Welcome to the Inside Pulse Wrestling WWE RAW Report! Hosted by yours truly, Rhett Davis! Thanks for joining me on Single Awareness Day, I mean Valentine’s Day. I’m filling in for Paul Marshall this week and normally you can find me doing 10 Thoughts on RAW or even possibly catch me on Wednesdays doing ‘The O’Really Report’. Anyways let’s skip the introductions because…
IT’S TIME TO GET RAW!
Tonight the Host of WrestleMania will be revealed! Orton v Sheamus, JoMo v Truth, and Cena v Punk and there must be a winner! Cena’s music hits and its time for the Purple and Gold dawned superhero of the WWE. They show a recap of RAW last week where Cena low blowed Punk and then dismantling Otunga and McGillicutty with a Steel Chair. Cena thanks Lawler for the assist last week and then talks about how lovely it is to be at RAW on Valentine’s Day. He rolls off with a week of recap including Lady GaGa, Sammy from the Shore, and Christina Aguilerra. He then says his belief on who the Host for WrestleMania is ‘Rock’ solid. He then acuses Cole of being the Host and then says Cole is like a Ken doll and has a threeway relationship with Miz and A-Ry. Yeah… Then he explains why he dislikes the Nexus so much. He is interrupted by CM Punk. Punk points out that he is up 2-0 on Cena and then takes up for Cole. That’s because Punk is a good person. Now it’s Cena and Punk!
John Cena vs CM Punk
They tie up moving into the corner then Cena is knocked outside. CM Punk dives off of the apron with a flying clothesline to drive Cena down into a…
Commercial.
I notice that King is not on commentary and it is Cole and Matthews. We come back and Punk knees Cena in the face and pins for a two. Punk executes a suplex and puts Cena in an armbar. Cena breaks out and gets a kick to the face. Punk grips Cena around the waste as Cena tries to power out by ripping Punks legs off and he does and attempts to get into the STF but Punk crawls to the ropes. Punk throws a few punches to Cena’s face then taunts a bit until Cena gets up to hit the Shoulder Block into the 5 Moves of Idiocrasy. Five Knuckle Shuffle into the AA but Punk reverses pushing Cena into the ropes and kicks him in the face hard for two. Punk wraps his legs around Cena’s throat who lifts with Punk on his shoulder and Punk reverses. Cena hits the gutwrench powerbomb. Cena gets up on the turnbuckle for a leg drop but Punk knocks him off. Cena attempts the STF again and Punk kicks out and hits a swinging neckbreaker for a two. Punk begins showing frustration and sets up for the GTS but Cena rolls him up for two. Punk gets up with a few kicks with one landing behind the head for two. Punk is thoroughly frustrated and goes to the top rope and does a crossbody that rolls over into Cena lifting Punk up for an AA but Punk grabs the top rope and is knocked off the apron. A Nexus emblazoned arm reaches out from under the ring and gives Punk a chair. He throws the chair in. The ref moves to throw it out and the same arm gives Punk a wrench and smashes Cena’s head in. He rolls in and hits a GTS and that’s it
Winner:Â CM Punk
We find out that Jerry Lawler is not in the house tonight because his mother has passed away. So instead we get Cole/Matthews who work well together!
Commercial.
We come back with a RAW recap of Alberto making his decision to fight Edge and the beatdown that proceeded. We get introduced to Alberto Del Rio’s announcer(weird) as ADR makes his way out in yet another nice car. They show the participants in the Elimination Chamber match for the World Heavyweight title and my pick is ADR to be dueling with Edge at the Mania. Oh btw ADR’s name is ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRIO. He says it doesnt matter who wins the EC because it was destiny to win the Royal Rumble and it is his destiny to be the World HWT Champeen. Edge’s music hits as he comes out wearing shades indoor because that’s cool… Edge says Que Pasa? He says he almost forgot about that attack with the guitar two weeks ago because of his difficulties with Ziggler. Edge says he has a destiny too. He asks if he wants to know and then takes down ADR and pounds away and sets up for a SPEAR! Ricardo Rodriguez jumps on the apron to save ADR but takes a hit. ADR rolls out of the ring but hits Edge when he comes over. ADR jumps up on the apron and takes a SPEAR from Edge. His celebration is short lived as EXCUSE ME! rings throughout the arena. Vickie says the Elimination Chamber match is still Sunday but she wants to introduce the NEW World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler?!?! What?!? We get a recap of SmackDown as Edge uses the Spear while Vickie was outside of the ring. Vickie said that she warned him that using the Spear would face reprocussions. Also on Friday will be the coronation of Dolph as the champion. She then says that Edge will soon lose his job because she has evidence that Edge attacked TLo. That’s battier than Dolph being given the World Title based off of a Spear. Eve meets Natalya next for the Divas title. But for the first commercial we get a 2.21.11 promo and it actually shows Taker. Doubters please move along now. Sting isn’t coming.
Commercials.
Diva’s Championship Lumber Jill match Eve(c) vs Natalya
We come back for a LumberJill match and Natalya is already in the ring. Eve heads down to ring wearing Red and Gold and it looks pretty good I must say. Divas title is on the line. They shake hands to start and then some quick back and forth action. They do a double drop kick for a standstill. Eve flips over Natalya and Natty pulls Eve into some pretty cool submission moves. Eve knocks Natty down and does the running front flip. Natty hits that nasty spinning clothesline and throws Natty through the ropes. All the heels jump on Natty and beats her down. Until the faces move over and then Eve jumps out onto the Divas. The action moves back into the ring and Natty looks for a rollup but Eve reverses into a pin for three.
Winner and still Diva’s Champion:Â Eve
Commercials.
We come back and the Bella Twins are arguing with Eve and then they start a beatdown on Eve but Natty and Gail Kim jump in as the refs try to break it up. We get yet ANOTHER commercial for The Chaperone, but this one is.. the same as the rest so no worries. Mark Henry comes out smiling and of course Sheamus comes out to give a Bicycle Kick to Henry. Sheamus says that that is what he is capable of and Randy will find that out tonight. He then gives another one on his way out before posing. We go to a backstage shot of Miz and A-Ry as Miz shoves some random dude down by his shiny bald head. And Tarver is back there on his phone. Doesn’t he know how to get out of the shots?
Commercials.
We get yet another recap as they show last week’s tag match between Lawler/Bryan v Ted/Miz as Jerry hits the flying fist on Ted DiBiase.
The Miz v Daniel Bryan
The Miz comes out with his lackey wearing an AWESOME new shirt that I want. Cole/Matthews/ARy are on commentary and are already arguing before Bryan even comes out. My tv alerts me that the Dog Show can be seen on CNBC. O’Really? Anyways. They tie up and DB throws Miz of the rope but Miz shoulders him over and they are tied right back up. DB flips Miz over and puts him in a armbar but DB gets an elbow to the face. Miz gets DB down into a headlock but DB gets out but puts Miz in a sleeper hold. Miz gets to the ropes but DB takes control. DB gets an elbow from Miz and he goes right back to the headlock. DB breaks out and builds up a head of steam hits a flying clothesline of the rope and gets a close two. DB dumps Miz outside and goes for a Baseball slide but stops as Miz moves. DB gets on the apron and hits a flying knee knocking Miz into the barricade. They move back into the ring and DB hits a HUGE missile dropkick for a close two. He puts on the LaBell lock but he’s in the ropes. Miz hits a Reality Check in the ropes but it looks botched and DB hits his shoulder hard on the apron.
Commercial.
We’re back and Miz is in control and he sets DB up on the top rope and attempts a Superplex but DB fights out and hits an amazing sunset flip powerbomb for a close two. DB hits Miz with those deadly kicks and goes for a knockout kick and gets into a couple of quickfalls. Miz goes for a move but DB reverses and hits that last kick and tries for the LaBell Lock. DB jumps on Miz’s shoulders in the Electric Chair position, but Miz flips him forward onto his face. Miz then hits the SkullCrushingFinale for the three.
Winner:Â The Miz
Miz asks if the audience saw what he did to DB and then says that Lawler didn’t see it because he was tending with his dead mother. He gives his condolences and hopes that Jerry doesn’t give that as an excuse when he loses Sunday. He wants Lawler to hear that he’s the Miz and he’s… AWESOME.
Commercial.
We come back and Otunga and McGillicutty are in the ring with Ryan at ringside. Morrison comes out and his eye looks like he got beat up or maybe just some hairspray burned him… Hmm… Apparantly this is a tag team match.
The Nexus(McGillicutty/Otunga) vs R-Fail/JoMo(R-Truth/John Morrison)
MM starts out against R-Fail. MM throws R-Fail into the ropes and knocks him over but Ryan attacks and kicks R-Fail in the ribs. MM smashes R-Fail into the apron and rolls him into the ring for two. Otunga tags in for two elbows in the corner. Otunga takes Fail down in a headlock but Fail breaks out and hits a back suplex and Fail tags in JoMo and he goes freaking nuts! He is punishing MM and the ref almost DQs JoMo for not relenting in the ropes. Fail runs in and JoMo throws him over the top rope onto Ryan. JoMo knees MM in the head and this ones over.
Winners:Â John Morrison and R-Truth
Mason Ryan runs in the ring only to be stopped by JoFailMo. Then we get a glimpse of Jericho’s new book which looks good. The Host will be announced NEXT after he takes a pee break during the…
Commercial.
We’re back and Ariel Winter is in the ring and she is the star from The Chaperone not that big scary shaven guy. Oh my God she introduces the return of the Khali kiss cam and here comes the big lug. He says something like Happy Balenrine Ray… I think. His translater says that Khali won’t be doing the kissing. Then we see some random audience members and then Dickie and Santima kiss. Then Maryse kisses Yoshi instead of Ted. Then Regal kisses Ryder on the cheek. Ugh… Then Horny pops out from under the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates to Ariel and she kisses him on the cheek.
Commercial.
We come back to my favorite theme song and it’s King Sheamus with table cloth and all on his way down to the ring. So will he be in a tag match with Randy like JoMo/Truth? Doubtful. I hear voices in my head and that means Randy is on his way. Or I didn’t take my medication. Either way. Here we go.
Randy Orton v Sheamus
They tie up and Orton takes down Sheamus and he’s vicious! Sheamus gets some hits and kicks in before Orton hits the Lou Thesz press ala Austin and then misses with a huge knee. Sheamus shoulders Orton down and hits some punches on Orton before the ref pulls him off. Orton hits his patented backbreaker and then connects with his flying knee for two. Sheamus pulls Orton into the corner turnbuckle and then ax handles Orton down for one. Sheamus chokes Orton with his boot for a four count on the ropes and continues to abuse his count on the ropes before the ref keeps pulling him off. Orton leans through the ropes, Sheamus gets on the apron and hits a knee lift on Orton and then springboards into the ring for a two. Sheamus locks in an armbar and Orton punches his way out and hits some headbutts. Irish whip into the corner and then hits a series of short clotheslines. Then he hits that scoop slam and then gets Sheamus up and Irish whips him only to be hit by the Irish Curse. Sheamus gets a two. He sets Orton up on the top rope and hits the superplex. He moves toward Randy and RKO and thats it.
Winner:Â Randy Orton
Punk and the Nexus jump in on Orton. Then enters JoMo, Truth, and finally Cena. They clear ring until all that stands is Cena and Orton. They pan to backstage and a limo drives up. Than a heel steps out of the limo. No not a bad guy. Literally a heel. Stiletto, that type.
Commercials.
The Host is announced and all the lights go out. Some weird stuff is going on on the screen. IF YA SMELL! WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING! THE HOST FOR WRESTLEMANIA IS THE ROCK!!! The Rock walks down to the ring and he looks as fit as ever. He poses on the rope with his hand in the air as always looking towards WrestleMania. He hits the opposite corner with his hand in the air and I’m still smiling. The Rock was one of my favorites growing up and it’s nice to see him in the WWE again. He gets a mic and the crowd is chanting Rocky, Rocky, Rocky. He tries to start again but the ovation is just too loud. ‘After 7 long years, FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY The Rock has come back to Anaheim. Which means finally The Rock has come back to Monday Night Raw! Which means FINALLY The Rock has come back… home.’ Goosebumps. Rock says he has many nicknames such as The Great One, The Most Electrifying Man In All Of Sports Entertainment, The People’s Champion. Then he says that he needs to say something as Dwayne. Weird. He says he’s not back because of a movie or money but because of the people. He acknowledges the audience for following him through his movie career and then tells the audience that he loves them. The Rock then says that he is never, ever going away. He says The Rock is back. Rock says he wants to do something no one had ever done. Host WrestleMania. He says Vince said that no one could do it but Justin Beiber, but Rock told Vince that only one man could host WrestleMania and that was *insert long phrase* The Rock. The Rock says he will layeth the smackdowneth at WrestleMania. He asks who it should be. The Miz? Then says that Miz just runs his mouth and that he completely sucks. He says that there is one man that he wants to see and that man is….
DOO DOO DOO, DOO DOO DOO
‘Can I have you attention please?’ Oh shut the heck up Cole. Rock: ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! If you step towards that computer I’ll smack the taste out of your mouth.’ Rock says that no one gives a damn what the GM says. Michael Cole is that what you think? Cole: “Well I think-” Rock: “IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!” Rock says that he’ll add some pretty funny pictures if Cole doesn’t move away from the computer. He says he’s going to get the computer, shine it up real nice, turn that sum bitch sideways and stick it straight up Michael Cole’s ass! Rock says there is one man who Rock wants to meet and that he met the kid and then the kid talked trash about him. That kid is John Cena. He says that the WWE went from Austin to Rock to ‘You can’t see me.’ Rock then goes to wreck John Cena by questioning the Peek-A-Boo of Cena’s You cant see me gimmick. He calls Cena a big bowl of fruity pebbles because of the shirts that Cena wears. The Rock says that he will see Miz, Cena, and everyone else at WrestleMania. The Rock and the MILLIONS(and the Millions) of the Rock’s fans go to WrestleMania go to electrify the show like no one else can. Do yah Smelllllllll what The Rock…. (Rocky chants) is Cooking. The Rock hits the ropes and I… am speechless.
And quite frankly my dear… that’s a wrap.
