What the World Was Watching: WWF Superstars – March 12, 1994

WWF Superstars

-Tatanka’s acceptance of tribal feathers from Chief Jay Strongbow and Wahoo McDaniel on Monday Night Raw is shown.

-Vince McMahon and Johnny Polo are in the booth.

-Opening Contest: Tatanka vs. The Brooklyn Brawler:

The Brawler slaps Tatanka, but receives quite a beating after that. A blind charge eats buckle and the Brawler delivers a clothesline and a slam. Irwin R. Schyster appears in the split screen and claims that Tatanka didn’t pay taxes on his gift from Strongbow and McDaniel. Chinlock time, as Polo uses a sound effect machine in the booth to play the Dragnet theme. Tatanka fights out and goes on the warpath. A top rope chop and Papoose to Go finish things at 2:42. An average squash match, but much better than the Tatanka squashes that we would have to endure in 1995. After the match, IRS confronts Tatanka in the aisle and gives him a tax form to fill out. Unsurprisingly, Tatanka rips up the tax form and poses for the crowd.

-Men on a Mission (w/Oscar) vs. Jim Messanger & Todd Mata:

R-Truth’s rap on the way to the ring is basically a modern day rip off of what Oscar was doing in the mid-1990s. At least Oscar didn’t run out of breath on the way to the ring and most of what he said was intelligible. Mo outwrestles Messanger for a near-fall and Mable leg drops the back of Messanger’s head after Mo traps Messanger in a drop toe hold. Mabel gets tired of beating on Messanger so he tosses him into the corner, where Mata tags in and falls victim to a Mabel avalanche in the corner. The Quebecers cut a promo to hype their WrestleMania X match with Men on a Mission and Mata gets finished with the Stacked big splash at 2:55. This did a good job showcasing Men on a Mission before WrestleMania.

-“Face to Face” with Stan Lane. He hypes WrestleMania X and Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji say that Yokozuna will have the endurance to defend the WWF title twice in one night.

-“The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels (w/Diesel) vs. Mike Maraldo:

Our guest ring announcer is Amy Falkenbach and she has a grating voice, but that’s no different than some of the ring announcers the WWE used for some of the early NXT shows. Diesel carries a ladder to ringside to remind fans that Michaels will fight Razor Ramon in a ladder match at WrestleMania. Maraldo attempts to go to the arm, but Michaels gets out of that and tosses Maraldo to the floor. Diesel doesn’t do anything, though. Ramon appears in the split screen and cuts a promo against Michaels as Michaels suplexes Maraldo back into the ring. A slam and a superkick, accompanied by a hilarious buzzer sound from Polo, get the win at 2:01. After the match Michaels puts the ladder over Maraldo, climbs to the top of it, and tells the crowd that he can scale ladders quickly and that will help him become the undisputed Intercontinental champion at WrestleMania.

-We see Bastion Booger eating in the locker room. That’s about as appealing as you can imagine.

-Little Richard reminds people that he’s going to be at WrestleMania X.

-Todd Pettengill provides the customary WrestleMania X report.

-Bastion Booger vs. Earthquake:

Booger doesn’t bring any food to the ring, but I guess he ate it all back in the locker room. Both men try to shoulder block each to start the match, but the result of that is inconclusive. Earthquake dropkicks Booger to the floor and Booger comes back in and goes to the eyes. Booger pounds and chokes away as Adam Bomb, who is replacing Ludvig Borga at WrestleMania cuts a promo against Earthquake. Booger avalanches Earthquake in the corner, but Earthquake doesn’t sell it, powerslams Booger and drops an elbow. The Earthquake splash finishes at 2:35. Booger didn’t have any value at this point and this was just a glorified squash for Earthquake. Grade: D-

-Vince McMahon welcomes Lex Luger and Bret “the Hitman” Hart to the ring for a special interview. Luger says he’s worked too hard to lose to Yokozuna at WrestleMania and Bret repeats his “best there is, was, and ever will be” mantra. Luger puts over Bret’s scientific skill, but noticeably Bret doesn’t do the same for Luger’s physical power. See what I mean about Bret getting a pass for things that the Internet loves to bash HHH over today? Since both men were faces Bret couldn’t bring up the fact that Luger attacked him prior to the previous year’s WrestleMania, an omission that really hurts this interview from a storyline perspective.

-Sy Sperling shows what Bam Bam Bigelow might look like if he sought treatment from the Hair Club for men.

-Owen Hart vs. Ben Jordan:

Owen shreds his shades before the match in front of a teenage fan at ringside and that leads to the fans working up a “We Want Bret” chant. Owen pounds away until Jordan reverses a hiptoss and arm drags him all over the ring. Jordan floors Owen with a dropkick, but Owen avoids a second one and slams Jordan. Owen works in a missile dropkick and a belly-to-belly suplex and finishes Jordan with the Sharpshooter at 2:08. This was a good squash from Owen, although I wish he went to the legs before using the Sharpshooter.

-“Face to Face” is back and Lane hypes WrestleMania X and the WrestleMania hotline. Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon cut duel promos against each other.

The Final Report Card: The feature match between Earthquake and Booger and the special interview were below average and dragged down this show. Owen and Shawn brought their usual efforts, but it wasn’t enough to make the show worth watching. Next week’s show is just a WrestleMania X preview show, so we’ll review WrestleMania X and then skip ahead to the March 26th episode.

Show Grade: D

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