By Penny Sautereau-Fife –
I’m really sick this week and I really can’t concentrate eough to do a full one topic column or even a few brief thoughts, so this week I’m just going to do a bunch of rapid-fire thoughts on anything I can think of. Buckle up.
– As awesome as he was in life, I WILL fetch a shotgun if Johnny Cash ever “rises right out of the ground”.
– Fuck the Undertaker for making me resent hearing Johnny Cash since that song confirmed the promos are for him and not Sting.
– Alex Riley must be an ROH fan.
– Mick Foley just called for you Mister Killings. He says you get an F in his Cheap Pops 101 class.
– Seriously that was the quickest heel turn ever there Ron.
– When Punk referenced Unforgiven 08 as his reason for attacking Randal, my wife and spontaneously shouted “Holy shit, CONTINUITY!!!” at the screen.
– Randal.
– Batistette’s submission move looks wicked legit painful.
– This… is… SPARTAAAAAA!!! Oh, no wait, it’s Green Bay. No wait, Milwaukee!
– Seriously.
– Randal.
– It’s nice that all those trapped minors were set free last year. Jerry Lawler’s front door got unlocked somehow.
– Yes I just stole a joke from Nick Dinsmore. Lick me.
– In my defense, Jerry’s an easy target, and while him beating Miz for the title might be a feel-good moment for casual fans, it won’t do Miz’ stock any favours.
– Randal.
– TNA did an awesome job covering for the MEM reunion getting screwed. Too bad they’ll blow it by next week.
– Seriously, it’s a rule in Russo’s office. AJ Styles may not be a face or a main-eventer for more than a week at any given time.
– Punk’s nosebleed on live tv was disturbingly awesome. Guess they couldn’t interrupt the beat-down to patch his wound.
– Randal.
– I will give close-up photos of my non-silicon all natural 48 F breasts to any man ballsy enough to pie Micheal Cole from the front row live on Raw. No shit, I SO will.
– One advantage to Jerry Lawler’s wrestling resurgence. I get 15 minutes without hearing his voice every week.
– Everyone is making the obligatory “This trailer sucks” jokes for Triple H’s movie, but seriously, the voice of Lisa Simpson is in it, how can it not be all kinds of awesome?
– I really need to not be watching Man Vs Food when I’m typing this. It threatens to return the appetite that I lose whenever the Bellas infest my screen. This is bad for my diet.
– If Dolph Ziggler’s hair were 4 inches longer that suit might almost make me question my lesbianism.
– Beiber is actually a funny little bastard when he’s not singing, so as long as he doesn’t sing at Wrestlemania I’ll live with him being there.
– No your name is Dos Caras Jr. Alberto Del Rio is your slave name. Rebel I tell you! RISE AGAINST!!!
– Dear USA; Please stop sending your crap shows up here. If I can’t hear Jesse Ventura doing colour every week, I sure as hell don’t want to watch him discussing 9/11 theories.
– Randall.
– I want Jeff Hardy’s custom TNA belt. If I glue it to my front door the upstairs neighbors dogs will stop scratching at it.
– I can live with Booker T on Smackdown commentary, but for fuck’s sake he should be replacing Cole, NOT Striker.
– Stone Cold and Booker T coaching Tough Enough? I can live with that since it’ll be ending NXT.
– The 12 Stones song they use for Nexus…. it was written to honor Marines. No, sorry, that does NOT work for me. New theme song please.
– Should they really be giving Bischoff free press in their EC promos?
Aaaaaaand I’m tapped, I can’t think of anything else. I’ll try to write on one full topic next week, but this week this is the best I could manage. Catch you all next week.
