. Zigglerâ€™s gold is safe for now.
Vickie screeches like a squashed rabbit as he goes after Dolph, and Ziggles attacks from behind. Rolls him into the ring, Zig-Zag, and the crowd is furious! He applies the Sleeper Hold and starts to leave, but comes back in. He delivers a kick to Kofiâ€™s face that looks like it may have been a stiffâ€¦
This may have been a B match, but the ending was predictable and over-done, and like I said, Vickie warrants no extra credit. If Dolph can ditch The Mouth and if the WWE could let them finish a match, these two have grand potential in the future.
Cut to an image of the match to come with Rey and Alberto, and it couldnâ€™t look more Latino if the two men were wrapped in the Mexican flag.
Axxess recap and all the super shenanigans that took place. The Superstars/Divas do tremendous things for charities.
Michelle McTaker and Layla are backstage discussing Melina and Teddy Long, whispering and shushing about a mysterious planâ€¦and Hornswoggle makes a returnâ€¦wonderful.
And now the SES are backstageâ€¦how many backstage segments can we cram in? Luke and Joey are pissed, and Serena clamors through a jumble of sentences before informing us that she will make her wrestling debut against Kelly Kelly and Big Show in a mixed tagâ€¦my favorite kind of Diva match. CM Punk appears, and is incensed that they are so upset with him. He explains that, like the Nexus on Monday, if any of the SES lose, they will be kicked out of the sober stable.
Serena and Luke make their way to the ring. Hereâ€™s hoping Serena has the wrestling skills to make up for her lack of speaking skills. Kellyx2 enters, looking especially fake, if itâ€™s possible, followed by Big Show. The boys start off, but Luke quickly runs to tag Serena in. She certainly has the personality, but doesnâ€™t seem able to sell Kellyâ€™s spastic moves properly. Both women look pretty bad, as Kelly throws her finisher, only to be pulled off by Gallows. Show and Luke take it outside of the ring, as Serena picks up the win for her team.
The women both looked horrendous, Gallows looked stiff, and even Show seemed to be off his game. The only good thing that came from this match was how quick it was.
Kane laughs maniacally into a microphone, with enhanced audio that sounds like a CD you pick up for Halloween at Walgreens. Heâ€™s sitting down in the middle of the ring, making his role in â€œSee No Evilâ€ look Oscar-worthy. I find myself tuning out of his speechâ€¦but the recaps of memorable Undertaker moments keeps my eyes focused on the screen. Finally, it seems he gets back into a rhythm as the anger in his voice sounds a bit more believable, finally getting to the point. Kane despised living in his brotherâ€™s shadow, and he would no longer do so! Hmm.
We return with Christian entering, followed by Drew McIntyre. Based on previous weeks, itâ€™s safe to assume this match will go on for about twenty minutes. But wait! Cody is making his way out to the ring wearing a suit a car salesman wouldnâ€™t even touch. Drew seems to enjoy being outside the ring, as he slowly destroys Christian. They both roll back in as McIntyre busts out a submission on the injured arm, which he leverages into a high-impact move. Christian is left reeling as we go toâ€¦
Drew continues working on Christianâ€™s arm, but Christian goes to the top rope for a DDT, which Drew sells amazingly. He goes for the cover for a two-count, snapping from defense to offense and backs the Scot into a corner, still clutching his arm. Missile dropkick from Christian for another two-count. The two men trade control a few times, before Christian throws a crucifix roll-up for the victory.
Cody and Drew donâ€™t let Christian celebrate long before attacking him, but Matt Hardy wobbles out and goes after Drew. Both heels start working on Hardyâ€™s foot, and mayhem ensues, leaving Drew and Cody looking dominant.
Christian and Drew were incredibly impressive, utilizing the space they had by moving around everywhere, and the pin that led to victory was creative.
Come back to Jack Swagger rambling Rosa as she bounces around, flaunting the only thing sheâ€™s good for. MVP appears to mock Swagger. Riveting stuff.
Now to the Raw Rebound. Why does Smackdown recap Raw happenings, but Raw doesnâ€™t even mention the blue brand? Thatâ€™s something that needs to be fixed.
Cut back to Teddy Long and Kane, where Teddy informs us of Undertakerâ€™s official return next week to Smackdown. Kane doesnâ€™t seem fazed, as he promises â€œhell on earthâ€.
One more commercial breakâ€¦
Alberto del Rio has a â€œpersonal ring announcerâ€, and he pulls up to the ring in an expensive car, to the sound of music that must be the theme to a Spanish soap-opera somewhere. A waterfall of pyroâ€”which is pretty damn cool, might I addâ€”and lots of Spanish announcing later, he enters the ring. And now itâ€™s Rey Mysterioâ€™s turn to enter.
Alberto lunges first, backing Rey into a corner. Alberto sells moves pretty well for a tall guyâ€”or is he just tall by comparison? Donâ€™t have time to question it further as we move toâ€¦
Our last commercial!
We return to the two men still brawling, Alberto attacking Reyâ€™s arm; first on the turnbuckle, then on the steel steps. The fight resumes in the ring after a failed pin attempt by Alberto, who again lunges for the arm. Albertoâ€™s spots seem stiff, and seems to only be selling certain moves from Rey. Alberto catches Rey mid-619, but Rey gains control. Alberto counters once more into a phenomenal cross arm breaker, and Rey taps.
He goes back for the hold once more after being declared the winner. He smirks and poses in the ring for a few moments, and retreats.
Alberto was hit and miss for me; he seemed really strong at times, but really rough at others. Rey put up a good effort, but I couldnâ€™t bring myself to give this a higher grade. It left a bit to be desired.
I expected more from this episode, as itâ€™s the first on to follow Summerslam. Our world champ delivered a promo, but avoided any sort of action. Our main event consisted of a man who was making his WWE debut and an attempted contender for the belt five days agoâ€”not the most anticipated of matches. With Undertaker returning next week, I expect many more promos and segments, and shorter time limits for matches. The highlight of the night was the match between Dolph and Kofi, with Codyâ€™s interference acting as the cherry on the cake.
Overall Show Grade: C
Not great, not bad. Great moments, terrible moments. A lot was set up for future episodes, but some of the worst of the worst of Smackdown tainted it.
Tags: alberto del rio, kane, pulse wrestling, recap, rey mysterio, Smackdown, undertaker, WWE, WWE Smackdown