The Preshow
For the hour before Smackdown, they’re counting down the minutes until the big premiere. Amidst the horrendous NXThree recaps, we get to see interviews with the Superstars, and first up is the always entertaining CM Punk, who yanks Rosa’s ridiculous jump rope out of her hands and verbally punches Josh Mathews in the face. Apparently, we’ll get to see him face the Undertaker tonight, and now I can’t wait.
The breaks are flooded with commercials advertising the big Smackdown move…I think if people are watching the pre-show, they’re aware that Smackdown is moving to Syfy. Total guess.
Of course, John Cena is now being interviewed. Why not? It’s not like it’s a Smackdown show, or anything. Fortunately, his little speech is concise, and we move on to more interesting topics…like the NXT Divas…
One other question: Why are they basically replaying the entire episode of NXT? Why not show high lights of Smackdown’s past?
And…we’re LIVE!
A freshly bleached Dolph is first to enter, followed by MVP sans facial hair.
Intro…Green Day? Really?! What, the Jonas Brothers weren’t available? Terrible.
So, back to Dolph and MVP, apparently this will be a title match. Here we go!
A little back and forth before the Sleeper is applied, MVP counters, and gains control. He delivers a boot to the face that misses wildly, but Dolph sold it, so hey. Dolph rolls out of the ring, and out marches Nexus! I don’t know what they have against the Intercontinental Championship, as this is the second no contest delivered by them.
Grade: N/A
They attack Dolph, and then surround MVP. Wade is missing as they jump Montel. After the 450, Big Show comes out, and easily fends them off. That doesn’t last long, as he is forced out of the ring.
And, here comes Cena. But they easily take him out. Big show grabs a chair and forces them to retreat. Well, I don’t know about you folks at home, but what a way to kick off Smackdown!
Cut to Wade Barrett on the Titantron, reminding us all once more of the stipulation for Hell in a Cell. Also, apparently Wade has some creative control. Here’s what we can expect. Big Show vs The Nexus, and Cena vs Kane.
Commercial!
And we’re back, with the Greenday song. Oh. Dear. God.
LayCool makes their entrance with Alicia Fox and Maryse. Next, Natalya, Kelly Kelly and the Bellas.
Kelly and Alicia start off, tagging in Maryse and Natalya. Nattie goes for the Sharpshooter, but Michelle intervenes. Kelly Kelly proves she’s the Cena of the Divas division as she throws the only move she knows, and Layla is outside of the ring, being pulled under by a small green arm…and they wonder why no one cares about the Diva’s. Michelle does us all a favor and kicks Swoggle in the face. Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter, Maryse’s ass falls out of her shorts before she taps.
Grade: F
You know why.
Commercial.
And we’re back, with Swagger’s little memorabilia set up and JR’s song? Who knows/cares. Why do they keep giving him a mic? He has a huge announcement tonight. But first, he must insult Oklahoma, and starts putting over Texas. He names himself the Undisputed King of Oklahoma, and somehow looks more preposterous than usual.
And here comes Edge! So this really is a second episode of Raw, with the Smackdown crew as guest stars. Edge vows to rid the WWE of anything “stupid†(Josh Mathews: “See ya, Cole!â€), and I can’t say I’m upset with this. Okay, if Edge wanted to get rid of the stupid segments, why did he just Spear a mascot?
Wade Barrett is backstage, and they’re all scheming. If anyone lays a finger on the Nexus, they will be suspended. Well, good thing Tiffany is still banished. Hmm. What are they planning?
Commercial.
Come back, and it’s time for some Dashing Grooming Tips! Pit stains…good topic. No sarcasm, there. I’ve hugged a few Superstars and…wow.
Nexus’s music, and here they come. Time for the handicap match. Now, time for Big Show. I really hope they don’t hand him this win…
Bell rings. All five men are in the ring, and Show clears two of them. I’m surprised Barrett is flexible enough to land a kick in Show’s face, and all five men pounce, and they all lock in a submission hold, which sounds intense, but looks like synchronized swimming formations. Show is knocked out, and the Nexus wins.
Grade: D-
Handicap matches are sloppy and obvious, and this match was extremely quick. But it was nice to see the Nexus get the win.
J-Gabe delivers two of the most painful looking 450’s, and they all take a moment to pose. Hm.
Commercial.
Come back, and they’re showing us again what transpired with the Nexus and Big Show.
Now, on to reviewing Kane’s promos. I say promos in a plural sense, even though they all contain the same message, each time.
Time for CM Punk’s entrance! I was almost certain this would have been the main event, but I guess not.
Commercial.
Come back, and Punk is in the ring. Soon, the chimes begin. Bearer is first to walk out, followed by Taker and his spiffy hood.
Here we go! Punk is violently thrown out of the ring, and gets thrown against the barricade. Patented leg drop from Taker after he props Punk up, goes for a cover, for a two count. Time for some Old School, connects! Punk quickly reverses, bulldog, but Taker pops back up. Chokeslam, connects, goes for Tombstone, also connects, for three.
Grade: B-
Nice to see Taker doing well again, but CM Punk didn’t quite get the chance to shine. I was hoping this match would earn the first A, but alas, no such luck.
Commercial.
Alberto del Rio enters. He chews on some words, before cutting to the chase. He calls for Rey, and out comes his personal ring announcer, carrying a Chihuahua with a mask on…don’t let PETA see this. He apologizes to the dog…and then Rey enters. Few dropkicks, and Alberto escapes, so Rey attacks the personal ring announcer. Sets him up for a 619, and it connects.
Commercial.
Randy Orton enters…I keep forgetting he’s champ. And he’s facing…oh dear god! Cody Rhodes and/or Drew McIntyre. I’m actually excited for this reunion.
Cody it is, and the bell rings! Randy takes an early lead, goes for the DDT, countered, scoopslam by Orton, and Cody rolls out. Randy follows, but Drew lurks behind Randy, distracting him long enough for Cody to strike. Back in the ring, Cody in control, but Randy fights back. Backbreaker, RKO, and it’s over.
Grade: C
These two made up for lost time with great chemistry, but it was too short. I know it’s a big night, but let some of these matches happen, guys!
Drew goes for the Futureshock, but Randy counters and gives him an RKO. Sheamus then appears taking out Randy. Â
Have I mentioned how terrible the new theme song is?
Commercial.
Kane enters with his deafening pyro but wait!
Commercial.
And we’re back. Nexus is already surrounding the ring, and now I have to listen to Cena’s entrance music, because I’m watching this in real time. Awesome.
Here we go! A lot of back and forth, nothing too special yet. Kane throws Cena to the mercy of the Nexus. Oh, but…
Another commercial!
And we’re back, Kane has Cena in a chin lock, both men climb to their feet slowly. Kane to the top rope, misses, Cena gets revved up, goes for Five Knuckle Shuffle, connects. Goes for the AA, Kane goes for Chokeslam, Cena knocks him out of the ring, Nexus goes for Cena, Cena takes them all out (there’s too much happening!), and Cena retreats up the ramp.
Grade: N/A
Chimes, and the lights go out. Taker and Kane are left in the ring, the fight resumes outside of the ring. Kane slides across the announce table, and then over the barricade. They make their way through the arena, a drunk dude gets knocked over along with Kane.
Back to the ring, Bearer appears, both men in chokeslam position, Undertaker’s connects. Signals for Tombstone, but Kane retreats. Once again, Taker is left in the ring, and the crowd is going insane as the credits roll.
Final Grade: B
Most matches received low grades, but this was a fantastic episode of Smackdown. It was a smidge rushed, but it was packed with excitement, nonetheless. I know that doesn’t make sense, but, hey, this is my show.
