Every Monday morning, InsidePulse Movies Czar Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz brings an irreverent and oftentimes hilarious look at pop culture, politics, sports and whatever else comes to mind. And sometimes he writes about movies.
One of the downsides of watching as many films as I do is that there are tons of those previews before the film. You know, not the trailers but the ones advertising television shows and offering EPK pieces about films coming up. One kind of intrigued me, to the point where me and my friend Nick the Stand Up had a Twitter conversation about it: Celebrity Apprentice. Or, more accurately, that our definition of a celebrity has slipped so far that we consider any of the cast members interesting or relevant celebrities that seeing them in a business setting would be appointment television.
I understand their criteria for picking people, mainly someone who will stir it up on the show and/or has enough name value to get the freak show crowd in. It’s why you bring in a guy like the winner of the first Survivor and Gary Busey; they’re not there for anything but boosting up ratings from people who are waiting for Busey to go on a coke-fueled rampage and strangle Richard Hatch. And it got me thinking: if we’re going to scrape the bottom of the barrel for ratings, at least make them interesting.
Listen to me now and believe me later.
If you’re going to bring in a bunch of celebrities who are athletes past their prime, actors who ceased being relevant or fringe stars (at best) at least bring in the ones who’ll be fun to watch as opposed to purely train-wrecks. We all know that Celebrity Apprentice is NBC’s high class attempt at replicating VH1’s “lowest common denominator” style of reality television. They just don’t know say it. You don’t bring in “celebrities” like they do for a show about business and don’t bring in anyone worth a damn. They’d cost too damn much and we all know that. Hence why they plunge the bottom and see who pops up.
So why not bring in people who could at least be interesting in real ways, not the “oh wow, look how bad her plastic surgery is” that Latoya Jackson or the wife of the guy from L.A Law bring to the table. Me, I say we need someone with some intrigue and danger. Or at least have something to say that’s interesting as opposed to merely embarrassing themselves by getting into the usual manufactured drama. In that vein, I proudly present:
— Joe Rogan, Standup comedian and Color commentator for the UFC
He’s remarkably outspoken on nearly anything and as an added bonus is drug-addled, too. Plus the guy has the ability to call like he sees it, and wouldn’t have a problem insulting the Donald either.
— Terrell Owens, NFL wide receiver
We know T.O is a fame whore and views his actual career as an NFL receiver as secondary to what he wants to be, which is Kim Kardashian without the sex tape. Hell, he’d probably tape his reality show while this is being taped so you can get more T.O. And with the impending NFL lockout, he’s going to need something to do while waiting for the NFL and the NFLPA to make up their minds.
— Andrew Breitbart, political pundit
This guy is completely off the wall whenever he speaks. And he’s been rather popular as of late because of his rather amusing antics in exposing what he deems hypocrisy. Wouldn’t it be fun to see him lose his mind on a show like this? This is the kind of loud mouth that NEEDS to be on this show as opposed to the types that populate its roster currently.
— Jesse Ventura, host of Conspiracy Theory and former governor of Minnesota
You know what we need? Someone who’ll turn the whole experience into a grand conspiracy theory about why they all wanted him to lose and that somehow Super Thermite was involved.
I could go on and on but the point is this: in 20 minutes I thought of these guys, essentially a handful of similar celebrities who would make this year of Celebrity Apprentice more interesting than it is now. It’s more car crash than car chase. But then again, thoughts like these kept me out of the good colleges.
Random Thought of the Week
There wasn’t a whole lot going on this week and I really couldn’t think of anything to write. I hate weeks like that because usually I have to pull something out of the mothballs or go for a mailbag of the crazy emails I’ve gotten. There have been a handful of things to talk about, including Shane Black taking over the Iron Man franchise, but there’s nothing big enough to really devote an entire column to.
But thankfully Hollywood has something awesome coming out this weekend: The OSCARS.
Nothing beats having to come up with new and/or humorous content than being able to devote an entire column to evaluating the Oscar core in the biggest event of the year for cinema. And as such it’s always fun to take a look and evaluate this particular Oscar field and make predictions as to who will bring home the glorious golden man.
Best Picture
The Nominees – 127 Hours, Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The King’s Speech, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit , Winter’s Bone
This is fairly cut and dry based on the pre-Oscar build up. The King’s Speech has been sweeping nearly everything it touches, has the right amount of nominations and is the sort of film the Academy likes to honor. So it seems that it would be the favorite and seemingly untouchable in riding the wave of hype to a win. But there’s a problem; there are plenty of films who had that same wave and ended up losing. When the nominations were announced, the biggest shock to me was that the Coens got nominated for True Grit in the directing category over what seemed more likely in Christopher Nolan. That looms large as usually winners for Best Picture have their director nominated as well. If Speech doesn’t take the Oscar, look for True Grit.
Should Win – The King’s Speech
Could Win – True Grit
Will Win – The King’s Speech
Best Director
The Nominees – Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan), Ethan Coen and Joel Coen (True Grit), David Fincher (The Social Network), Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech), David O. Russell (The Fighter)
This is where it gets interesting. In most normal years Tom Hooper would be the favorite to win because of how overwhelming the hype for The King’s Speech is. And he does have this year’s Director’s Guild award to show for it and usually it matches up with the Oscar winner. But not always, as Ang Lee won in the DGA for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Soderbergh for Traffic in the last time the DGA and Academy split. My guess is that the Academy awards Fincher the Best Director as consolation for not getting Best Picture, but the vote could split and let in someone like Aronofsky for the win.
Should Win – Hooper
Could Win – Aronofsky
Will Win – Fincher
Best Actor
The Nominees – Javier Bardem ( Biutiful), Jeff Bridges ( True Grit), Jesse Eisenberg ( The Social Network), Colin Firth ( The King’s Speech), James Franco (127 Hours)
Firth is the overwhelming favorite here and I don’t see anyone else winning. However things are funny in that sometimes the overwhelming favorite loses out ala Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls not so long ago. Firth was extraordinary in this film and seems to have the right role in the right film at the right time, especially coming off a couple nominations over the past couple years. The stars seemingly have aligned for him as the sentimental pick (Bridges) won last year and only twice has an actor won Oscars in two successive years. Bardem is a winner, as well, and there are two newcomers flanking them. It just feels right that Firth would win but crazier things have happened. If it’s not Firth it’ll end up being Eisenberg due to the success of The Social Network, I think, but it’s hard to imagine Firth not walking away with an Oscar here.
Should Win – Firth
Could Win – Eisenberg
Will Win – Firth
Best Actress
The Nominees -Annette Bening (The Kids Are All Right), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine)
This is a stacked category but this is Portman’s to lose. Benning would be the next candidate, I imagine, because she is nominated and … well … Hilary Swank isn’t. That would be more sentiment for Benning than performance, which might leave someone like Jennifer Lawrence walking away if the vote splits.
Should Win – Portman
Could Win – Lawrence
Will Win – Portman
Best Supporting Actor
The Nominees -Christian Bale (The Fighter )
John Hawkes (Winter’s Bone), Jeremy Renner (The Town), Mark Ruffalo (The Kids Are All Right), Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech)
Bet the mortgage on Christian Bale. Jeremy Renner would be the massive upset but this is Bale’s.
Should Win – Bale
Could Win – Renner
Will Win – Bale
Best Supporting Actress
The Nominees – Amy Adams (The Fighter) Helena Bonham Carter (The King’s Speech ), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)
Any time you have two people in the same category for the same people odds are they’ll cancel each other out. I’d be genuinely shocked if Adams or Leo walked away with an Oscar. Not many people saw Weaver’s brilliance, leaving it to Steinfeld or Carter. Speech has more momentum going in and that should be able to garner her a trophy. Steinfeld wouldn’t be all that shocking, though.
Should Win – Carter
Could Win – Steinfeld
Will Win – Carter
Best Documentary
The Nominees – Exit Through the Gift Shop, Gasland, Inside Job, Restrepo, Waste Land
This has been a bit of an off year for documentaries, and Banksy’s “original” and “real” film just feels oddly appropriate for this film. Restrepo is the best of the films, and while Waiting for Superman or The Cartel are better than the field assembled this isn’t going to be out the best film.
Should Win – Restrepo
Could Win – Gasland
Will Win – Exit through the Gift Shop
Best Animated Feature
The Nominees – How to Train Your Dragon, The Illusionist,
Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3 walks away with this. No doubt.
Should Win – Toy Story 3
Could Win – The Illusionist
Will Win – Toy Story 3
Best Foreign Language Film
The Nominees – Biutiful (Mexico), Dogtooth (Greece), In a Better World (Denmark), Incendies (Canada), Outside the Law (Algeria)
Foreign language is where the biggest upset of the night usually happens. The Secret in their Eyes and The Lives of Others both pulled off upsets over much more acclaimed films (Pan’s Labyrinth and The White Ribbon) in recent years and going in Biutiful would seem to be ripe for this. But I can’t see it.
Should Win – Biutiful
Could Win – Dogtooth
Will Win – Biutiful
Best Original Score
The Nominees – 127 Hours, How to Train Your Dragon, Inception , The King’s Speech, The Social Network
2010 was a year of excellent scores, to the point that Tron: Legacy couldn’t sniff a nomination. The King’s Speech seems to be the pick here as it carries categories like this for a nice haul. I could see The Social Network garnering one as it pulls an Avatar where it wins all the minor categories and loses out in the big ones. Watch for Inception on this; Christopher Nolan’s flick might get a handful of wins if only as a consolation for no Best Director nomination.
Should Win – The King’s Speech
Could Win – Inception
Will Win – The King’s Speech
Best Original Song
The Nominees – “Coming Home” from Country Strong – Bob DiPiero, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsey, and Troy Verges, “I See the Light” from Tangled – Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, “If I Rise” from 127 Hours – A.R. Rahman, Rollo Armstrong, and Dido, “We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3 – Randy Newman
When in doubt, go with the animated song.
Should Win – Tangled
Could Win – 127 Hours
Will Win – Tangled
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s DVD – The Hurt Locker
With a new Best Picture winner destined to join the ranks of honored films, I thought it’d be appropriate to take a look back at the little film that could from a year ago: The Hurt Locker. Every year I make it a tradition to watch the Best Picture winner again from the year before, kind of give a sense of closure to it all. It’s kind of like how a beauty queen crowns her successor; you have to say goodbye and since I hadn’t watched anything else on DVD I figured this would be a nice bookend to the Oscars.
Still a great flick. Read my review, buy the DVD and take care of yourself.
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
Drive Angry (3D) – A cult has kidnapped Nic Cage’s granddaughter. He busts out of hell to kill them all. Amber Heard joins in and maybe gets naked.
See It – Nic Cage was made for schlock like this.
Hall Pass – Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson get a week off from marriage to engage in debauchery.
See It – It’s a rom-com in reverse; they’ve gotten the girls, now they’re rediscovering their love.
Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.
Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz brings his trademarked irreverence and offensive hilarity to Twitter in 140 characters or less. Follow him @MMCritic_Kubryk.
