Paul Marshall is a bit delayed, but luckily I am here to cover! Me being Widro. On with the Raw!
We start out with a video recap of last week’s show, where Nexus went 6-1 against WWE superstars and then turned on Darren Young.
As they say, you’re either Nexus or Againstus. You tell ’em Cole.
Nickelback! It’s the kings of Wrestling Music, and it’s RAW.
Raw is TAPED from last week sometime and you can spoil it if you want but I’m not gonna do that to you until it actually happens on TV.
Sheamus comes out to his music and we see some video of him and Randy doing their thing. He has the belt AND da stick and he has something to say, fella. He doesn’t like Randy Orton. Sheamus is gonna remain champion, fella. EMAIL SOUND makes his first run in to big boos. Michael Cole reads from a sheet of paper on the laptop pretending to be an email. Cole calls for the “gentlemen” to bring out “the throne”. Two random dudes put a red throne on the Raw stage. Tonight there will be some matches and Sheamus will observe from the throne and decide his PPV opponent based on who wrestled tonight. Sheamus thinks there is FINALLY justice here in the WWE. He goes back to the throne. The first match involves Edge. Let’s go to a break!
Commercial Break
Paul’s back. Thanks to Widro for recapping Sheamus much better than I could have. But in the latest, do you all know what time it is?
WHATS UP?!
Edge v. R-Truth
Michael Cole is a bit annoyed at R-Truth. Match starts with Edge slapping some sense into him. Truth takes Edge for a ride with a headscissors, wich causes Edge to take a powder. He decides to do a plancha, but Truth fails to see that Edge is smart, so he lands hard outside. Edge takes advantage before taking the action back in the ring. Edge chokes Truth at the ropes before hitting a modified crossbody to Truth’s back, scoring a two count. Jerry Lawler says if he was champion, he’d pick a loser tonight. Michael Cole says different and he believes in the Easter Bunny. Truth picks up the pace, but they both collide in mid-air for the double KO spot. Edge is up, but Truth is first to attack. Truth off the ropes, takes Edge off the feet. Reversal by Edge…hiptoss by Truth. Axe Kick misses, but Edge plants Truth. He stalks Truth…SPEAR! Truth leapfrogs! Lie Detector is spotted and Edge connects with the spear for the pinfall.
Winner: Edge
Grade: C+
While I’m at it, thanks to Kelly Floyd for coverage last week. Edge makes his statement to Sheamus sitting on what used to be King Booker’s and King Regal’s throne. Who needs the King of the Ring when they can recycle the props whenever.
Catch “Dashing” Cody Rhodes on Warehouse: 13 tomorrow night on SyFy!
Commercials.
WWE was in China the past few days, which is why I’m recapping a taped show. Someone has to do it, though. Although, if I had the choice to do a great RAW report on a taped show or put on a watchable match against the Great Khali…ahem.
The Great Khali v. Chris Jericho
Jericho works a similar style to Big Show, which doesn’t work. Khali gives Jericho a welt on the chest before hitting a punch to the face. Leg drop misses and Khali popped a quad or something. Jericho takes advantage, but there’s an advantage at being 7’4″. No matter as Jericho continues to work Khali’s leg in a clinic. Walls attempt, but Khali counters to the Vice Grip. Jericho escapes before it’s locked in. Back in, Codebreaker attempt is for naught as Khali slams him on the ground. Scoop slam by Khali and there’s workrate tonight! Jericho catches Khali in the corner and he locks on the Walls of Jericho! Khali taps.
Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: C
Election Day must be near as we’re making statements to Sheamus as to why they should be picked for the title. Needless to say, Khali gets back up with a bit of difficulty and he knocks Jericho out of the ring to make his statement.
We recap the Miz and Daniel Bryan’s rivalry before sending it back to Josh Matthews and some dude wearing purple and yellow. John Cena puts Daniel Bryan over and he promises to give the Miz an Attitude Adjustment.
Commercials.
Remember when Jillian Hall was the Diva’s Champion? I could have sworn I blinked and missed it. Anyhow, she destroys Enimen’s lyrics (pretty easy to do, though) before Melina comes out to shut her mouth.
Jillian Hall v. Melina
WWE Diva’s Championship
Jillian starts off with a fist of fury , but Melina does the splits… Bossman charge…Jillian evades the attack and Melina lands on her knee. Jillian in control, making Melina do the splits again. Melina counters and does the Matrix. Faceplant connects and Melina gets two. She avoids the corner, but Jillian takes back control. Off the top…lands on her ass. Melina finishes this with the Last Call.
Winner: Melina
Grade: C (Hell, at least the challenger gave some offense tonight)
Layla and Michelle McCool show up on the TitanTron. Seems LayCool will be on RAW next week with an offer that’s Flawless and something Melina can’t refuse.
Josh Matthews is with the Miz and he’s asked to respond to John Cena. What about Cena? The Miz complains about Cena picking Daniel Bryan over him. It’s like comparing penises…ummmm what’s next?
Commercials.
The Nexus Six come out onto the stage and Sheamus wonders what they are doing. The RAW GMail chimes in saying that he invited them to come out to the stage to inform them that they can compete for championship gold once again. Wade Barrett walks over to Sheamus to inform him that the truce is over. Michael Cole officially declares Open Season on Sheamus.
If I was Sheamus, I’d make like Bugs Bunny and go into hiding.
Commercials, just because John Cena always shows up at the 10PM hour.
The Miz v. John Cena
They jockey for position from the get go. Pillar to post goes Cena and Miz keeps up the pressure. Cena catches the Miz off the ropes for a sidewalk slam for two. Miz sends Cena to the corner before hitting a suplex for two. What if Sheamus picks the Miz and Miz gets himself purposely DQ’ed just so he can cash in and win the title anyway? Cena sends Miz to the corner and follows up with a Fisherman Suplex. The CeNation has over one million friends and Michael Cole does not have Facebook. HA! The Miz regains control and he drops the leg for a two count. HERE COMES CENA WITH THE THROWBACK! Cena goes to the top, but the Miz takes Cena off and out of the ring! Break time.
Commercials.
We’re back and the Miz is still in control with a modified sleeper, but Cena channels his SUPER-CENA ABILITIES and he gets the Miz off his back. Bulldog COUNTERED! Boot to the face by the Miz, but Cena kicks out! Miz beats on Cena on the apron before connecting with the knee. Guillotine under the ropes keeps Cena down for two. The Miz charges and he connects with the corner clothesline. Cover gets two, yet again. Miz charges again, but Cena evades, slipping on the canvas and tweaking the leg. He shakes it off….HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects! Five Knuckle Shuffle! Attitude Adjustment is countered into the Reality Check for two! The Miz looks for Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena reverses into the STF! The Miz fights to reach the ropes and does so. Cena charges and Miz connects with a boot for a two count. The Miz sends Cena to the corner. SCF is countered to the Attitude Adjustment and the Miz lands out of the ring. Daniel Bryan comes out and he attacks the Miz, drawing the DQ.
Winner: The Miz via DQ
Grade: B+
Daniel Bryan locks on the omoplata crossface (known as the LeBell Lock) on the Miz, who taps like a bitch.
Commercials.
Two weeks ago, Tamina pulls a Beth Phoenix on Santino Marella, and it hasn’t even been seven years so does it count as storyline recycling?
Vladimir Koslov & Santino Marella v. The Usos (w/Tamina)
Santino starts it off and he threatens the Cobra, only to be humiliated by Jimmy Uso. Jummy tags in Jay and Santino is in trouble early on. Scoop slam connects and Jay gets two. Tag back to Jimmy and here comes Santino…only to miss the dropkick. Jimmy keeps the pressure on as Vladimir looks on. He plays cheerleader and he gets knocked off the ramp. Santino gets the tag. Jay and Vladimir are in and Vladimir is done playing games. Running scoop slam gets the pinfall broken up. Santino evens the odds and Koslov plants Jay with the Iron Curtain.
Winner: Santino Marella & Vladimir Koslov
Grade: D-
Tamina stops the potential post match assault before helping Santino back up. Wow. Tamina sends the Usos back up before blowing a kiss to Santino. Again. Wow.
Commercials.
Ted DiBiase v. John Morrison v. Randy Orton
We get the entrances and another commercial.
Commercials.
The bell rings and Sheamus has had enough, so he heads backstage. Orton takes it to DiBiase. DiBiase gets taken out on the outside by Morrison and he goes in to get his ass handed to by Orton. Orton with a headlock and Morrison sends Orton to the ropes and Orton is stronger. Morrison takes Orton down and DiBiase saves the match. Out goes Morrison and DiBiase scores a pinfall attempt. DiBiase takes Orton to the corner and goes on the attack. Orton comes back and they go back and forth. DiBiase catches Orton and Morrison comes back in to eat a sick neckbreaker for two. DiBiase gets his jaw jacked and Orton has clotheslines and powerslams for everyone. Hangman DDT to DiBiase, but after Orton evades Morrison’s flash kick. Orton looks for the RKO, but DiBiase sends him to a kick from Morrison. Dream Street countered at the last second. Morrison comes off the top…RKO! Pinfall.
Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: C-
Orton has a RKO for DiBiase as well.
Sheamus is backstage with Josh Matthews. He didn’t want to see Randy Orton because he already made his decision. He’ll make that decision next!
Commercials.
Sheamus says he’s the Celtic Warrior and he has an announcement. He doesn’t want to wait until Night of Champions to defend the championship. He’s going to do it tonight against…ZACK RYDER! You’re kidding?
Sheamus v. Zack Ryder
WWE Championship
As if on cue, Zack Ryder comes out to tell Sheamus that he made the biggest mistake of his life. Woo, Woo, Woo. You know it. We get the special ring announcing for tonight’s main event.
Sheamus charges at the bell with the Pump Kick and scores the pinfall.
Winner: Sheamus
Grade: FTS
Sheamus recites the rules, stating that he doesn’t have to defend the title for another month. Wade Barrett makes his way down the rampway to refute Sheamus’ claim to a vacation. He is right, but he is wrong. Wade Barrett says that he won the first season of NXT and he gets a title match at any Pay-Per-View of his choosing. He chooses the next Pay-Per-View to cash in his title match. The RAW GMail chimes in and he says that he has upheld Barrett’s request. However, the GM will give the opportunity to four other stars and Wade Barrett. It will be Sheamus v. Wade Barrett v. Chris Jericho v. Randy Orton v. Edge v. John Cena.
It’s Open Season on…Wade Barrett! Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Sheamus. Edge spears Jericho, Cena hits the A.A. on Jericho and RKO sends us home…with a RKO on Cena.
Show Over.
