Off with a bang, as Kane’s pyro catches me a little off-guard. The Heavyweight Champ makes his way to the ring looking frazzled. He’s all business, wanting Bearer back as soon as possible. He says he will let everything go back to normal without repercussions if Bearer is just returned, and promises not to kill Edge upon doing so. He tugs on my heart strings a bit, swearing that he is, in fact, human and just wants to be reunited with his papa. Edge cuts the sap-fest short, entering with an empty wheel chair. He demands that Kane asks for Bearer back, this time with manners! He does so, and Edge still refuses to comply. And retreats.
Commercial.
Come back and Kofi is entering. Next out is Swagger. This is a qualifying match for King of the Ring (already qualified from the Raw brand: Ezekial Jackson, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, and John Morrison).
Bell rings, and off they go. Some close contact, Swagger demonstrating his abilities and grounding Kofi, but the momentum shifts as the battle moves to a level playing field. Swagger collects himself outside of the ring, climbs back in, and they pick up where the left off. Swagger forfeits control after a quick rally, but the action halts again. Swagger starts working on the legs, misses the ankle lock, works on the leg, misses the ankle lock.
Commercial.
Kofi outside of the ropes, distracted by the eagle just long enough to be thrown off by Swagger. Both men go at it outside of the ring. Back in quickly, Kofi getting fired up as he powers out of a submission. Just kidding, he’s grounded again thanks to a kick from Swagger. Kofi punches the camera with his face, Swagger uses the ropes to help in a submission against Kofi, goes for a cover for two. (Striker has a zinger, referring to Miz as Justin Bieber’s favorite Superstar…) Both men back outside the ring again, Kofi reversing some attempted offense, and rolling back in. Kofi getting fired up for reals this time…one of the most creative Boom Drops I’ve ever seen. To the top rope, crossbody caught, powerslammed. Goes for TiP, and over.
Grade: D+
This dragged unbelievably slow, and was almost painful to watch (I’m sure it was also painful to read). But they get points for creativity at the end.
Kane is backstage with Teddy Long. He’s apologizing for his wrongdoings, and imploring him to help get Bearer back. Edge pops up on the TV screen, and he’s…actually, this is kind of too off-the-wall. Next!
Commercial.
Kane is still looking for Paul. He opens up a bathroom door, that has an empty wheelchair and a note that says “Gone Fishin’â€â€¦clever.
Cut to John Mathews, interviewing Alberto del Rio. He claims that Big Show is not his equal, and then says he’ll win King of the Ring. Yep.
Commercial.
Come back to Alberto’s elaborate entrance. Being from Arizona, I should know more Spanish than I do. I wish I understood what Rodriguez was saying. Next out, Big Show. This is another qualifying match.
Bell rings. They chat for a moment, before Show pounces. Alberto to the top rope, clutched by Show but he escapes. Wait, another…
Commercial.
Show is on top, wrapping his giant thigh around Alberto’s head, Alberto cannot get in control. Spoke too soon, he lands some offense, before Show goes for a Chokeslam but del Rio fights out and grounds the giant. He goes for a pin, but is tossed off before both shoulders are even down. One of del Rio’s monster kicks lands perfectly, goes for his finisher but Show is just too large. Show goes for Knockout Punch, but del Rio is out like Lance Bass. The fight continues outside of the ring until a count of five, but Show can’t climb back in as Rodriguez clutches on to Show’s leg. The ref keeps counting as Show takes care of the ring announcer, until a count of ten.
Grade: C-
Not too shabby from Show; one of his better contests. It was kind of basic, and I’m not a huge fan of the finish, but it wasn’t bad at all.
Edge’s voice echoes once more, as he appears at the top of the stairs in the arena with Bearer in tow. He too is talking about the holidays, and that leads into wanting to chat. Out walks Kane, from the entrance ramp. Edge lets the fans decide what to do with Bearer, and they all want him shoved down the stairs. Well, that’s a good lesson for the kiddos. Kane offers the belt to Edge, in a trade situation. Edge invites him up to where he is, and then wheels Bearer to the hot dog stand. Lo and behold, an empty wheelchair! Abruptly to a…
Commercial.
MVP enters. Drew enters. The third KotR qualifying match begins!
McIntyre looks extra vicious tonight, but MVP takes over after a solid kick to Drew’s head. He launches Drew outside of the ring after a baseball slide, and the match continues by way of the steel steps. Drew works on the right arm, both men roll back in. Big offense from McIntyre, MVP collects himself, nursing his arm but Drew follows. Before he can do anything, MVP strikes, shifting the momentum. MVP rallies, goes for Ballin’ which connects, goes for Playmaker, reversed. Futureshock, for three.
Grade: C+
I liked seeing these two tear each other apart. McIntyre embodied some of the aggression he used to pack, and was intoxicating to watch.
Swagger is backstage, yelling at his mascot. Hornswoggle is dressed as Sacajawea, and Rosa’s boobs serve him dinner. Or, burned turkey. And the eagle is pouting. Hornswoggle shoots the eagle with a bow and arrow, as a replacement. So. Much. Nonsense.
 Commercial.
My girls, LayCool, enter with their handy dandy microphones. Both are pissed about losing their belts, and being denied access to Raw. They insult the crowd a bit, and Kelly Kelly enters. Singles competition? That means I actually have to watch her…
Kelly gets rid of Layla before the bell rings, and we’re off. Michelle steals Kelly’s only move of shaking the giant hair extension. Michelle already going for Faithbreaker, but unsuccessful, Kelly rolls up Michelle for three.
Grade: F
Not that I’m complaining, as I don’t want to see more of Kelly than I have to. I wish the women were given more time, though.
Michelle attacks immediately, and out comes Beth! Taking care of LayCool, Glam Slamming McCool. I’m so glad Beth is back.
Commercial.
They play all of Raw’s shenanigans, including the very popular demon child.
Rey enters.
Commercial.
Cody enters. Atta boy, oh Dashing one. Main event! Alberto enters for commentary.
The match quickly begins, Cody nearly hit in the face and goes to Chimel, who is holding up his jacket for him. Rey barely gives his eyes a chance to focus on the mirror before he attacks. Beautiful Disaster from the steel steps, and they’re back in the ring.
Commercial.
Both men in the ring. Chasing around a bit, Cody in control. Rey on the top rope, knocking Cody down. Seated senton, crossbody, cover, for two. Cody goes for CrossRhodes, but Mysterio breaks out for a two-count. Cody slides Mysterio, for two. A kick to Cody’s head, for two. 619 position, Alberto starts shouting, Cody rolls out, Seated Senton to Alberto outside the ring, and the fight continues inside the ring. Ref takes a bump, and del Rio attacks only to be fought off. Cody tries to take advantage, hits the CrossRhodes, ref counts to three.
Grade: B+
I loved del Rio’s interaction; it was subtle enough but impactful nonetheless. Rey Mysterio looked great and put on a hell of a match, and Cody Rhodes about knocked me on my ass. The most entertaining match of the night by far.
So the Smackdown Superstars entered in the King Of The Ring tournament are Drew McIntyre, Kofi Kingston, Alberto del Rio, and Cody Rhodes.
Teddy Long in his office, Kane comes in shouting. Edge pops up once more on the TV. This time, he’s outside. Camera pans, Kane dashes off. A Paul Bearer dummy gets run over, and Edge speeds away.
Credits roll.
