Kue’s Korner: I Smell Nostalgia: The Rock and Promos that Electrified

Columns, Top Story

Wipe your feet, please. You’re about to enter Kue’s Korner, with your hearty, healthy, handsome host, Jonah Kue. This week’s been a rather news-filled week in the world of the squared circle. TNA is finally picking up steam with the revelation of “they”, prepping AJ Styles to take the title (and, hopefully, the company to a higher plateau…..or A plateau at the very least). We’ve established that ‘Taker is the subject of these “2 21 11” promos (which must be somewhat unappealing to the “date/month/year” international viewers. Sorry, Skysports), which indicates his return to the ring for Wrestlemania. Also jumping on the Wrestlemania bus is possibly mature degenerate, Trips, and the always rattling Steve Austin (the bald one, not the Six Million guy). Before I get to the more obvious news, ladies and gents, here’s a bit of whoring for your insatiable mouse icons.

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We’ve all witnessed it by now. Yes, I’m talking about the end of this Monday night, the last 20 minutes of Raw that underlined the fact that, even as the rise of so many new stars indicates a bright future for the WWE, there’s been a gaping hole (excuse the Kardashian reference) in the world of wrestling for the past few years now. We, the people, felt this, when the People’s Champ, the Great One, stepped into the ring for the first time in seven years and did what he does best: electrify. And we, the people, collectively shit our pants and, I’ll try to put this as eloquently as possible, marked the fuck out.

In 20 minutes, he brought an arena full of people to an ovation level not heard in years. He painted a scene with both current and nostalgia colors. And within one minute, he took the man that Vince has labeled the “face of the company” and effectively buried him (Fruity fucking Pebbles. Classic). There’s never been a promo man like the owner of the Smackdown Hotel, and more than likely, there never will be. So, to give a well-deserved tribute to the man with a million catch phrases, here are some of my personal favorite promos by one of my favorite grapplers, the Rock.

Hell in a Cell

In all his years, the Rock had a particular talent that no one else seemed to have. He had a knack for burying an opponent without having them lose any credibility. This particular promo, detailing the infamous Six-Man Hell in a Cell match from 2000, exemplifies this perfectly. He went through each of his opponents, mocked them in the most entertaining fashion that a wrestler can, and made the fans even more invested in the match than they already were.

Michael Cole’s Tie

The Rock’s insults even made the announcers famous. Before Michael Cole was a smarmy heel announcer, before he was an intolerable twit of a face announcer, he served the best purpose he’s ever served to the company by being the numero uno victim of the Great One’s verbal putdowns. The list grew to include the likes of Kevin Kelly, Lillian Garcia, The Coach, and, of course, the masturbating Mark Lloyd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-Euf41JG7I

Big Slow

This rivalry spawned a slew of mediocre matches. It also gave birth to some of the most hilarious promos at the expense of one good sport of a giant. Seriously, his mimic of the Show taunt was one of a damn kind.

Billy and God

Sometimes, it seemed like Vince just gave the Rock the mic and said, “20 minutes. Do whatever the hell you want”. This was perfect, as many times, it lead to the Rock narrating a story about his opponents that led to 20 minutes of splitting sides. The promo of Billy Gunn’s prayer is a perfect example of this.

Sing a Long

I believe the Rock was probably the most over heel in the company. In fact, I liked him more as a heel, as his interactions against the fans were not only comical, but put him over as a guy that everybody hated, but wanted to be. And that, my friends, is a defining trait of a rising main event level heel.

Jerichoholics and the Millions and Millions

Two of the best mic handlers in the business at their prime. ‘Nuff said

Toronto

This is, by far, the best heel promo I’ve ever witnessed. It had everything in it; justified reason to be pissed off at the crowd, attacking the particular city he was in, the perfect interaction with the crowd. It was simply perfect and really showcased the versatility of the Rock’s character.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZPOq90fZRI

And now, we wait. We wait with anticipation for the most charismatic Superstar the ring has brought to us to grab the microphone once again and remind us why we keep our eyes, ears, and nostrils open to smell what’s cookin’.

Adieu

I like my wrestling almost as much as I do my coffee. And I do love my coffee, as you can tell how much it's affected my skin tone.