Breaking Holds Special: WWE NXT 4×3 – December 21, 2010

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

-I just read that Kaval was released by WWE, and I’m none too pleased. Part of me hopes that he had major attitude problems, or enjoyed murdering people’s pets, or some other horrendous issue that would drive WWE to bury and release the guy that won NXT Season Two based on fan voting. Yes, the “internet fans” voted him in, but that’s the way that your show was set up, and the “internet fans” are the same as the “real fans.” Everyone is on the Internet now. Duh. I KNOW that you were hoping that McGillicutty or Riley would win, but they didn’t, and you were able to hire them anyway. That being said, I’d like to list people that are STILL employed by the WWE despite being inferior to Mr. Brandon Silvestry in both ring skills and, shockingly, on the mic: Yoshi Tatsu, Darren Young, Curt Hawkins, Trent Baretta, Chris Masters…well, that’s all just off the top of my head. I could also include Nexus members like Michael Tarver or McGillicutty, or big lumps of uselessness like Vladimir Kozlov and Mark Henry, but Tarver’s pretty solid on the mic, and the big dudes are somehow over with the crowd. Regardless, the whole thing just sticks in my craw. I used to watch Kaval as Low Ki in the Jersey independents, and immediately thought that he was the bee’s proverbial knees. It saddens me to see him wasted like this, and I hope he finds something that makes him happy. I’m sorry that the company could never get past your height, buddy.

-Oh, and the reason for the delay this week? Needed to find a time that my wife was available. What can I say? A little bit of minor Internet fame draws a girl to do strange things.

-We open with a video package detailing the obstacle course, because THAT’S what people tune in to see. This show makes me sad sometimes. They even detail the TREMENDOUS controversy of Johnny Curtis’ two different runs, and blah blah who cares. We’re wild and young, baby!

-Do you think they paired Jacob Novak with Dolph Ziggler simply because they kind of resemble each other?

-Matt Striker brings out the rookies. Did you know that Curtis was raised in an orphanage? Huh. When my wife sees Jacob Novak, she says, “Is he supposed to be, like, an 80s douchebag or something in that white jacket?” Byron Saxton is wearing an “I <3 ME" shirt, which I like. My wife: "I didn't know he liked Maine so much." Think about it.

-We get another immunity challenge, and it's the wheelbarrow challenge, much like the one the Divas did. They have to roll a wheelbarrow around the ring, and the person that makes the fastest time wins. Shockingly, Hornswoggle is NOT in the wheelbarrow this time…and it's the Soaring Eagle. My wife has no idea who that is, and I inform her that it's Chavo Guerrero in an eagle suit, to which she replies, "Who's Chavo Guerrero?" How depressing is THAT? She then says, "I would like it better if it were Sam Eagle." Anyone?

-Curtis is first, and after a false start, makes it around the course in 13 seconds. That's pretty impressive, says the chubby guy typing this up while laying in bed. Grisham: "The eagle's flapping his wings, Josh, he's cheating." Novak does the trip in his white jacket, and beats Curtis by .2 seconds, although I think they stopped the clock a little too late. Brodus is next, and while the guy is a lot of things, "fast" is not one of them. He crosses at 13.8, and lets the Eagle fall out of the wheelbarrow at the end, causing insane laughter from Matthews. O'Brian follows, and comes ahead with 12.7 seconds, but it's really obvious that they're stopping the clock late. Saxton puts on a black glove for some reason, and crosses the line at 12.5 seconds. Bateman is the last one, and it's a tie, even though he crossed earlier than that. The clock totally sucks, and this is taking WAY too long. They're going to have a "wheelbarrow-off" and Dolph Ziggler is making snarky comments from the ramp. Saxton goes again at 13.1, and Bateman does a second run at 12 even, so he wins 2 immunity points. Bateman holds up an American flag, but to be fair, he dropped it on the ground beforehand, and Ziggler calls him a flip-flopper, telling him that he'll never make it. Okay.

-Two matches tonight! Johnny Curtis vs. Jacov Novak, and a six person mixed-tag match with Byron Saxton, Chris Masters and a Diva to be named later against Brodus Clay, Ted Dibiase and Maryse. Neither of those matches excite me all that much. Why have Daniel Bryan on the show if he isn't there to make the rookies look like a million bucks?

COMMERCIALS

-Hey, no commercials on Youtube! Nice!

Jacob Novak vs. Johnny Curtis

-JTG is in Curtis’ corner, as one black guy is as good as another in WWEland, I guess. Curtis is impressive in the ring, with a neat-looking suplex and a solid neckbreaker. Vickie’s watching from the back, as we need to know where she is at all times, a la Poochie. Novak gets the upper hand at some point, and attacks Curtis with a few elbows and a legdrop, but little of note. Curtis fights back, but walks into a sidewalk slam. Curtis kicks out, but Novak puts him in a headlock, the maneuver of champions. Headlock headlock headlock, and Curtis finally powers out with a back suplex. Matthews: “I wonder what Maryse is writing down for this match.” Grisham: “She’s probably drawing a picture.” Curtis is in charge again, and it’s pretty obvious that the guy knows he’s doing in the ring. He gets Novak in a Fujiwara armbar, but the ref gets distracted by Ziggler, THEN by JTG, and Ziggler uses the moment to punch Curtis, and Novak finishes him with a big boot. Really? Oy.
Winner: Jacob Novak

Rookie Video Package: Derrick Bateman

-My wife thinks he looks like an actor, but she can’t think of which one. I said Andy Samberg, but she doesn’t know who that is. He describes himself as “mantastic,” that he’s an “adventurous hunk who lives for danger.” He’s definitely got a sense of humor, and again refers to his fists as “Freedom” and “Justice,” which I love. The wife says that it’s almost like he’s a spoof of himself, and maybe he is, but I kind of like him. The confidence comes off as goofy instead of cocky, and I think that he might have a real shot if his in-ring skills are halfway decent. Of course, after the Kaval debacle, I have no faith in WWE to push anyone other than who they’ve already chosen as their winner. However, plus ten points for having a guy there just for him to high five.

COMMERCIALS

-Aw, nuts, there was an ad. Oh well. It was pretty brief.

Rookie Video Package: Conor O’Brian

-The guy even has a rat on his trunks! At least he’s made it his own. He was picked on as a kid, because people even thought he looked like a rat then. He says it all he knows, it’s who he is, it’s what he is. He thinks that he can show people that you can be successful, and you don’t need to view a book by it’s cover, but that you have to look out for yourself. Huh.

-The announcers tell us that there’ll be another rookie challenge, apparently about trivia. We then go to “earlier today” when Daniel Bryan was showing Derrick Bateman how to do bridges. Bryan has his nose to the mat, while Bateman is reading a book, bridging with his head, and I really like this whole segment. Bryan: “This bridge is really useful in submission wrestling.” Bateman: “That’s what the DB is all about: submission wrestling and trivia. Did you know that Andre the Giant was only champion for 100 seconds, but weighed 500 pounds? That’s like 100 pounds a second.” Bryan: “Thats great. Really push your nose to the mat.” Bateman: “WWE Champion with the shortest name had only three letters: Sid.” Bryan: “What about JBL?” Bateman: “Hey, I’m only a rookie. Do you know Steve Blackman’s favorite weapon? Sticks.” Bryan: “Is that in the book?” Bateman: “No, I wrote it in.” Brilliant. That gets Bryan to actually stop his own bridge. My wife points out that Bateman is reading the book upside down, likely so that the audience can see the title of the book. Good call, honey. I also love that Bateman is wearing a “Cocker Spaniel” t-shirt. My wife LOVES cocker spaniels, but still isn’t sure if Bateman is her favorite. When Bateman’s nose isn’t to the mat, Bryan kicks his legs out from under him. Bateman says that he’s going to win for Bryan, and for “that guy over there.” Sure enough, “over there” is a guy in an elf hat who looks at them and says, “Sweet bridge.” Bryan is, naturally, confused.

COMMERCIALS

-It’s trivia time, and everyone’s in the ring. A question will be asked of all of them, and they’ll each answer until someone is stumped, and that person will be sent to the back. Johnny Curtis starts, and the first question/challenge is: Undertaker’s opponents at Wrestlemania: Jimmy Snuka, Big Show and A-Train, Jake Roberts, Shawn Michaels, Big Bossman, Mark Henry…and they move on to the next question. Question 2: King of the Ring winners: Mabel, Steve Austin, Owen Hart, HHH, Harley Race (he counts?), Billy Gunn, William Regal, Sheamus, Diesel? Nope! Brodus Clay is eliminated. Next Question: Cities that have hosted Wrestlemania: Conor says Pee Wee Herman, but he’s eliminated because he isn’t a city. Whoops. Anaheim, Houston, Boston, Seattle, Orlando, New York City. Curtis is stumped, and he’s out. New category: 2010 WWE Pay-Per-View: TLC, Summerslam, Survivor Series, Bragging Rights, Hell in a Cell, Wrestlemania, Royal Rumble, Surviv…Byron says Survivor Series, which is a repeat, and he’s out. New Category: WWE Champions: Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, The Rock, The Miz, Sid, and Jacob Novak runs out of time before he says, “John Cena.” Derrick Bateman wins this one, then, and now has three immunity points.

-Which Diva will join the mixed tag match?! And who cares?!

COMMERCIALS

-Backstage, Del Rio is being served fruit, cheese and nuts by Ricardo Rodriguez. Conor O’Brian meets him backstage. Del Rio asks if he learned anything from watching him dismantle Derrick Bateman. He sucks up to Del Rio, then says that he’ll be the best of all time. Del Rio essentially says that he’s the best, and O’Brian asks if he can have some cheese from the snack tray. Get it? Because he looks like a rat. Wakka wakka wakka!

Brodus Clay, Ted Dibiase, and Maryse vs. Chris Masters, Byron Saxton and Natalya

-Can’t do much better than the Divas Champion, and I absolutely adore Natalya, so this works just fine for me. Nattie and Maryse start out, but Maryse is a little talkie to start. Maryse piefaces her, and then runs in between the ropes for cover. Nattie just runs around the other side of the ropes and grabs her hair. Maryse runs to the ropes, and Natalya rolls back, and then does an awesome flip forward…I don’t know what to call it, but it was kind of like a kip-up, but she flipped off her head. Regardless, it was great. Tag to Brodus, and Saxton comes in to meet him. Brodus gets the upper hand with some hard strikes, and follows up with a big belly-to-belly suplex. I like Brodus, and Saxton still hasn’t shown me an offensive move.

COMMERCIALS

-Dibiase is in the ring with Saxton, keeping him wrapped in a headlock. Saxton gets him to the corner, however, and tags in Masters, who beats up on Dibiase. Dibiase regains the upper hand, forcing Masters into his corner, and tagging in Brodus. Let this guy be the bodyguard for Tyson Kidd, or for anyone, for that matter. Saxton is tagged in by Masters, but he’s soon clotheslined down by Brodus. T-bone suplex by Brodus, and Saxton is little more than a punching bag with an ego. The wife, for her part, has essentially abandoned the show and is playing Farmville. She’s fickle, that one. Saxton kicks Brodus following an Irish whip, and actually hits a move, kind of a one-kneed Codebreaker. Saxton decides not to tag out, and gets dropkicked in the face by Dibiase. Wel, he sells well enough. Saxton finally decides to tag out to Masters, who comes in fresh and hot tag-a-riffic. Powerslam on Dibiase gets two. Irish whip reversal almost spells Dream Street, but Masters throws him out of it, and hits a pretty solid spinebuster. Brodus tries to attack him on the apron, but gets clotheslined down, but it gives Dibiase a chance to hit a dropkick on Masters. Brodus hits a cheap shot to a prone Masters, and when Dibiase puts him in the corner, Maryse gives him a slap for good measure. Cobra clutch backbreaker by Dibiase gets two, and they clothesline each other down following Dibiase’s clothesline/Irish whip spot. Maryse walks into the ring, and SAxton goes to meet her, only to get slapped. Natalya charges her, and they fall out of the ring. It’s Saxton and Brodus in the ring, and I don’t see this working well for Saxton. Big powerslam by Brodus, and he drags him over to the corner. Vaderbomb? Yes, but Saxton moves out of the way, and Brodus hits with a splat. Saxton covers…for the pin? I HATE that finish!
Winners: Byron Saxton, Chris Masters, and Natalya

-That’s the end, folks. Final thoughts? I like Curtis, Clay, and Bateman, have little interest in Novak or O’Brian, and Saxton still has yet to impress me in the ring, although he has some mic ability, I’ll give him that much. O’Brian might be interesting if he stops pretending to actually have rat-like qualities and is simply self-aware of his appearance and the way people percieve him. Novak just seems to be a poor imitation of every other “cocky well-off guy” character that we’ve seen over the last 40-years or so, and hasn’t really shown me much of note as of yet. As for the wife’s closing thoughts? “I don’t really like that the men are more respected than the women used to be, you know what I mean? The men were given a trivia challenge, which is a test of knowledge, while the girls were given a stupid dance contest.” I think that’s a pretty good way to end this recap, don’t you think?

Ivan prides himself on being a wrestling fan that can tie both of his own shoes by himself, as well as having an analytic mind when it comes to the fake sport that he's loved ever since he watched Jake Roberts DDT Boris Zhukov on Prime Time Wrestling.