Welcome to Friday Night Smackdown! Fire erupts as Kane makes his way to the ring for a match. His music dies and another begins…Chris Masters? Excellent! It’s about time they actually used him…although I feel this may be a squash.
Quick side note, what’ wrong with Striker’s mic? It sounds like he phoned in for the show.
Bell rings and Kane already working on Chris. It doesn’t take long before Chris switches to offense, locking in the Masterlock. Kane backs Masters into the corner a few times, forcing him to break the hold. Kane focuses on Chris’s legs, as almost all of his opponents have in the past. A high-flying move from Masters misses, Kane signals for a chokeslam, it connects. But Kane doesn’t go for a pin fall, mocks the Undertaker, and goes for a Tombstone. Connects, for the three-count.
Grade: C
I liked seeing Masters in a decent match-up. He looked great. But Kane looked a bit sluggish.
Kane picks up the mic and reiterates what he’s been saying the last few weeks, for the most part. He begins towards the crowd, walks through the arena, and frightens the living hell out of a child. If he’s already on the mic, why not tell us the challenge now?
Commercial.
Come back to Cody Rhodes entering. His jacket gets more and more flamboyant every week. He introduces Drew McIntyre, and they’re sporting their souvenir penny belts. Following them, the Hart Dynasty enters and are invoking their rematch clause for this evening.
Drew and DH start things off, Tyson tags in. He hurricanranas Drew out of the ring which looked a bit choreographed, but impressive nonetheless.
Commercial!
Come back to DH and Drew again, DH on the ground. Cody tags in, then Drew tags in without DH noticing. Cody back in. DH finally turns it around, rolls towards Tyson. Drew tags in, Tyson tags in. Tyson flies in from the top rope for a near-fall, which Cody breaks. DH comes in and gets rid of Cody, Drew takes out DH with a good kick. Turnbuckle comes off, throws Kidd face first, Futureshock DDT, and they retain their titles.
Grade: B-
I wasn’t sure about Dashintyre when they were rumored to participate in Night of Champions, but they really have dynamic chemistry, and I love them against the Hart Dynasty. Let’s hope they actually perpetuate this feud.
Cut to the Undertaker sitting on some lonely steps…then cut again to Alberto del Rio, hovering over Christian.
Commercial.
Come back to the Raw Rebound and then…Hornswoggle and Dudebusters. The only interesting part of this segment was seeing the Bragging Rights trophy. And that’s all I’ll say. This report is officially banning Hornswoggle.
Cut to CM Punk in the locker room, and a fresh shaven Luke walks up. Punk says he’s through with him and orders him out. Luke pushes Punk against the wall, choking him, as Punk makes some of the silliest noises and faces. Luke says he’s going out for a beer, and the audience pops.
Commercial.
Come back to Chavo already in the ring, and Kaval enters next, and dear god, he’s actually skipping. Here we go!
Kaval is so ridiculously entertaining to watch, as he does some crazy stuff around the ring. Chavo tosses Kaval against the barricade and continues to work on him. Kaval builds momentum back up, but not for long. Chavo to the top rope, misses, Kaval lands a dropkick, goes for a pin but Chavo’s foot hits the rope. Chavo again to the top rope, Frog Splash connects for three.
Grade: C
This match was more about Chavo’s offense, Kaval didn’t get to do too much. Would have liked to see Kaval pick up the win, but overall, an entertaining enough match.
Commercial.
Recap of Alberto’s attack on Reyburt, straight to his announcer and entrance. His music is growing on me, slowly. As is he, a little bit. He talks about Christian, and the crowd is cutting out, which means naughty words are being tossed around. He demands we watch his attack on Rey again. I’ve seen this about a dozen times. Enough, already.
He announces that Rey is coming back, but everyone’s too busy chanting “you suck†to care. I’d say this promo is flopping. Christian’s music starts up…and a brawl ensues. Alberto lays his submission on Christian who is flailing, and rolls out. Alberto goes for the chair, shoving his arm in and launching him towards the steel post, and retreats.
I have to ask, what came first, the segment or the injury?
Undertaker is still on those stairs, pondering.
Commercial.
And we’re back with Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer, followed by Big Show. Apparently, it’s a handicap match. Nice to see they’ve graduated past Superstars.
Big Show wastes little time with his deafening smack to Hawkins’s back. After a bit of countering by Curt, another slap, and Vance tags in. Show puts down his submission, and Archer taps.
Grade: D-
Are you kidding? This could have been a decent match, but of course, it served no purpose. Any chance to make the big guy look good for his new movie.
Josh Matthews introduces Jack Swagger for an interview. He talks and talks, as the Dudebusters and Hornswoggle are seen in the background…but the segment is cut abruptly short as Josh was about to say something and it goes to…
Commercial.
Punk enters, followed by Luke. I’m sure this feud was set up to be awesome, but I can’t get on board, although I like the aggression.
Bell rings, and here we go. Luke gains control early, looking better than he has in months. Punk reverses a few times, builds momentum, but Luke gets fired up. Goes for a pin, two-count. Punk goes for the GTS, connects terribly, for the three-count.
Grade: D+
Thought this match might have gone on a little longer. Both men looked pretty good at first, but it all went downhill. Luke spent too much time as a disciple, that he hasn’t quite learned how to sell it yet.
Taker…again…on the stairs.
Commercial.
Todd and Matt are discussing the move to Syfy before Vickie’s voice rips through the arena. Dolph enters, and I don’t like his neck accessory. He looks more like a Chippendale dancer every time he enters. Kaitlyn sure looks nice though…
If Kofi Kingston enters…I quit…oh good, it’s MVP. Bell rings, and off we go. Couple arm drags, some grappling. Dolph rolls out, nearly running into Kaitlyn, but they embrace for just a moment. Vickie shoots her a look of death and Dolph climbs back in. Dolph gets knocked viciously out of the ring, and Kaitlyn tends to him again. Vickie shouts at her and Kaitlyn pushes her over. Hate to tell you guys this, but that won’t boost Tuesday’s rating. Vickie leaves now, Dolph looks conflicted, and…
Commercial.
The action continues post-lovers’ quarrel. Dolph still seems preoccupied with Vickie’s exit as he drops about 87 elbows on MVP. A little back and forth between these two, MVP taking control, goes for his finisher, Dolph rolls him up for two. Suplex from MVP, for a two-count. Dolph goes for a Zig-Zag, but MVP hangs on to the ropes, set up for “Ballin†but Dolph rolls out. He goes for his title and starts to exit. Ref counts to ten, and it’s over.
Grade: B-
Solid match, these two were entertaining and impressive, but Dolph quitting the match for a count-out for a non-title match killed his momentum as champ. Still, put on a hell of a match.
Annnd, Rosa is jump roping and bouncing all over the place. The Dudebusters walk over and take it from her. Vickie comes bursting in looking for Kaitlyn. They send her into the moving truck and lock the doors, which may be the only cool thing they’ve ever done.
Hey look! Undertaker is still on the stairs. Is he trapped in a My Chemical Romance song? He’s shouting at some mysterious person to go away, but when he looks up he seems perplexed. He rolls his eyes back, regaining the title of “badass†and we go to…
Commercial.
Kane enters. Once again, claims the ring as his yard and demands that they raise the stakes. Perhaps the most un-shocking thing the hit Smackdown in recent weeks; he wants Taker in a Hell in a Cell match. Huh, go figure. Bells chime, and druids come out with a casket.
Kane hovers over it, and inside…Paul Bearer, looking as creepy as ever. Bells chime again, and lights dim. Come back, and Paul is in the ring, as well as Taker, behind Kane. The Phenom starts working on Kane, and Taker throws some of his classic moves, looking a little more like himself again. Kane retreats, and Taker focuses on Bearer. He takes his famous pose, and the credits roll.
Be sure to check back next week, as I cover Smackdown as they move to Syfy for a LIVE show. Nexus will invade Smackdown. Oh, and Cena will be there. But you don’t care about that, right?
