Monday Morning Backlash with Night of Champions Report Card featuring Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, John Cena

Columns, Top Story

Welcome to the new format of the Tuesday Morning Backlash. I know the Tuesday Morning Backlash has been gone for the past three weeks and that’s, well, that’s because the column is done. What we have now is a new column each and every day. Here’s the breakdown (which will be more a guideline than a hard rule):

Monday Morning Backlash – WWE Smackdown and/or PPV Thoughts.
Tuesday Morning Backlash – WWE Raw Thoughts
Wednesday Morning Backlash – The Week in News
Thursday Morning Backlash – Miscellanious Thursdays (Indy, Wrestling History, Match Reviews, Etc)
Friday Morning Backlash – TNA Thoughts

Along with each feature, whenever anyone wants to send something in, if I like the article, it will run in the Guest Spot Section on the appropriate day. So, without further ado, let’s get going with our first Monday Morning Backlash and thoughts on WWE’s Night of Champions PPV. In fact, let’s kick it old school and do a report card for the performers and ratings for the matches. Remember to check back tomorrow and every other weekday at 10am for the day’s wrestling Backlash!

Dolph Ziggler – C. He’s getting more heat than ever thanks to Vickie Guerrero, but was more impressive in the ring and on the mic during his last push. This is a huge opportunity, as the opener and the guy who went over to get the crowd going, but instead he merely put on an acceptable match. It’s not bad, per se, but it sure doesn’t earn him bonus points.

Kofi Kingston – C+. His job here was to make Ziggler look good, and, well, he put Ziggler over clean in a solid match. Again, though, I’d have liked to have seen more here. Kofi is still learning to mix his in ring character with out of ring persona, and will be a top guy when he fully gets that.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston – ** ½. This was a rather lackluster effort that saved itself by a ton of near-falls at the end. While that isn’t my favorite method of getting crowd heat, it did stop them from wrecking the crowd with a subpar opener.

CM Punk – B-. Punk did his best with the Big Show in limited time, and managed to be a heel in Chicago, where he’s beloved, which boosts his grade.

Big Show – F. If Punk is a top guy, he really needs to get more here. Show doesn’t need this much protection and, honestly, he’s just seemed lazy for this entire feud, like it’s a waste of his time not being in a top spot.

Big Show vs. CM Punk – *. There was just nothing here. It was short and made Punk look bad. Hopefully, this feud is done. I’d like to see Punk vs. Kingston.

The Miz – A+. The Miz is on the cusp of a main event slot and had no reason to job as cleanly to Daniel Bryan as he did, except that it makes Bryan look good. He worked his behind off in this match and didn’t let it end with heel miscommunication, tapping cleanly. He controlled the early portion so as to not look too weak, and then did the right thing and put Daniel over huge.

Daniel Bryan – A+. He and the Miz had one of, if not the, best match of Miz’s career, made Miz look good, then came off looking like a world beater. Now we can hopefully put the losing streak nonsense behind us. As a note, it’s amusing that his song is a riff on Benoit’s theme. Hopefully, that’s how the WWE views him rather than a silly joke on the firing.

Miz vs. Daniel Bryan – *** ½. Miz controlled early, including some great arm work, until Bryan made a comeback and they went back and forth with Bryan nailing reversals and Miz looking for any way to escape with a win. Alex Riley got involved, only to be quickly taken out, and Bryan just out-wrestled Miz for the big win. The highlight was the stealing of Nigel McGuinness’s seated top rope lariat spot, which surely let us know who laid this one out.

Melina – D. I have no idea how WWE considers her a Diva great. She was unimpressive here and this was so disjointed BigAndyMac actually wondered if any of these ladies had ever seen a lumberjack match.

Michelle McCool – D+. She’s less skilled than Melina technically, but understands her character as a heel better than Melina does hers as a face, and, as such, her matches usually at least keep me focused.

Michelle McCool vs. Melina – *. I would have liked something more serious for a title unification, and the lumberjacks really added nothing to the proceedings.

Kane – C-. While the match was bad, Kane managed to look dominant, which is a huge part in the proceedings. Ideally, he wins this feud and becomes the new Undertaker. This was a step in the right direction.

Undertaker – D. The only thing saving the Deadman from the F is that he jobbed cleanly. He looks old and slow.

Undertaker vs. Kane – **. There was nothing technically terrible here, but it was slow, plodding, and boring with a crowd that just didn’t seem to care. Rather than work to get the crowd back, Taker and Kane went through the motions. What a shame.

Tag Guantlet – No ratings, just a mess. I don’t get this booking at all and there was nothing that felt much like an actual match here. This is on the writers heads, not the talent.

Chris Jericho – A. Jericho, now reportedly done with the WWE again, is a true great and professional. He had little to do here but lose and act deflated. He did so absolutely perfectly. I hope he re-signs quickly.

Edge – B. Edge didn’t have a ton to do here, but was featured in the heat segment of the night where he and Sheamus destroyed the other competitors. This would have been better had he any reason to turn on Sheamus when he did, but regardless, this was good character work by Edge who also had a cool elimination sequence with Cena.

Sheamus – B+. He really looked like he belonged here, which is all I really ask. Last title run, he seemed like a guy who was being pushed because of his friend and didn’t belong. He’s now showing signs of being a real stud and with some more character development might actually earn his spot.

Wade Barrett – A-. See everything I said about Sheamus? Barrett has the same thing, except his character is really established well. He didn’t get a ton of offense here, but came off as a tough guy everyone hated and his mannerisms are really good.

John Cena – C. He sure was in this match, but he just never felt relevant despite a couple of cool spots, which makes sense since the match was about establishing the other major face in it…

Randy Orton – A+. He just gets it. The character and mannerisms are perfect and more than carry his merely solid-to-good matches. He’s the most over guy in the company and it makes perfect sense that he has the title. He can now beat Sheamus at Hell in a Cell in two weeks and then go on to face the Miz.

Six Pack Challenge Match – ***. While not great, this was fast paced with good storyline development for Orton, Sheamus, Jericho, Cena and Barrett (the last two with the Nexus run-in), while Edge showed his character notably well. That sounds

Pay Per View Rating – B – While the matches weren’t great, at least a lot happened on this show. Besides Undertaker-Kane, this was a fast-paced, fun show. Hopefully the WWE keeps this up and adds some great matches, too.

And now, just because, 10 Thoughts on Wrestling in General by Penny Allen-Fife. That’s right! Guest Spot!

Assuming Aaron gets the TMB online this week, (and we’ll just say he had justifiable reasons for skipping a couple and leave it at that), I’d like to rant on a few things that have been irking me lately. Since the staff here on Pulse love them their numbered lists, (much like the other site I submit my ravings to, Cracked.com), I shall do it in the form of a somewhat medium-winded top ten list.

10) TNA has booked RVD vs Abyss in a loser leaves TNA match for their next PPV. Okay…. so….. they can pay the lazy coasting bastard extra monjey for the blowoff to give him a “Storyline exit”, but they couldn’t be bothered to have him drop the belt to Abyss while he was still on his original term contract? TNA = Trainwreck Nimrod Authorship.

9) Goldust and Regal last night showed the world how a comedy match should be done. Quick, to the point, gets the laughs with something that makes contextual sense for those involved, (Regal mocking Dust’s mouthsnap gesture, Dust using Regal’s knucks), and then get it over fast before it wears itself out and bores the audience. Of course this means next week we’ll get Santino and Koslov having a dance-off with Dibiase. Go ahead, tell me I’m wrong. I DARE you.

8) This is not a personal attack, so you can relax Aaron, but for the love of whatever God you believe in or lack thereof Wheeler, enough with the phonetically spelled “Sheamus voice” already! Reading that induces migraines and it stopped being so much as mildly amusing halfway through the first time you typed it. I almost miss the sexist “Mickie James is fat” jokes by comparison.

7) Would it kill them to give us more than “My apprentice Alex Riley” from the Miz to explain why Riley isn’t jumped by security every time he hops the gaurdrail? This is one area where the sledgehammer of plot would actually be a helpful tool.

6) When Jericho is consistantly pure gold every goddamn week no matter what he’s doing, when he has the audience so completely in his hand that he’s successfully doing 5 or 6 face/heel turns a night, when he is clearly the real MVP of the company, why oh why has the ‘E still not busted their asses and bent over backward to lock him into a new contract? I garauntee the product will suffer noticably without him.

5) I actively contemplated suicide watching the R-Truth/Eve vs Dibiase/Dyed Frog Whore segment on Raw. I am publicly declaring, right now, with all of you as witnesses, that I, Penny Sautereau-Fife, a legally married lesbian, will publicly suck Vince McMahon’s wrinkly old man cock if he signs legal documentation forbidding his company from EVER doing a segment like this EVER AGAIN.

4) New Raw guest host rule; NEVER HIRE FUCKING ATHLETES. Football players, basketball players, baseball players, Nascar drivers, their sports differ but they have one universal equalizer; NONE OF THEM CAN TALK FOR SHIT, except the ones Vince is too cheap to spring for. Every minute of that egotistal twonk talking last night is time on my life expectancy I can never get back. I have MAYBE 2 years left, wasting my time with this pointless celebrity circle-jerking is tantamount to slow homicide.

3) I will concede that Kandertaker have been cutting effective promos on each other, but I would still rather lick Ron Jeremy’s asscrack than sit through their 84’000th PPV match. The Dead Man Walking is now the Old Man Limping. For the first time in his carreer he actually LOOKS dead. I do not want to see him and Kane trying to carry each other when both mens’ best matches ALWAYS included a smaller, faster, vastly superior in talent opponent, ala Kurt Angle or Shawn Micheals, carrying them to a classic. Kanedertaker against each other have NEVER had an actual good match, they’ve at best coasted by on the cheese each encounter was draped in.

2) I read Scott Kieth’s Smark Rant on the Hell in a Cell collection DVD, and I’m both impressed and mildly disturbed that they left the one Benoit was in fully intact. We all assumed that one would be highlight reel only, showing some “Ooooo ahhh” spots and carefully removing Benoit from the selection, as per the ‘E’s “Benoit? Who’s that? we know not of any Benoit” policy since the Incident. Part of me wants to hope this means Benoit won’t be excluded from Jericho’s DVD, part of me is screaming to block out all memory of having known him personally.

1) I’m in the camp that hopes Heyman never comes to TNA. The product is damaged beyond all repair, and it’s far too late for Heyman to save it, even if Dixie gave him full booking and hiring/firing control. Heyman would try his best, but ultimately Russo, Mantell, Bischoff, you name it, everyone booking for TNA has raped the company too many times. TNA is irrepairably traumatized by shitty selfish out of touch booking, and failing to turn it around would kill the last lingering shred of Paul’s love for the business, garaunteeing we never experience his insane genius again.

That’s my ranting done for this week. If I weren’t allergic to alcohol I’d be pish’t right now to burn that DiBiase/Truth segment out of my brain.

Actually I think I might go get drunk anyway. Massive stomach bleeding would still be more fun and pleasurable than that fucking segment was.

We now return you to whatever life you’re living.

Hope you enjoyed. As always, comment below (and let me know if you like the idea for the new format) and I’ll see you all tomorrow morning at 10am.

Glazer is a former senior editor at Pulse Wrestling and editor and reviewer at The Comics Nexus.